Day One – Part Two

Once Luc cooled his ardour and was freshly dressed he went in search of Eddi, determined to get things back on track. He couldn't let his feelings get in the way of her recovery. Now was not the time to act on his selfish impulses, no matter how much he wished otherwise.

Every time he thought of her his heart would skip a beat. Those months away were torture, but even as the pain grew he couldn't find it in himself to come back. Not until the call from Sacha. That call changed everything and there was no way he could deny the ache any longer. He had to return, just to see her face one last time, but the shock of seeing her groping another guy and in his lab of all places, was enough to make him flee again.

Something stopped him.

All boxed up and ready to go, it must have been fate when Sacha halted him in his exit. Though if he was truthful to himself, deep down he knew jealousy played an important part in his decision to remain. Yes, Sacha was the cuddly big brother bear he never had and he could persuade a caveman to stay and embrace in a warm hug, but the moment he saw Max flirting with Eddi and her return laughter, the green eyed monster reared its ugly head and he knew then and there that he must at least try. After all, they were always a good team if nothing else. They bounced off each other.

So taking one last, deep breath, he pushes open the caravan's door and steps out into the fresh air. I'll never tire of the outdoors. It's freedom.

After opening his eyes he spots her immediately sitting under a tree in the distance, her knees wrapped tightly against her chest.

At first he thought she had been crying due to her closed posture, but as he draws closer her face looks relaxed, not distressed and a small smile lights up her features. With her eyes closed she embraces the wind as it whips her face and brings a rosy hue to her cheeks creating an almost earthy glow about her appearance.

Luc stops in his tracks a few feet away. He has never seen anything more beautiful. How could I have left this woman? I must have been mad!

"Eddi," he softly whispers unsure if his presence is appreciated.

"It's okay," she replies, eyes remaining closed. "Please. Sit," she absentmindedly pats the spot beside her.

Tentatively he closes the remaining gap and lowers himself to the ground beside her, back resting against the tree.

While fiddling with his fingers contemplating what to say next, Eddi takes it out of his hands by speaking first.

"I can't remember the last time I got to enjoy the fresh air, nature. I mean truly appreciate it. To just stop and take in the beauty around me." All of a sudden her eyes snap open and she turns to face Luc, brown orbs clash. "I envy you sometimes. Don't get me wrong, there are many crap things about you that out way the good, but out of it all there is one that I envy and that's your disregard about your responsibilities and the freedom to escape, go anywhere at any time." She gazes back across the fields. "Of course there are repercussions to your actions and you come back like nothing has happened," her eyes flicker to his, "and that, by the way, is one of your many crap qualities," before looking away again. "I know you don't run because you simply can without any ties, you run to try to escape what plagues you, but it doesn't work. It never works." Once again her eyes latch onto his, this time the understanding shining right through. "Does it Luc? It's always there lurking in the corner, haunting you wherever you go and it'll never stop until you face it, head on if necessarily." After a brief pause she asks, "Why do you run Luc?"

He frowns at her question, fingers entwine and he starts to rub his thumbs together. Eventually he turns his head away to focus on the ground between his legs. A weighty question is now bearing down on his shoulders. How am I to reply?

"The same reason you drink. The same reason you took them pills. To try and forget, move on. To feel a sense of euphoria for a while and to embrace it, but it never lasts. The past always catches up one way or another."

Why am I telling her this? I've never told anyone anything since that day. Then again, I've never felt so close to another person as I do Eddi, not since… Well, if I can't tell her, who can I? I want that trust…

After taking several deep breaths he begins. "Her name was Elise Lorreay, she was a member of the armed forces, while I was in the army medical corps, but more importantly she…she was my fiancée. Our relationship was kept a secret as they frown on things like that in the army. Messes with your judgement and all that bollocks, they said." His eyes begin to tear up as he warms to the story, recollecting things from the past he'd rather forget. "S-she wasn't supposed to be with them, she should have been back at camp, safe, where I could see her, but they were a man down. She had to go." Luc's frown deepens and the grip on his hands gets tighter as images from long ago flash throughout his mind. "I remember hearing the call over the radio, but in my inebriated state I didn't pay attention."

His eyes lift to stare unwavering at Eddi, all the pain, the guilt shining brightly there's no mistaking his burden. Tears break the barrier and flow freely down his cheek.

"I was drunk Eddi! When she needed me the most I couldn't help her. Shot in the stomach, blood everywhere," he looks away across the fields. "So much blood. Too much. Y-you see, the thing is, s-she h-had this rare blood normality…"

His obsession with blood now becomes clear runs through Eddi's head as she finally understands.

"…it wouldn't clot properly, just like that boy who had Glanzmann's thrombasthenia, but I didn't know that, n-not till she was brought to me that day, unconscious and barely breathing. I so badly wanted to help, everything inside me was screaming to save her, but I couldn't operate, they wouldn't let me anywhere near her. She bled to death on the table as I watched helplessly from the side-lines. I couldn't function properly after that, not as a medic nor as a man. I was eventually discharged from the army where I immediately received some counselling. It didn't help, not really.

"Ever since, that day has been eating away at my insides bit by bit to eventually it becoming a part of who I am and I learnt to live with it. That's where I went wrong, I know that now. It became such a familiar feeling I forgot how to be me. The real me. The man I was before Elise's death. I've been so alone living with the guilt of my lack of control. How could I have been so stupid…?"

A gentle touch to his arm breaks the spell and he looks up to see affection and sorrow shining in her eyes. Not sympathy or pity, never those and he is pleased. He never wants to see that look again.

"You're not alone anymore Luc. I'm here for you as you're here for me. Together we'll find a way through this storm and you weren't stupid, only human. You were at the right place; it was just the wrong time. Even if you were completely sober, you still may have never been able to save her…"

"But I could have had the opportunity to try at least, can't you see! I could have saved her!"

"Luc, if there is one thing I have learnt from all that's happened to me, from my Comoxidan overdose, is that you can't let the past get to you. You'll only end up destroying yourself in the end. I want to…no. I need to stop living in the past and I think you need to do the same. Together we'll be able to do this. Together."

With a brief encouraging smile she rests her head against his shoulder and let the moment wash over her. The feel of his warm body next to hers, the touch of his fingers as he begins to caress her head, it is home. With Luc by her side she knows she'll be able to get through anything.

It won't be an easy ride, it never was when it came to these two, but they wouldn't want it any other way. They have each other and that is all that matters at this stage. The rest they'll be able to figure out as they go.

….

"Is it that time already?" asks Eddi as she huffs onto the sofa, Luc sitting beside with one Comoxidan tablet in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Yes, the last one of the day. You're doing well so far."

"I don't call throwing up the contents of your stomach as 'doing well'."

"That's to be expected, along with the mini mental breakdowns."

"You calling me mental now!" she glares at him.

"Now you're just taking everything I say out of context. What happened to us helping each other?"

"Well these pills certainly aren't helping me," she folds her arms.

"And whose fault is that?!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," she snaps before taking a steadying breath and carrying on in a calmer voice, "I'm sorry."

"I never said it was going to be easy. This is only day one and you're already improving." She scoffs. "Okay, maybe not a great deal, but these things take time, you can't expect to go back to normal overnight. Now take these and then I think you should get some sleep, it's been an emotional day all round."

With that he pushes the items in his hands towards her.

After a hesitant pause she muffles something inaudible and downs the pill.

"Now, that wasn't so hard was it?" he says as the beginnings of a smirk crawls onto his face accompanied by a slight mischievous glint in his eye.

"Oh stop looking so smug Luc, doesn't suit you," but the little lift of her lips says otherwise. He actually looks rather adorable…stop it Eddi, now is not the time, you said so yourself. You just want his help, nothing more…liar.

"Right, now off to bed with you," and he stands to move out of the way.

"Yes dad. But this time I'll sleep on the sofa…"

"Eddi…"

"No arguing. I'm shorter than you, plus I'm quite happy to spend the night on the sofa."

"Eddi…"

She places a finger on his lips without thinking, "I said no."

Then just as swiftly the atmosphere changes and the sexual tension is back, causing each heart to beat a bit faster. Eddi gazes between Luc's eyes then to her finger of his delectable lips and back again. She yanks her hand away and takes a step back, avoiding all eye contact by focusing on her feet.

"Erm, yes, well," Luc stutters under the uncomfortable feeling the moment causes. "You can have the sofa tonight then, but you're back in the bed tomorrow night."

"Good," she mutters without looking up.

"Good." Silence. "Right, I better…"

"Yes, and I need to…"

"Yep."

Without another word they go their separate ways, Luc to outside to cool his rapidly heating body, Eddi to the bathroom to change.

Left to their solitude they both are thinking the same thing.

How am I ever going to get through this week without giving into the temptation?

…..

A couple of hours later and Eddi is sound asleep wrapped up on the sofa, the events of the day finally taking its toll on her weak body. However, Luc does not have the luxury to rest his mind. Once again, it is unsettled, but this time it isn't due to the past but the future and more importantly, the woman lying peacefully by his side.

As he soothingly strokes her forehead he can't help but wonder where he is to go from here, what happens when they go back to reality, back to Holby. Will things go back to the way they were, flirtatiously arguing with one another, but never really becoming an item? Or will they return as a couple, ready to face whatever life throws at them, together?

Whatever happens will happen and I'll deal with it then. But I will try by best not to lose her; she's too precious for that. Let us get through this week first without killing each other and then we'll take it from there.

With one last lingering look and a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose, he reluctantly rises from her side, switches off the light and makes his way over to bed, finally giving into the ache of his body and with one thing lingering on his mind; he slowly drifts off to sleep.

One day down, five to go.