A/N: This is the last chapter of Decay. I enjoyed writing this. I'll definitely visit this world again. This was my first attempt in the Hunger Games world. I mostly write Harry Potter. But this was fun. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for your reviews.

Chapter 3: Consuming

It only takes two weeks after our hand holding moment for me to allow Gale into my bed. Two weeks. I feel like one of the Capitol whores that Snow made some of the Victors become.

And it's not Gale's fault. It was mine. I initiated it. I initiated it because I was angry. And hurt. And I wanted to hurt Peeta. Which was stupid because he wouldn't even know about this night. But let him assume. I wanted him to hear us. I hope he did. He sleeps with the windows open, so maybe he did.

I'd seen Peeta in town that day. Saw him with Delly. The Hob had a grand opening. The "Appalachia Market" it was now called. Appalachia? What kind of name was that? But anyway, it was a big day in Twelve. Vendors could sell their wares legally. New people from other districts came to the event, bringing their merchandise, bringing new things. It was a festival of sorts.

Gale had been helping the workers with the rebuilding of the Hob. He'd certainly made good use of his time since he was here. So we went to the opening together. I wasn't really thinking it was a date or anything. But then Gale bought me something called ice cream. I'd never heard of it, but he said they had it in Two. One of the vendors had brought some here to Twelve.

At first, I didn't know how to eat it, but Gale showed me the proper way to lick it. It was running down my hands, so I was rushing to try and finish it before it completely melted. We were both laughing by the end because I was a sticky mess and I had ice cream on my nose. Gale got some napkins to clean me up. As he was wiping me off I heard a familiar giggle. I looked over and it was Delly. And Peeta.

She reached for his hand as I looked at them. He took it.

"What are you eating?" Delly asked as she stepped towards us. "That looks good." She gave us a big smile. I could tell she was really trying hard to keep everything nice.

My words were stuck in my throat; my eyes were stuck on their clasped hands.

Gale saved me. "It's ice cream. It's delicious. You should try some." He nodded at Peeta, who was looking as if he wanted to be elsewhere. But even he managed a nice big smile.

"They had ice cream in the Capitol. I meant to try some while I was there. I think I will now." He nodded at me. "Katniss."

I croaked out a greeting, but I know I sounded as fake as Effie's laugh used to be. I was afraid I was going to vomit up that ice cream. If I did, I hoped it was on Delly's face.

Delly was pulling Peeta by the hand. "Let's try some, Peeta!" She chirped out and Peeta followed behind her. He turned and looked back at me with an unreadable expression, but then kept going.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm from District Twelve.

Gale was in front of me, looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Gale. Really. He's happy, so I'm happy for him. Let's go." I start walking away and Gale jogs to catch up with me. He reaches for my hand and I let him.

I kissed Gale that night after dinner. He responded eagerly and when I took him upstairs he followed without question. But when he realized what was going to happen, he hesitated.

"Are you sure, Catnip? We don't have to do this."

I kissed him even harder for my answer.

Gale was different from Peeta in a lot of ways. He was rougher than Peeta was and it was clear he had much more experience. That wasn't a bad thing though. Gale also knew what to do with his mouth. I wondered if that was a requirement that boys just knew how to do that. I didn't do that to him though. I wasn't ready to do something like that. I did that for Peeta because…well because I loved him. I didn't really know what I felt for Gale. It was some kind of love, but it didn't feel the same as how I felt about Peeta.

But it was good and Gale made me see stars. When he had finished he groaned out, "I love you, Katniss."

I felt horrible.

But I didn't want to hurt Gale so I whispered, "I love you too." It was sort of true.

Gale looked at me with such tenderness, I wanted to cry.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that," he whispered back. I then saw his eyes were glistening. Gale was close to tears. I did cry then. He pulled me close and just held me.

I am the worst person in Panem.

I saw Peeta again in the square. He wasn't with Delly this time. I think I did well being polite and cordial. Faking it. Just like for the Capitol cameras. Then Peeta does the unthinkable.

"Katniss, I really hope that one day we can be friends again. And that you and Delly can be friends."

That's never going to happen.

"Of course, Peeta. No hard feelings. You did what you had to. For you to be safe and stay okay. I understand." I want to walk away because if I stand here any longer I won't be responsible for my actions. I want to punch him. I want to kiss him.

"Delly feels really bad about this, Katniss. She thinks you hate her." I do. "But you don't, right? She really wants to be your friend."

"I don't hate Delly, Peeta. But I'm not going to be her friend. She was your friend, not mine. She has you, she doesn't need my friendship." I can hear the bitterness creep into my tone, so I know I need to hurry up and end this conversation.

Peeta looks sad. "This wasn't her fault. She was a friend who really helped me when I needed it. She's a good person, Katniss."

That did it. "And I'm not, right? Is that what this is about, Peeta? What do you want from me? I know I make you want to kill me! So it's better that we go our separate ways. You have Delly now, so what difference does it make if I'm friends with her? Leave me alone, Peeta! Go back to your good girl!" I'm yelling by the end of all that.

He's giving me an evil look and I don't want to hear a lecture about how I'm not being fair to her or whatever. I turn and stomp away and Peeta shouts at me.

"That's right, Katniss! Always thinking of just yourself!"

I force myself not to turn around and scream at him. I just keep walking, barely keeping myself from running. I've got to get out of here.

When I see Gale later that night I say, "Let's go to Two."

Gale pulls me into a tight hug. "Thank you, Katniss."

Fuck you, Peeta Mellark!

HG

Greasy Sae nods when I tell her I'm going to Two.

"Surprised you stayed this long." She gives me a short hug. "I'll watch out for him."

When I open my mouth to refute that, she shakes her head at me. "You don't fool me, Katniss. I like Gale and you done what you done to try and move on with your life. Ain't nothing wrong with needing someone. But I saw what you had with Peeta. It ain't the same." She shook her head. "It ain't the same, but it'll do. Peeta…he's trying to do the right thing. But you leaving? He's gonna need someone to look out for him. And that Delly Cartwright ain't gonna be the one to bring him out of it."

I don't know what to say to all of that. But I know that I have to put some distance between myself and Peeta. And do what everyone has been saying. Find myself a purpose.

I wish I could see Haymitch before I go. I had to talk to Plutarch to make arrangements for me to leave Twelve and he told me that Haymitch still has several more months of rehab to work through. Now that there's no war, the doctors can take their time with him. Have him talk with a head doctor, like Dr. Aurelius. Haymitch's problems weren't just the white liquor. His problems were much deeper than that. His drinking just masked them. A few weeks of rehab weren't going to be able to undo almost thirty years of guilt and agony.

I don't know if I should say something to Peeta. He wanted us to be friends again, but is that really necessary now? I'm leaving and I may never see him again. I could at least tell him goodbye. That's the right thing to do. I can't leave without at least saying goodbye. I've packed my bags and they're waiting in the kitchen. I'm sitting there trying to work up the courage to walk across the path to say goodbye. Gale's with his family, saying his goodbyes. There's a knock at the door.

I open it to see Peeta standing on the steps. He just stares at me, his face impassive. When he speaks, his voice is low. Angry.

"So you're leaving? Going to Two?"

I'm defensive. "Yeah, I am. Nothing for me here."

He winces, but recovers. "So you weren't even going to say goodbye? You were just going to go?" Now he sounds hurt.

I soften at the sight of his eyes looking hurt and defenseless. "I was going to say goodbye. I was actually on my way over when you knocked." He looks skeptical, but I nod at him. "It's true, Peeta. I was going to come and say goodbye. No matter what's happened, we've been through too much for me to not say goodbye." I sincerely meant that.

He seems to believe me, which is good. "Would you like to come in?" I pull the door open wider. He smiles and steps inside. He spots my bags on the floor and his smile disappears.

"I can't believe that you're really going. I had kind of hoped it was just a rumor." He's staring at me with pleading eyes and I feel something flutter in my chest. I ruthlessly crush it.

"It's time for me to do something. Everyone else has something to help with the rebuilding. I've got to be of some use. I'll go crazy if I don't. Even my mother has a purpose. You have a purpose too."

Peeta watches me with sad eyes. "I'd hoped that you'd find your place here. That you'd help with the rebuilding. Or help me with the bakery."

I give a snort. "I can't bake for shit, you know that. And I'm awful with the customers. Everyone hates me."

Peeta steps forward and takes my hand. "No one hates you, Katniss. Everyone…they all love you."

My heart skips a beat. I know Peeta isn't just talking about the town. But so what if he is talking about some out of place feelings. He's…moved on. I pull my hands away.

"Well, you have other help now. I know she won't let you fail." I try hard not to sound overly sarcastic with my words.

"Katniss. I don't want you to go. I know I'm asking a lot, but are you sure this is what you want? Are you doing this for you or for him?" My head snaps up at the bitterness that is coating Peeta's words. What does he have to be bitter about? He ended us, it wasn't me. I wanted to be with him, even with his episodes.

"I'm going for me. Gale hasn't pressured me into this. I make my own decisions."

Peeta gives me an incredulous stare. "Gale is always pressuring you, Katniss! You don't see that? Whenever he's around, you change! We were fine until he came back! Then all of a sudden, you don't want kids and you're talking about going to Two. None of that was an issue until Gale came! How can you say that he doesn't pressure you into doing and saying things!"

"That wasn't Gale's fault, Peeta! That was mine! I just hadn't had a chance to talk to you about any of that yet! Don't blame Gale for that, blame me! I should've told you how I felt sooner, but I wasn't ready!"

Peeta smacks his hand down on the table. "And he conveniently gets you to talk to him about how you really feel? Wonderful friend he is, isn't he? What happened to you hating him because he killed Prim? That ended rather quickly, didn't it?"

I gasp. And Peeta's eyes widen as if he can't believe he just said that. "Katniss…I didn't mean that! I'm sorry."

"Please leave, Peeta." I say coldly. "Take care of yourself."

"Katniss-"

"Get out!"

Peeta looks at me with uncertainty, but then he sighs. He turns and walks out the door, never looking back. I refuse to cry this time. Peeta Mellark can go…can go stick his head in an oven!

By the time Gale shows up, I'm more than ready to go. I grab him and give him a big kiss. He looks at me in surprise.

"What's got into you, Catnip?"

"Just ready to get out of this place!"

Gale smirks. "Well, that I can do. You won't be disappointed."

After the past few weeks I'm glad, because I sorely need a new emotion to feel.

HG

District Two is a buzz of activity, just like it was during the rebellion. I see The Nut in the distance and a flurry of activity surrounds it as well. They are probably trying to unearth it, after the avalanches we dropped on it made it inaccessible. I have mixed feelings about being here. I got shot here and watching the Nut destroyed the way it was, smacked too much of how my father had died. But it's a means to an end and I'm determined enough.

I'm feeling a bit out of my depth again, seeing all of the people, former rebels, peacekeepers and civilians. They all see me and stare. I'm not Katniss to these people, I'm the Mockingjay, I'm the Girl on Fire, I'm the menace to the Capitol. Gale is comfortable amongst them, speaking to everyone, nodding and smiling. He pulls me along behind him and I go willingly.

Gale has a nice house in Two, close to the Administration Building. He takes me there and I unpack my things. We go to a restaurant, something that we didn't have in Twelve. A place where people go to eat together. Like the cafeteria in Thirteen. The food is good and I manage to relax a bit. We are just finishing up when I see Beetee. He's sitting in his chair by the window, talking to Cressida.

I go over to them and as I approach, Cressida is patting Beetee's hand.

"Beetee! Cressida!" I exclaim, happy to see them both.

"Katniss! Good to see you. Welcome to Two." Beetee smiles at me and I squeeze his shoulder. I have a lot of respect for Beetee.

"Katniss, you finally made it!" Cressida says, as she eyes me. She has an interesting expression on her face.

Gale sidles over and nods at them both. "We'll be reporting to you in the morning, Beetee." He nods and Cressida gives Gale a similar once over.

"Glad to have you back, Gale. You're going to like the new stuff. And Katniss, we'll find you a place."

"Thank you."

HG

The place that is found for me in Two turns out to be weapons training. Specifically, the bow and arrow. What a surprise.

It would seem that there is no end to volunteers who want to take up the bow as their weapon of choice. I learned to use it out of necessity for survival, not as a weapon in battle. Still, it is what I know so I train them.

It is Paylor's goal that the districts become self-reliant, able to feed, clothe and defend themselves to a certain degree. Under the previous system, each district provided a certain commodity to the Capitol and was left to figure out the rest by themselves. With no resources to do so. Paylor wants the districts to be able to continue to specialize in certain things, but still be able to take care of their own, without the Capitol's interference. The Capitol would pay a fair price for the commodities.

So I train citizens on how to use the bow and arrow, not just for defense, but also for hunting. If there's one thing that Games taught us, it's that so many were not prepared for basic survival. In districts that were starving, it would have been advantageous if people knew how to hunt for their food. The fences and the Peacekeepers kept that non-existent, but now people want to learn.

I find that I enjoy training others. People are eager to learn, so they try hard. Some have a natural aptitude, while others are basically hopeless to hit anything. But it's fun and it really doesn't feel like work to me. I work in a state of the art training center that used to be the academy for the Career Tributes.

I've run into Enobaria, one of Two's last Victors. And we ended up in a very public argument about the unfair advantage her district had over the others. It made them as culpable as the Capitol in my opinion. Enobaria didn't share that view at all.

"You won your Games, so clearly you weren't at a disadvantage," she snarls at me. "And not only that, two Victors! Not even my district can claim such an honor!"

"An honor? You still think it's honorable what we did in the Games? Killing a bunch of kids? You're nothing but a savage murderer! You and all the other Victors from this place! Capitol puppets and slaves! Cato and Clove were nothing but vicious sadistic dogs, that you and your mentoring created!"

Enobaria roars at me, her filed fangs sparkling white. We're in the middle of the training center, with several trainees staring at us in shock and some in amusement.

"I'd have ripped your throat out if I'd caught you! You're nothing without that bow!"

Before I know it, I'm primed and ready to let an arrow fly right into her face. "Let's see how nothing I am," I say.

Other trainers have to pull us apart. I don't like her very much. Gale is upset with me for creating a problem with her.

"She's from this district, Katniss! They were the last holdouts, you know that! We need them to make this work. Yes, their view of the Hunger Games is not like the rest of ours, but we have to take it slow with them. You can't go around threatening to shoot their Victor!"

"She threatened me first, Gale! Said she wished she could rip my throat out!"

"You're better than that, Katniss. Don't let her get to you!"

I'm pissed at Gale for defending her. If anything, he should be defending me. But I let the situation go. Gale is all gung-ho about his life in Two. I quickly find out how popular he is and how he's thriving here. It really surprises me that he stayed as long as he did in Twelve. I know it was about his mother, but she had gotten better. He stayed there for me. Now I see how much he was giving up to wait for me. I still don't know how to really feel about that.

Gale has a lot of new friends, both male and female. That's not so different. He was popular at home too, but now he's a war hero, so he's doubly so. He goes out to the local clubs and bars with them a lot and always brings me along. Gale lavishes plenty of attention on me, which makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I'm not one for the spotlight, even though I was the Mockingjay. That wasn't by choice.

What's different is that Gale drinks now. A lot. Not as much as Haymitch, but enough that I'm looking at him like he's crazy. We all saw what drink did to Haymitch and Gale never drank at home. So this change in him is strange and disconcerting. He also talks a lot about how things are going to be different now. Life is going to be better. No one is going to be hungry ever again. He continues to rant about the unfairness of the old ways, like he can't let it go. And his eyes get this crazy looking madness in them that actually makes me a bit afraid of him.

The other major thing that bothers me in Two is the staring and the quiet murmurs whenever I do appear with Gale. I know what they are saying.

People want to know what happened to Peeta, my Star-Crossed Lover.

Our entire Hunger Game experience was based on our supposed love affair. My pulling the berries out at the end. Our engagement and wedding. The baby. Rescuing him from the Capitol. The whole story is legend now; our love legendary.

But now I'm parading around in Two with my supposed cousin, Gale.

Gale quickly put an end to that story. He explained that Snow had concocted that storyline in order to confuse the Capitol and the Districts regarding me. He didn't go so far as to tell everyone that the whole romance was faked, but he did play along with the miscarriage story that I came up with when I first came to Two during the rebellion. He also told people that after all the stress of the war and everything that happened, Peeta and I grew apart. Which opened the door for him and that all was well.

Not everyone believed him though. Because quite a few people looked upon me with something akin to distaste. And I knew it was because of Peeta. Or more specifically because there was no Peeta. When I first arrived in Two, a number of people asked me about him, asked me where he was, asked me why he wasn't here with me. No one doubted how much Peeta had loved me. They saw it at the Games, at the interviews with Caesar Flickerman, they saw it after the Capitol had captured him. I was the one who looked faithless and loveless. Peeta was the true darling of Panem, not me.

I wanted to talk to Peeta, see how he was doing. If I couldn't do that, I wanted to at least write to him. But I couldn't get the words down. What could I possibly say to him? I hadn't heard from him either, which meant that he was probably doing just fine with his bread and pastries and his syrup girl. He was probably doing great in fact. With my absence, he wouldn't be having any episodes and he wouldn't have to see me or Gale. Delly was undoubtedly waiting on him hand and foot. She was probably already pregnant with little Peeta babies. That thought gnawed at my insides until I was sure I was full of holes.

After about six months in Two, I started withdrawing again. Training was going fine, but I didn't want to go to the bars and clubs anymore with Gale. I was already tired of his drinking and his plans for Panem. Wasn't there more to life than just Panem and what was going to happen? I was tired of the side looks from people and the whispers about "where's Peeta?" whenever we were in public. I was starting to wonder that myself.

But Gale insisted. He wanted to be around me. But it was never just really me. It was his friends from the weapons division or some soldiers from Thirteen. Or some new citizens arriving that he had meant in front of a random door. Gale was the resident Welcome Committee of District Two. He suddenly became the loud, funny life of the pub guy that was a complete stranger to me. The Gale I remembered was never this outgoing.

So I'd been begging off, telling Gale I was tired or not feeling well or any excuse I could think of to avoid the party circuit. I would feign sleep when he would get in late, mainly because I didn't want to smell the liquor on him or the smoke. I didn't want to look at him and then see Peeta's disappointed eyes. Gale understood at first, but after the fourth time I'd made an excuse, he got angry.

"What's the problem now, Katniss? Who don't you like this week?" Gale asked sarcastically. "Let me guess. Vonner. Because he agrees that bombing is a more effective weapon than poisoning the water supply."

"I don't like Vonner because he's an arrogant ass. And his views just go along with that." I say, annoyed. "But I don't want to go because I just don't want to go, Gale. Can we just stay at home tonight, please? Maybe watch television?"

Gale rolled his eyes. "You always hated television! Now you want to sit at home all night and watch it? I work long hours, Katniss. This helps me to unwind. Live a little. We had no fun in Twelve, remember? It was all work, hiding from the peacekeepers, illegal sales. Now we can enjoy ourselves. Don't you want that?"

"We had fun in Twelve, Gale. Just not quite like this. So now Twelve isn't good enough for you anymore? You're from District Two, now?" I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Too embarrassed to admit you're from The Seam?"

"Oh come on, Katniss! I don't mean it like that. Twelve will always be home. And yeah, we're from The Seam. It's just now there's so much more out there. We're changing the world. Making Panem better than it ever was under Snow. We can finally be free! And people won't be forced to be from places like The Seam anymore!"

"Well then, I'm free to say no. I don't want to go out to the bar tonight. I want to do something else for a change. Something that doesn't need alcohol or your loud friends or their judging eyes!" I didn't mean to bring that up, but it's out there now.

"Judging? About what? No one's judging you! You're the Mockingjay!"

"I'm not the Mockingjay anymore, Gale! I'm Katniss! And people don't see that!"

Gale throws up his hands. "Katniss, that's all in your head. No one is judging you and you're always going to be the Mockingjay, at least to some. You're a hero, Katniss. Just accept that."

"You know I never wanted to be that! This place just keeps reminding me of that role. And you're not helping either."

Gale looked angry for a moment and then said, "Fine, Katniss! Don't go. But I'm going out. Stay here for all I care." And he walked out, slamming the door.

I stood there staring at the door in disbelief. Gale just stormed out of the house. Just like the old drunk couples we knew back in The Seam. We used to laugh at their antics when we weren't too hungry to notice other things.

When he comes back later that night, he tries to snuggle next to me. I don't return the sentiment.

"Catnip, Catnip…I'm sorry," he whispers, rubbing my hair. "Don't be mad. I love you. Please." I keep my back turned to him. "I'll make it up to you. Promise. Just a quiet dinner. At your favorite place. That café you like. Just the two of us. Please."

I feel myself soften against his pleas. I sigh and he snuggles closer. "I promise." He reaches for me, trying to get me to unwind my arms. I put up a bit of resistance, but then I let him win. He smiles down at me and he begins to place kisses against my neck.

We have sex and Gale is especially tender and loving. But after he goes to sleep, I stare at the ceiling. I feel lost and alone and I don't know why. We just had sex and I should feel closer to him, not further away.

It takes Gale almost a week to take me out to the dinner and by the time we get there, the tables are full of people from his job. They keep yelling over to Gale, who engages them in conversation. A quiet dinner is out of the question. But when I quietly ask Gale to leave, he says he doesn't want to be rude to them. I sit there and stare at him. He doesn't want to be rude to them, but its okay to not honor his word to me?

"Come on, Katniss. Just eat your dinner. We'll go somewhere else for dessert."

I'm not hungry for my meal, let alone dessert. I'm just ready to go.

"Gale, I just wanted it to be us tonight. I'm ready to go."

"Well if you wanted a quiet dinner, then you should have cooked something at home."

I glare at him. What has happened to Gale? He's turned into a complete ass. The Gale I knew from Twelve would never have said something like that.

"Fine," I snap as I stand up. "Have fun with your friends! That's all you want to do anyway."

I walk out of the restaurant, but Gale is right behind me. He hurries to block my path.

"Katniss! What are you doing? Why are you acting like this? You're acting like one of those Capitol freaks whining about everything! So some people were here tonight! It's a public place; you think that I can just make people stay away so you can have some privacy? Anything for the Mockingjay, right?"

I can't believe that Gale is saying these things to me. It feels exactly how I felt when Peeta said those horrible things to me after he was hijacked. Gale may as well have slapped me across the face with a shovel.

But instead I lunge at him, ready to tear his head off. He grabs my hands and pulls me close to him, while I struggle.

"Calm down! Katniss!"

"You asshole!" I scream at him and several people turn to look. I don't even care about that. That the Mockingjay is fighting her fake cousin boyfriend in public.

"Gale, let her go! Stop it, Katniss!" A female voice calls out and I see Cressida has emerged from out of nowhere. Pollux is with her and he grabs Gale's arm. Gale immediately lets go of me and I lunge at him again. Only Cressida steps in front of me and blocks my hand from grabbing him.

"That's enough!" Cressida grabs my hand and tugs me away from Gale. Pollux stands tall in front of him and Gale holds up his hands, indicating he won't do anything else. Cressida leads me away from the café and we walk to a nearby park. She sits down on a bench and watches me while I pace, furious at what just happened.

"Katniss," Cressida says quietly, "where's Peeta?"

I whip around to face her. "What?"

"Peeta. Where is Peeta?"

"He's at home. Where else would he be?"

"He should be here with you. That's where he should be. Why are you here with Gale and not with him?"

I gape at Cressida. What does that have to do with Gale humiliating me tonight?

"What? What are you talking about? I'm with Gale because...because I am!"

"That's not an answer, Katniss. Do you love Gale?"

Right now, no. "Yeah."

"Peeta got married today, Katniss. I'm surprised you didn't see the broadcast."

I reach for the bench because I'm not going to be able to stand up anymore. I completely miss it and land hard on the ground. I don't even feel it. Peeta. Married? To Delly? Oh God…

I can't breathe and I start gasping for air. I can feel tears start to well up and I can't breathe.

"Katniss!" Cressida is by my side and she's helping me to stand up. "It's okay, I'm joking. It's not real. I just said that to get you to pay attention."

That's a horrible trick to play and I hate her with everything in my being. But instead of telling her that, which I fully intended to do, the tears come anyway. And the next thing I know, I'm sobbing. When did I turn into such a crybaby?

Cressida is comforting me, patting my hair. "It's okay, Katniss. Just cry it out."

When I'm finally able to draw in a breath, Cressida's shirt is soaking wet. She hands me some tissue for my face.

"I'm sorry I had to do that to you. But I had to wake you up. I know that you love Peeta. I don't know what happened, but I can guess. But it's obvious to anyone who knows you that you love Peeta and that you shouldn't be here with Gale."

"But I do love Gale," I croak out.

"You may love him, but you're not in love with him. You're in love with Peeta, Katniss. We all saw it. I saw it during your Games, especially after Peeta hit the force field. Finnick said the same thing. I saw you in Thirteen, when he was captured. Your face after each of his broadcasts. When Snow dropped the roses. When Coin finally realized that you weren't going to be able to do anything until Peeta was brought back, everyone knew then that this wasn't just some faked romance."

Cressida leans in and looks me in the eyes.

"And during the run on the Capitol. There was no way you were going to let anyone kill Peeta. You'd have killed them first before they would've got anywhere near him! I know love when I see it, Katniss. You love Peeta Mellark and you're slowly dying on the inside."

"Peeta…Peeta doesn't love me anymore. He's with someone else now."

Cressida waved her hand in dismissal. "And I'm sure he's as miserable as you are, if not more. Who is she?"

"Delly. You met her in Thirteen. She helped with his treatment."

Cressida made a face. "That blonde girl, who smiled all the time? Oh, Katniss. Peeta doesn't love her. No way."

"But he ended it with me. Told me that I made him have episodes. That he doesn't trust me because of Gale. I didn't tell him the truth about kids. I ruined everything, Cressida!"

"Well then you have to fix it. If you want Peeta, then you're going to have to go and get him. Fight for him. Show him that you can be trusted. You can't do that when you're in Two living with Gale."

"But what about Gale? I…I'd hurt him by leaving. I don't want to hurt him."

"Katniss, you're already hurting him. By loving someone else more than him. It's not fair to him. He'll be hurt, but you need to let him go. He deserves to be loved by someone who can be devoted to him and just him. Don't you think so?"

I lower my head in shame. Cressida is right. It's not fair to Gale. I was trying hard to love him the same way I loved Peeta, but it just wasn't the same. And Gale's life in Two is different than how I remember him. Gale has changed and it's not someone I like as much. I never should have come here. But I did and now I have to figure out what to do.

"Cressida, what should I do? How do I fix this?"

"Well, you have to decide what it is you really want. If you want to stay in Two or go home? You can stay here and not be in a relationship with Gale. Or if you want to go home, you have to decide what you're going to do back there. Or try to get Peeta to come here. But you're going to have to talk to both of them eventually. But you need to deal with Gale first, no matter what."

I'm suddenly curious about something.

"Cressida, you and Gale…?"

Cressida just smiles at me. "No, Katniss. Never. Gale loved you, I didn't stand a chance. But I won't lie. He's very handsome. I'm too old for him, I'm sure. Gale will get over it one day. And he'll also realize that he's not the best for you. He's changed too much. The war changed everyone. Gale's not the same boy you grew up with. He's a different man now, Katniss. Either you have to accept him for his changes or let him go."

I nod my head slowly and then I look up at her. "Why are you helping me? I mean, you don't owe me anything. I got…I got your friends killed! Messalla and Castor! I know it was war, but…my lie got so many people killed! I said I was sorry before…but you…" I can feel the tears threaten again. Will this nightmare ever end?

"We knew the risks. That's why we left the Capitol. We wanted to follow you. The Mockingjay. You didn't kill anyone, Katniss. The Capitol and their pods did. We were as much a target as you, because we were traitors to our own. At least according to Snow." Cressida laid a hand on my shoulder. "You blame yourself for things that weren't your doing. All you wanted to do was save Prim from the Games. Snow's regime made the districts angry and desperate. You didn't do that. You were a victim just like everyone else. You wanted to save Peeta. Panem made you the Mockingjay, you didn't ask for that. None of this is your fault, Katniss."

I blink at her.

"But to answer your question, I'm helping you because I care about you. And Gale. And Peeta. You all deserve to be happy. You fought this battle even though you didn't ask for it. Now it's time to reap a bit of the rewards that go with the spoils of war."

I didn't go back back to Gale's that night. I stayed with Cressida. I didn't sleep though, just sat on her balcony and watched the lights of the city. In the distance, I could see the Capitol, its own lights twinkling brightly. What did I really want to do?

The next morning, I cancelled my training class and went to the Capitol. I wanted to talk to Plutarch. I wanted to know what else I could do for Panem.

I didn't get back to Two until late the following day. Gale was beside himself with worry.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you! I thought something had happened to you!"

I sat down at the table. "I'm fine, Gale. I just had to take care of some things, that's all."

Gale didn't look mollified at all. "Why didn't you let me know you were okay? I was worried." He ran his hands through his hair. "Look, I'm sorry about the other night. It was stupid. I should've left when you wanted. I'm sorry, Katniss."

I smile at him. My wonderful friend Gale. Who's so brave and courageous. Who took care of my family for me. Who ran out to rescue Peeta, knowing how I felt about him. Gale is truly a remarkable man. Any woman would be lucky to have him. I was lucky to have him. But I can't make him happy. He can't make me happy either.

"Gale. I went to the Capitol to talk to Plutarch. They are going to be setting up a new factory in Twelve for researching and making new medicine. They're not going to open the mines back up. They need someone to help set that up. Someone to be the mayor. Plutarch thinks that I can do that."

Gale stares at me. "Mayor? You? You hate people, Katniss! How are you going to be the mayor?"

I laugh. "I don't hate people, Gale. I just wasn't the great with talking to them. But since I've been here, training people it's gotten easier. And I want to help Twelve. I've learned a lot here and I think I can take it back to Twelve. Paylor says Twelve needs to grow more and with me there, people may be tempted to move there and help build it."

Gale frowns at that and sits down at the table. "But…what about us? I don't want to go back to Twelve."

"I know. And I would never ask you to. Your place is here, Gale. I can see that now. You'd never fit in Twelve again. Not like it is."

"But…you want to go. What about me? We'd never see each other." Gale's eyes widen. "You don't want to be with me anymore? Because of the other night? I said I was sorry for that, Katniss! I won't let my friends get between us like that ever again!"

"No, Gale. It's not just that." I sigh. "We've changed too much. Your life is here. You've become District Two now. I do love you, but not enough to want to be here anymore. And I don't think that you…love me the same either."

Gale jumped up, almost knocking over his chair. "That's crazy! I love you, more than you'll ever know! I've always loved you, I just didn't know how to tell you! Don't punish me for that, Catnip! I'm trying hard to show you that I love you and I want a life with you."

"Gale, I'm not saying you don't. I'm saying it's not the same anymore. Do you honestly think you feel the same way about me that you did before the war ended? You called me a Capitol baby the other night. You don't see me the same way anymore. You want this big life and I still want the quiet of The Seam. We don't match up anymore. We've both changed. We love each other, but…it's not enough."

Gale gripped the back of his chair and lowered his head. When he raised his eyes back up to me, I can see that he was fighting back tears. I got up and went to him, pulling him into a hug. "Gale, I love you. I do. But it's time to let it go."

Gale hugs me back tight and I can feel his body shudder a bit. "Katniss. I don't know how to let you go. You've been there for so long and I've wanted this for a long time. I don't think I can let you go. I tried after…after Prim…but I was so miserable and guilty. Now that we've been together…I don't know if I can do this."

"I'm not sure either. You're my closest friend in the world." Now I'm crying. "But I don't want us to end up hating each other. Not again. But we're going to if we stay like this."

We hold each other for a long time.

HG

I'm packed and headed back to Twelve two weeks later. I stayed with Cressida during that time. It was too painful for Gale for me to remain in his house and I have to admit I was relieved. It felt like a weight had been lifted from me. He did see me off at the train station though. He looked like he hadn't slept in all of that time. My heart went out to him when he gave me a hug.

"Take care, Catnip. Maybe one day we'll see each other again."

I grab his arm. "I'd like that, Gale. Take care of yourself."

My house is clean and sparkling when I get back. Apparently Greasy Sae had been taking care of the place. I'd been gone almost a year, but it felt like I'd only been gone a day. I need to go to town to restock the house, so after I unpack and get things situated, I leave out. That's when I see Hazelle leaving Haymitch's house.

Haymitch!

I hurry over to her and she nods when she sees me. "Katniss. You're back."

I suddenly feel shy around her. Which is ridiculous. I've known this woman for years. But I did just break her son's heart. Again.

"Yes, I'm back. Just now." I nod at the house. "Haymitch?"

"Yes, the old grumpy bastard is back. Go on in." She limps away with her cane, but still moves with grace.

I go inside and I'm shocked to see Haymitch sitting in his living room, reading a book. He looks up when I walk in. "What'd you forget, Haz-" The words died in his mouth.

"Haymitch," I say quietly.

Haymitch closes the book. "Well, Sweetheart, looks like you've had an experience. Can't be worse than what I just went through."

Haymitch has lost weight, but he looks younger, healthier. He's cut his hair and his eyes are no longer bloodshot. He looks a bit tan, like he's been outside working. His clothes are clean and neat.

I rush over to him and throw my arms around him. No matter how angry Haymitch has made me, he's the closest thing that I have to a father these days. I hold him tight and he hesitantly puts his arms around me, no doubt confused as to what has brought this on.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart? It can't be something I did, can it?"

I laugh into his shirt and pull back. "No. I'm just…so happy to see you. I missed you!"

Haymitch grunts. "Well, you wouldn't have missed me if you hadn't sent me off to that prison in Thirteen! Criminal what they do to people there!"

Haymitch then enlightens me to the horrors of rehab and therapy courtesy of District Thirteen. He had spent a total of eight months in the facility. He'd only been home about a month. But he's remained sober for all that time. I could tell that he was proud of himself.

I then tell him about my time in Two and the things that have been in development there. He listens with interest, saying that he saw Plutarch a few times who had regaled him with the tales of change. I carefully avoid mentioning too much about Gale and I, focusing only on his work with Beetee and the others.

I then tell him about what the plans are for Twelve and my role in it. Haymitch blinks at me and then says, "And I'm supposed to stay sober while you're Mayor of Twelve?"

The door bangs open and I hear the voice, "Haymitch! Here's your bread, I can't stay like I wanted, a shipment just came in from the train."

The blond hair appears around the side of the wall and it's him. Peeta. I was so glad I was already sitting down because I would've probably fallen over. I wasn't ready to deal with Peeta just yet. I'd wanted a day or two to compose myself before I talked to him. Or at least said hello. Guess I have to revise that plan.

Peeta freezes when he sees me on the couch. "Katniss." He shakes his head like he's seeing a hallucination. God, I hope not. "You're back."

I manage to stand up and smile. "Hi Peeta. Yes, I got in today. Just catching up with Haymitch."

Peeta is still staring at me, but then he slowly snaps out of it. "Yeah, Haymitch. He's doing good. Let's keep it that way." He goes to put the bread on the kitchen counter and comes back. "I gotta go sign for the shipment." But he just stands there for a few seconds. Haymitch looks between us for a minute.

"Well go and get the shipment, Peeta. Dinner later, right?" Haymitch says.

Peeta jumps like someone poked him with a stick. "Yeah…right. Later." He looks at me again and then hurries out. I frown at Haymitch.

"What the hell was that?"

Haymitch rolls his eyes. "Ummm…you've been gone for a while, Sweetheart. Living off in Two with Gale, remember? Then suddenly you're here in my living room. He kinda wasn't expecting that today."

I sink back down on the couch. "So you know about that then?"

Haymitch looks at me like I'm the dumbest thing since Effie's colored wigs. "His mother cleans my house, Katniss. Like she didn't mention it a time or two. As if Peeta hasn't camped out here since I've been back and plotted to storm Two to get you back." Haymitch reaches for a bottle of water on the table next to him. "And then you all expect me not to drink."

I can't care about Haymitch's complaining. "He wanted to come to Two to get me back," I whisper, full of excitement. "What happened to Delly?"

Haymitch glares at me. "You were actually jealous of that bubble head? Really, Katniss? I thought I taught you better than that."

I huff and cross my arms over my chest. "So, what happened to her?"

"She's still around. Peeta isn't good with letting people down easy. She's taken it upon herself to be there for him. I mean, it's been good for Peeta to have company from what I understand. He didn't do too well after you left."

"What do you mean?"

"Depression. He let the bakery go for a while there. Others were running it for him. Hazelle and Sae had to have some Seam boys to break into his house a couple of times to make sure he was still alive in there. Delly was pretty upset about that. Hazelle said he talked to himself a few times out in town too. Some episodes. Bang his head on stuff, say your name a lot. Folks just let him be."

I gasp. "They just let him wander around like that? No one tried to help him!"

"Hazelle said it was better to let him alone. At first, people did try to stop him, but it made it worse. He would really hurt himself. So if they left him alone, he would snap out of it himself."

It takes me some time to process this information. Peeta was obviously impacted by my leaving. But I'm disturbed to know that he still had episodes even though I wasn't around to trigger them. So that means that they can happen whenever. I'm not the direct cause of them. I guess I should feel a bit better by that news.

I go into town to meet with some officials regarding the new building and the protocols for the new research facility. They are all excited that I'm going to be working on this project. I'm nervous about it, but I'm confident that I can do some things right. I'm given an office in the new Justice Building. I even have my name on the door.

After my meeting, I decide to head home. I've only been back a couple of days and it's taking me a minute to adjust to the continued changes in Twelve. More people have shown up and the square is filling up with new stores and shops. I definitely want a restaurant to be part of the new Twelve. I smell something delicious and I decide to follow my nose. I should've known that it would take me to the front of Mellark's Bakery.

I hover outside for a moment. Oh, why not? Why pretend that this wasn't a big part of the reason I came back? I enter the store, which is crowded with customers. I smile at that, happy that there is such a big business for him. I wait patiently in line, nodding as people turn and recognize me. I get a few cries of "welcome back", from some customers. Finally, I get to the front and I'm face to face with Roald. He smiles happily when he sees me.

"Katniss! You're back!" He hurries around the counter and gives me a hug. I hug him back. It feels good to be missed.

"Peeta's in the back."

"Oh well, I don't want to bother him. What do you have today? Something smells delicious!" Roald proudly points to some pastries on the table. "Something new Peeta's trying out."

I go over to select some while Roald disappears behind the counter again. I've picked out several when I feel a presence near my shoulder. I look up and Peeta is standing in front of me, wiping his hands on his flour covered apron. He's smiling at me.

"Katniss. Good to see you."

I give him a warm smile back. "Good to be back, Peeta. These smell delicious! I can't wait to try one."

Peeta nods proudly and then he hands me a large package of goodies. "I made these for you. I know how much you like these too." By the scent, I can tell they're cheese buns.

"Thanks, Peeta. I love your cheese buns." I take the bag from him and he starts wrapping up the pastries I selected. "How'd you know I'd be by today?"

Peeta blushes slightly. "I was going to bring them by your house actually. But when Roald said you were here, I just wrapped them up for you."

"Oh," I say quietly. "Well thank you again." I pay my money, but Peeta looks like he's going to shoo it away. I don't wait to see if he does, so I hurry out of the shop. I get to the door and then I stop, turn around and say, "You can still come by the house, if you want."

Peeta comes by that night and I tell him about my new job and the things going on in Two and around Panem. He tells me about some of the things that's happened in Twelve and about Haymitch's return. He worries that if Haymitch doesn't have anything to do, he'll go back to drinking. I immediately come up with the idea of Haymitch working on the new facility too. There's plenty of work to be done.

Neither one of us mentions Gale. Or Delly.

It took a week to coax Haymitch out of the house and down to the building to figure out what his new job will be. He ends up supervising a new crew of workers who have arrived to start the layout of the facility. He complains a lot, but I know he loves being able to boss other people around again. And no one's going to die this time.

I stop by the bakery on my way in or home from work a couple of days a week. The bakery is right next to my office. I can look out and see the square when I feel like it. One day I see Delly crossing the street heading to the bakery. I'm immediately jealous, but then I remember what everyone has told me. That there's no way that Peeta is in love with her. She's just a friend who's been helping him out.

Still, I'm curious, so I hurry from office and scuttle over to the bakery. I try to plant myself as close to the entrance as possible, so that I can maybe hear a snippet of conversation. I know I look crazy, but hopefully no one will pay much attention to me. I pretend to be looking in the window of the next store.

Sure enough, I hear voices.

"Peeta, you know you I haven't seen you. You haven't come by the store the last few days. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Delly. Everything's fine. Just been busy."

"Oh…well. I heard the craziest thing. I heard that Katniss is back in town. Have you seen her?"

I lean closer to the door.

"Yes, I saw her. At Haymitch's. And she's been by the shop a few times also. She works right near here."

"How convenient," Delly says snidely and I'm surprised by the level of hostility in her voice. Delly has always been so sweet.

"Delly…" Peeta says, sounding exasperated. "We've been over this."

"So how's Gale doing? When will he be here?"

Peeta doesn't say anything and I'm holding myself back from going in there and throttling her.

"I don't know how he's doing," Peeta finally responds. "We haven't talked about him."

"Well you should make sure you know this time, before she runs off again and breaks your heart! So I'm left to put you back together again! And you don't even appreciate it!" I hear her give a big sniff and then a sob. I sigh. I know that emotion well.

And sure enough, Delly runs out of the shop crying. I hurriedly turn back towards the window so she doesn't see me, but I needn't have bothered. Delly has been sucked into her own world of misery and unrequited love; she won't see anything for a while. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and it's Peeta. He's standing in the doorway of his store, watching Delly run away in tears. He looks sad, but he isn't running after her.

For the first time, I feel bad for Delly. I can sympathize with her and how she's feeling. I know that I've been unfair to her, when all she was doing was trying to be a good friend to Peeta. She loved him, but he didn't love her back; at least not in the way that she probably deserves. Cressida's words make even more sense now. And once again, Peeta is the better person than me. I don't know all of the details, but it sounds like he tried to let Delly down easy; where I ran off with Gale and used him because I was angry and lonely. Peeta deserves someone much better than me.

I don't stop by the bakery that night or the next one either. In fact, I don't go by there at all. I'm feeling really ashamed of myself and how I acted. Towards Gale, Delly…Peeta. All of them deserve happiness that doesn't include me in their lives.

A week later I'm in my office poring over some papers. I'm starving, but I'm about halfway through and I don't want to stop. There's a knock at my door.

"Yeah," I call out irritably. It's probably Haymitch coming to complain again. I'll send him away quickly.

"You sound busy. I just thought you might be hungry."

My head pops up and I'm staring at Peeta. He's standing there in his apron, smiling at me. He's holding some goodies on a plate.

"Oh, I love you!" I say and then I immediately blush crimson. I can't believe I just said that!

Peeta's grin could light up the night sky. "Well that's good to know."

I'm beyond embarrassed and he laughs. "Come on, Katniss. Fair's fair. I told the entire country how I felt. You can at least tell me in your office."

I chuckle slightly, but I'm nervous as hell. Why am I so nervous? It's not like I've never seen him before. It's not like we haven't been close before either. And at that thought, I can feel myself heating up and it's not just my face. Cressida's words hit me like a high speed train. "The love is not the same. You love Gale, but you're in love with Peeta."

That's exactly it. I never felt like this with Gale. Gale didn't make the butterflies that are now twittering around in my stomach. My hands feel sweaty and my heart feels like it's pounding like the Tribute Parade drums. I've had sex with both of them, and while Gale was wonderful, it wasn't the same as it was with Peeta. It was my emotions that were different afterwards. Gale was fire, but Peeta made me float like we could anywhere. I always felt complete with Peeta. Gale…it felt like something was missing.

Peeta puts the plate down on my desk and steps back. "I'll let you get back to work."

"No!" I shout and then I cover my mouth when Peeta stares at me after my loud outburst. "I mean, stay. Stay with me and have lunch."

He stays.

It turns into a routine. He would come by the office bringing goodies and I started going back to the bakery. A whole month goes by before I get up the nerve to invite him over to dinner. I actually went out hunting for a change, something that I haven't had much time to do since I started working. If felt good to be out in the woods again, but I don't carve it like I used to. I hunted out of necessity before and to keep myself from going insane. I don't feel insane anymore.

Dinner is nice. Just me and him. We manage to talk about old funny stories about The Seam and Merchant kids and the stories about the slag heap. It's comfortable and familiar. Just like before.

Peeta is looking at me over his glass. "Katniss, why'd you come back?"

My plate is suddenly very interesting. "I'd done enough in Two. It was time to do something different."

"What happened with Gale?" he asked quietly, not looking at me.

I feel myself getting defensive. Why does he want to know that? I don't want to talk about him, but then Cressida's words come to me. "Prove you can be trusted again."

"We weren't right for each other anymore. Actually, we never were. I was just too stupid to see that."

Peeta frowns and says, "So he broke up with you? He ended it?" He sounds disappointed.

I look at him. "No, I did. I only left with him because…well…because I was mad. At you. I did want to do different things but I let what happened between us get to me and I let Gale in. I shouldn't have done that. I hurt him, but he had changed. He's not the same Gale. His life is Two now. We weren't getting along very well."

Peeta nods with what looks like understanding. "I did the same thing with Delly. I…I took advantage of her kindness and her sweetness. I let her believe something that wasn't really true. I cared about her, but more like a sister than anything. We'd been friends for so long. I let her get close and then I regretted it immediately after. I tried to tell her the truth, that I didn't love her like that, but she didn't want to believe that I would use her like I did. I've hurt her badly and I don't know how to fix it."

I reach out and touch his hand. "We've both done some awful things to people, Peeta. We both deserve to be miserable."

"I have been. Miserable. Without you, Katniss. I was pissed about Gale coming back and you just going along with him. And then I could feel the hijackings coming back, every time I thought about you and him. Then Delly told me about the kiss and I lost it. I was so afraid to lose you and then I ended up leaving you anyway. I wanted to leave you before you left me."

"I didn't want to leave you, Peeta. I just wish things didn't go the way they did."

Peeta nods and stares at his plate some more. I stand up to clear away the dishes and he rises to help. After everything is put away he says, "Thanks for dinner. My turn next time."

"Okay."

Peeta starts heading towards the door and I know I'm taking a risk and I call out, "Peeta, will you stay with me?"

Peeta cracks a shy smile. "Always."

HG

In the stillness of the night, there's only the soft cries of pleasure coming from my bedroom.

Peeta holds me close to him as I lay on his chest.

"I love you," I whisper, and I realize this is the first time I've said it to him like this. Nothing held back, no doubt, no fear.

"You love me? Real or not real?"

"Real," I say, the intensity in my voice so strong that Peeta turns so he can see my face. "Real."

Peeta kisses me deeply then, so much so that I lose my breath.

"I've wanted to hear you say that for so long." The passion in his voice is intense and the heat is blossoming again. I miss him. I miss his touch.

"Will you stay with me, forever?"

"Always."

Fin