Chapter 3: I Don't Know
I looked at the alarm clock next to me. 9:47 PM. There I was, once again, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Logan. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just lay there all day. Well, I guess I could've, but that just wouldn't be healthy. Rolling out of bed, I roamed the apartment. I figured something to drink would help.
Coffee? Sure. Pour in cup. Walk to couch facing window. Sit in couch and look outside.
Sip.
Look outside.
Sip.
Look outside.
Sip.
Look outside.
This continued until all the coffee was gone. Not another drop. That's when I realized there was no way I could just stay in the apartment. I had to get out. But how? What if I ran into him in the lobby? Or worse, get stuck in the elevator with him? And what floor did Benny say he lived on?
'"...big shot just moved in. 17th floor..."' Oh no. Guess who else lived on the 17th floor? I sighed, got up from the couch, and went to change into something warm. Logan, or no Logan, I was getting out of there.
After swinging on my coat and grabbing my book bag, I opened the door ever so slightly. My eyes scanned the whole hallway to the elevators, and when I saw that the coast was clear, I darted faster than the speed of my speech. The wait standing in front of the elevators was brutally long. And the ride down was just as much.
I panicked at every floor the car stopped on, thinking he could walk in, and I would be trapped in there with him all the way down to the lobby. Luckily I made it down with no more than the usual awkward silence of the other residents. The doors opened and we all shuffled out a couple at a time. I followed the lady with the little dog, watching his (or possibly her) tail wag happily from side to side.
"You and me both, buddy." A smile spread across my face. I was almost there. I just had to make it out of the lobby. But all of a sudden, the lobby seemed more like 20 miles rather than 20 feet.
Logan was sitting on those couches that nobody really uses, and he was reading a newspaper. Why would he read the newspaper down here when he could have read it just as easily in the comfort of his own apartment? But that's when I saw it.
My scarf. On the table in front of him. I stopped in front of Benny's desk.
Still looking at Logan, I asked Benny, "Hey Benny? How long has that man been sitting there?"
Benny looked at me, then Logan, and back at me. "The new resident?"
"Yeah, him." My gaze upon him didn't break.
"Well, he's been here all day. Since early this morning." Benny used his pen, and motioned toward the clock behind him. "I think he was looking for someone. He was standing earlier, but I think he gave up about an hour ago."
And that's when Logan saw me. Over his paper at first, but after a few seconds, he put it down next to him.
"Ms. Gilmore? Is everything ok?" Benny asked since I was unresponsive.
"What?" I turned to face the man behind the desk. "Oh, yes. Thank you very much Benny." I flashed a quick smile before redirecting my eyes back to the man I had the most interest in at the moment.
Logan was still looking at me, but he had stood up and grabbed the scarf from the table. Clutching it in both hands, he walked slowly in my direction, dodging the chairs that stood in his way. Feeling awkward just standing where I was, I began to advance toward him as well.
We met somewhere in the middle, but I hadn't really paid much attention to my footing. My right shoe got snagged on the decor rug, and I ended up tripping in a less than graceful manner. And no, he did not do the picture perfect thing of catching me before I fell. I mean, sheesh. It was just a rug.
I caught myself, and by the time I had straightened up, Logan was right in front of me. Well, actually, he was holding me. At the elbows. Making sure I had gained my balance. He looked straight at me.
"Are you ok?" His voice was deep. And soothing. Like the ocean. Just the sound of it made me go into limbo. But I couldn't let him know that.
"Yes. I'm fine." I said coldly before breaking eye contact. I pulled my arms away from his hands, but as soon I did, I regretted it. I stared down at my feet, and cursed at them for not watching where they were going.
"Well, um..." He rocked on his heels, and pushed his hands into his pants pockets.
"So..." I avoided having to look at his face. My eyes fell on a piece of my scarf sticking out of his coat pocket.
His gaze followed mine, "Oh, right. Here." He took it out of his pocket, and after shifting it in his hands, he held it in front of me. The same way I had with the little blue box. Not gonna lie. It stung a little. But again, I wasn't about to let him know.
"Thanks." I reached for the scarf knowing that as soon as I had it, Logan would most likely leave. Earlier I had not wanted to see him at all. But now that he was here, a part of me didn't want him to go. Once I had it, I twisted it on my fingers. I looked down at my hands.
He mumbled, "No problem," and while I was still looking down, he started to walk away.
"Wait!" He stopped, and I had his attention. "Oh, uh, that came out more excited than I had intended." Great. What was I supposed to say now? "Um... do you want to mayb-"
"Are we really going to do this?" He cut me off, and returned the coldness I had given to him just a few moments ago. Now this stung the most. His voice was no longer gentle. Instead, it was sharp. Like a dagger to the heart.
I tried to salvage what was left of decent conversation. "I just-"
He cut me off a second time. "Forget I asked. I just waited here all day to give you your scarf and-"
"Logan." This time it was me who cut him off. "Can't we just-"
"Talk?" Ok, his whole cutting off thing was getting annoying. I crossed my arms to show my displeasure.
"Yes. Talk." I leaned closer to show I was not going to back down.
"Well, if you're asking, the answer is 'no.'" When he saw my face, he said, "I mean, what were you expecting?" Logan wasn't really yelling, but at this I stepped back because he somehow managed to sound extremely hostile without raising his voice.
"I don't know." How could he do this? I was rarely ever at a loss for words. Even when we got into fights before, he was never able render me completely defenseless. Maybe it was because I had jumped to conclusions about him wanting to return my scarf. I thought that he would be... well, not exactly happy, but not ballistic either.
"Then why am I still here? What are we doing? Why are we even talking?" Like all our fights before, he became expressive, and his arms entered the argument.
"I don't know," I watched him pace, and my eyes followed his feet. Side to side.
He stopped right in front of me. When I wouldn't look at him, he grabbed my shoulders and half yelled, "For God's sake Rory! Just tell me what you want!"
"I don't know!" I broke from his grasp, and walked backward. "I don't know... I don't know..." My hands immediately came up to my head as if I had a headache. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought that I wanted to talk. But if this was talking...
"Is everything ok here?" It was Benny. Being the good serviceman that he was.
But before either of us could answer, I was already running away. Away from the elevator, away from the lobby, and away from Logan.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Gilmore girls. Especially our two wonderful main characters.
A/N: Thanks for the reading! Ok, I know that this wasn't the reunion that many of you had hoped for, but trust me, it gets better. I'm just building a solid foundation so that it doesn't seem like I'm jumping straight into things. Oh, and if you noticed, I switched from third person to first person views. I wanted to see which was easier. Thanks! And don't forget to review! xxxJewel
