okay.. so i lied.. a little... act 2 isnt coming out QUITE yet, but this is! This is what happens between act changes... hehehe
so may i introduce... Act 1b Sub A
The audience hears some arguing and vaguely wonders who it might be. One voice sounds distinctly like McKay, but it keeps changing timbre. The other voice shouts occasionally in Czech. Radek Zelenka perhaps? Suddenly Zelenka gets thrust onto stage. He is swearing violently in Czech.
Zelenka: Hello?
He puts his hand up to block against the lights.
Audience: Hello doctor!
Zelenka: Ah! I think I can see you now! Anyway, this is, I guess, formally known as Act 1b. Yeah yeah yeah, dumb huh? But they…
He points off stage at the writers.
Zelenka: Figure there's a heck of a lot of time to wait between Act 2 and Act 3 and you might get bored and leave.
He glances around nervously.
Zelenka: Not that we would mind of course…
Seanait and Nightpheonix: ZELENKA!
Zelenka: Right! Umm… soo… I'm telling jokes!
The audience perks up a bit… in interest or just being wary…
He thinks for a moment.
Zelenka: Uhh… which came first the chicken or the egg?
Audience member: CHICKEN!
Scientists in back: EGG!
Zelenka: Umm… it's the egg you know. Because eggs themselves came long before chickens did… so therefore the egg arrived here before the chicken!
The audience gives him a glare that reads "that-was-phony."
Zelenka: Right… if you can tell, I'm uh, not very comfortable up here… especially after Kavanaugh planted that bomb under here…
He suddenly turns very pale and yells off stage.
Zelenka: DID YOU GUYS EVER GET THAT BOMB REMOVED?
Off stage Seanait and Nightpheonix look at each other in mute horror.
Seanait, off stage: Oh shit… Uh Yeah! We did!
They scoot off.
Sheppard, off stage: Back to jokes Zelenka!
Zelenka: Ok, why did the hen cross the playground?
He looks all proud of himself.
Audience member: To play in the sandbox!
Zelenka: Close… anyone else?
Marine: To get the weapon?
Zelenka: Uhh… no.
Scientist: To discover the millionth digit of pi?
Zelenka: No.
Audience: WHY!
Zelenka: So he could reach the coop!
He chuckles slightly.
Zelenka: I can't see you guys… are you laughing?
The lights dim and he sees their deadpan faces.
Zelenka: Not funny eh? Well, I got better!
Marine in back: Uh huh! Suuuure!
Zelenka, squinting: Fine! I'll show you!
He runs off stage and grabs a wand and a top hat.
Zelenka: Abracadabra… poof!
He lifts up the hat. Nothing is there.
Zelenka: Umm… excuse me… (to back stage) What'd you guys do with my rabbit?
Stage crew: It uh, needed to be roasted.
Zelenka: Oh… right… (to audience) Sorry, my rabbit needed to be roasted…
Audience member: Hey! We want the Musical! It's better than you!
Several people agree.
Zelenka: Two last tries?
Audience grumbles their yes.
Zelenka: Okay… What are both really chatty and slightly insane?
They all think.
Beckett, off stage: Cadman and McKay?
Zelenka: Shh!
Audience member, totally obvious to Beckett's answer: CadKay!
They all rally around the name.
All: CadKay! CadKay!
McKay, off stage: WHAT!
Zelenka: Please quiet down… the fic writers are listening… along with their shipper friends…. And I can't believe I just said that!
The audience grins. Zelenka thinks they know something he doesn't.
Zelenka looks at them warily: Do you guys know something I don't?
Someone down front: Last one doc!
Zelenka: Thanks… What is both beautiful and cranky?
All in a "duh" voice: Weir.
Teyla comes out in true valley girl style with the hands up shrug and the rolling eyes.
Teyla: This is soooo laaa-aame!
All cheer loudly.
Weir prances on stage: Hello!
Zelenka: Doctor Weir… what happened to your hang over?
Teyla seems taken aback that her performance has been cut short.
Weir: Nothing… I got a bit drunk again!
She is dressed up in a pink tutu and has a princess wand in her hand.
Zelenka, grumbling: Obviously.
Since it seems Weir is suddenly deciding to sing something… Teyla and Zelenka vacate the stage. A light shines down on them.
The band, who just ran across Atlantis, settles down in their seats huffing and puffing.
They strike up the somber tune of Hands by Jewel.
Weir: If I could tell Atlantis just one thing My hands are small, I know Poverty stole your golden shoes We'll fight, not out of spite My hands are small I know At the start, only kindness matters My hands are small I know My hands are small I know She breaks off into some incoherent drunk mumbling. Everyone is sniffling because the song was so pretty. On stage, Weir right out faints from whatever. She wakes up.
It would be that we're all OK
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
You won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my friends
For light does the darkness most fear
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
But it didn't steal your laughter
and heart ache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There our grave is dug
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
In the end, only violence matters
Weir falls to her knees on the stage.
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken
We are never broken
Weir: What on EARTH just happened! And what AM I doing in this hideous outfit!
She notices everyone crying and what-not.
Weir: What are you all blubbering about this time?
Someone stands up and gives her a round of applause – the whole place follows.
Weir: AHHH! SHUT UP! I HAVE A HEADACHE!
They all stop clapping except for one idiot in the back. Some Marine hits him really hard on the shoulder. He stops short.
Weir, grumbling: Gods, people can't even respect a bloody headache or a hangover… jeez, what's wrong with the world…
She stomps off stage and there is some yelling. No one is really quite sure how to fill the stage after that performance.
All back stage vote for McKay to go out there.
McKay, off stage: NO! I don't even have a freaking script!
A LOUD belch is let rip.
Teyla, off stage: 'Cuse me…
like it! soo... whats up next is what REALLY was going on off stage.. hehe and the WHY toZelenka was put on stage!
