"Miss Harding," the Vice Principal of Neptune High was saying forcefully, "I don't think you understand; they hate each other!"
"Look, haven't you heard the old parable of Androcles and the lion?"
"It isn't a question of them helping each other, it's a problem of, if we have them in the same room and they even pretend to get along, the school will implode… possibly the Universe as we know it, too."
"So? The boosters need a new pet project, anyway!"
"Cristen-"
"Plus, the lockers need a new coat of paint as it is, so why not a new school?"
"Miss Harding-"
"I mean, you can make it whatever you want, plus the insurance'll cover it!"
"That's not-"
"Plus, it'll keep 'em out of trouble- you have no idea how exhausting it is, to play a part that long!"
"MISS HARDING!"
"What?"
"Mr. Echolls recently took a tire iron to Miss Mars's car. What about that screams 'put us in a play together' to you?"
"Rage is a form of passion? If they could redirect it… wait, why a tire iron?"
"It seems that Miss Mars planted a bong in his locker, and his car was taken away."
Cristen laughed. "How could she do that?"
"I'd not sell Miss Mars short, Cristen; she's devilishly sneaky. And at least Echolls knows better than to underestimate her."
"So? She's sneaky, he's ticked… it's perfect for the play!" When he didn't respond, she added, "Please?"
"We'd never get them to agree."
"Of course we would!" she said, laughing, and talking fast to get the point, "From what I've heard, they're both getting into trouble far too often. This is just a way of keeping them busy. You could say that they've had far too many detentions, or that their attitudes are lacking… whatever, school pep. And failing that, you threaten to go to their parents. I'm sure Mr. Echolls would be delighted that we offered Logan a lead in the school play, and Mr. Mars… well, he'd be glad of Veronica's involvement."
"And what do we do if they blow up the auditorium?"
"We sell tickets to the explosion, and hold the play outside."
The Vice Principal groaned.
"You know you want to try this, just to see," Harding added with a grin. "Come on. I've read the play; they'll be perfect. Plus, it was written by one of my students, so it'll be an all-Neptune original production. The tickets will sell like hot-cakes!"
"If they blow up the school," the man answered, his hands over his face, "You're paying the damages."
"If the blow up the school, sir, we might just turn this thing into an annual play." She sauntered out to another groan from the Vice Principal, trying to hide a very un-professional giggle.
It was good to know that she could still convince anyone to do what she needed. It was how she talked her way into a double-major for Theatre and English, how she argued her way into a well-paid position as an English teacher (and Drama coach) at Neptune, and how she just got her way to producing a play on her own.
She looked up thoughtfully. If the school did blow up, it wouldn't be so bad; the place could use a new sky-light.
