-:-
If you want to look to the future for direction, you must first look to the past, as the future's the reflection of it.
-Will Smith.
How can I explain? I wanted someone to love you, always, I wanted someone to love you; even if that couldn't be me at the time because of anger and heartache.
Even though it was, is, and will always be me that loved you through all of that.
Our world was a world entirely for one soul in two bodies, because if there wasn't two, then there could be no sign of nurture, no sign of things picking up in another generation. To be alone was to be displaced, to whither, to have never earned a mouthful of bread because one soul in one body must be something entirely unto itself; selfishness and sickness in body and soul.
But no matter how bad you got, doing one bad thing after another, I couldn't buy into it, because a selfish person does not look after someone else that they're a little jealous and bitter over. They do not try and honor the parents that neglect them and-in some cases, during the quiet of the night-hurt them and make them leave far too soon. They do not try for something better, even if the attempt is ignored or seemingly a long way off or too late.
Hating yourself is not quite selfish, either, it's just responding to things beyond your control and trying to put an end to it so you'll be out of the way of people you think are above or below you; sometimes in a way that you can't take back.
I did not want you to hate yourself, standing out in the middle of a frozen wildness, about to make the choice that you thought was right.
I mean, I loved you and didn't want you dead and didn't want to be alone.
That is selfish, in way, saving someone just so you won't inevitably be as lonely as they were-are-but I saw your sadness and I know you loved.
And I do love you, so regardless of what I did feel and do feel, then and now and back again, please don't doubt that.
Even if you have no reason to believe me.
Twenty-seven fights. Mekt had been the target of twenty-seven fights, heavy brawls and situations he couldn't get out of and, according to the report sitting in Garth's hands as he waited for his elder brother to shake off the sedatives he was on so they could talk for a little while, during the last three he hadn't fought back.
Okay, that was a little bit of a lie Garth was telling himself. In the first two at the tail-end of the rather large number, Mekt had put up some marginal resistance, breaking his right wrist when he punched an inmate in the face; chafing his knuckles and tips of his fingers which showed he'd made an effort of defending himself.
This time...like most of the other times...
Garth set the report down on the table, leaning forward, elbows balanced on his knees and one hand picking up Mekt's, finding so many dark bruises along his veins and thin frame, but no scabbing on his knuckles or the hand Garth could see but couldn't reach from his seated position.
No defensive wounds, no resistance, severe injuries everywhere.
It meant that he had simply surrendered to the hurt, to the humiliation, the abuse.
Garth wasn't stupid. No fight means giving up, means a real lack of hope; which meant he was in danger of being killed the next time someone went after him for just existing.
In other words, he was in a place not too different from Winath, except there was nowhere he could take reprieve from all the negativity except solitary confinement and there was no fucking way in hell Garth was going to let the prison system put him somewhere that he could quietly kill himself (his own hands clenching around his throat; his teeth so white they were like slants of fallen ice tearing into the veins of his wrists so the blood stuck in his throat and he choked while bleeding out; pounding his head into a wall, back and forth, until there was a crack that meant success; tossing the food given to him into the toilet and starving-which wouldn't take long at all, given how thin he already was) where nobody would notice the lack of a heartbeat until it was too late.
He sighed and closed his eyes, bringing the loose and limp and cold hand to his forehead; the temperature difference setting him even more on edge and fearful, "I should have known something was wrong when you sent Ayla those instructions...I mean, you wanted to keep her safe, I know that, I've seen her and she really appreciated it, I just didn't... I'm so stupid, you know that. I should have understood."
Imra had not been expecting Nura to come walking into the monitor room with half past five rolling into the sky to paint the day as grey and cold as Saturn Girl's thoughts about Garth and his brother had been. And most assuredly she did not expect the forward dreamer to come in with small, distressed, crying, bruised Ayla Ranzz, tucked up next to Dream Girl like a lamb keeping close to a ewe that wasn't its mother but still was absolutely beyond doubt safe.
Rotten, dying bamboo tanned by burning sunlight.
Blood of a hanged witch as it boiled in the veins of the body cast into a burning wood pile.
Saturn Girl tried to tuck in her anger and nausea that sprang up from her heart and center at the impression on both of their psyches. She had never picked up on Dream Girl being so sure and brittle at the same time after obviously waking from a warning she needed to at least try and prevent; and Ayla shouldn't have had that color permeating from her cerebral cortex almost the exact same color as Garth whenever something deeply troubling happened to him or was happening to him.
Imra and Nura shared a look and the pre-cog gave only the barest of nods, allowing for Imra to pick up the explanation and what should be done about it while Ayla wiped at her face and gave little hiccups from almost-not-quite-behind Nura.
The pink florescent glands behind Imra's eyes picked up just along the edges, making it seem as though the lights above their heads were just playing a trick, rather than having stars light up from the inside of her. It was rude, and almost wrong, but sometimes things needed to be understood before they could be known or get any better, and that was the entire intent radiating off of both Legionnaires as Imra focused on the quiet desperation and sickly tinged sadness exuding from Ayla's psyche and Nura provided what she could from the memory of a dream that left her empathizing with Garth more than she had since they'd really started to get along.
Nura also kept Ayla's eyes from looking too closely at Imra while she delved; Dream Girl handing Ayla a tissue to wipe up some of the saltwater tracks on her face that blurred the dirt and grit on her cheeks and chin.
{"...There's this really nice, quiet back road that leads out from behind the school into the woods if you ever wanna get home in a hurry or are trying to avoid the boys that will probably fawn all over you once they realize how pretty you are. Don't hold it against them, but just keep in mind that it's an option. If you're afraid of all the little brooks and pawns and Silmarwhen Fish, don't be; they get used to you after the first three times they see you around.
The woods aren't haunted, but you can always pretend that they are if you want to play hide and go seek; you'll always win when hiding, trust me.
Also, the big old Blackroot tree that towers over the biology lab? There's a trick root along the one with old green scars in the shape of an X that you can use to hide your lunch so it doesn't get stolen by the other girls (you know, everyone loves mom's pie and sandwiches) so just tuck it inside before getting to class, and it'll still be there, no birds or rodents or anything go near that tree and neither do most of the other kids.
I know classes are gonna be difficult without Garth, but just do your best and if it gets really...hard... the headmasters can be prompted to give you an extra day to finish and they can't say no because it's not technically giving you an unfair advantage since you don't have an extra pair of hands and there's too much work to do in a single night.
...Try to make friends, okay? It'll be worth it and I know you're gonna be lonely so, try, okay? Just promise that you'll try.
Love ya, Little Sis. -Mekt."
The letter Ayla had received from her elder brother via her not-so-much-entirely-twin-anymore-brother had seemed like a welcome blessing after almost a year of being back home and... feeling out of place. Her parents had been far over the moon in their joy to welcome their daughter back, and some of her friends that had grown up at the same rate as Garth had been amazed, and curious and ever-so-kind; there had been questions and a lot of hugging and her mother not letting her stray too far from home her first month back and her father making sure that nothing had gone differently with her return like the boys when they had started firing lightning.
But then school started and the letter took on a new meaning and understanding and Ayla actually... there were parts of the letter that had thicker handwriting, like Mekt had put an exorbitant amount of energy into not saying the most obvious of things.
The forest and the lonely road was for running away from cruel girls who called her a liar and boys that tugged at her hair or threw rocks at her head, calling her names mostly centered on "filthy Solo" and the like. They never took another step once she disappeared into the clusters of high foliage and dark shadows with creepy fish looking out from their homes between the roots of trees that dipped into the water. Ayla had actually gotten used to them and started to think that, for being so ugly, they were cute.
The tree with its hiding places wasn't to keep other kids from taking her dessert when she wasn't looking, it was also to hide her belongings so the other kids didn't break into her locker and trash them. There were even some old papers and money from when Ayla was certain Mekt had been the same age as she was; his name on a few books that were worn out because of weather and time and beneath those, food that had enough preservatives to last another decade.
Schoolwork was hard. It was meant for two people, this she had always known. Two heads were better for clarity and getting to an answer quicker with synergy, but alone it seemed almost a mountain that, even if you got to the top, there was another one right next to it, and sometimes you got lost, or stranded, or couldn't find the right path again. Her teachers often tutted her on her tardiness with finished homework and brought up parts of it being unfinished and even when she did finally swallow her pride and went to the headmasters to ask for extended time to finish (she was alone, how could she be expected to do this all with just one head and two hands?) they had seemed far more reproachful than they had any right to be.
The other kids thought that her extended time tables were unfair, giving her more advantage. If she tried to explain, they didn't listen. If she tried to make them understand, they bullied her with either words or hands.
Ayla really understood how horrible it must have been for Garth when he went back after the incident with the Lightning Beasts; alone and wretched, they might have left him alone only for a short period if he didn't also have powers that must have made even the bravest bullies quake.
Ayla also really understood why Mekt left. She'd had a year, Garth had maybe two or three. Mekt had been dealing with it since he was born.
Her parents didn't understand, her teachers wouldn't help her, and making friends was something it didn't seem like she would be able to do no matter how nice she was or how much she just tried to keep out of the way, or how late she stayed outside during the night in the words to just stare at the little fish that were no longer something to be afraid of.
So she saved up her money and hid away some clothes and intended to call Garth and ask first, but then a particularly vindictive pair of girls had gone too far and stolen her holophoto of herself and her brothers. She'd fought back, finally she'd fought back and had the picture in her pocket as the proof, but it was just too much.
She'd left her parents a note, gotten her clothes and what she could fit in a little travel case and bought a ticket for a shuttle trip to New Metropolis.
The ride had been a boring look out into the cosmos just watching constellations pass on by as well as animals that shouldn't live out in space but somehow did (like those icky green things with teeth or those vaguely adorable things that looked like electrified jellyfish), except for the telescreens set up on the shuttle that reported the news and showcased music selections for the people on board and, when she had nearly dozed off, she'd woken up immediately to the news blasting that Takron-Galtos had been the site of another all-out riot that had included most of the guards being injured, though a surprise had happened in the form of one of the prisoners protecting a guard that was going to be assaulted, which lead to a fight that meant many of the other prisoners had been injured and unable to flee.
When the screen had lit up with Mekt's picture and flashed the words 'In Critical Condition' across his face in flashes letters, she'd nearly broken down right then and there as they were docking into Earth and her first course of action was to be the first one off the shuttle and out onto the streets to head for the Legion Tower.
Garth had been leaving just as she arrived, angry and couldn't hear her when she called to him across the street.
Still, even as she felt tears cascading down her face, the doors to the building had opened and Dream Girl had come rushing out, flustered and short of breath and paused only long enough to look up towards where Garth had been and then back down directly at Ayla.
"Are you Garth's sister, Ayla?" She'd asked, probably knowing the answer already, Ayla assumed as she walked over and bent into a crouch so they were eye to eye; her long arm reaching out and her hand setting on the smaller girl's shoulder to comfort her as best she could as her other hand set on the travel case Ayla hadn't realized she'd dropped so she could wrap her arms around herself as tears started to fall, "I'm sorry; Garth didn't know you were coming, but he's just as worried about Mekt as you are. He'll be back a little later, hopefully with some good news, so let's get you inside...}
Imra pulled out, eyes wet, but the last sentence in that train of memory left her with something to hold onto so she wasn't just as out of it as the little girl that just missed her brothers more than anyone who'd been through what had should have ever had to.
Nura met her eyes and nodded, silent and encouraging Imra to ask the question.
"Good news?"
"I had a little conversation with Brainy, Cosmic Boy and Phantom Girl before I went to greet Miss Ayla here. If my calculations are correct, they should be on the line with the head of the Takron-Galtos parole board."
"You dreamed this...?"
"I dreamed Brainy and Tinya failing...but for all they bicker and act like they're twelve, Rokk and Garth have enough respect between them to be in each others' corners for things like this."
