Hello, again, all of you reading this!
This is a little different. This story is called Players in War, and I kind of wanted it to have stories that weren't explaining morality or great thoughts. This is just the story of one little girl and the way a war was her life.
Russia might be a little out of character, but this is kind of through Belarus's eyes, so it is a warped view.
Note: Natasha is the diminutive of Natalia, I have her refered to Natasha and Tasha.
I hope you like it!
The Death of Memories
Time seemed unreal to Natalia as she lay on the battlefield. Every event she remembered were the same distance away. The first news of the war, the day her brother left, the decision she made to become a nurse. Even the moment when the bullet that had embedded itself in her side.
The pain made the sides of her vision fade, and the real landscape soon faded to memories of her life, her brother and war that affected them both.
First it was in a church. An old, pretty Orthodox one with the domes that looked like candy. Natalia sat next to her brother, clutching his hand. This was the war's first affect. She was younger then. Her brother and sister were still children too.
The priest stood at the front. He talked about stuff Tasha didn't understand. The people were unnamed faces, and she didn't care. They were crying, but she wasn't. All she knew was that she would never see the man Vanya and Katyusha called father. It didn't matter to her. She had her siblings.
"Mother, why are you crying? Mother? Mother?"
Her mother never answered.
Natalia almost laughed, if the pain wasn't there. Funny, she didn't even feel emotion at six. Funny, she didn't cry at death at six. Funny, her mother never answered. Funny, her mother never said anything to her. Funny, how her mother killed herself as soon as Katyusha could take care of the other two of them. Funny, how she never missed her.
She missed her siblings when they left. When Katyusha left to work, she sat with Ivan and they talked. How they would create a house where everyone was happy, where people didn't starve. Ivan said there would be sunflowers. Every sunflower Natasha saw was for him. Every one was a ray of sunshine. A smile. How he smiled when they were all alone in the snow!
"Ivan? Did father love us?"
"Of course. He died for us, yes?"
"Did mother love us?"
"She was our mother. She loved how we reminded her of the man she loved."
"Does Katyusha love us?"
"She is one of us. We're all together, aren't we?"
"Do you love me?"
"You're my sister. Of course I love you, Natasha."
They passed the days as so, Natasha grew to be a young woman, Ivan a young man. Old enough to join the army their father had died in.
That's all life was wasn't it? Talking in the snow. If only that's all life actually was. People were happy when they spent their days in loving company. With someone to share it with, you became immune to the cold from old clothes and the pain of no shoes. But when they leave, you have nothing. The cold finally gets to you, the pain keeps you from continuing.
Nothing could stop her, though. Natalia smiled. She had broken the chains that loneliness give you, and made it to where her brother was. She was here. She had saved him.
The road to here wasn't even that hard, once she had mustered the courage to leave the nothing she had and endured the lack of money and shoes and gotten herself to sign up to be a nurse. Death and blood had never fazed her, and she could heal basic wounds. It had not even been two years since her brother left before her first battle.
The first battle had caught her unawares. How naïve was she that she thought that because she could stand blood and death that she could withstand a battle? A battle was much more than that. A battle was alive. It moved, fought both sides, and won, no matter what. There were always deaths. Not just deaths, deaths of men with crazed looks behind their eyes, crying for the ones that they loved.
Tell them! Tell them I love them!
By the time the troops had both subsided, the death toll was unthinkable. Natalia didn't even cry. It was too much. Dead bodies were buried in mass graves, the limited documentation was horrid. Some of the families wouldn't even know if their father had died. If their brother had died.
Where was he?
The images of all of them rushed back to her, combined with the smell of thousands of men's blood. Was one of them her Ivan? His face floated before her, this time destroyed by the day's horrors. Natalia ran back to the edge of the river behind the camp and watched as the limited food she had consumed today wash down it, mixed with blood, bodies and other repulsive things.
Who did she think she was, thinking she could endure a battle?
She thought she could do anything for her brother, and once she realized he might not be there to do anything for, she was as lost as the flimsy girls she worked with. She wasn't flimsy anymore. This war had turned her as solid as the oldest soldier. She hadn't cried since her brother left, and she hadn't vomited since that first battle.
And she had found her brother now. If only for a minute.
He had been dressed as everyone else. If she hadn't seen his eyes, she wouldn't have known Ivan as the Ivan who had left. They were walking over to the make-shift hospital, talking and laughing. She had been jealous. Her Ivan had friends. He could laugh, talk and be. What if he hadn't even thought of her? She had spent all her time for him. Who did these people think they were? He was hers.
It was interrupted by a gunshot. Some of the men standing next to Ivan crumpled, and eventually the whole fort was up in arms. She saw people on both sides dying, but she didn't go to the hospital tent. Her eyes were glued on her Ivan.
She was so glad she had. The bullet needed taking.
The battle around her had subsided. She was alone in the field again. Surrounded with others like her, and others who had been like her. The stench didn't matter anymore. She had done what she came here to do. She had saved her brother. If only he knew.
Natalia lost consciousness for what seemed endless time. Black swirled with the yellow of her brother's flowers, the white of the snow and the red of her blood. All time was now, all time was then. She couldn't feel her body. The pain wasn't there, but it weighed her down. Sweat dripped down her forehead as she tried to stay alive.
Eventually, she felt the arms of Ivan around her and she saw his eyes. Was that him? Or was it the pain?
"Why are you crying? Ivan! Ivan…"
"Sister…"
Her breath came with effort now. She just had to hold on. It would work out.
She was carried to a bed in the hospital. Was it the same one? It didn't matter. Ivan was here.
"Don't worry… Ivan… it doesn't hurt."
"Tasha! Stay!"
The smile on her face was pained as she shook her head with the last of her energy. Her last breath was a whisper on her brother's ear, a quiet sign that the life within her had left.
As Ivan closed her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest, he saw on her face the most pleasant face on her he had ever seen.
Natalia was smiling.
"Life fled with a whispered goodbye, and Death fled in the face of Love. But Love remained."
I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you thought of it. I love what you say, and I always consider it. Thank you!
The Princess Astrella
