Disclaimer: Nope… still don't own it!


The Fellowship had finished their days worth of traveling and settled down and started the most arduous part of their day… deciding who was going to cook dinner.

"Well… who's it going to be tonight?" Aragorn mused, stretching his legs. The other eight members of the Fellowship started to open their mouths. "And before you say anything, no, I'm not going to be doing any cooking."

"Well, I'm not, either," interjected Gandalf, "… and Sam and Legolas already did their fair share… So, who does that leave?"

"Well… there's Merry…" Said Sam.

"…Frodo…" Added Merry.

"…Boromir…" Frodo quickly said.

"…and Gimli…" Boromir said, passing the torch.

"Hey! What about me!" Pippin said indignantly. "I haven't cooked yet!"

"No, Pippin, I would not let you cook unless we had to." Gandalf replied (note that he said the same thing about the Mines of Moria).

"So…" The eight members of the Fellowship turned to their next victim. And he was…


"Well, yes, I am the cook. I understand that part! But, tell me again why I have to wear all of this?" Gimli grunted in indignation, gesturing to his chef's garbs, which consisted of a large, white, and ridiculously mushroom-shaped chef's hat, which was far too big for him and a white apron that said, 'Kiss the Vertically Challenged Cook'.

"Because it's funny." Legolas replied with an amused laugh.

"Fine, I'll wear the stinkin' gear." Gimli replied. "But I'm cooking what I want. I won't be making any of that rabbit-food." All of the other Fellowship members, with the exception of Legolas, cheered. "We're going to be havin' a real meal tonight!"

"So," Pippin said, looking at Gimli intently, "What are we going to be eating tonight? Please tell me it consists of about 10-20 courses! I've missed so many meals today and I must make up for them!"

Gimli looked thoughtful, if that was indeed possible. "Patience, young Hobbit," he said, "you'll find out soon enough!"


"So… hungry…" Pippin moaned and began to chew on Sam's fingernails. Sam snatched his hand back.

"Hey!" Sam snapped. "Chew your own fingernails!"

"I already did." Pippin said, showing Sam his fingernails.

Sam moved away from Pippin. "You're weird," he said.

"Thank you." Pippin replied with a smile.

"Gimli, what are you making over there?" Merry asked, interrupting Sam and Pippin's conversation.

"Whatever it is," Boromir interjected, "it smells good enough." He groaned and slightly twitched as the strong smell of cooking meat wafted over to him.

"Patience, everyone!" Gimli cried from where he was standing. He had rigged a small contraption over the flames so that he could roast meat over it. "The salted pork's almost done!"

"Good!" Frodo said. "I'm starved! And as Ringbearer, I get dibs on the best cut of the pork!"

The rest of the Fellowship shot Frodo death-glares.

"What?" Frodo said. "I mean, after all, I am the Ringbearer. I'm the most important person here." The other members of the Fellowship twitched simultaneously. "That means that I get the best of everything. After all, the rest of you are along to assist me! That means you're all my subordinates!" This caused all of the other members, including Gimli, to explode.

"Hello! I'm the guide!" Gandalf cried. "Without me, you'd probably be heading towards who-knows-where! Also," he gestured to his staff, "I'm a wizard! That means I could turn you all into neon pink fuzzy bunny slippers if I wanted to!" At this thought, all of the other members of the Fellowship shuddered, for they had no desire to be anything pink, fuzzy, or cute. "Therefore," Gandalf continued, "I should get the best cut of the food!"

"Well, I'm tonight's cook!" Gimli bellowed. "Without me, you would probably be eating more rabbit-food!" Legolas glared at Gimli. "Not to mention that I didn't have to go on this quest! I chose to! I'm just as important as anybody else here! I should get the best piece!" After having his say, Gimli turned back to the salted pork.

"Well, I'm an elf!" Legolas interjected. "And that says it all!"

"Well, Sam, Pippin, and I knew about you leaving the Shire and about the Ring before you even left and we didn't tell!" Merry snapped. "That's pretty important!"

"Yeah!" Sam and Pippin agreed.

"And I'm me!" Pippin said. "That's got to count for something!"

"So what?" Aragorn cut in. "I'm Gondor's future king! Not to mention, I'm a Ranger and I saved all of your sorry behinds!" He said, gesturing to the Hobbits. "Especially you!" He pointed to Frodo. "I should get the best piece!"

"I don't give a Nazgul's toe clippings if you're the future King of the Flying Tree-Squirrels!" Boromir snapped to Aragorn.

Somewhere in the far distance, an almighty cry of, "SQUIRRELS!" was heard.

Boromir paused for a moment. "Was that Faramir?" He mused.

The rest of the Fellowship stared at him, expecting an explanation.

"My younger brother. He has an unnatural phobia of squirrels."

"SQUIRRELS!" Another shout was heard.

"I don't know how he heard me all the way from here, though. He's all the way back in Gondor… Anyway… Back to my point… I'm the Steward's son! And he could kick the bucket at any time, so I'm practically Steward of Gondor! And that mean's you'd have to go through me to become King! So, Aragorn, you should really start treating me better… Not that I'd let you be King anyway. That'd happen over my cold, dead body!"

"That can be arranged." Aragorn growled.

"You wanna go at it?"

"Bring it on!"

Aragorn and Boromir lunged at each other and started rolling on the ground, fighting. The Fellowship members, with the exception of Gimli, watched the fighting pair, cheering for their selected favorite the give the other a black eye.

"It's done!" Gimli cried out at a convenient time. Aragorn and Boromir paused in the middle of their fight, stopped, and companionably went over to the rest of the Fellowship as if they had not just been fighting

Gimli carried a large plate filled with large slaps of cooked pork, which was oozing with juices, over to the Fellowship. The Hobbits could not resist.

"FOOD!" They all yelled and ferociously lunged at the plate and Gimli, who dropped the plate of food in fright and got out of the way of the food-crazed Hobbits.

The Hobbits each grabbed large slabs of the salted pork and carried it over to their original sitting places and began to voraciously tear their pieces of meat apart. It was only then that the rest of the Fellowship felt it safe to serve themselves.

Legolas went over to the plate laden with the pork and took one look at it. With a distasteful sniff, he walked away from the plate. "That food looks disgusting. It's practically oozing with fat and it's caked in salt. It's a heart-attack just waiting to happen! I think I'll go over there and eat with Bill." Legolas walked over to where the Fellowship's burden-pony was and began to rip up grass and eat it.

"Whiner-baby!" Gimli yelled to the elf. "I ate your stinkin' salad!" He spat out the word as if it were as evil as Sauron himself.Gimli then took his piece of salted pork.

"Legolas!" Pippin said. "If you're not going to eat, can I have your piece?"

"Wait there, Pippin!" Frodo said, "I'm the Ringbearer. That means that I should get the extra!"

"Well, then, I could always eat you!" Pippin said.

"Take it!" Frodo yelled and ran away with his piece of salted pork.

Aragorn and Boromir shrugged and took their pieces and sat down to eat it.

Gandalf sighed. "Hobbits," he muttered as he took his piece and followed the men.

Although the pork was overly salted, the Fellowship enjoyed it, preferring it over Legolas' tasteless salad of the night before.


Nari: So, what did you think? Was it good or bad? Please tell me! I would also like to thank all of the people who reviewed for the previous chapter. Thank you so much! Anyway, please leave lots of reviews!