Danse Russe

Chapter 3

Hold onto me

"Hold 'em there" Marlene said lightly letting her hand fall away from the neck of an old battered guitar. The third year, George Davis, she was teaching smiled faintly at her and she grinned encouragingly. "Now strum," she told him and he strummed the stings a few times. Sirius Black rolled his eyes from across the room as he watched her.

"It doesn't sound right. I'm doing something wrong," George whined.

"You're doing just fine," Marlene replied in a placating tone.

"It sounds different when you do it," he said handing the guitar to her.

Marlene nodded. "Of course, it does. I strum differently than you. It's what makes it personal." She easily moved her fingers across the neck holding down the strings and brushed the thumb of her other hand across the strings a few times. "See," she said softly. "I have kind of an up, down, down, up, down, down, strum. Yours is more like this." She showed him "A down, up, down. It will sound different, but it doesn't mean you are doing wrong."

The young boy pouted for a moment and she hand the instrument to him. "Here, why don't you take this for a while. You can practice, get used to holding down the strings, and find a strum that you like. Then I'll teach you a song sometime next week."

"Really?" he asked.

"Really." She grinned. "Just take care of her, alright? She was my dad's." George nodded giving her a toothy smile before running off upstairs.

Sirius Black shook his head as he watched the boy trot off and stood up, nodding to James. He strode over and dropped into the now vacant seat beside Marlene. "Why do you waste your time?" he asked brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"It isn't a waste of time. He is a sweet kid; needs something to take his mind off everything for a while," Marlene answered shrugging and leaning back against the couch.

Opting to change the subject Sirius said, "I didn't know you played guitar."

"I suppose there is a lot you don't know about me, Black." Marlene pulled her hair up into a ponytail, tossing her red booted foot on the table in front of them. "After all, I am nothing more than a twittering jay with too many freckles and not enough ass."

Sirius released a derisive laugh. "Merlin McKinnon," he said through his chuckles, "I had no idea you cared about my opinion of you."

"I don't," she replied coolly, standing up. "I just don't understand why it is a waste of my time to pay a little boy who just lost both of his parents in a Death Eater attack some attention when it isn't a waste of yours to come over a make small talk with an unattractive twit." Pulling her loosely knitted yellow sweater back up onto her shoulders she shrugged. "Sometimes, I think Remus is right about you, Black. You are awful holy to be as fucked up as you are."

"You like to fuck with me. Don't you, McKinnon?" Sirius asked grabbing her arm and pulling her face level with his.

Marlene grinned and carefully tucked a bit of hair behind his ear. "It gives me a sense of normalcy," she told him lightly biting down her smirk as she watched uneasiness wash over him. "You're too easy to tease, Black," she whispered slipping out of his grasp and heading up the staircase.

"Nice to know you're back to your old self, McKinnon," he called as she trudged across the common room toward the girl's dormitory. Marlene turned a waved to him before shoving her hands in her pockets and disappearing up the staircase. He sighed heavily, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back against the cushions. It seemed he didn't have to worry about her after all.

--

"Merlin, that was hilarious," James Potter chuckled, leaning against Sirius' arm for support as they climbed through the portrait hole after a long night of marauding. "I wish we would have had a camera."

"Well, I'm glad we didn't," Peter sniffed mopping the water from his eyes. "Damn ghost. Who would have thought she'd have such a bad reaction?"

James broke out into another loud fit of laughter and Sirius clamped a hand over his lips. "Shut up, man. McKinnon's asleep." He gestured to the sleeping girl on the couch; open book on her chest, one hand hanging limply down toward the carpet, her eyes lightly closed with dark lashes brushing against heavily freckled cheeks.

Halting his laughter James glanced up at Sirius, tugging his hand down from his mouth. "Since when do you care?" he asked, smirking.

With a derisive frown Sirius said, "I don't."

"Cut the crap, Padfoot," Peter muttered. "You've been watching her for weeks now." Sirius glared at him and he fell into silence wiping his wet face with the sopping sleeve of his sweater.

"Oh, leave Padfoot alone," Remus said, grinning wryly. "If he doesn't want to tell us about his little thing for Marley he doesn't have to." As he patted Peter's back and shoved him toward the stairs, he shot Sirius a warning look. Sirius growled. Now his pride was taking damage because of the wretched little girl.

As Peter and Remus headed up the stairs James turned to Sirius. "Sorry, Padfoot, I shouldn't have said anything," James mumbled with an apologetic smile.

Sirius roughly ran a hand over his face his frown deepening. "She said she hadn't slept in three weeks and that was last month, who knows how long it has been now."

Crossing his arms and leaning against the wall James nodded slowly. "Lily is starting to ask questions. I can't keep telling her I don't know."

"I know." Sirius sighed. "It's just… it's not my secret to tell." His grey eyes flicked to the sleeping girl as she stirred and a flash of pain etched across his handsome features. "I don't know anything for sure, Prongs, but it wasn't pretty."

"You are doing the right thing, Padfoot," James replied softly. He placed his hand on Sirius' arm squeezing his shoulder encouragingly before quietly making his way up staircase.

Sirius slumped against the wall and exhaled slowly. James was always like that, a much better friend than Sirius felt he ever deserved. Telling him what he needed to hear without even saying the words, just a look, or a slap on the back and whatever happened to be eating away at the young man seemed to be just a little less troublesome.

Marlene whimpered in her sleep and Sirius shoved himself off the wall and strode over to her. He carefully removed her book from her weak grasp and marked the page placing it on the table. "Hey," he whispered tucking her hair behind her ears.

Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked several times to see him clearly. "Black?"

Smirking, Sirius sat on the coffee table in front of her. "What are you doing down here, McKinnon? Don't you have a bed upstairs?"

"Makeovers," she answered sleepily rolling over and curling around a pillow, her eyes already closed again. "They were trying to rip out my eyebrows." Gingerly, she raised a hand and traced her dark brows with a finger. "They don't look like caterpillars," she informed him weakly, the depths of sleep overtaking her once more.

Sirius chuckled. "No," he told her softly, "they don't look like caterpillars."

Smoothing down her hair he picked her up and she snuggled into his arms. "Come on, you can have my bed tonight. You'll be sore in the morning if you sleep on the couch."

"No," she mumbled, "I don't sleep long anyway. I'm okay here."

"Mm, alright," he said trudging up the staircase. She didn't even realize they had moved.

None of the boys in the room said a word as he tucked her into his bed and slipped into his pajamas. Transfiguring a candy wrapper into a squishy black sleeping bag he crawled inside and said superciliously, "It isn't safe for her to sleep down there alone."

James and Remus exchanged grins.

--

Sirius bolted upright suddenly awake for no apparent reason. His grey eyes searched the dark room almost frantically before landing on his empty bed. "Shit," he cursed crawling off the floor.

"McKinnon?" he called quietly at the bathroom door before cursing again. As he glanced around the room once more he noticed the window slightly ajar. Pulling it open he stuck his head outside into the rain to find Marlene McKinnon perched on the ledge on the building, drenched to the bone, staring out into the dark night sky.

"McKinnon, what are you doing out here?" he asked climbing out the window and up onto the ledge beside her.

She didn't turn to him, just held her steady gaze out across the rain-soaked grounds and into the dark gray sky. "Do you like the rain, Black?" she asked softly as he sat down beside her. Before he responded she sighed, closing her eyes. "I love the way it washes away your sins, cleansing your soul of everything you've done wrong, sending it swirling down into the depths of the earth."

"That from a girl who says God is just a fairy tale," Sirius said softly tucking a curl behind her ear.

It was funny how beautiful she looked to him right then. Marlene McKinnon had always been one of those girls who would never meet the standards of Sirius Black; no matter much make-up she applied, or what type of clothes she wore. She wasn't someone who could ever have been pretty in his eyes. Yet, there she was in a pair of baggy striped pajama bottoms, a tank top, soaking wet, and pale from the cold, and he couldn't think of any other way to describe her. Maybe a sad, lonely, aching beauty, but she was still beautiful all the same.

Pulling her knees up to her chest Marlene exhaled slowly. "My parents died when I was eight." Sirius stared at her, his dark brows wrinkled in confusion and his lips turned down in a frown, but he let her continue. "They were Muggles, it was a car accident. My eldest brother, Mark had just graduated from the Auror Academy. We, my parents and I, were coming home from this little bakery and this car hit ours." Marlene bit her lip her eyes tightly closed as if she was hiding from tears. "I was in the back seat and the other driver pulled me out, and then the car… it was on fire, and I couldn't see anything, just smell." She opened her eyes again "The whiskey on his breath," she whispered. "He was drunk and he hit us and they were gone." Tucking her hair behind her ears she smiled faintly at him. "Every time I try to drink that's what I see. Flames, twisted metal, and then that tree between their headstones."

Sirius didn't know what to say, so he just carefully wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I wasn't drunk," she sniffed struggling to keep the weight of that admission from drowning her.

"I know," he replied softly staring out into the trees, twirling a bit of her rain-soaked hair around his finger. "Have you spoken with someone, McKinnon? Someone besides me?"

Marlene chuckled almost sadly. "I didn't even want you to know."

"Right," Sirius breathed into her wet hair and he felt her tremble. "You're freezing, McKinnon. We should get you back in bed."

"I want my memory back," she told him letting him pull her closer, to protect her from the cold. "I don't like not knowing. How are you supposed to pick up the pieces and go on, if you don't what broke you in the first place?"

Sirius couldn't help but think maybe not knowing was for the best. Who knew what the bastards had done to her? As vile as rape was, it could have been worse. It probably was worse. It might actually be a good thing that she couldn't remember.

--

Sirius ran out of the Potions classroom alongside James chuckling and choking on smoke, Lily and Remus on their heels. "James, I can't believe you!" Lily was attempting to reprimand him through her laughter.

As they trudged up the stairs James threw an arm around her shoulders. "Aw, Lils, don't pretend like you didn't want out of there. Plus, we didn't do any real damage."

"No, I suppose you didn't," Lily begrudgingly agreed snuggling under his arm, her ire fading at the sight of his boyish grin.

"So, now that we have forty extra minutes of time, what are we going to do with it?" Remus asked, grinning. "How about raiding the kitchens? Food sounds good."

"Moony, we ate like two hours ago," Sirius said shaking his head.

"Yeah. Well, I'm hungry again. You forget I feed a blood-thirsty beast," Remus replied blowing his brown hair out of his eyes.

James laughed. "Your furry little problem only requires feeding once a month, Moony and that was two weeks ago. I say, we head outside and spy on the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team. They've got that new girl… Perkins, I think."

"Fine, let me starve," Remus whined melodramatically earning a giggle from Lily.

When they arrived on the first floor and turned for the Entrance Hall Sirius caught sight of someone huddled in an alcove. "McKinnon?" he mumbled as he caught sight of the bright red shoes. "Shit, it's McKinnon," he muttered quickly striding over to her.

Remus grabbed Lily's arm as she tried to rush forward. "No," he whispered. "Come on, we're spying on Hufflepuff."

"What? No." Lily glared at him. "We can leave her with him."

Shaking his head Remus glanced up at James, who took the hint and carefully wrapped his arm around Lily's waist. "Sirius knows a whole hell of a lot more than we do. Let him take care of it." She made to protest again, but James flashed a quieting glare and she shushed letting him led her down the hall.

"McKinnon," Sirius murmured quietly, kneeling down in front of the girl. Her hazel eyes flicked up to him fear clearly evident in the sparkling orbs. "McKinnon, are you okay?"

"He– and– you– and– I– and– and," she choked out incoherently trying not to sob. Sirius nodded slowly, picking up her book bag.

"I'm not a cat," she told him almost defiantly as she finally managed to string a sentence together.

A confused frown worked its way onto his face as he tossed the bag over his shoulder. "Well, of course you not, McKinnon," he replied, slightly amused.

He moved to tuck a bit of her hair behind her ear and she jumped out of the way releasing a terrified squeak. "Whoa, whoa, easy, McKinnon," he said calmly, holding up his hands in surrender. "What's going on?"

Big tears slid down her cheeks and she shook her head. "Please, don't touch me, please," she begged pushing herself back against the rough stone wall.

"Okay," he nodded, carefully standing up. "Okay. Listen, we need to get you upstairs, all right? People are going to be leaving class soon. You don't want to be here when that happens."

Her breaths were frighteningly short, her eyes wide with fear and her entire body trembling as he stood, his hands held away from her awaiting a response. "McKinnon? Can you hear me? We need to get you out of the hall."

When she didn't move he held out his hand to her. "Come on, McKinnon, let's get out of here."

She sat there, gazing at him with terrified eyes and he decided whatever damage picking her up would do was going to be less than her being found petrified with fear in the hallway. "Fuck," Sirius cursed bending down and scooping her up.

Marlene's scream was lost on her lips as she collapsed into unconsciousness.

Sirius ignored the fact that she had gone limp in his arms and carried her up to Gryffindor Tower. He placed her in his bed and paced the room for a moment before digging in Remus' trunk and pulling out a bottle of calming draught and dreamless sleep. Filling a glass with the calming draught, he sat down on the bed beside her, pointing his wand at her temple. "Rennverate," he whispered stroking her hair as he watched her frantic eyes open again.

"Marlene, I want you to drink this, okay?" She shied away from him and he forced his hand down to his side. "Before you do anything else. I want you to just sit up and drink this." He held the cup of swirling liquid out to her.

"It's okay, you can trust me, alright," he said softly, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

Marlene took the glass into her shaking hands and sipped at the potion. "I'm so—"

"Hey," Sirius interrupted her, "all of it, okay? Then we'll talk. You don't want to faint again." She nodded slightly, and gulped down the rest of the drink. Her breathing relaxed and her eyes returned to normal as Sirius slipped the glass out of her hands and placed it on his beside table. "Now, what happened?"

"I– I– I," Marlene stuttered and Sirius shushed her soothingly, fighting to keep his hands away from her.

"Hey, just slow okay. We've got all the time in the world up here, you and I. So, just go slow." He so desperately wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but he didn't know how. So, he settled for keeping his voice calm and relaxed, and his face impassive.

"I was in Ancient Runes," Marlene stated calmly after a moment. "Professor Babbling asked me to take Professor Darling a note and…" Her words died on her lips and she struggled for air as the memory filled her mind.

Sirius placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed into her eyes. "Marlene, you have to breathe, okay?" Spots appeared before her eyes dancing across his handsome features as he spoke to her. "Marlene, you will pass out if you don't breathe. Come on, Marley, deep breaths. In and out," he told her, breathing deeply himself as if to show her how.

Finally, she inhaled a gulp of air and dropped her head on his shoulder crying softly. "Shush, love. It's okay," whispered Sirius, rubbing slow smooth circles across her back.

"Merlin, McKinnon, what's happened?" he wondered quietly as she continued to cry.

After she had settled down again he gently sat her up and wiped away her tears. She seemed rather empty, just staring blankly at him as he gazed into her eyes. He had probably given her too much of the calming draught, but it was better to have over done it, that to have not given her enough. "Alright, love." He smiled faintly wiping away another tear with his thumb. "Here's what we're going to do: I'm going to go over there." He tilted his head in the direction of James' bed. "And I am going to get James' Pensieve and then you're going to put what's bothering you in there and then you're going to go to sleep, okay?" She nodded weakly and he stood up smoothing down her hair.

Sirius carefully removed the small stone basin out of James' trunk glancing over at the petrified girl in his bed. He was going to make them pay whoever had done that to her, they were going to die and it wasn't going to be merciful.

Setting the basin on his bedside table he filled the glass with the Dreamless Sleep before turning back to Marlene, who was watching him blankly. "Okay, Marley." He placed his wand to her temple. "I want you to think about today, when Professor Babbling asked you to go to the Defense classroom. Okay, you thinking about that?" She bobbed her head. "Alright, now fast-forward through to where I found you in the hall."

He watched her close her eyes and the emotion flicker across her face before they slowly opened again. As he removed his wand from her head a silvery wisp of memory trailed after it and he placed it in the stone basin watching it mingle with the sublime silver substance inside.

"Now I want you to remember Halloween, okay? Can you do that?" A sickening feeling crashed over him as she nodded frightfully and he placed his wand back at her temple. "Think about the front gates then. Just the gates, okay?" Her eyes closed again and he could almost feel the fear radiating off her. "Okay. Now skip over everything until you see those gates again, alright?"

After she did as she was told, she blinked at him and he smiled softly. "Good, very good," he murmured, kissing her head and placing the memory in the basin.

Picking up the glass of dreamless sleep he stroked her hair. "Just half, okay? If you wake you can drink the other half. I just… I think you've had a bit too much of the calming draught."

Marlene took a long drink from the glass before looking up at him. "I didn't want to. I wouldn't have ever," she whispered to him softly and he nodded.

"Of course not, I know that," he told her tipping the glass toward her lips again.

She gazed up at him with big fearful eyes. "Don't leave me alone?"

Kissing her head he took the glass from her. "No, I'll be right here. The whole time. Right here." He slipped off her shoes tossing the bright red boots on the floor and tucked her under his blankets before turning to the Pensieve. Shit, he didn't want to see this.


End
notes:

1) Don't hate me because she can play the guitar. He isn't going to fall in love with her singing voice or be enraptured with melodies. She simply plays the instrument because her father did. It's something that reminds her off him.

2) I know, McKinnon seems like a real whiner right now, but she does go out of it. She's gone through a lot, give her some time.

3) Yeah, James has a Pensieve. He's cool like that.

4) Review because I'm not going to stop asking.