Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own the Harry Potter Universe or any of the Characters, just manipulating them for our enjoyment.

Chapter 3 – The Act of Pretending

(Sunday September 1, 1996)

Over the past five days, Hermione, Ron and Harry had spent at least three hours a day practicing dueling. She had to admit they weren't as rusty as she had feared. Well, that wasn't exactly true. The first day had been rough; Ron had actually screamed he gave up and left after only an hour. Hermione had hit him with far too many hexes that day for him to handle. But by the third day they were all at the skill level they had been before the break and fell back into a routine.

The daily practice regimen had given Hermione another distraction from her personal problem. She hadn't forgotten of course; truly forgetting was not possible no matter how much she wished for ignorance. At least once back at Hogwarts she would have access to the vast amount of answers the library provided. The prospect of answers both excited and terrified her; she wasn't sure if she could handle more of the truth, but she had to.

Hermione found herself boarding the Hogwarts Express with her friends in the outfit Ginny had picked out for her. It was much too frilly for her taste, but it was all for the sake of a distraction. She had a brown flowing skirt that fell just above her knees, and a turquoise fitted blouse that perfectly accentuated her new found curves, finished off with simple brown sandals. Just as Ginny had predicted, she found most of the males around her staring or at least taking a second glance her way. She couldn't help but blush at the new attention.

"I told you, Mione. Look at them stare," Ginny pointed out while giggling. Hermione blushed deeper; she just wanted to blend in again.

"They better only stare," Ron mumbled angrily.

"Come on, let's just go get our compartment," Harry said leading themselves down the hallway. A short way down he found an empty compartment and he and Ginny made themselves comfortable.

"We will meet you guys after the perfect meeting," Hermione said before she and Ron continued down the hallway to the compartment at the end of the train.

Much to their dismay, the only two other perfects there were Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson. Draco had his back turned to Pansy while she clung to his arm and whispered softly into his ear. It was obvious that Draco didn't care to have her that close to him and when he noticed they had company, he was quick to push her off his arm and stood from his seat. "Well, if it isn't the weasel and his mudblood girlfriend," he sneered with his signature smirk.

Anger quickly reddened Ron's face. "Don't call her that!" he spat back. Hermione just shrugged next to him and didn't even raise her eyes from the ground.

"I'm only stating a fact. We can't let her forget how filthy she is," he drawled on watching for her reaction. Hermione didn't move. Her eyes trained on her feet, amazed at how that word didn't seem to affect her now that there was no truth behind it.

"Yeah, mudbloods like her shouldn't even be allowed to come to Hogwarts," Pansy was quick to agree, latching back on to Draco's arm.

"Well, Hermione is ten times the witch you could ever be," Ron defended her again, reaching down in an attempt to grab her hand. Pansy face filled with fury and she glanced over at Draco with pleading eyes to see if he would defend her.

Hermione kept her hand to herself but looked up at Ron. "Just drop it Ron. They only want to get a reaction out of us." She said softly, no anger evident in her voice.

"Did your brain finally get clogged by the mud to the point that you can't even come up with a comeback anymore?" Draco sneered, not letting his shock from her dismissal show past his mask. In the past five years she had never let a single remark go unpunished; hell, she had even punched him once.

Hermione looked over and met his silver orbs shining with curiosity. Her body was numb, and she simply couldn't care less for what he had to say. She had no intention to dignify him with a response.

Draco was surprised even further when he noticed how dull and empty her brown eyes were. Where was the fire that had always been there?

He was about to open his mouth again, but Professor McGonagall walked in leading the rest of the Prefects with her. They all found seats around the cramped compartment while Professor McGonagall stood waiting to address them. "Thank you all for being on time. This year should be no different than before, and I expect each of you to carry your own weight. Sixth and Seventh years, make sure you help the new Perfects adjust to their responsibilities. Seventh years, as usual, will be in charge of helping the first years find their common rooms after the feast tonight. The rest of you will have patrolling duty tonight. The rest of the patrolling schedules will be split up," without pausing she waved her wand in a simple pattern, and single piece of parchment landed on each lap in the compartment. "These are your schedules. If you have any questions or concerns about them, you are to talk to the Head Boy or Head Girl and they will assist you with any changes that need to be made. Now enjoy the rest of the ride to Hogwarts and let's have another great year." She smiled at her students fondly before stepping back out to the hallway.

"Well, that was short," Ron started while standing. "Let's go back to Harry and Ginny." He held out his hand to help Hermione up.

She stared at his hand, then up at his face. Concern still invaded his eyes, but she couldn't force herself to smile or take his hand to reassure him. Silently, she stood on her own and made her escape from the over-stuffed compartment. Had Ron always been that eager to hold her hand at every chance? Sure everyone had assumed that they would end up together, but she never felt more than a sisterly love towards him.

"That evil git. He doesn't have the right to speak to you like that, you know?" Ron said once they were back with Harry and Ginny. He was sitting by Hermione, who was still numb and staring silently out the window.

"What are you talking about?" Ginny asked.

"Malfoy," Ron said disgusted. "The first thing he says is to insult her."

"Did you really expect him not to insult me?" Hermione said softly, watching the landscape fly past the window.

"I guess not, but it still doesn't give him the right to," He replied still angry.

"Mione, don't let him get to you like this," Harry spoke. "He just says it to feel better about himself because he knows you are better than him."

"I'm not letting it get to me. It doesn't matter what he says." She wished they would just shut up about it already. It was confusing enough without them trying to make her feel better. For the past five years, every time Draco had said that word, it had cut through her like a knife, reminding her that she didn't truly belong in this world either. It made her feel like an outcast again, she didn't fit in in the muggle world and she didn't fit in in the wizarding world. Now when he said it, she hadn't felt anything aside from the tug in the back of her mind to correct him.

Harry, Ginny and Ron kept the conversation going without her, making plans for Hogsmead weekends and Quidditch matches. She had tuned them out to get lost in her thoughts as the train finished its route to Hogwarts. The view from the window reminded her of the summer, and her life in general; it had just flown by as she watched. She couldn't grasp a clear image; it was all a blur of memories with mixed emotions. Nothing seemed real anymore; her whole existence had been tainted and ruined by one lie.


The Great Hall was overcrowded with the students and the giddy chatter swallowed the air. Draco still hadn't shaken the one-sided argument on the train from his mind. It was just so unlike Hermione to let anything go. He had never seen her look so unperturbed by his insults.

"I was thinking we could go find a quiet classroom after the feast. I want to show you how much I have missed you, Draco," Pansy leaned over and whispered his ear seductively.

"We have patrols tonight, Pans," he replied clearly not interested.

"That gives us the perfect excuse to be out after hours," she continued, letting her hand find his thigh under the table.

Draco quickly brushed her hand away. "Apparently I have to blunt with you," he started, turning his steely gaze towards her. "I'm not interested in shagging you tonight," he finished dryly.

"But Draco," she pouted at him. "I didn't see you all summer. I just want to –"

"I said I'm not interested, Pansy," he cut her off. "Obviously ignoring you all summer wasn't enough of a hint for you."

She recoiled. "What do you mean, a hint?" she asked tentatively.

"Merlin, you are stupid," he sneered back at her. "The hint that this, us, was a mistake."

"I am not stupid!" she shrieked loudly. "And we are not a mistake."

"Don't make a scene, Pansy," he replied calmly, other students had already started to watch them. "I'm just not interested in being with you anymore."

"You want to break up with me?" She stood shaking with anger. "Fine! But you'll come back to me. You'll realize that this is your mistake! You always do," She yelled the last part with venom lacing her words. Then turned on her heel and exited the Great Hall.

"That went well," Blaise scoffed from the other side of Draco.

"Yeah," Draco replied with a smirk. "At least she'll be off your back now."

"I have a feeling that I won't be so lucky."

Draco shrugged. "Did the best I could."

"You should have shagged her first," Theo said from across the table. "That's all you want from her anyways."

"That would have just fueled her case. I can always find another witch," he said smugly.

"You know, mudblood Granger filled out nicely over the summer," Theo commented amused.

"You know you are disgusting, right?" Draco replied appalled while Blaise chuckled.

"I'm not saying I want to be with her. Just saying she might be worth a shag now," he continued contemplatively. "Then ditch her. Make her feel as worthless as she is."

"The mudblood wouldn't be worth the time," Draco finished. "Maybe a Ravenclaw, they are bound to know a few things in bed." He had decided to turn this conversation to help him with his mission.

"Patil might be worth a try. She does tend to talk too much though, and we both know how you feel about that," Blaise commented. Padma Patil wouldn't fit. She had a twin sister, and as far as Draco knew the girl he was looking for was not a twin. Plus Patil didn't have brown hair.

"She's not appealing at all," Draco sneered, glancing around the Ravenclaw table. His eyes landed on a girl sitting a few seats down from Padma with short brown hair. "What about Turpin? She's always quiet, might be fun to make her scream."

"Lisa Turpin? She's plain and boring, plus her brother is way too over protective. You wouldn't get the chance to try anything," Blaise concluded shaking his head.

"I wasn't aware she had a brother. He must not look like her," Draco drawled on probing for more information.

"Actually, if you saw them together, you would think they are twins," Theo added. "Not sure if he looks more like a girl or if she looks too manly." He dismissed that idea.

"Scratch that. What about Brocklehurst?"

"Even worse," Blaise scoffed. "She looks just like her mum, expect a hundred pounds lighter. It's suspected that she uses a charm to make herself look thin." Well there goes another idea.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Some horny witch will find me on their own," Draco smirked smugly. Obviously this conversation wasn't leading him to any answers. At least he had crossed a few names off the list though.

The food disappeared off the table signaling the end of the feast. They made their way out, Blaise and Theo towards the common room, and Draco to meet the other perfects for patrols. It was going to be a long night.


(Monday September 2, 1996)

The first day of classes went by in a blur; Hermione was on autopilot. She had raised her hand, answered questions in her usual manor, and even managed to take notes without putting in any effort on her part. It had barely passed for a distraction, since her mind had still managed to wander off to her predicament at every chance. She had never been more excited for classes to end for the day, and skipped out on dinner to head to library for much needed answers.

Hermione had found the section she was looking for in a dusty unused area of the library and pulled out five books about pureblood family histories and bloodlines. She was sitting at the table alone pouring of the contents of one of the books, getting discouraged by each page she read. She didn't even have a name, so she wasn't sure what family line she should be looking for. She quickly tossed the book aside and started flipping through the next. Did they even have a pureblood history book with pictures?

She discarded the next three books as well frustrated and picked up the last one she had grabbed. The title was Wizarding Bloodlines, Now and Then and as she opened the book she was relieved to see that it did in fact have pictures of the families discussed. Hermione frantically flipped through page after page searching for the familiar faces of her biological parents; she had memorized them from the one photo she had. Finally on page 218, she stared at the couple.

An unfamiliar feeling crept through her body. She couldn't force herself to tear her eyes away from the couple and read the text on the page. It was anxiety, curiosity, fear, and uncertainty rolled in one. Did she even want to know her family name? What if the truth was more than she could handle?

She pushed her thoughts aside, and began to read the words. Blaizkin, that was her family name.

Hermione Blaizkin.

It didn't sound right in her head.

Why does that name sound familiar? She read on to see that neither over them went to Hogwarts. Maria Blaizkin, her mother, went to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and Gregory Blaizkin, her father, went to Durmstrang Institute. They later got married in 1976 and there was no mention of them having a child. They lived in -

"Of course I would find you here, Granger," Draco sneered from the other side of the table startling her.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" She snapped, closing the book and standing up.

"Oh, you decided to speak now that your weasel of a boyfriend isn't here to defend you," Draco looked down at the book clutched to her chest. Why does she have that book? He wondered.

Hermione moved the book behind her back, noticing his gaze. "What do you want?" she repeated coldly.

"Nothing to do with you, clearly," he started. "I would, however, like the book that you are hiding so cleverly behind your back though."

"Too bad," she replied dryly, meeting his cold eyes with her own.

"I'm not asking for permission, mudblood," he said louder as he took a step closer. Their little group must have found out about the missing witch too. She must be trying to find her as well.

"Again, too bad," her voice calm and dry.

"What does a fucking mudblood need with that book, anyways?" He was getting too close now, and Hermione had to take a step back. "Are you fantasizing about how life would be if you weren't so damned filthy?"

There was that tug again in the back of her mind, begging her to correct him.

Instead she just shrugged, turned her back to him and walked away.

Draco was left seething, wondering how the hell the golden trio figured out about his mission.

Back in her dorm room, Hermione pulled the curtains around her bed and read more of the book about her parents. She didn't want to know the truth, but she had to know where she came from; if her family was good or evil. At the bottom of the next page, she read that both Maria and Gregory Blaizkin are confirmed followers of Voldemort.

Realization hit her hard in the pit of her stomach and she dropped the book.

Greg Blaizkin was one of the death eaters sent to Azkaban earlier that year.

I shouldn't be surprised. This is what I was expecting.

Her thoughts didn't stop the world from collapsing around her. The gnawing feeling spread from her stomach through her veins and invaded her mind; taking over her thoughts.

This changes everything, even more so than just knowing that she was adopted. Now she wasn't just a pureblood, but one with a family allegiance to Voldemort.

In her panicked state, she grabbed the book and ran down the stairs brushing past Ginny and ignoring her concerned words. She sprinted out the common room and went straight back to the library. She couldn't have the book with her anymore; she didn't want to believe the words she had read. She ran back to the section she had gotten it from. It had been close to an hour since she had left and was surprised to find Draco still sitting at the table she had left him.

She stopped, heaving heavily to catch her breath.

"Did you bring me the book back, Granger?" Draco drawled when he saw her.

She was a wreck, hair splayed out in awkward angels, checks flushed from running, and tears threatening to escape her eyes. She quickly threw the book towards him as hard as she could missing him by a hair. "Take the damned book!" she screamed at him.

He stared at her, not letting his confusion show. She looked broken beyond repair.

"There's no need to be violent." He was surprised that even in her enraged state, her eyes were still dull and empty.

She was shaking, anger coursing through her veins as she continued to stare back him, daring him to push her further.

"I take it you didn't like what you read. Did you realize how pathetic life really is as a filthy little mudblood?" he accepted the challenge.

She laughed, loudly. It was unnatural and menacing, taking him off guard. "Is that the best you can come up with? Mudblood this, mudblood that?" She paused, still rocking with cruel laughter. Her mind begging, pleading her to tell him how very wrong he was. "Well I've got news for you, Malfoy. That name doesn't mean shit to me!" She turned on her heel, and walked out of the library leaving him again.

How dare he call me that! When I can't even correct him. She seethed as she stalked back to her dorm.

She wanted to tell him that she in fact was not a filthy little mudblood; that she was as much a mudblood as he.

She wasn't angry because of the name anymore; she was angry because he was wrong and she could not correct him.

She was angry at the Grangers for lying to her about everything.

She was angry at the Blaizkins for giving her away and cursing her with this false existence.

She was angry at her friends for not figuring out that something was wrong; for thinking it was Malfoy affecting her like this.

And she was angry at herself for not knowing what to do with this information; for not having a plan.

Hermione stormed through the common room, not even taking the time to see who was there, and made her way back to her dorm room. She pulled the curtains around her bed, and screamed with everything she had into her pillow.

She screamed until her voice was cracked and harsh. She screamed past the point of her body not being able to make a sound anymore. She screamed until after she had no breath left to emit. She screamed until it the only sound was in her mind, and until her anger had finally subdued.

Then the coldness took over her body and soul. The tears fell from her eyes as waterfalls. And she realized that she wasn't an outcast before. Because there had been other muggle-born wizards and witches. There had been other people who had understood her troubles, who were in the same situation as she had been.

Now she was a true outcast. Now she knew what it truly meant to be alone. She couldn't confide in Harry and Ron this time. They would turn on her when they learned her true identity. Or they would coerce her to use her new identity to help their cause. Either way, being betrayed again or being used, she wouldn't be able to call them friends anymore. There was no one to turn to this time. She was alone. Alone and broken.


A/N: It's finally starting to get there! I'm sorry but I have to break Hermione for this to work. I hope that you can forgive me. Also there is going to be much more from Hermione's side than Draco's from this point on. We'll still get a look in his head, but some things are better left to find out later. Reviews are wonderful, they keep me going. Thank you all for reading! :)