Chapter 3 - 10 years ago


"We…we're going out right?" There was an awkward pause as Onodera clutched at his white school shirt. "Well…I'm just wondering because you never say anything, senpai." There was another pause, longer than the first and enough to make Onodera's cheeks flush with embarrassment and his hand began to shake as he held even tighter to his shirt. "Senpai…do you like me?"

Onodera didn't dare to glance at his senpai through his hair, he was too scared of the answer. He knew it was weird. They were both guys and like Saga-senpai had pointed out before, they didn't really know each other. He tried to prepare his heart for the rejection but what he got was worse. Much worse.

"Ha."

Onodera looked up in shock. Had senpai just laughed at him? He felt his fragile world shatter around him and he jumped off the bed and bowed stuttering his apologies before running, teary eyed out of senpai's house. Over the sound of his pounding heart and the rushing in his ears he couldn't hear Saga-senpai shouting after him, his heart just as broken and confused.

Onodera reached his house, though he had no idea how he'd managed to find it, he wasn't even paying attention to where he was running. He just knew he had to get away, as far away from senpai as possible. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realized Saga-senpai was only messing around with him. What kind of person would want to go out with him? And a guy at that! Onodera furiously wiped away his tears and leaned on the wall outside his house to catch his breath before taking tentative steps towards the front door. He wondered if either of his parents would be in, and winced at the thought of it. If his mother was home she was with another man, if his father was home he would shout at and hit Onodera for no reason.

He slid his key into the lock and slowly pulled the front door open. He sighed in relief to see no one was home. Kicking off his shoes, he trudged up the stairs and threw himself face-down onto his bed. "Saga-senpai." He pulled his pillow to him and cried into it to try to muffle his tears.

He wasn't sure how long he'd led like that, but finally he sat up and stretched the cramp out of his muscles. His head hurt and his eyes were sore from all the crying, he'd finally run out of tears and instead of feeling better it made him feel empty inside. He rubbed his stomach and slowly made his way down the stairs. He searched the cupboards in the kitchen and in the top right cupboard, right at the back was his father's stash of alcohol. He pulled out the first bottle he found and saw it was a full bottle of sake. He smiled and twisted the lid to open it before touching the bottle to his lips and tipping his head back, taking a big swig as he'd seen his father do so many times.

He quickly brought his head down and began to choke as the acrid flavor overpowered his taste buds. He ran over to the sink and choked some of it back up. He placed the bottle on the side and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. He eyed the bottle, already feelings the effects of it as the alcohol got into his system. He'd never tried any kind of alcohol before, and he was curious why his father seemed so addicted to it. But as his head began to feel lighter, he realized it was getting easier to forget that night's events. He took a deep breath and lifted the bottle to his lips once more, screwing his face up at the taste but enjoying the warmth as it slid down his throat. He let out a long breath after swallowing the sake and smiled to himself, so this was why his father drank so much. The light feeling he got inside as the world suddenly seemed so colourful and pretty. He swayed on the spot as he drank more of the deliciously warm liquid.

Onodera began laughing to himself as he staggered on wobbly legs into the living room. He found a controller and switched on the TV, he stood in front of it, pointing at random things and finding them hilarious. After a few minutes of this, he got bored and searched the living room for something else to do, while taking sips of sake as he went.

After a few hours of stumbling around the living room, he sat on the sofa and ruffled his hair. Tears suddenly sprang from his eyes and he looked up at the ceiling. "Senpai." He closed his eyes and imagined senpai's warm arms around him and he led down with a smile on his face, falling into a light doze, still clutching the bottle in one hand.

He was woken with a jolt as he heard plates being smashed in the kitchen. He frowned at his pounding headache and looked down at the half empty bottle of sake still clutched in his right hand. He heard the shouts of his parents and wished for the happy oblivion of the drink again. Not caring about his headache or the consequences, he drank more of the sake and this time the dizziness came quicker than before. However, it didn't bring the peace he'd had before, this time it just made him even more sad and angry. He stood from the sofa and headed towards the sound of more smashing plates and raised voices. He drank more and then leaned on the door frame of the kitchen. "Oi."

His voice was too quiet to be heard over the shouting, he rubbed his sore head and shouted as loud as he could. "Listen to me!"

The shouting abruptly stopped and both parents turned, shocked that their son had raised his voice like that. It didn't take them long to notice the state he was in, or the almost empty bottle of sake clutched in his trembling hand. "Ritsu why are you drinking?"

His mother ran over to him and clutched his face in her hands. He hiccupped and felt more tears welling in his eyes, his mother swayed in his vision and he dropped the bottle on the floor, causing it to smash and the remaining sake to soak his school trousers. "Ristu answer me."

He shook his head and felt his bottom lip wobble before he saw with horror his father storming over. He tried to back away but his foot slipped in the sake and he ended up sprawled on the floor. His mother was pushed roughly aside and his father bent down to grab the front of Onodera's shirt that was still open from his time at Saga-senpai's house. "What is wrong with you boy? How dare you steal from me?" Suddenly all Onodera knew was a blinding pain on the side of his face and a warm trickle of blood sliding down from his lip. He looked up at his father and wiped the blood away, the alcohol in his system giving him foolish courage.

His father slapped him again and hauled him to his feet. "I told her we shouldn't have had you. I knew you would be trouble from the start." Onodera merely smiled at his father, knowing it would annoy him further, but this was what Onodera wanted. The pain from his father's abuse was enough to block out all his thoughts and painful feelings. Even if it was only fleeting, it worked better than the sake and better than anything else he could have tried.

His father growled and threw his son across the room, loosening his tie he knelt by the slumped mess on the floor and punched anywhere he could reach. It enraged him even more when the boy kept that dumb smile on his face. Neither father nor son were aware of the crying and screaming of the mother in the background, begging for him to stop and leave the boy alone.

Onodera felt each punch and even though the pain was becoming unbearable, it was nothing compared to the heartbreak and all the emotions he'd tried to keep hidden from everyone for so long.

"Look at me, boy." Onodera's bloodshot eyes turned to look at his father. "You should never have been born."

Onodera felt the last piece of his heart flutter away and all that was left in front of his father was an empty shell of what used to be a happy, young boy in love with his senpai and getting good grades in school. Finally losing it, his father pulled his tie off and wrapped it around the young boy's throat. "Teach you not to steal from me again."

Onodera felt the tie tightening around his throat, but the painful throbbing of his body was weakening him as each second went past, he knew he wouldn't be able to struggle against the suffocation. As he gasped for air, his head was filled with one thing. Saga-senpai's gentle smile as he held him and told him that he loved him. Onodera whispered senpai's name as he felt the world closing in around him and he shut his eyes so he could think of Saga-senpai instead of see the enraged face of his father.

Instead of feeling all the pain and sorrow from his rejection of his first love, Onodera felt peaceful, imaging strong, warm arms wrapping around him and the butterfly touch of lips on his. "Aishiteiru."


gaaaaa i felt so awful writing this chapter about Onodera T_T

but i hope you liked it - please review and let me know what you think ^^

*sake is rice wine, it's a japanese alcohol that is actually quite strong and is very easy to get drunk on

**Aishiteiru means i love you, but it is a very intimate form and is rarely used in japan, the most common ones are suki or daisuki
i used Aishiteiru because i felt it fit the situation more than the other two ^^