AUTHOR'S NOTE: la la la la la la la… Johnny Depp is sexy… and, I swear, the ONLY songs I listened to while writing this was Bohemian Rhapsody and Stairway to Heaven… two confusing songs that I don't really KNOW what they're about… well, anyway… ENJOY!! And REVIEW!!!!
Willy Wonka, Sands, and Don Juan DeMarco pulled Will Turner aside before after the meeting ended, facing him with very serious visages.
"What's up, guys?" Will asked. Willy Wonka nudged Sands, who stepped forward and cleared his throat.
"Look, Will: even though you're currently the president of our club, well… you're just not LIKE everyone else…"
"What do you mean?"
Don Juan DeMarco stepped up, scratching the back of his head.
"Will… you just don't… LOOK like us…" he said. Willy Wonka looked down.
"Oh… oh, I get it… yeah, whatever…I'll just leave, I guess…" Sands looked down too.
"Sorry, Will…"
"No-no… it's okay…I guess, I really don't look like you guys, really… I-I don't belong…"
Will was about to leave, until he turned around and faced the three. "Who's going to be the new president?" They told him.
"Oh… have you told… well, you know?" They shook their heads.
"Oh… Jack's not going to like this…" Will said, walking out the door…
THE GRAND HIGH DEPP SOCIETY
Jack Sparrow waltzed in, ten minutes late for the meeting.
"Thanks for joining us, JACK." said Mort Rainey, eyeing him.
"Oh, lay off, crazy." Said Jack, sitting into his seat. Edward Scissorhands stood up, in protest.
"Jack- you're being insensitive to Mort's mental condition!!" Mort whispered to himself.
"And, for you're information, JACK- I'm taking medications for it." Jack rolled his eyes, putting his feet on the conference desk.
"Jack, I'd appreciate it if you DIDN'T put your dirty boots on the table." Said Edward, in a quiet, yet firm, tone.
"What's your problem, Eddie? Who got fired and made you President?" Jack smiled.
"Will did." JM Barrie laughed.
"Oh, this is going to be goooood…" he said, smiling. Jack looked around.
"You guys made HIM president!?" he said, looking around. "Ichabod? Victor…?" he looked to his best friend in the WHOLE world, the only person he trusted.
"Raoul?" Raoul looked down before his body had a brief, but prominent muscle spasm.
"You know I hate him! And you KNOW that outfit he wears is soooooooo gay!"
"OH, LOOK WHO'S TALKING, MR. MASCARA!!" JM Barrie retorted. Ed Wood stood up and said:
"Oh, come on, YOU'RE the gay one!! 'Come play with me in my "fantasy land", little boys!!' Let's find Neverland!!"
JM Barrie glared at him. Willy Wonka glared at Ed.
"YOU WEAR WOMEN'S FRICKIN' CLOTHING!!!" yelled Willy.
"YOU INVITE LITTLE CHILDREN TO YOUR 'CANDY FACTORY'!!!"
"WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!?!?!?!?!?!" screamed Edward Scissorhands every member, quarrelling or otherwise, looked up at him.
"Why are we fighting each other? We all know that we're straight!! We shouldn't waste our breath pissing each other off!!"
"We should waste our breath pissing Jack off!" yelled Victor. Everyone cheered.
"If you guys HATE me, why don't you just kick me out!?" Jack said, folding his arms. Raoul gave him a man-hug.
"I don't hate you, Jack! You're the awesomest person I've ever met! Remember yesterday when I- Raoul twitches- passed out because I got high? And then you passed out too so I wouldn't feel bad? That was so cool of you!" Jack gave a weak smile.
"Thanks, Raoul." He said. Edward came around the desk and looked Jack in the eyes.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say, Jack, that we DON'T hate you: we just pick on you… you're like the village drunk… just because we make fun of you doesn't mean we still don't love you…!!!" there was an awkward silence, and Jack stared at Edward, as if suspecting something to happen.
Edward sighed, and hugged Jack, rolling his and motioning for the rest to come over.
"Are you kidding me, I'm not touching that thing! I don't know where it's been!" said Mort.
"WHY, YOU LITTLE-"
At first, Jack turned around ready to tear his face off, until Edward started top tap his foot.
"I mean, that means you respect me, right?"
"Sure!" said Mort. Jack smiled, and faced Edward.
"Come on, everybody, let's go get pizza!" said Edward. All the men cheered as they piled out of the conference room, cramming themselves into one elevator.
Unfortunately, after Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Don Juan DeMarco, Raoul Duke, Ichabod Crane, Sands, JM Barrie, Willy Wonka, Victor, Mort Rainey, and Jack Sparrow all got on the elevator, and we're head down to the first floor from the seventieth, they didn't see the "1649 lbs. limit" until Sands pointed it out, after reading it in Braille.
"How much do each of you guys weigh?" he asked. They all answered, at the same time:
"150 pounds, why?"
"OH, SHIT!!" yelled Sands, as something above them snapped and the eleven men got sucked up toward the tops as the elevator fell down the shaft at breakneck speeds.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was Sands incredibly quick thinking that made them even more dead than they already were: he tried to hit the emergency stop button, only to hit the "open door" button.
"GOOD GOING, SANDS!!!" someone yelled.
"WELL, AT LEAST THE BLIND MAN TRIED!!!!" yelled Sands. Jack Sparrow, who was closest to the door, unsheathed his word and stuck it outward, driving a wedge between the floor and the ceiling of the elevator. But that didn't last long, as the sword snapped in two about twenty seconds later.
Thankfully, at that point, they were wedged between the third floor, so only a FEW people broke something when the elevator hit the ground.
"Does the writer have NOTHING to write about besides putting us in mortal danger?!" yelled Jack, flinging his arms around, enraged. Don Juan DeMarco, getting up from the wreckage.
"Apparently not…" he said, breaking his leg trying to get up. JM Barrie was being carried away on a stretcher.
"Hey, cut her some slack, writing the ends to comedies are HARD…"
Jack looked at Edward Scissorhands.
"What happens now?" he asked.
"This." The Universe imploded.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Durn't!!!!!!!
