Disclaimer: See last chapter.

~ "Life's a fairytale... and then you grow up." ~

That night I woke up in the guest room; screaming, crying, sweating and shaking. I had no idea what was going on, I knew I had nightmares before but it had never been like this. Not this horrible, not this severe. I tried calming myself down, hating being so weak but nothing was working. And before I knew it, Quinn came running in with Kurt not too far behind. I wondered when she had gotten here but it quickly left my mind when she wrapped her arms around me.

I tried my best to stop shaking, trying to be the strong Rachel Berry they all remembered and not the weak Rachel St. James they were all seeing now. I don't want this Rachel anymore, I want to be Rachel Berry. I've changed so much and hate it.

"Rachel, what happened?" Quinn whispered in my ear, rubbing my back, but I shake my head before I wrapped my own arms tight around her. I cried that night like I have never cried before. The tears kept falling and I didn't know how to make them stop and Quinn – I will never be more thankful that we both grew up after high school – and she carried on rubbing my back, being more patient than ever as Kurt moved behind me to soothe down my hair like I had always loved.

"It was just a nightmare.. I never meant to wake anyone up."

"Just tell us what happened, the more you talk about it to us, the more we understand the more we can help you." She smiled at me kindly, as I pulled away from the two of them, laying back down to curl up into a tight ball. I just needed to calm down and then everything would be okay again, I just needed to pretend.

"Don't do this, Rachel. You will never recover from this if you close up. You need to tell someone... anyone." Kurt grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently as I looked up and nodded. I closed my eyes tight, trying to think of the nightmare.

"I'm going to get you Rachel." The girl looked around but she couldn't see anyone, she was in the guest bedroom at Kurt and Blaine's house and she could hear Jesse but she couldn't find him anywhere. She started to get out of bed to look around the room, terrified.

"Jesse?" She whispered, her heart beating fast,

"They've all gone now, it's just me and you and now there is nobody to help you and nobody to stop me." She shook her head, tears falling down her face.

"What did you do to them?"

"Go and see." He whispered, watching her move towards the living room, a loud scream piercing the room as she saw what he had done. There was so much blood, too much blood. It was on the walls, it was on the floor and on the wall she saw 'never ask for help again'. She shook her head, running out of the bedroom only to trip over her own sons body, she didn't see Jesse behind her with a knife. She saw all the body of her friends, and her beautiful baby boy.

"Never ask for help." He muttered, repeating it over and over again and she found herself wondering why she had done it. She found herself telling herself how it was her own fault, and there was nothing she could do to help them. Everyone was dead and it was all her fault. Jesse grabbed her roughly, pulling her from her own thoughts.

"I love you, baby." And then he stabbed her... she stumbled back and gasped, the pain running through her body as he beat her harder than he ever had before. No matter how much she begged, he wouldn't stop.

And then everything went white, there was someone calling her name. Two little children appeared and called her to them, she recognised them as Danny and the little baby she had once lost thanks to her husband. She moved towards them, "Come join us mommy." Danny smiled, his hand meeting hers and then he disappeared. Then there was blood, more blood, they were gone. Everyone was gone.

"A-And then I woke up." I frowned, finishing off the story, looking up at my two friends who stared in shock.

"You had another child?" Quinn was the first to reply, her hand tracing a scar on my hand as she sighed,

"I had a miscarriage.. Jesse beat me so bad sometimes, I could never keep a baby.. I had to give birth to her.. she was so beautiful. She looked just like Danny. I thought that maybe she would have been okay but she was a still birth and I didn't think it would be right to bring her into this world anyway." I whispered, it was too painful to think about but I was glad to finally tell someone. Jesse hadn't cared, he said he never wanted another brat with me anyway. I hadn't mentioned it again after that, it was just one more part of my life that hurt too much to even think about. It was my fault for staying with him. I never should have stayed with him.

"Oh God.. honey." Kurt murmured, his eyes wide with shock and sadness as he stared down at his best friend,

"It doesn't matter.."

"It obviously mattered to you." I nodded and sighed, having to agree with them. It did matter to me, it mattered to me so much.

"I loved her so much, it wasn't fair on her."

"You're young.. you have plenty of time." Quinn whispered, smiling at me and I nodded slightly, not sure if I could ever trust another man to come near me ever again.

"We'll stay in here with you tonight." Kurt smiled, both of them laying next to me as I cuddled up to Quinn and held Kurt's hand. I was thankful, wondering if I could feel happiness once more.

~ .. ~

I had been at Kurt and Blaine's for over a week when the first phone call came, I was reading to Danny when I heard it ring and it was Kurt who picked it up, I saw the look on his face when he heard the voice on the other end and I knew something was wrong. I gave the book to Danny, telling him I would be right back before going over to the man. "Who is it?" I whispered, already having a feeling exactly who it was.

"Jesse, but don't worry.. I'll get rid of him." I nodded, biting my lip,

"Can I speak to him?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I smiled, I wanted to speak to him, no matter how much he had hurt me, I still loved him. That wasn't going to stop any time soon, not yet anyway. He handed the phone to me,

"Jesse?" I whispered, walking up the stairs slowly,

"Baby, I am so sorry.. come back to me."

"I can't."

"Yes, of course you can.." He sounded so much like the Jesse I remembered, the Jesse I had fallen in love with as he spoke to me. I almost ran back to him right there and then, but I had to remain strong as I stared down at the bruises and cuts that were starting to fade.

"No, I can't.. not until you sort yourself out. You're not going to see me or Danny again until you're alcohol free." I was in the bedroom now, sitting on the bed and I smiled to myself as my own strength and courage. "I love you, Jesse and I always will but I don't love this Jesse. I fell in love with my Jesse.. where did he go?" I bit down on my lip, wanting to cry as I thought about the times we were happy.

"I love you." Jesse whispered,

"I love you too." She kissed him gently on the lips and he smiled at her, grabbing her hand as they carried on walking down the beach. He looked at her, she noticed him staring at her and stopped in her tracks as she raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"I wasn't going to do it like this but I just love you so much, and I just want to let you know how much and I really want to spend my whole life with you and the little baby." He pressed a hand to her stomach, grinning, "I want us to be together forever, just me and you and all the children we're going to have after this little man."

She stared at him, confused by the speech, gasping when he went down on one knee right there and then in the middle of the beach. She looked around, glad nobody was looking their way. She felt nervous but happy, here the moment was.. her one true love was about to ask her to marry him and she couldn't have thought of a better way to do this.

"Will you marry me, my beautiful star, Rachel Barbara Berry?" She grinned down at him, looking at the ring he held in his hand.. it was perfect. Ruby red with small diamonds just around the ruby. She tried her best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down her face.

"Of course I will, Jesse St. James." She laughed as tears fell down her face, feeling glad that tears were also running down his. She grinned as he put the ring on her finger before getting up to kiss her, lifting her up in his strong arms to twirl her around. And as he did so, she remembered thinking it would be her forever after, her happy ending.

I smiled at the memory, it was one of the happiest days of my entire life but alcohol had ruined it. I hated that, I didn't hate Jesse. He was an addict, and that would go away if he tried, he could go to rehab and sorted himself out. "I don't know where he went, I want him back as well, I miss you so much. I never realized how hard it would be without you. I can live without the drink, I can't live without my family."

"Please sort yourself out, Jesse and then we can see. I have to protect our son and I have to protect myself. You've hurt me so much and I need time to heal.. is that okay?" I heard the sigh on the other side, I knew he was sober but I was still terrified of the answer.

"Of course it is, baby.. how is this going to work?"

"You will go to rehab, I will come and see you every month to see if you're trying to get better. Then when you are out, we'll give it a while and see if you've actually changed. If not, then no matter how much I love you.. it's over for good." I felt so strong and so weak at the same time, strong because I knew he wasn't there and because I was finally saying what I held in for so long.. but weak because I was still scared, the sound of his voice made me shake and when I close my eyes, I see his fist coming towards me. More tears fell down my face but I held the sobs that were about to come.

"Fine.. I promise.. for you and Danny. I will get myself checked into a centre as soon as I can."

"Phone Kurt or someone with the address." I said before saying my goodbyes. He sounded depressed but this is what I should have done at the start, then it wouldn't have been so bad, it wouldn't have gone this far.

"You okay?" Kurt asked as I walked down the stairs, I nodded and smiled,

"I just needed to get that out of my system. He's getting checked into rehab, I told him what was going to happen and he agreed." I sighed, moving back to the sitting room to sit back down with Danny. He wrapped his small arms around me, nuzzling his head into my neck as I wrapped my own arms around him, looking at Kurt.

He grinned and walked over to me to put a hand on my shoulder, "We're ordering take out, is that alright?" Danny nodded enthusiastically and I grinned before going back to the story. This is what normal feels like.

~ .. ~

I started to heal for the first time in a long time; mentally and physically. I was glad for the amount of time I had to heal, it would usually be a few days before the next beating and then there would be more wounds to add, more broken bones and more bruises. I had this new feeling of utter happiness, and I was able to wrap my arms around my son without crying out in pain. I could chase him around the room without having to lay down because it hurt so much. Life was finally looking up.

I laughed a little as one memory seemed to stick out. Jesse and I were at a party and I was completely drunk, we had only just got back into contact after I left Ohio but we were certain this time that it was fate telling us that we were perfect for each other. He hadn't touched a drink all night, that was the thing that stood out to me when I looked back on the memory now. The drink wasn't important at the time, but those were the days. Drink ruined us, and I could only hope it didn't carry on.

I had been at Kurt's for a month now, I was fully healed and back to going to auditions on Broadway. It wasn't the same, people I knew looked at me as though I was fragile, giving me the once over for scars or any signs of the abuse they had heard about. But it was good to be back on top form.

Something went wrong that day though, someone looked at me as though trying to decipher what bruises and scars I were hiding. I had stormed off into the bathroom, smashing the mirror in anger. He had taken my child from me, it was all I could think about that day. Tears ran down my face as I looked down at the floor, picking up a piece of glass. I looked at it for a second before digging it deep into my arm and the anger left in a moment as I stared down at the blood.

Maybe it was because I was too used tot he pain by now, it was my only release. I sighed, wiping away the tears, dropping the glass in shock once the realization took over. I couldn't have done this, no please.. stop bleeding.. they will hate you.

Finally, the bleeding had stopped and I had roughly pulled my sleeve down, wiping away any signs that I had been crying. I looked at the broken mirror, seeing nothing but a woman in so much pain. I missed him so much – I wanted the real Jesse back, not the drunken, violent idiot he had become. I wanted the Jesse I had fallen in love with five years ago. And now I was a twenty four year old, married woman who had been abused by the man she loved. I just wanted him back.

~ .. ~

I had to hide my set back from everyone, I was too glad to be back home. Nobody knew what I had done, and I didn't expect anyone to discover my little secret. I sighed as I looked at the deep cut in the mirror, I couldn't wear short sleeves for a while but I never did anyway.

I put on a fake smile as I walked downstairs, not wanting Blaine or Kurt to think anything was wrong. It had been a whole week since my set back, and I was determined to get back to normality. Danny jumped at me as I got to the bottom of the stairs, grinning at me and kissing me on the cheek when I lifted him up.

"You going to have anything to eat?" Blaine bit his lip in worry, noticing I hadn't been eating too much lately, no doubt. I shook my head, putting Danny down to put his jacket on. I returned to my normal routine of one meal a day, I had gained weight recently and I knew that when Jesse was okay again, he wouldn't like it. I would have to lose it again anyway when he returned.

"I will grab something on the way." He smiled up at me, walking to the bathroom after shouting a goodbye. I always left before them two, they started much later than me in their respective jobs. I lifted Danny back up, before walking out.

After I dropped him off, I walked to work, smiling at my director as we began the practise for Rent. I played Maureen and it was amazing, I was so happy. I got back late that night, due to it being opening night and was glad to be back home so I could check up on Danny.

"We need to speak to you." Blaine said as I walked in, walking closer to him and Kurt as I bit my lip. My eyes wandered over to the towel Kurt held in his hands, and I felt my whole body shaking as I looked at the blood stained towel, recognising it immediately.

"Y-You don't understand." I tried to explain, I didn't know what to say to the two people who had opened their home to me and my child,

"Where's the blood from, Rachel?" I looked up at them, about to cry,

Kurt shook his head and whispered, "Please tell me it's not what we think it is." I shook my head, trying to laugh,

"I cut myself shaving.. I forgot to put the towel in the wash.. I'm so sorry."

"No.. you don't get this much blood from an accidental shaving cut.."

"Oh? Really? When did you become a doctor?" I glared at Blaine, wrapping my arms around myself, absolutely terrified that I had been caught out.

"Did you cut yourself?" Kurt finally whispered, his eyes wide with worry and terror,

"N-no.. please.. please don't do this.. please." I whispered, looking down at the floor,

"Tell me the truth, it's just me Rachel.. tell me." He took a few steps forward, grabbing my arms from my side but I shook my head, trying to pull myself away from him. I looked away when he rolled up my sleeves, a gasp leaving his lips. I could only shrug when he asked why, I could only apologize when I saw his eyes filled with tears.

"I've ruined everything.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to. You weren't supposed to find out." I fell to the floor as I cried, leaning into Kurt when he wrapped his arms tight around me.

"You should have told us." Blaine said, and I looked up at him and nodded, apologizing once more,

"I didn't want you to think I was creating my own problems.. I'm so sorry."

"We understand that it's not easy to get over this.. you're our best friend, Rachel and we want to be here for you whenever we can and stuff like this needs to be talked about." I sobbed, trying to wipe away my tears as I stood up.

"Well, long day.. I'm off to bed." I said in my best show voice, giving them my best show smile, as I went to walk upstairs.

Kurt shook his head though, "We're phoning a Doctor tomorrow... we think you need more help than any of us can give you." I shook my head,

"No please.. I won't be allowed back to work."

"We think you went back too soon." Blaine took a step forward.

"No! I'm fine.. honestly. I won't do it again. I'm sorry, I really won't." I started to pain, I couldn't lose this job. I didn't want to see some stupid doctor. I needed to cut so badly right then my world began to spin as my chest tightened. It was getting too hard to breathe, I tried to focus on breathing and then I remember someone calling my name, and everything went black and my children were back again.