(Faron Woods/Ordon)
"Umm, Link…" said Midna. "Where are you going?"
Link didn't slacken his pace and kept walking.
"Link. This isn't the way to Eldin Province. This is the way back to Ordon."
"I know," replied Link.
He was just too thick to take a hint, wasn't he? "Link," began Midna, who was straining to remain patient. "We need to go to Eldin Province… remember?"
"I know," replied Link, neither stopping nor changing direction.
Midna's whole face began twitching. "Then why are we going back to Ordon?"
"Well," reasoned Link, "We might need money. I know I left some in my house."
Midna paused. "Oh. That makes sense, I guess. Why didn't you just so in the first place, then?" Link began humming to himself. Midna slapped herself in the head. "…Never mind." She went back to hiding in Link's shadow.
"That's your house…" said Midna, completely nonplussed.
"Yep!" Link answered.
"…You live in a damn tree."
"Yep!"
"…Right. Can we get this over with already?"
Link went inside, and Midna floated behind him. "Hmm…" said Link, frowning and tapping his finger on his chin. "I don't remember where I put it."
Midna was not amused. But before she could yell at him, Link slapped himself in the head and exclaimed, "Now I remember!"
Link started toward a ladder, and once again Midna followed him. The two of them descended into darkness; it was obviously a cellar of some sort. There was an "Oof!" followed by a thumping noise. "Tripped on the ladder," came Link's voice. Midna rolled her eyes, though it was too dark to be noticed.
Midna could hear Link moving; it sounded like he was picking himself up off the floor. "Okay," came Link's voice, "now… where is it?"
"…Link. You have a lantern."
"Oh yeah…"
Midna slapped herself in the head yet again as Link fumbled around for a moment. "Here we go," he said as the lantern suddenly threw his face into relief.
"That's better," said Midna, "though it's still really dark down here."
"Oh, wait a minute!" cried Link, laughing. "I've got some candles around here somewhere…" He scrambled around on his knees, and in a surprisingly short time produced twenty candles, lighting them one by one with the flame from the lantern. The room was gradually revealed with every additional candle. By the time they were all alight, the entire room was visible.
With the newfound light, Midna's gaze was drawn to one of the walls. On an impulse, she drew closer. Shelves were hanging on this particular wall, and sitting on these shelves was the strangest array of items.
A book. A paperweight. A shoe. Dried, withered brambles from a plant that Midna remembered seeing in the forest. Thirty-seven hair ribbons. A hairbrush, complete with blonde hairs clinging to the bristles. A—Midna had to blink several times to confirm that what she was looking at was actually there—a disgustingly moldy piece of something; perhaps at one point in time it used to be cheese.
Resting on the center shelf, surrounded by the motley bizarre artifacts, was a wrinkly piece of paper. Something had been drawn on the paper with ink—a person, a girl, who looked impossibly, insanely, ludicrously happy. And then it clicked; this was the girl Link had called Ilia. Considering it was a rather loose likeness, and considering the ridiculous smile, Midna was willing to bet that Link had done this bit of artwork all on his own.
"Um… Link…" Midna began.
"AHA!" came Link's voice from the other side of the room. Triumph in his eyes, he held aloft a purple rupee in his hand, which he had removed from a small chest. "FOUND IT!" He trotted over to Midna.
Midna pointed at the contents of the shelves. "…Do I even wanna ask?"
"They're mementos to remind me of Ilia!"
"Is that cheese?"
"Yes. There was a village picnic, and Ilia really liked that cheese. So she took another piece, but she was too full to finish it."
"And how long ago did this happen?"
"Two years ago."
Midna stared at Link for a long, long, time. "There is something wrong with your head."
Link didn't appear to register Midna's comment, instead, he made an expression that suggested that he was suddenly transported to a higher plane of existence. "Ilia is the smartest, sweetest, most beautiful girl on the face of the earth. Who wouldn't want a memento to remember her by?" His face suddenly turned to panic. "ILIA! We have to save her!"
Link immediately extinguished the candles, ran headfirst into the ladder, said, "Ow," and then scrambled up it with speed that a monkey would be envious of.
"MIDNA!" came the hero's voice from above. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? NOW ISN'T THE TIME TO DAWDLE!"
Well, Midna reflected, at least I know how to motivate the idiot.
She sure as hell would never want to be in Ilia's shoes, though.
