Jayne exhaled and lifted the barbell back into its cradle. The exhalation became a sigh as he sat up, reaching down for the water bottle he kept by his feet. Taking a good long pull, he let his head fall between his shoulders.
A father. That's what he was going to be. A daddy. He'd spent so long making sure he was never gonna be one, never gonna get the call from an irate woman saying he'd knocked her up and she was expecting marriage, so long sticking to whores and the like that he didn't know how to deal with it now. Not that he wasn't pleased. He was. Just … wary.
It wasn't River. She wouldn't hurt him, and if she tried she'd probably tell him first. And the doc was as good as his word, checking her blood every morning until she already complained he was making her feel like a pin cushion. This morning she'd thrown a bowl at him when he reminded her to come back tomorrow, missing his head by not more'n an inch. She probably meant to miss. Jayne grinned slightly. Probably.
No, it wasn't River. It was him. Only Pa he remembered was the one who'd gone and gotten himself killed back when Jayne was fifteen, the one he'd avenged, the reason he'd left his home in the first place. It was funny, but he'd spent years not thinking about his father, pushing away the thoughts when they happened to catch him unawares, like when Simon Cobb first contacted him. Still couldn't get his mind round that. Someone wanting to be his son. Determined to make it that way, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Just 'cause Shannon, his Ma, had said so.
Truth was, Jayne understood that. If anyone was ever always right, it was a Ma. Any Ma. 'Spect that was how little Bethie felt about Kaylee, and Ethan about Frey. Might fight and scream and swear nobody ever understood them, but deep down there was this abiding tickle of thought that they were always right. Enough to make a man irritated, that was for sure.
Jayne grunted. And it weren't just his Ma. His Pa was the same. Might be that he didn't live long enough for Jayne to realise he was just a man, like anyone else, but somehow … And he knew Mal had a special spot for his Pa, too, despite his dying when the Cap was five. Maybe that was it. A man had to die while his kids were young, before they got disillusioned.
No. Weren't gonna be like that. Jayne lay down again, and lifted the barbell back to his chest. His kid wasn't gonna be left without a Pa. No matter if they fought 'til judgement day.
He paused, wondering what the tyke was going to look like. More like River if it was a girl, he hoped. Hate to see a girl with his kinda build. He grinned. Mind, no-one'd ever mess with her if she did. No, but a girl needed to be pretty, with those big eyes that'd drag a man's soul through his chest and … He sat up suddenly, the weights in his lap. Gorramit, no! That weren't how it was gonna be either. Not gonna have any bu yang hwoon dahn chasing his daughter. No way. Bringing her flowers just so he could … no rutting way.
Suddenly a laugh forced its way out of his throat. Here he was, kid not even big enough to make River's belly round, and he was laying down the law. 'Sides, might not be a girl. Might be a boy. Now, he could look like Jayne. Big, broad, they could work out together, and he could show him how to handle himself, and the guns, and … He stopped, an image of a man – rather, a boy, lying on the ground, blood pooling beneath his young frame … No. That weren't gonna happen. Not to his son. Not to his –
"You cuddling that thing or you just feeling lonely?" Mal asked, watching from the catwalk above.
Jayne looked up, then glanced down into his lap. He still had the barbell resting on his thighs, and his hands were closed around it like he was throttling it. With a grunt he stood up and put it back in the cradle. "Just working out," he muttered.
"Figured that." Mal walked down the stairs. "But we'll be landing on Lazarus in a coupla hours, and there's a few things need doing before we take on our passengers. You can get all sweaty doing that instead."
"Sure." Jayne stretched, easing the kinks out of his shoulders. "Long as I'm doing something."
"Something other than thinking?"
Jayne glared at him, then told himself he shouldn't be surprised at the captain's astuteness. Might like to pretend sometimes he was from Hicksville, but there was more than just book-learning under that smug exterior. "Yeah, pretty much."
"It's something to do with being a father, Jayne," Mal said, leaning on a stack of crates. "Makes a man pensive."
"I was … I was just wondering what the kid's gonna look like," Jayne admitted.
"River told you if it's a boy or girl yet?"
"Nah. Don't think she knows yet. Or she ain't looked."
"Does she want to know?"
Jayne raised his eyebrows. "Not sure. Ain't something we've talked about."
"You might want to. Not sure when Simon'll be able to tell, but you need to prep him, just in case. One way or the other."
"Yeah. Guess we do." He leaned over and picked up his towel, wiping his neck with it. "So what do you need doing?"
"The two bigger guest rooms are filled with crap. All needs to be got out."
"How many people're we taking on?"
"I just want it tidy, Jayne."
"Sure." He went to walk towards the lower quarters, but realised Mal hadn't moved. "There something else?"
"You need to tell Simon about your Ma."
"What?"
"I know she's sick. Simon needs to know too."
Jayne bristled. "How'd you –"
"Freya. River told her yesterday. While we were debating the merits of heading towards Jiangyin."
"Mal, I apologised over that already –"
"I know you did. But you shoulda told me. 'Bout your Ma. I'd've made sure you got back to Ezra once in a while."
Jayne shook his head. "Nah, Mal. My Ma ain't like that. It's why River never said nothing before. If my Ma thought anyone was fussing, she'd … well, I figure she'd still try and put me over her knee."
Mal smiled at the mental image. "Really."
"She surely would. And I have written. Waved a coupla times, too. Not that I could talk to her, a'course, but I've left messages at the feed store. With Gilford."
That was something River had mentioned. That Jayne's mother had remarried, some ten years back. "Is he coming with us?"
Shrugging, Jayne took another mouthful of water to give himself time to think, to push down the resentment he still felt, however unfairly, that his mother had taken another man into her bed after his father was killed. "Don't know. Prob'ly. Can't see him letting her outta his sight right now. Not now she's …"
"You heard back from her?"
"Yeah. Got a message this a.m." His face lightened. "She's looking forward to it. Only she wants to know how come I didn't tell her she was a grandma."
"She ain't."
"Yes, she is. And no-one's to tell her different." Jayne wasn't threatening, but there was a determination in him that was plain to see. "You shoulda seen her face, Mal. She looked so … so young."
Mal nodded. "I'll pass the message around. Hank'll be the one who'll say something if anyone does, but Zoe'll keep him quiet."
"Thanks." Jayne breathed heavily. "She ain't got long, Mal. Don't need a doc to tell me that. I can see it in her face. But … to think she's got someone to carry on the name, being a Cobb and all … and Simon ain't gonna tell her otherwise."
"Si … oh, you mean your son." Mal put a lot of emphasis on the last word.
A slow grin broke out on Jayne's face. "Yeah. Guess I do." The grin became slyer. "You know, figure this means I've been a Dad longer'n any of you."
"Don't you go getting ideas," Mal warned. "You don't know all there is to know about being a father."
"Hey, I saw Ethan get born, didn't I? Was ready to catch him, too."
Mal shuddered. "Don't remind me."
"You think the doc might be able to help her?" Jayne asked, it having been on his mind somewhat.
"I don't know. It sounds like she's already seen doctors, so … don't get your hopes up."
"Nah, I ain't gonna do that. And I think you're right. No matter what I think about him, that Gilford would've made sure Ma got the best around on Ezra, and if they couldn't do nothing …" He looked down at his hands, the size of them, the calluses from his guns. "Doubt there's anything anyone could do."
"Sometimes it's just people's time."
"Yeah."
Mal pushed straighter. "So, does your Ma know about River? And the baby?"
"Nope." Jayne shook his head slowly. "Figure that's something I need to tell her in person. Quietly. With no-one else listening."
"You don't think she's gonna be pleased?"
"I think she'd as like drag us in front of a Preacher all by herself!"
"A woman after my own heart, seems to me," Mal pointed out.
"It ain't like I haven't tried," Jayne griped. "Moonbrain just keeps saying it ain't the right time yet."
"So when will it be?"
"I'm just saying it ain't my fault, Mal. And anyways, Hank and Zoe still ain't married. And Bethie was already born when –"
Mal held up his hand. "Okay. Enough." He let a small laugh escape. "You know, Frey's told me I'm not to push this. Made it perfectly clear." He could almost feel the bruise from where she'd kicked him.
"Hell, Mal, River's more likely to listen to you than me. You being her … well, like her …" He didn't finish.
"You know, I can see this being River's surrogate father coming back to bite me in the ass," Mal muttered, but said out loud, "So you're thinking that perhaps your Ma might be able to persuade River?"
"I'm thinking she'll do her damndest. People just don't have kids outta wedlock. Not on Ezra."
"I think they probably do, Jayne, but I take your point. Should be an interesting conversation."
"One that you ain't gonna be hearing," the mercenary said firmly, an entirely too accurate picture of the expression that'd be on Mal's face if he was anywhere close by suddenly filling his mind.
Mal suppressed a chuckle. "Well, 'til that happens, best you get to that clearing. Most of it's the stuff River took out of that locker to make her garden anyway, so I've a notion it's your responsibility by default."
The big man considered arguing, but decided it wasn't worth it. He'd end up doing the work anyway, so might as well just knuckle down to it. He headed towards the common area, but couldn't resist one last swipe. "So you'll tell me the best sites to look at on the Cortex, won't ya?" he said, glancing back over his shoulder.
"Sites?"
"Yeah, you know. The ones I hear you spent hours looking at. On how to be a good father." He grinned and strode away from the Cap's surprised and somewhat embarrassed look.
---
As Serenity landed on Lazarus, the sun was setting over the mountains, throwing long shadows through the orchard. The cargo bay ramp descended and Mal stepped out into the warm evening air.
"'Nara," he said, nodding formally at the woman standing waiting.
"You're late."
"Am I?" He ostentatiously looked at his bare wrist. "Not that much."
"Three hours."
"That much?"
"Yes." She wasn't quite tapping her foot, but almost.
"Jayne made us stop at the Geigerplex to pick up some stuff. River's started her cravings."
"Already?"
"Seems so."
"What for?"
"I didn't like to ask."
"You should have!" Inara was annoyed at him. "I can get Mrs Boden to package some things up if –"
"I figured you'd like to talk to her about it."
The ex-Companion took a deep breath. "Yes, of course," she said, getting herself back under control. "And how's Freya?"
"Changing Jesse."
"Yes, I thought I could detect the odour of a diaper bin."
Mal turned and sniffed hard. "Gorramit," he muttered. "I told Kaylee to boost the scrubbers –"
Inara laughed. "I was joking, Mal."
He looked back at her, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You ain't changed, Inara."
"I hope I have. For the better." She smiled, suddenly more relaxed than he'd seen her in a long while.
"That remains to be seen." He glanced down at the pile of boxes and suitcases at her feet. "You sure you're bringing enough stuff with you?"
"You said it might be two weeks," Inara pointed out. "Besides, it isn't all mine."
"The good Dr Nazir?"
"Some of it. And there's Hermione's bits and pieces, of course."
"Noni?" Mal's eyebrow raised. "She's coming?"
"She asked. The other girls are all quite happy to stay behind, but Hermione wants to come. If that's okay with you." Inara put on her slightly haughty look. "Of course, if it's a matter of food or accommodation –"
"It ain't that! Either of 'em!" Mal protested. "We got plenty of room, as you well know. And if you'd like to contribute to the larder I ain't gonna say not to. I just figured, with it being Christmas, she'd want to be with her family."
Inara looked a little sad. "In all honesty, the other girls seem to exclude her somewhat. It's probably something to do with being two sets of twins, but they don't always get along. And if I'm not there, I'm afraid she might be left to fend for herself."
Mal remembered the little girl huddled up against him as he took her out of Han's house, and felt a surge of protective righteousness run through him. "Well, if it's likely to be that way, and I've no doubt Bethie'll be pleased …"
"Sam thought it would be a good idea."
Mal's ears perked up. "So it's Sam now? Not Dr Nazir? Or even Samuel?"
Inara realised she'd made a tactical error. "It's easier to call him that. Less … formal."
One of Mal's more self-satisfied grins lifted his lips. "Really."
"Yes. Really." She drew herself up. "Well, now you've finally deigned to arrive, I'll go and tell Hermione and Dr Nazir that we're ready to go. And get Mrs Boden to put together a food parcel since that seems essential. If you'll have our luggage taken to our rooms?"
"Of course, Ms Serra." He bowed low, with just the right amount of arrogance.
She sniffed and walked quickly away back towards the house.
Mal stood up and smiled ruefully. Already she was making him wonder about this little excursion, and they hadn't even picked up Jayne's mother and brother yet. He sighed heavily, remembering an ancient Chinese curse his mother had been more than a little fond of. May you live in interesting times. He shook his head. Surely looked like it was going to be an interesting few days.
