A knock at the door stirred her from her slumber. It took a moment for her to register where she was. Memories of the day before came flooding into her mind. She looked beside her, the space was empty. No light in the bathroom. Maybe the person at the door was Shizuru, but Shizuru should have the key. Where had the girl gone...?

Groaning and stretching, Natsuki pushed herself from off of the bed. She fished a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of her bag, slipping them on to answer the door.

Outside was a woman holding a tray with tea, rice, miso, and a small rolled omelette. The smell drifted into Natsuki's nostrils, and her stomach grumbled softly.

Nodding a bow, the woman brought the tray into the room. Having set it on the table, she reached into her pocket.

I was asked to give this to you also.

The woman held out her hand. In the out-stretched palm rested a piece of paper that had been meticulously folded into a flower. Thin and delicate, she could see there was writing on it.

Thank you.

After Natsuki had taken the note, the woman bowed and left.

Had last night really happened? It must have. She set the note on the table, and dropped into the chair. Minutes passed as she stared at it. It was obviously from Shizuru. It couldn't be bad, it was in the shape of a flower...right? Hesitantly she reached for it again, and began to carefully unfold the petals.


Please forgive my absence. Natsuki looked so adorable in her sleep, I did not have the heart to wake her. I wish I could stay to make you tea myself, but there is much to attend to with Yamato-sensei.

I hope you will enjoy the breakfast, I am having it sent one hour before we leave for Nishi-Honganji and Higashi-Honganji. Be sure to be in the lobby on time.

Shizuru

Natsuki let her shoulders relax, and breathed a small sigh of relief. Of course, Shizuru had to help Yamato-sensei. Her stomach gurgled again. She seemed to have worked up quite an appetite, and spent the rest of morning rosy cheeked remembering how that had come to be.

She had seen Shizuru enter the Amida Hall and followed. The tatami mats in the hall felt nice on her bare feet in comparison to the rather coolish wooden steps that led to it. Fragrant incense hung sweetly in the air. Shizuru rested on her knees in front of the room's altar. The plastic bag carrying her shoes sat beside her. It made crinkling noises as she bent forward, moving her hands out in front of her, and then rising back up pressing her palms together once more. Natsuki folded her arms and shifted her weight to one of her legs, watching for a moment. She waited until Shizuru completed the third and final bow, marveling at how she seemed to fit in a room like this. The gilded altars, colorful wooden sculptures and cloth; ornate, delicate, warm, and just a bit imposing.

Gentle eyes stared up and smiled when they noticed she had moved to stand beside them. Natsuki knelt by her, placing her own shoe bag on her lap.

I haven't been to a temple in years.

You're about to make up for those years in the span of a few days.

She covered her mouth and laughed at her friend's expression, then continued with her thought.

When I have time, I like to visit. Always on holidays as well, of course.

Silently, Shizuru studied the face of Amida Buddha. Natsuki watched quietly out of the corner of her eye. What was she thinking? After a moment, the girl spoke as if she'd heard the question.

He looks so peaceful. I wonder what that feels like.

Yea, must be nice...

I'm lucky there is Amida Buddha...after...

You really think there's a 'Pure Land'? That someday we'll all be enlightened and happy there?

It sounds good at least, don't you think?

Mm, it does...

...I'm a horrid Buddhist even without the things I've done. I'd still want, I'd still be selfish in my heart.

I don't know...you seem to have the compassion thing down at least?

Shizuru blushed, and watched as Natsuki pursed her lips. The younger girl's eyebrows drew together and lines creased her forehead, as she too stared at Amida Buddha. She looked to be trying so hard to rip some kind of answer to an unspoken question from his image that Shizuru had to laugh. Natsuki glared.

I'm being serious, you know.

Natsuki is always serious.

And you're always making everything into a joke!

I like to see you smile!

...I like to know what you're really thinking.

Sou ka...

Not having expected that answer, Shizuru turned her eyes back to the altar. Both girls stared ahead, not really looking, saying nothing, lost in their own thoughts. Small graceful fingers tucked a long strand of light brown hair behind an ear. Hesitantly she asked what had been on her mind all morning.

Natsuki...are you sure this is what you want?

She gave a meaningful look to be sure the other girl knew to what she was referring.

No.

Shizuru's eyes closed.

That's something I'll have to find out by waiting and seeing.

Unsure of what that meant exactly, the older girl remained quiet.

Shizuru...you know before we met, I didn't have anyone. All I wanted was to be alone, and to find out who took my mom from me.

This...all of this- friends, fun, laughing, trips... everything is new. And so... now I have a real life, and I don't know what I want from anything. I don't know what I want to do, where I want to go...

Before... I had these temporary things I wanted, and I just did them without thinking. I didn't care what happened to me or anyone else... now I do.. I do care. Now I have a life, and reasons to live it. I have you to thank for a lot of that...

So... I feel... if it's ok, if it won't hurt you... can we just...

Shizuru placed a hand on Natsuki's.

I understand what you're trying to say.

Natsuki released a relief filled sigh.

Natsuki doesn't need to worry, she can't lose me. It has hurt as much as it is going to already long before now. We can 'wait and see' as you say, and if you find you can't do this and want to stop- I will endure it. I would die a thousand deaths if it was for Natsuki's sake.

Green eyes searched the loving expression bewildered. The look on the girl's face reminded her of something. Her eyes turned back to stare at the statue on the alter. She wrapped her fingers around the hand Shizuru had placed on her own and squeezed.

I think you're wrong about one thing...

Namu Shizuru Butsu


Author's Notes:

Amida Buddha is said to be a prior incarnation of Siddhartha Gautama. He was a Bodhisattva that refused to become a Buddha unless he could grant happiness in the Pure Land to anyone who called his name. (I almost see a kind of parallel to Christ) ... also kind of why I think Shizuru would favor him... that even after killing and her 'selfish' worldly desire for Natsuki (and tea!) there is a figure still offering forgiveness and happiness.

Namu 'nameofaBuddha' Butsu is like a prayer or invocation (nembutsu)

I think the temples are being renovated right now, but for the sake of 'fiction' it's totally open in the HiMEverse lol