~1000's, Philippines looks like a 1 year old~
The time came when Philippines was old enough to receive details on warfare. The young kingdom had mixed feelings about war, but overall with childish innocence he viewed it as a cool thing. Charging into battle for the sake of your kingdom's safety seemed like a very noble thing to do, especially when China told him he didn't need to worry about dying because it rarely happened to kingdoms. Luckily, Philippines eventually realized the possibility of being dismembered and asked China what would happen then. China says he didn't know and that the only injury he's ever had that was even remotely close to actual death was breaking his femur.
"It hurt a lot and it looked pretty bad, but it didn't leave a scar aru..." China pauses. "That would've killed a human, but obviously not me aru. I-We are different. When kingdoms heal, it's kind of like magic… slow magic aru. And sometimes you get a scar if your injury had any connection with your kingdom aru. Also, injuries inflicted by other kingdoms are deadlier and they always leave a scar aru. Do you understand?"
"Not quite, uncle," Philippines replied.
China murmured to himself thoughtfully, then continued, "It's like… like a battle scar aru. It stays because you did it for your kingdom, your people, and not just because you wanted to get your kite down from a tree aru."
"Is that how you broke your femur, uncle?"
"No," China answered flatly. "Anyway, back to the topic aru. So... do you understand? Nod if you understand aru."
Philippines still didn't quite understand, but he nodded anyway. Then, he asked China if he had any scars. The older nation bit his lip and hesitantly replied with, "I've been in power for... a long time, so it's only natural that I would have... a few."
Uncle China has battle scars?! That's so cool! Philippines thought in disbelief and amazement. The joy in the young kingdom's eyes might've suggested sadistic glee because China visibly shivered when he glanced at Philippines' direction. That wasn't the most comfortable meeting the two nations have had and the young kingdom knew it. It took quite a bit to send China into a rattled state, but Philippines managed to accidentally accomplish it at least once a month as a child. So as a sign of his sincere apology, Philippines decided to gift the older nation with a bottle of lambanog. Philippines realized too late how strange the gift was, especially coming from him, technically, a child. But he ignored his eccentric decision and decided that he might as well just go with it, he didn't have a back-up plan anyway.
"Sorry, uncle China," Philippines said, grinning sheepishly as he handed China a bottle of what is essentially coconut vodka.
"Well, when you're older you'll understand why I thought your response was a bit… unsettling aru," China said while eyeing the bottle he was given. Thankfully, China simply smiled and ruffled Philippines' hair. Although seemingly very reluctant to accept the bottle, China's eyes had a small spark of pride in them, which boosted Philippines' confidence. It seemed like in that stage of his life the most important accomplishment he could make was impress an adult.
"Conflicts between nations should be frowned upon, remember that aru," China said, looking at Philippines for a while before returning his gaze back at the bottle.
"I will, uncle!" Philippines said, cheerily. In the future, he will appreciate China's words more, but for now he's content with just making everyone smile. "You know, uncle India said that children had a natural aura of creepiness that surrounds them. Is that correct, uncle China? Is that why you reacted like that?"
China didn't give an answer, but his face had a look that said: Yup, pretty much aru. He continued to examine the bottle. If he looked at it for more than ten seconds without saying anything Philippines would've asked him if he was trying to use his non-existent telepathic powers to make a tiny coconut vodka cyclone. But before Philippines could ask, China regained his composure and shared his thoughts.
"Púduānguó, this… looks impressive," China started, "but aren't you a little too young to be making this kind of drink aru."
"Really?" Philippines asked, a bit surprised. "But uncle India said it was fine."
"No, it isn't aru," China knitted his brows, an expression of annoyance was visible on his face.
Philippines apologized even though he wasn't entirely sure what he did anything wrong. He didn't want to get smothered by pandas. Malaysia and Indonesia theorized that maybe the cuteness had something to do with the animal's efficiency as a deadly weapon. He fully supported that theory. China sighed and said he wasn't angry at Philippines, rather he was disappointed with India.
"How long have you been producing this product aru?" China asked.
"Ever since…" Philippines paused, blinking a couple of times, "That one time… I saw you were drunk, I think. You seemed pretty happy so I thought that if I gave you some of this you wouldn't feel uncomfortable anymore!" Philippines ended his honest answer with a smile.
China's eyes dramatically widened. "I was what aru?"
"Happy!"
"No, the one before that aru."
"Drunk," Philippines said, not noticing China's discomfort. "Pekan, Srivijaya and uncle India were there too. Uncle India told us that you were flying on the wings of the rice." Philippines laughed, remembering how China skipped around like a child. "What did Uncle India mean by that? It makes no sense; rice can't fly!" China remained silent. "Are you all right, uncle?"
China's reaction answered Philippines' question. He didn't faint, but Philippines thought he almost did. China's perfect posture melted to a slouch as he started muttering I'm-a-bad-role-model aru, why-did-I-even, stupid-India-aru, how-drunk-was-I, I'm-so-irresponsible-aru, etc. Through it all, Philippines tried to reassure him that he was the finest role model a young kingdom could ever hope for, but China didn't seem to believe anything he told him. He continued to sulk and mutter under his breath.
...
Later that day, Malaysia and Indonesia arrived with a crate-full of rice wine bottles to trade. This time China really did faint and India was there to witness his fall. Whether it was caused by exhaustion or frustration, Philippines never asked. Instead he took the liberty of fanning China until he regained consciousness.
( ' - ')
AN: Púduānguó (established in the year 1001) - is what the Chinese called the kingdom of Butuan, an ancient Indic polity centered on the present Mindanao island city of Butuan in what is now the southern Philippines.
Srivijaya (established in the year 650) - was a dominant thalassocratic city-state based on the island of Sumatra, Indonesia, which influenced much of Southeast Asia. Pekan - was an important site in the kingdom located in the modern-day state of Pahang, Malaysia.
Preview:
He'll live...
Think of it as just a harmless prank...
I'm pretty sure we all saw it coming...
