Disclaimer: Don't own anything. The Rat owns the Marvel properties while fighting with the Fox and Warner Brothers owns the DC character.
Author's Notes:
Yep, still writing this fic since I'm still fighting writer's block on my "War of Angels" stuff. However, I think I'm overcoming that hurdle since I am working again on D&I and WoA: Collision. As for this fic...I don't think I'll be having that problem because I have so many ideas and my hatred for Marvel is so deep that I won't run out of inspiration when it comes to pissing on that SJW/politically correct pile of shit they refer to as the current Marvel Comics Universe.
Spoiler Alert: Going to dredge up something that I stumbled across a couple years ago. I'm kind of paying homage to one of the older animated series and giving it a kind of "reboot" ala Mxyzptlk style. Some of you might not like it...but hey...you can't please everyone.
Queens, New York
"With great power, comes great responsibility..."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Parker, but your uncle didn't make it..."
"Hey, tiger...you just hit the jackpot..."
"Parker, where are my photos!? What the hell am I paying you for?"
"And this Parker, is where it all ends!"
"You killed my father, Pete!"
"You're going to have to pick a side Peter."
"My name is Peter Parker...and I've been doing this since I was fifteen years old."
"I am SUPERIOR!"
"Oh, little spider, how you forget...everyone close to you will die! I will gut you like a pig and keep you alive long enough to watch me feast on the brains of your loved ones..."
"Auuuuugh!"
Peter Parker, age eighteen, woke up in a cold sweat, bolting himself upright as he cried out in horror from montage of nightmares that ripped through his brain…
"Fuck!" he shouted as his head slammed into the small overhead bookcase mounted on the wall above the headboard of his bed.
"Language kiddo," he heard someone say in the darkness of his room. "Although I can't really blame you since you just relived multiple versions of your nightmarish life before waking back up in your teenage body."
Peter was instantly on alert, getting ready to jump out of his bed and attack the unknown intruder who turned on the desk lamp to Peter's desk to reveal…
A scrawny looking middle aged man wearing a bizarre yellow costume, a worn out overcoat, and bowler hat that was apparently a couple sizes too small was sitting in the chair in front of his desk.
"Um, okay, not exactly what I was expecting," Peter said as he cautiously got out of bed. "I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're not human or I'm still actually in bed having a really screwed up dream."
The man chuckled and shook his head as he stood up out of the chair. "Not a chance, Peter Parker, or should I call you Spiderman...or is it Spider-Man?" The man paused as he pondered that for a moment before wincing slightly and shaking his head. "Doesn't matter anymore, welcome to your new life and new world, Peter." He paused again. "It is okay if I called you Peter, right? Because, you're kind of not in costume and it would be kind of awkward calling you Spider-hyphen-Man. Or should I call you Pajama Man for the time being?"
"Whoa, hold on," Peter said, lowering his hands as he realized that this man wasn't a threat since his Spidey-Sense wasn't going off. "First off, who are you and why are you in my bedroom?"
The man smiled at him again. "What makes you think I'm in your bedroom and that you're not still in bed having a very screwed up dream?" he asked.
"Because my head is still hurting from when I hit that book case."
"And perhaps you knocked yourself out and is now resulting in this very screwed up hallucinatory dream you're having right now." The man's expression suddenly became serious...for about ten seconds before he broke out in laughter. "Just messing with you, Peter," he said. "And my name is Mxyzptlk...and, this is VERY real. Unless there's a subconscious desire to dream about middle-aged looking fifth dimensional imps lurking around in that mind of yours; if that's the case, you might need to seek some professional help."
"Dude, it's three thirty in morning," Peter groaned. "I have to get up in a couple hours and take my chemistry mid-term today." Then he paused as he thought about what he just said. "Wait, I haven't had a mid-term in over six years." He looked around the room and realized that this was not the bedroom in his apartment, this was his original bedroom at Aunt May's house.
But that can't be right, he thought to himself. That house was destroyed when...no, it wasn't destroyed...wait, it was damaged...no, it got blown up…
"Ah, I see your brain is trying to sort out the memories of your other selves and trying to reintegrate them into something that makes sense," Mxyzptlk said as he walked up to Peter and put a hand on the young man's shoulder. "Just relax for a couple seconds kid, let it ride out, and regain your bearings. I know, this is going to come as a shock to you, but you're eighteen again, not twenty-five and...well...some things have changed."
Peter blinked a couple times as he mentally fought the slight feeling of vertigo as his mind started to lock on to its primary reality while the memories of other lives became nothing more than faint memories.
"There ya go, kid." Mxyzptlk pulled his hand away and then stumbled back a step. "Damn, grafting alternate realities and rewriting them really does fuck a person up." He started to collapse to the ground, but Peter caught him.
"Whoa, you okay?"
Mxyzptlk smirked as he saw the concerned look on the young man's face. "Not really, kid, but there's not much you can do about it. And what you just asked me says I'm right about you. Most people in your situation would probably be demanding that I tell them what's going on instead of asking if I'm okay."
"Oh, I'm getting to that part," Peter said as helped Mxyzptlk back to the chair. Once the man sat back down, pulled up the other chair in his room and sat down across from the man. "Okay, this is now the part where I ask you what the hell is going on."
"Kind of along story," the fifth dimensional imp said, "but here's the quick version: the beings in charge of your little multi-verse decided to fuck you over along with a bunch of...no, scratch that, make that the ENTIRE mutant race in their pathetic attempt to rewrite your world." He paused for a moment and looked Peter straight in the eye. "I know this sounds crazy to you, but I'm telling you the truth."
Peter grinned at the man. "Buddy, according to these memories I got, I've seen weirder stuff and your explanation actually makes sense. Although I think I'm going to hate it if I ever see Deadpool again and admit that he was right the whole time."
"Wade's going to be too busy to care," Mxyzptlk assured him. "But yeah, he was mostly right. He was right there when I decided I had enough of watching you all get fucked over at the whim of a rat faced being suffering from an overbearing 'god complex' and ripped a lot of you out of that 'verse and transplanted you here. You, the X-Men, and almost everyone with a major connection to you that actually mattered is here. No Avengers, SHIELD, or Fantastic Four though." A look of disgust crossed the man's face as he mentioned those three groups. "Tony Stark, Reed Richards, and the rest of those clowns can fuck around in their universe, but not here."
"Okay, so you, being this powerful being, felt sorry for us and dragged us here for a new life?"
"Pretty much."
Peter's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What are you not telling me?"
"Well, I did bring versions of your enemies here as well...but things will be different. It will just depend on how you all adjust." Mxyzptlk flinched and hissed in pain before clutching his sides. "Ow...damn...I really haven't got much time."
"Have you done this for everyone you 'grafted' over here?" Peter asked.
"Altered things so they can adapt to their new existence and retain most of their other memories? Yeah. But you and Deadpool are the only two I have talked to directly." The imp gave Peter a sad smile. "What can I say, you and Wade were my favorites and you both, as you pointed out, have seen some weird shit so I think you can handle the truth." Painfully, he proceeded to get up out of the chair again. "I just thought you deserved to know."
"Wait, where are you going?" Peter asked, standing up to help the other man steady himself. "You're obviously in no condition to go anywhere."
"I'll be fine, Parker," Mxyzptlk said. "Just need to make one more visit and then I'm going to take care of myself." He raised his right hand and noticed that it was starting to ripple and briefly become incorporeal. "Yeah...my time here is definitely limited. Take care of yourself, Peter...oh...and good luck on that mid-term, you'll actually ace it this time since you're taking it for the first time despite having already done it a dozen times over a dozen different lifetimes."
And before Peter could react, the imp snapped his fingers and vanished in a faint flash of light.
Peter stood there for a few minutes, trying to determine if the last few minutes had actually happened or if he was going to wake up and realize this was a weird dream. After he reached the ten minute mark of doing nothing, he had come to the conclusion that yes, this did happen and yes, he was eighteen years old again, and yes...he did have a chemistry exam in a few hours.
\No longer wanting to go back to sleep, he left his room, briefly stopped to use the bathroom, then went downstairs to the kitchen. He was surprised to see light coming from underneath the kitchen door and even more surprised at who was sitting at the kitchen table when he opened the door.
Bobby Drake and Angelica Jones silently sat at the table. Bobby was drinking some hot cocoa while Angelica was sipping some herbal tea; both of them were wearing their pajamas and robes and had strange looks on their faces.
"Let me guess," Peter said. "Couldn't sleep either?"
The other two teens shook their heads. Even though he had known both mutants for the last six months, it was still weird having them here as boarders at the house. Then again...it also seemed...familiar.
Screw this, he thought to himself as he walked over to the kitchen counter and poured himself a cup off coffee from the coffee maker. He then joined the others at the table, savoring the strong liquid as he gulped it down. The looks he saw on their faces told him that they, like him, must have had an interesting batch of "dreams".
Deciding he should break the silence first, he set his now half empty coffee cup on the table. "Well," he said, "anyone else have some really messed up dreams last night?"
The two mutants stared at him for a moment before glancing at each other. After a couple seconds, they returned their attention to Peter.
"Yeah," Angelica repied. "We did. I dreamt my mutant power gave me cancer and I was forced to go through this weird drama of a life that seemed like one hopeless and badly written soap opera with no end. What about you?"
"Pretty much the same," Peter said, deciding that it would be best to leave Mxyzptlk out of the conversation for now. "Relived Gwen's death, got married to Mary Jane in the future, was forced to reveal my identity to the world, and then we both made a deal with a demon...and those were just the highlights." He then glanced over at Bobby who was still holding his cocoa and appeared to still be in a mild state of shock. "Bobby? You okay?"
The blond haired mutant shook his head. "After hearing what you two dreamed about, it almost makes mine only slightly fucked up."
"No traumatic life events of the alternate reality kind?" Angelica asked, still wondering who this Vance jerk was she was supposedly engaged to in one of her dreams.
"Not exactly," Bobby replied. "It was just really weird...and...I'm not sure you want to hear it."
"C'mon, Bobby, it can't be that bad," Peter said.
Bobby took another sip of hot chocolate before he let out a resigned sigh. "Fine," he said. "But try not to laugh too much, okay?"
Peter and Angelica gave reassuring nods and Bobby decided to just blurt it out.
"I had a dream Mickey Mouse attacked me with a magic wand and said he was going to turn me gay before he tried to sodomize me with the aforementioned wand."
The reaction wasn't exactly laughter, but it did cause Peter and Angelica to choke on their drinks.
