A/N: Just another random middle of the night drabble!
Featured song: "DNA" by Little Mix (lyrics from azlyrics)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or the song used!
DNA
Tony runs into the Avengers common room with his laptop in his hands and a huge grin on his face. He plops down on the couch in between Thor and Bruce, nearly shaking with excitement.
Bruce glances at the engineer. "Should we be worried?"
The billionaire shakes his head, grin still firmly in place. He takes a deep breath. "You'll never believe what I just found," he says eagerly, rushing through his words.
Natasha grabs the remote off the coffee table and pauses her show. "Alright, I'm curious. What have you found?"
"JARVIS, project my computer screen onto the television," Tony says, setting his computer on his lap. The AI wordlessly complies. The engineer's screen appears on the tv showing a paused video on YouTube with the title: "This is what I do in my free time."
"Your username is IAMIronMan471?" Steve questions, furrowing his brow.
"Hey, I don't judge you for your life choices," Tony retorts.
"Yes you do! All the time!"
"Shhh," Tony shushes harshly, earning an unhappy groan from the Captain. "Just watch this," he says before pressing play.
The video begins with a man wearing a long red wig, aviator sunglasses and a purple leotard standing in front of a blank white wall. He has a remote in his hand and he presses a button that causes music to start playing in the background. "Does he tell you he loves you when you least expect it?" the man sings off key.
"Oh my god," Natasha exclaims, disbelief evident in her tone. "Is that Clint?"
"Yes!" Tony responds his grin returning in full force.
"Does he flutter your heart when he kisses your neck?"
"Wait, is he in Avengers Tower?" Steve asks curiously, a smile creeping up on his features.
"Yes!" Tony exclaims, placing a fist over his mouth to contain his laughter.
"No scientist or biology. It's obvious when he's holding me. It's only natural that I'm so affected." Clint raises his left hand to run through his wig. "And my heart won't beat again
if I can't feel him in my veins. No need to question, I already know."
"Wait, this is the best part," Tony says.
"It's in his DNA—D-D-D-DNA. It's in his DNA. And he just takes my breath away—B-b-b-breath away. I feel it every day, and that's what makes a man not hard to understand. Perfect in every way. I see it in his face. Nothing more to say. It's in his D-D-D-DNA." Throughout the chorus, the archer tries making sultry glances and poses at the camera.
He's failing.
The team burst into uncontrollable laughter, so much that even Bruce has to wipe away a few tears. Because they were so loud, they didn't hear the ding of the elevator and a curious voice asking, "Hey, what are you guys watchi—OH MY GOD! JARVIS!"
The screen goes blank and the Avengers attempt calm down, looking at the seething Clint in front of him. Each member is wearing various expressions of amusement.
"Clint, I'm sorry," Natasha says trying to calm herself down. "But was that my wig?"
"This is what you Midgardians call entertainment? I must say it is most pleasing."
"Didn't it hurt your genitals to wear that tight outfit?" Bruce wonders aloud.
"If it makes you feel any better, I've seen soldiers in my time do much worse," Steve adds.
"No, it doesn't," Clint snaps. "You guys are such assholes, I can't believe this." He turns on his heel and storms away towards the elevator.
"Clint, wait," Tony says seriously causing the archer to turn around. "Do you still have the leotard?" he asks with barely contained laughter.
"STARK I CAN'T—" Clint exclaims before entering the elevator.
The team watch the doors close. Steve frowns. "Hey, do you guys think we were too hard on him?"
"Nah," Tony responds, brushing off Steve's concern. "He'll be fine."
Later that week, the archer replaced Tony's shampoo with Nair. The agonizing scream that resonated through the tower sounded like sweet, sweet music.
