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Author's note: THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS!
What if Voldemort was afraid of the dark?
A few days ago at the Death Eater meeting…
"Bow before the Dark Lord!"
The tall figure winced. "STOP USING THAT WORD!"
"Pardon me, my Lord, but which word?"
"The bad word with'd'!"
"Er…
dumb, donkey, Dumbledore? I said none of those… Oh, wait you meant
'dark'!"
Voldemort winced again: "I said don't use it!"
"Why can't I say dark?"
"Because I will punish you if you do!" the man smiled cruelly, just after wincing once again.
"You surely have a dark sarcasm your lordship!" the other said admiringly.
Voldemort sighed: "Why does Dumbledore get all the intelligent followers? Anyway, what's your name, moron?"
"Goyle, my Lord."
"That explains a lot…" Voldemort muttered.
"May I ask why we cannot mention the word 'dark' around you though?"
"Because I said so, since when do I have to explain my actions to you?"
"Forgive
me d… erm… my lord!" Goyle thought for a while, a long while,
it always took a while when he was thinking "What shall we call you
then if not the d… Lord?"
"I will think of something
different! Everyone was confusing me with Sauron and Darth Vader
anyway! Call me the 'Cruel Destroyer'!" he announced.
Another figure bowed before him and the spoke: "My Lord, the abbreviation would be 'CD' then… you're not into music, are you?"
Voldemort sighed: "Any better ideas Malfoy?"
Lucius Malfoy swallowed: "Erm… how about… how about… mean locust?"
"Malfoy, my friend…" Voldemort started talking quietly: "ARE YOU TOTALLY CRAZY?"
"Locusts are feared and hated, my Lord!"
Voldemort raised an eyebrow: "I am surrounded by fools! Just continue saying Lord, that would work!"
"You are so much more intelligent than I am!"
"Out of your mouth this is not a compliment, Malfoy! Anyway, off to the meeting we go, or I'll really get angry at you and for now I cannot afford to lose followers!"
One look at their faces made sure that both men didn't really get what he had meant with this.
They walked through a poorly lit passage when suddenly Malfoy screamed: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH, there's something by my hand!"
"That's my hand, stupid!" Voldemort said sourly.
Malfoy sighed relieved but a few moments later he asked: "Why are you holding my hand though?"
"I am not holding your hand, I am squeezing your hand because I am evil!" Voldemort replied.
Malfoy and Goyle might have exchanged looks if they hadn't bee too afraid that Voldemort might see them.
Finally they came into the meeting room which was illuminated with big light bulbs.
Voldemort finally released Malfoy's hand and walked in front of everyone.
"Hello, my name is Voldemort and I am a Death Eater!"
Everyone echoed: "Hello, Voldemort!"
It was then when he noticed that he had confused his meetings.
"Anyway, what are we going to do today?"
"The same we are doing every night try to take over the world!"
"You think that's funny, right?" Voldemort was angry.
No one dared to respond. Only Goyle couldn't hold back some giggles.
If looks could kill people, Goyle would have dropped dead at once.
"So you think THIS IS FUNNY?" Voldemort had narrowed his eyes so they were barely visible.
"No…" Goyle said slowly "but…" he went over to the switch "This is funny!" He switched off the light.
When the light returned just a moment later Voldemort was cowering on the floor whimpering something which sounded like "Mommy!"
When he noticed the light had returned he stood again: "Well, now back to…"
Goyle giggled again and turned off the light again.
"MOMMY!"
The light went on again…
"There is one order for all of you…"
… and off again.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME!"
Finally Malfoy went to the switch and turned it on again and noticed that Voldemort had fainted.
He sighed and turned to the other Death Eaters: "And now tell me whose great idea it was to tell him that there were monsters everywhere in the dark!"
In order to be able to hold any meetings under normal circumstances again Goyle has been bound to a chair ever since that day and as soon as Lord Voldemort remembered that he could cast spells like "Lumos" everything went its normal ways again.
