Gothic Saku-chan gets like most of the credit for this chapter everybody! Ahem, you could all get this recognition if you REVIEW and tell me what you want me to write, and if I like what you said then I will write a chapter. But that is not what this thank you is about. Gothic Saku-chan gave me the BEST idea for a chapter! OH yeah, and because I forgot in the past few chapters, I own nothing that you have read that is from Twilight, or any of the mentioned songs or anything like that… REVIEW please.

Okay, so I guess this part is just plain stupid of me. I went to a party at Tyler's house. I know, what the hell, right? Well, I guess the main reason is that he has the best. The best beer, it's like, never-ending, and he has the most superb crank. I know that is a stupid reason to go to a party with a guy who tried to rape you, but if you have the curse of addiction, you understand.

I went with a few friends, but I never ever leave a party with the same people who I came with. Somewhere between the songs "Best I Ever Had" and "Low" I had like four beers, and then I left the party. I went inside Tyler's house, where I knew the drugs would be. Let's just say I got fucking high. Then I went back outside to the party, and drank some more. I could barely walk, but I knew I needed to get home. Who should I call? Nobody who I came with is sober enough to drive, and I can't risk getting pulled over when I am this stoned. Jake?

No, I can't call Jake. He doesn't like when I do this, when I party to try to break through the layer of non-feeling that coats my body like a straight jacket. He also doesn't like when I try to feel with my knife. I decided to just ask Mike to drive me home; he doesn't drink. He gets high, but I didn't see him inside so maybe he just did a little. Maybe. I found him talking to Jessica. "Mike, will you give me a ride home? Please? I really need your help." If I make it seem like I need him, he will do anything for me. I know that he likes me; I just really can't deal with him, like, all the time.

"Uh, su-sure Bella," he stuttered.

Jessica's eyes flashed angrily to mine, "but Mike, you said you would drive me home."

"Maybe you should back off, bitch," I said. Alcohol makes me brave.

"There is room for three in my car," he intervened, before things could become physical. Good timing too, she looked ready to come over and bitch slap me. I would totally slap her back though. Anyway, we all got into his car, and headed home, which happened, surprisingly, without incident.

I stumbled in, and Charlie had once again fallen asleep in front of the TV. I moved his beer to the table, and turned off the TV, like I have done so many times before. I swear the roles of parent and child are reversed in this house. I also brought his alarm down from beside his bed and set it on the coffee table, resetting it to his normal time. I looked at it, and was surprised when it said E-am. Wait, that's a three. It is 3am. I would have sworn it was only midnight, damn maybe I did drink a lot. Probably too much, but hey, what can you do?

I went upstairs, and I could feel myself become too hyper to go to sleep. I went to shower, and ended up staying in the hot water for an hour, when it began to run lukewarm. I got out and went back to my room.

Now I am crashing. I put on my short night dress and a pair of panties (lacy in case I need Jake to come hold my hair back later, what can I say, I'm a slut.) When I crash, I have to remember, and when I remember, there is only one consolation, my razor. As I pull it across my wrist, and feel it tear the skin apart, a small drop of blood pools at the base of my arm. I feel in control, I feel powerful, but most importantly, I feel.

Now there is a large pool of blood. I put a bandage around it, and get into bed with a note next to me telling Charlie not to wake me up, but to please have Jake come over. Oh, did I forget to mention, it is Thanksgiving break; no school, but Charlie has to work.

When I woke up, it was noon, and there was a figure next to my bed, holding my wrist. Shit, Jacob must have seen my bandage.

"Bells, you promised me you would stop doing this."

"I know Jake, I'm sorry, it's just-" I was cut off by the feeling of acid rising in my throat. I got up and ran to the bathroom, with Jacob on my heels. As I knelt by the toilet, he came over and sat on the edge of the bath tub. He pulled my hair back, and rubbed soothing circles on my back, as I removed the alcohol from my system. When I was finished, my savior passed me a glass of water, and a toothbrush.

"Here, use these," he advised. He is used to having to take care of me. He refused to give me any pills though, saying, "You have enough shit in your system to last a lifetime. You sweat it out while you were sleeping, but you still have that look in your eye. Let me see your wrist."

"No, you don't want to see it."

"Please," he begged. "I need to make sure it isn't infected. Please." I held out my arm and he sucked in a breath, horrified. Oops, I didn't mean to cut that deep. "Why?"

"Because I was remembering. I don't want to remember that."

"Bella Swan, what the hell is it that you are so scared of remembering that you slice your arm open?"

"Please Jake, no. It's so complicated. I will tell you eventually, but I can't right now."

"No. You need to fucking tell me. I can't help you unless I know. And you don't think you need help," he said as I opened my mouth to speak, "but you do. Until now I haven't told Charlie, but now I definitely need to."

"No, please. I swear to God I won't do it again, I won't," I puked again, interrupting my thoughts, "I swear to god I won't cut myself again."

"Okay, that is fine for now. But honestly, if I notice you doing it one more time, I'm telling Charlie. And we both know he will not be happy."

"Thank you Jake. And thanks for holding my hair back all these times, and saving me. I don't know where I would be without you."

OKAY SO GOTHIC SAKU-CHAN, I KNOW I DIDN'T EXACTLY FOLLOW YOUR IDEA, BUT MAYBE THIS IS OKAY… TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT, IF NOT I WILL DEFINITELY REWRITE IT FOR YOU! SORRY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! AND ANYBODY WITH ANY IDEAS LET ME KNOW, IN A REVIEW. EVEN THOUGH I EXPECT YOU TO ALL REVIEW! AND LIKE, IF YOU WANT SOME LIKE HAPPINESS FOR BELLA, OR DO YOU WANT HER TO MEET EDWARD, OR WHAT??? THANKS