This is…the train… Canaan thought to herself, her breath caught on her throat as she watched the scenery swiftly pass by. I can't believe it… I'm actually back!
Yes, she remembers this place too well. She was in China, several years prior to the present. This is where it all started.
The countdown to Alphard's fall.
It all felt too surreal to her. That this was happening again. That what that angel, Athiel, said was and promise was true.
She now has a chance to change the past. To finally make things right. To make sure Alphard never slips away from her again.
Her ears twitched at the sound of helicopter blades to the right. Her head spun to the airborne transport and saw that the rope ladder was being lowered. That must mean Alphard was near.
And she was proven correct with the sound of running to her left.
Her head turned once more, eyes widening in shock. There, struggling to maintain her balance from the shaking of the train, was Alphard Alshua. The woman was there, in all her physical glory, was alive.
So very much alive.
Canaan felt her right hand grip something hard. She looked down and that she was holding her old favorite weapon. The Beretta Px4 Type G.
She felt her fingers instinctively tighten their hold around the handle. She remembered how determined she was in catching the terrorist back then. Even if it meant shooting her.
But now…she can't even bring herself to point her gun at her.
So instead, before Alphard could grab hold of the rope ladder, she aimed at the cockpit. Narrowing her eyes, she took a breath and gently squeezed the trigger. With such deadly precision from all her years of experience, the bullet went right through the pilot's forehead.
Soon the chopper was swerving out of control, leaving the ladder out of arm's reach. The gunner behind the mounted turret desperately tried to grab hold of something. But alas, he had lost his balance and was sent tumbling down into the river.
The helicopter crashed head-on to the cliff right before the tunnel. The young mercenary looked over to the older woman to see a burning anger spread throughout her beautiful face.
Beautiful… There are no other words to describe her. Even when she tries to kill me, I know those eyes are more than capable of captivating me into a trance…
Yes, many times Canaan would find herself frozen whenever the woman's sharp eyes would lock with hers. She had questioned this many a time, never understanding the cause. But now, ever since meeting Athiel, she came to realize the reason for her hesitations.
She snapped out of her thoughts as said captivating eyes landed on her with a glare so harsh that it would make even the bravest of men cower in fear. She could feel a familiar shiver run through her spin. And for some strange reason…
….she found herself feeling a wave of joy for feeling this way again after so long.
"Why are you so calm?!" Alphard, the woman she had missed dearly, yelled out to her in frustration. "You have lost Oosawa! She is your "light", is she not?!"
My light…? Ah, yes. That's right. Back then Maria was the one I held most dear to my heart.
But that was before I came to realize how I really felt. Who I truly longed for. The one I yearned for…
It was not like she no longer cared for Maria. She was her best friend after all. There is no way anyone could take away that spot of hers.
But the bond they shared can never amount to the connection Canaan had with Alphard. Even as enemies, she felt herself always drawn to the woman. They would find each other, one way or another, both without realizing it.
They were fated to meet and always meet. Perhaps Athiel had a hand in that. After all, she was the Angel of Fate.
Maria is her light, but so was Alphard. And the woman's light shined brighter than Maria's right now. She couldn't tell why, because back then it was a completely different color.
One she couldn't very well define.
But now, upon realizing her feelings for her, Alphard Alshua's color became one that would make Canaan do anything in her power to protect. Even at the cost of her life. And she will do it if necessary.
Though right now she had to speak. Speak like she did all those years ago. Alphard should never know of everything she knew. It would be difficult for her to explain, let alone get her to believe in such far-fetched stories.
With a deep breath, she put up her calmest face. "Maria's alright. I know. Her light has faded, but I can feel her."
The woman's eyes narrowed. "Feel her?"
She nodded. "Yes. I can feel life beating ever so soundly within her. That is why my place is not with her right now. I am here, in front of you, to set things right."
A forced laugh escaped the terrorist's lips. "Set things right? And what is that supposed to mean? What is there to right?"
"For so long I have driven myself to track you down. To find you. To kill you.
"You took so much away from me. And yet… Right now I've realized something important."
Her brows furrowed. "Something important?"
She nodded. "Yes. Back then up until this point I never knew of your reasons for killing Siam. I always thought that you only used him to train you until you have no further use for him. That when you're finish, you would kill him.
"But I know everything now. And I know it's been eating you up inside…"
The woman scoffed. "What nonsense are you spouting out now? It really isn't that complicated as to why I killed him. He trained me, I became as strong as I could be, I no longer needed him, and so I ended him. Simple as that!"
"It is not so simple," she spoke, her voice so soft that Alphard nearly didn't hear it. "Everything you've done; all the hurt and death you've caused… You were only trying to prove yourself to him."
"Prove myself? To Siam?! A dead man?! Why the HELL would I do such a thing?!"
"You said earlier that if I hadn't existed then maybe Siam would still be alive. Perhaps you saw me as an obstacle. A distraction that kept him from looking your way.
"But you didn't kill me, Alphard. You killed him instead. All because you knew the problem wasn't with me. He was the one who wouldn't give you as much care as I…"
A snarl formed on the terrorist's lips. "You're getting mighty cocky, girl. You better watch yourself…"
And yet she continued on. "He showered me with more praise, yes. But you knew it wasn't my fault since he was the one who played favorites. I loved him, but even I knew that what he did was unfair. I felt for you, Alphard. I really did.
"But the deed is done. You killed him, and now you realize it was the biggest mistake you've made in your life. And even now it haunts you. But I am here to help you, Alphard…"
"Help me…?"
"I will free you…from the coils of guilt."
What she said somehow made something snap in Alphard. Even with the distance they were from each other, Canaan could see the woman's teeth grind and her jaw clench. She could see the burning fury in those beautiful deep gray orbs.
"Guilt?" the older woman growled. "What guilt?"
"Of killing Siam," was the synesthete's blunt reply.
That did it. Faster than the normal eye can see, the terrorist whipped out her gun and quickly sent a bullet her way. Canaan barely had time to dodge as the bullet grazed her cheek.
Hitting the floor of the train's roof shoulder-first, Canaan swiftly fired back. She made sure to not aim anywhere on the woman's body. After all, she never wanted to hurt her ever again.
And so, she shot the gun out of Alphard's hand.
The woman clutched her wrist and watched as her pistol fell off from the side of the train, forever lost. She was now unarmed, save for the knife sheathed on her belt. But with how far she was from her opponent, there was no way she could win against her when she was the one with a gun.
And even if she were to throw her knife at her, she knew very well the synesthete would dodge it just as she had dodged the bullet.
Though as Canaan stood up, she was surprised with what happened next. Wearing a calm expression, the girl casually threw her own gun to the river below. Alphard can only stand there, staring at her like she was a madwoman.
"Alphard, you can't keep running from the truth," she said, her voice as calm as her expression. "I know you've been hurting. Suffocating. All because of the memory Siam has etched into your mind.
She began to slowly walk towards her. "You feel guilty for what you did. Of the moment you pulled that trigger. I know you've regretted that day many times, everyday.
After all, you told me that before I killed you…
The look on her face now showed a mixture of anger and…fear. As if she was afraid she was found out. But Canaan could tell she was trying so hard to maintain her glare.
"Why…why would I feel guilty for what I did?" came out Alphard's slightly trembling voice. "If I knew I would feel guilt then I would not have done it. I killed him for a reason!"
Canaan shook her head. "Like I said, you wanted to prove yourself to him and yet you can never reach him. And so you felt you could be better without him. Without us. You felt that you could do great things without him tying you down.
"You are strong, Alphard. That I admit. Which is why you did what you did. To follow your own path now that you've been taught enough.
The woman was now backing away from her, yet she continued to advance. "You felt that you could be better than you could ever be. But what you didn't realize that…the reason why you were so strong…was because you had something to fight for."
"What…are you saying? Are you saying I was fighting for him?!"
"You were fighting for us, Alphard. Remember those days. You, me, Siam… We were like a family.
"A family that went down the path of bloodshed. The path where our sins cannot easily be atoned for. But even then we were still a family.
"You cared about us. We cared about you. And even now…I still care about you."
Her eyes widened as soon as those words left the girl's mouth. This girl… How could she say such things?
Was it not her who took away the one thing close to a father to her? Her light? The one she fought for?
Canaan… Alphard thought to herself. What on earth are you saying…?
The synesthete stopped just as she was four feet away from the woman. "Which is why I say this now… I'll be here for you, Alphard. To take away all the pain. The regret you feel everyday."
"Regret…?" Her voice was low, and a dark shadow loomed over her eyes. "WHAT IS THERE TO REGRET?!
She took out her knife and lunged at her. "DON'T THINK YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!"
The woman was now in a blind rage. All the anger, all the frustration, they were now clouding her senses. Reason was now out of the window with her.
Which is exactly what Canaan was hoping for.
Taking advantage of her state, she easily sidestepped each slash the woman threw at her. She tried to look for an opening of some sort so that she could disarm and pin her down. And perhaps then will she be able to reach out to her without being at risk of getting hurt.
Upon dodging yet another slash, she was now on her left side, where she was wielding her knife. She was quite bare so she took the chance to quickly grip her wrist and twist her arm behind her. Alphard cried out in pain as she felt herself being pushed down to her belly, feeling the weight of the mercenary on her back.
Her fingers loosened their grip on the blade, and soon the knife was taken away and thrown off the train, into the tracks as they entered a tunnel. Alphard struggled wildly, attempting to break free from her hold. Though for some reason Canaan had gained the strength to firmly keep her in place.
"Alphard," she whispered into her hair. "You can't keep it all bottled up inside. Otherwise it'll destroy you completely."
"Shut up!" the woman growled.
"I am willing to forgive everything you've done. Only if you would allow me in. Allow me to help you rid of all the pain inside."
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
"How you feel about what you've done… Alphard, the truth is…" She buried her face in the back of her neck. "…a part of you died along with Siam that day."
She then felt the struggling stop. Alphard froze completely, her expression hidden as she faced down on the floor. What she said obviously struck something within her.
As if she was suddenly hit with the reality of things.
"When you pulled that trigger you lost a significant part of yourself. The real you left with him. The one thing that made you human was stripped away by your doing.
"But I am still alive. I am here, holding you now, willing to bring back what you've lost so long ago. And I'm not letting you go…"
Several seconds passed in silence. The woman was obviously letting everything she said sink in. But Canaan was relieved that she was at least listening, even if she was burning with anger.
She knew it was hard for Alphard to accept all this, with all that she's done for the past years. She built up a wall, hid her emotions behind a sturdy mask, and completely wiped her mind off of the fact that she felt regret for doing what she did. The things she did…were the results of her grief.
"…So what are you saying?" Alphard finally spoke.
Closing her eyes, Canaan replied in a soft but firm voice. "What I'm saying is, as a person who is still alive…I demand that you stop dying."
She turned her head slightly. "Stop…dying…?"
"You've been dead for far too long. You've thrown your life away that day and the Alphard Alshua I knew and loved was gone, though not completely. She was locked away, but never gone.
"And now I have this one chance to bring her back. To bring you back. So please…" She loosened her grip. "Please…come back to me…"
There, she said it. The words she longed to tell her before she died. The words she regretted not voicing out.
She failed back then. She will not fail now. That much is certain…
"You really are…a piece of work, Canaan," Alphard's voice was barely above a whisper.
"That's been said on occasion," she replied, chuckling slightly.
She was surprised as she heard the woman chuckle as well. "Canaan, can you…get off me please?"
"What?"
"I won't attack you. I promise."
"You've made many promises you didn't keep. What makes this time any different?"
"…Because you were right. About everything. All this time Siam has kept a hold of me, his influence coiled tightly around me.
"I've been so used to thinking I had such a good reason for what I did. But in reality, I only wanted to prove to him how strong I was even without him. And that cost me so much…
She began to push herself up, relieved that the girl had pulled back to let her sit up, back still faced at her. "But you…helped me remember. You made me see. And now everything is so clear to me now.
"Is it really?"
Turning her head, Alphard wore the most sincere smile Canaan has ever seen in her life. "Yes. It is."
As the train drove out of the tunnel, the bright scenery brought light to the face that brimmed with unshed tears. Tears of grief, tears of regret, and now tears of realization. Never would Canaan have expected to see such a sight.
Alphard has always been a strong woman. A woman who would grit her teeth when things get rough, and bite back whatever emotions would threaten to burst out. And she became a hardened soldier who walked down the path of destruction and anarchy.
Yet here she was now, completely naked, showing her true human self to Canaan for the very first time. In just under ten minutes was Canaan able to bring such an outcome. It was almost too good to be true.
"Alphard," was all she could muster.
Standing up, the older woman stood over the edge of the train. "What I've done…what I've become… There is no way I can atone for that. I have committed so much sin that I am no longer one who has the right to be called "human".
She looked down at her hand, clenching it into a fist. "I am a monster, Canaan. A monster in the eyes of the world. A monster who cast away her humanity when she ended the life of the one who gave her a reason to live and die for.
"All that can be done now…is to punish myself for everything. Everything I've done. Though I care not of this pitiful world, I know that it would be a much better place without my existence."
Canaan's expression twisted with worry. "What are you—?"
"I'm sorry for everything, Canaan," she cut her off, looking over to her with eyes filled with sadness. "I will make it up to you…and end myself."
Her eyes widened as she saw the woman lift one foot off the floor, and let it hover over the ledge. Time seemed to have slowed down for the two, and in that time the girl had immediately pulled herself to her feet and rush towards her. The terrorist looked like she was tilting forward, about ready to fall off.
With a boost of speed, Canaan wrapped her arms around Alphard's bare midsection. She squeezed her tight, pulling themselves back a bit. She shut her eyes and pressed her face against the woman's shoulder blade.
"Don't throw your life away!" she cried. "Didn't I just tell you to stop dying?!"
"That is beyond possible, Canaan. I know I am beyond redemption; therefore the least I can do is rid myself from this world. A life for many lives."
"I won't let you go!"
"You have to…"
She shook her head. "No I don't! I am staying with you whether you like it or not!
The girl quickly spun her around to face her, watching the woman's eyes widen in shock. "You and I are bound together for life. I will make sure it stays that way."
"You…you're crazy. Letting me live will do no good for you or anyone else in this world. Let me fall!"
Once more, Canaan pulled her in a tight embrace. Her chin rested on her shoulder, arms tightening their hold. The woman didn't struggle; rather she was frozen in place.
"If you fall…I fall with you."
With a single step forward, she and Alphard were pushed off the ledge, quickly plummeting down to the river. The girl closed her eyes, feeling more at peace than expected adrenaline. They were falling fast, yet not fast enough for Canaan to let herself dive into her thoughts…
…and whisper a silent prayer.
Athiel…please…protect us…
"…I always will, Kara."
The last thing they felt was hitting warm, deep water. After that, nothing but blackness enveloped them…
Short chapter is short. Fuck man, took me long enough to update and all I can come up with is this. I'm getting rusty...
But still, I guess this chapter is in a significant enough pace. At least I think it is. I'll leave you to judge it.
Until then, peace out!
