Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"You can't be serious, Bella!" Charlie yelled at me across the kitchen table. I shrank back into my chair. "What difference will running away from Forks make?" he said this more gently after seeing my reaction to his raised voice. "Why should you have to hide in shame after what that bastard did to you?" the anger crept back into his tone as he mentioned Edward. "I guess this whole situation made me realise how little of life I have actually experienced. I want to see the world and try new things, immerse myself in new cultures. And honestly, I think it may be a good idea to get out of Forks for a while, even if the Cullens' are no longer here, if I get another look from anyone that makes me feel like I'm drowning in their pity, I will probably pull my hair out and start screaming like a banshee." I had to make him see that I would never be happy in Forks, not with all the memories that assaulted me wherever I went, wherever I looked. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Alice and the rest of her family had left two weeks ago to try and find Edward. Alice had called twice since they left, but I knew that she was trying to spare me the heartache of having to hear what was going on, so our conversations were very short and ultimately pointless. They had their hands so full trying to track Edward, that Alice had not even had a vision when I had taken too many sleeping pills the other night to try and drug myself into a dreamless slumber.

With the thought that there would be no one around to stop me if I went to Italy, I avoided planning anything concrete, that could result in Alice having a definite vision and considered slowly making my way to the Volturri, thus not making it too obvious. Who knew, I'd probably chicken out before I got there. But over the course of the last month, I had accumulated a staggering amount of anger towards Edward and the "love" of his life. I gagged on the word even as I thought it in my mind. I wanted to prove to Edward that he had thrown the most precious gift away when he told me that he didn't love me. Maybe when I was a beautiful, indestructible vampire and not a silly, blushing human anymore, he'd think twice about how he felt about me, but it would be too late. I for once would have the opportunity to let him feel what it feels like to have the very meaning of your life, all the love ever given, thrown back in his face. It would be interesting to see if he could swallow some of his own medicine. And having the chance to slap the face of the bitch that had stolen him from me without getting myself killed, was definitely a contributing factor.

"I'm going, dad. I have to. Please understand, I just don't think that I could take another week here. It feels like I'm slowly suffocating. Please, please, please understand. I need to do this for me, I need to go" my eyes filled with tears as I flung myself across the kitchen and into my father's lap. He pulled me tightly to his chest and kissed my gently on the forehead. This was closer than we had ever been, both physically and emotionally. It felt good, but it also broke my heart, because it meant that if my loosen woven idea worked out, I would probably never see him again. That is why I needed him to understand my intense desire to leave, so that at least he could never blame himself for not trying to stop me.

"Well, if you must, Bella. There's nothing left to say really. Promise me that you'll keep in touch and let me know how you are every now and then." He kissed me lightly on the forehead again, before adding "Just let me know when you plan to leave so that I can at least give you a ride to the airport.

"Thank you dad" was all I managed to get past the lump in my throat. "I love you" I said awkwardly as I unfolded myself from Charlie's lap. "Me too kiddo" he said without really looking at me. We were both not the greatest when it came to revealing too many emotions and we had already used our quota for the night.

I raced upstairs and threw some clothes and toiletries into a bag, now that the stitches in my "loosely" woven plan were pulling tighter, there was a greater chance that Alice would see it. The sooner I got to the airport, the better.

As I turned to leave my room, I turned and gave it one final glance. This was it, all the memories, both good and bad, were about to topple the very fragile balance I had somehow achieved between heartache and anger, that kept me nice and numb. If I swayed too far to either side, I knew that I would not recover. "Don't give yourself time to think about it Bella, just keep moving" I chanted to myself.

I turned off the light and called to Charlie who was in the living room. "How about that lift to the airport, dad?"