Chapter 3: Surprise Partnerships
Logan and K wasted no time heading out, and they weren't twenty minutes from the school before they were joined by a familiar figure with two katanas on his back.
"Whatcha do-in'?" Wade asked, his voice high-pitched, his hands behind his back, and one ankle tucked behind the other.
"Lookin' for a hot new makeout spot," Logan deadpanned. "What's it look like?"
"Not that."
"We're going to play Viking," K told him.
At that, Wade instantly brightened and clapped his hands. "Ooh! Can I play?"
"Don't really need the help, 'pool," Logan grumbled.
"Aww, come on. I'm excellent at pillaging! And I speak the language now!"
"Just burning," K corrected as she reached up to pat Wade's cheek. "And I am so proud of you."
"I am excellent at arson too," Wade said, looking entirely pleased with himself — over both his arson skills and his language skills.
"Where did you leave my sister, Wade?" K asked.
"Oh, she and Ellie are spending a girls' weekend together!" Wade said.
"So what the hell are you doin' in Chicago?" Logan asked.
"Well…"
"Who's the hit on, Wade?" Logan asked, not in the mood to play around.
"No one you'd miss," Wade said, waving his hand. "Blue, annoying, possibly related to your bestie…"
At that, Logan stopped entirely, and the two ferals both stared at him. "She's in Chicago too?"
"Well, that's where the tracker that I put in her food ended up, so, yes, yes she is. Unless that taco place gave her the runs — but then that's something I'd rather not find out for myself."
"Didn't David say he was with her?" K asked Logan quietly, which Logan nodded in agreement.
"Looks like we're on the same trail," Logan told Wade. "We won't interfere with your hit."
Wade nodded seriously. "You going after the big ugly bodyguard she carries around like the opposite of a trophy husband?"
"We're burning all his houses down," Logan replied. "Until he catches up."
"Then we're gonna burn one down with bits of him in it, scattered around," K added.
"That actually sounds perfect," Wade said, grinning obnoxiously and obviously even behind the mask.
"Hot makeout spot," Logan chuckled before he tipped his chin toward a very obnoxious-looking older house near the lake. "Do I need to check the address?"
Wade puffed out his chest and took on a careful impression of Sherlock Holmes, complete with a nonexistent magnifying glass that he immediately made a face at and "tossed" aside. "Eww. Some smells you don't want to see up close. What say you, Watson? Up for a little fisticuffs and arson? Or is it petticoats and arson? Or arson and old lace? There's something about lace, I'm sure…"
"Wade, no," Logan said, shaking his head. "Scope it out for your mark, and then we're burning the place."
"Like I said: Arson and old… shapeshifters. Yes, that's the phrase," Wade decided as he examined the house.
K rested her hand on Wade's arm. "Are you shooting her or are we all going in together?"
"One of those things sounds more fun than the others," Wade pointed out, though he was already pulling his rifle around. "Won't take but a mo', Mom! Leave space for the family massacre!"
"I'm not … don't call me that when you're engaged to my older sister," K pointed out.
But that had Wade grinning that much wider as he started to whistle the tune to I'm My Own Grandpa while he scoped out the house, though he came up short and made his way back to the two of them with a heavy sigh. "No go, soon-to-be-sister o' mine."
"We'll make sure to block all but the one exit," Logan promised. "If she's there, she'll come out with the flames backlighting her." The two of them didn't wait before they rushed down to the building and circled around back to force her out the front if she was there. Ten minutes later, the house was fully engulfed, and the two ferals emerged with two glasses and a very expensive bottle of whiskey.
"No sign of her, eh?" Logan asked, handing Wade a glass.
"Not a peep," Wade said. "Tracking signal is directly underneath us… and you don't wanna know where it went." He took the glass and lifted the bottom of his mask just far enough so that he could get a drink. "That's alright; we'll get 'em next time."
Logan poured the drinks as K picked up her burner phone to snap a picture of the flames. She took a moment to send the picture off to Creed's cell, then broke the phone in half and took Logan's glass as the sirens wailed in the distance. "One down."
"Just how many of these are there, mon capitan?" Wade asked K.
"A lot, but there are about a dozen that he uses regularly," she replied, handing Logan the glass back as the three of them started back toward where the bamfs were hiding, watching the show from a safe distance.
"Well then, we've got work to do, gang," Wade said, draping an arm over both of their shoulders. "But do you think we'll be done by, say, June?"
"Oh, we'll be done before Christmas if I have a say," Logan said. "Not sure what you'll be doing."
"Oh good." Wade nodded a few times. "I will be taking my girls off on a tour of the world for the summer." He bumped K's hip. "Summer wedding, trip to celebrate — you didn't get the invite yet?"
"Um… no." K shook her head.
"It's because you're in Chicago and not Westchester," Wade decided. "Much better this way!"
"It's because she wants to keep it private," K replied.
Wade made a noise in the back of his throat. "Lies. We've invited the whole family! I cut my tongue licking envelopes and everything; I would know."
"Too much information, Wade," K said, shaking her head.
"About your big sister's big day?" Wade asked. "Clearly, you don't have enough! I should tell you. We can have a girls night. Braid each other's hair. Paint each other's toenails. Double-check each other's explosive recipes."
"Pillow fight, all that, right?" K replied, shaking her head.
"Oh, absolutely," Wade agreed enthusiastically as Logan pulled K over close and wrapped his arm across her chest so he could try and get her to slow down before Wade launched into one of his rants.
"Stop it," Logan growled into K's hair. "Don't encourage his crazy."
"She's my little sister-in-law!" Wade said. "She's supposed to be encouraging. And you — you, oh brother of mine, should learn from her example!" he added, pointing an accusing finger Logan's way.
The little bamfs had come over and were curling up with the two ferals, giggling at Wade. "Right. We have places to be," Logan said. "So enjoy hunting the shapeshifter."
"What? No!" Wade said, looking totally betrayed as his shoulders slumped. "We're on the same trail. We should put our heads and noses together. Compare notes. Roast s'mores over the Creed-fire."
"Yeah, well, you're totally blowing the hot makeout spot vibe," K chuckled, then gasped when Logan pinched her.
Wade tipped his head to the side to consider this. "Separate hotel rooms," he decided. "But only because I want to be an uncle again."
"In separate cities," Logan said, trying and failing not to smirk.
"Kind of impossible to do on the same trail, but if you think you need all that space to work with…"
"Yeah," Logan said, nodding before he turned to his bamf and told him where they were headed next — northern California on the coast. Logan and K were fairly involved as Logan tried to wave goodbye to Wade, but of course, at the last possible second, Wade made a lunge and grabbed a hold of the bamf on Logan's shoulder, dragging himself along for the festivities.
Once Sara was awake and Cecilia had cleared her to leave the lab — just a mild concussion, but nothing too serious — May Parker had settled in to make the most of her stay, making sure that she and Sara both had comfortable lodgings before she came back down to where Cecilia was making one final check of Sara before she would release her.
But when May arrived, she was surprised to find that there was, in addition to the good doctor, the last wisps of blue smoke. Sadie was standing there holding a bamf's hand; she had clearly enlisted the little guy's help to come and visit Spidey.
"Sadie!" Peter said, grinning widely as he bent down to scoop her up and toss her in the air before he snuggled her.
She lit right up and snuggled in as soon as he had her in a hug. "Who hurt her?" Sadie asked.
"Oh, well, she got hit by a car," Peter explained.
Her big, blue eyes widened. "Oush."
"I'm alright, Sadie," Sara promised with a gentle but wide smile. "I just hit my head is all."
Sadie wiggled from Peter's arms to rush over to Sara's bed and then climbed up to give her a kiss on the forehead and snuggle in with her too. "I always get kisses when I bump my head."
Sara laughed and wrapped the little girl up. "That's a good rule to have."
May made her way over to the scene with a wide grin when she saw them all snuggled up together. "Are you taking good care of my nephew?" she asked Sadie with a gentle smile.
Sadie grinned her way and raised one eyebrow for just an instant before she nodded her head enthusiastically.
"Well, that's good. It's a big job. I took care of him when he was just a little older than you," May said, reaching over to tap Sadie on the nose.
"Daddy says he needs lotsa help," Sadie giggled, glancing over at Peter.
"Aww, come on," Peter said, poking his lower lip out. But that just got Sadie to bail out of the bed and rush back to Peter with her arms up, and he laughed and picked her up. "You're just the best friend a spider could ask for."
She took a hold of his head in both hands and very carefully gave him a kiss on the nose. "Okay. Unca Eff will look for me."
"You shouldn't let him worry. You know he's getting to be an old Elf now, right?" Peter teased.
"Daddy says he's a … a hallo-ween cat."
At that, Peter laughed out loud. "Oh yeah. That's 'cause when his tail sticks straight up? It's like a cat that gets scared. I'll show you the Looney Tunes Halloween special so you can get the full effect. It's very very Kurt-like." With that, he gently let her down on the foot of Sara's bed. "We'll see you in the morning probably, but do you wanna say goodnight to everybody?"
"Yes!" she said in an almost breathless tone before she made her way up to Sara to give her a kiss just as carefully as she'd done for Peter — along with a big, snuggly hug. But when she saw the look on May's face, Sadie redirected and rushed to her to do the exact same thing.
"You are too sweet," May said in a voice that said she was clearly dying of cute as she set Sadie down at last.
"G'nite," she called out sweetly as she rushed over to the little bamf trying to hide behind an IV pole and pulled him into a hug too. In a flash, the two of them were gone, once again leaving Peter with his Aunt and Sara, who were both smiling at him in an entirely too troublemaking fashion.
He tried to shrug it off, his palms outturned. "God-baby. Whatchagonnado?"
"She's darling," May said. "And you're wonderful with her, Peter."
"She's probably the sweetest one here," Peter said. "But I am biased."
"I'm sure she is," May said, "but I haven't had the chance to meet the others."
"Just a matter of time," Celia said as she made her rounds to double check Sara's vitals. "Sadie will be giving her uncle fits for the next week or so, too."
"That's usually how it goes," May agreed with a laugh that had Peter looking slightly abashed.
"It doesn't help when she steals his little bamf friends to teleport all over the house," Celia added.
"Just wait until Kaleb's old enough," Peter teased. "Every one of those kids needs their own teleporting Elf."
"Just like every Elf needs a tiny Howlett."
Peter grinned and nodded at that and probably would have said something more — but his phone went off. When he saw that it was Logan, he held up one finger. "This — hold on — this may be news on our creep problem," he said as he stepped aside so that the girls could continue their conversation and he could take the call. "So did you find him?" he asked when he picked up the phone.
"Burned down his place in Chicago," Logan replied. "But Kurt isn't picking up, and I need him to get Wade the hell outta my face. Now. He latched on when we 'ported, and he won't back off. K says I can't cut his head off."
"Oh, well, Kurt is dealing with my goddaughter, but if you want, I can … I dunno. Help?"
"I just need him to quit trying to pull us into his insane ramblings about the wedding."
"Oooh." Peter nodded. "Yeah, alright, okay, that would be one extra-overly excited Deadpool. Got it." He glanced over at Sara and May and shrugged. "If you tell me where you are, I can hitch a ride."
"I'll send the coordinates to you. Bring a couple extra phones to ditch."
"Oh, okay," Peter said, a bit wide-eyed, before he hung up and turned to the girls. "So, ah, there's not really a problem, per se, but I need to go prevent a homicide? So I'll be back later. Looks like I'm joining the creep-busting brigade."
As it turned out, though, Kurt wasn't ignoring his phone because he was babysitting the Howletts or looking for Sadie. Instead, he was elsewhere — in Maine.
He'd had absolutely no warning when it happened: it was like an irresistible pull telling him exactly where to teleport, the same way he'd known exactly where Azazel was when Mystique had stabbed him. So when the blue smoke cleared and Kurt found himself face to face with his father, he wasn't surprised in the least.
"What — what are you doing now?" Kurt demanded, looking around himself. He knew more or less where he was because of the teleport but still didn't recognize the setting. It was a modest house in Maine, too simple for his father's usual tastes, though it did overlook an entire orchard.
"For the moment," Azazel said, standing up lazily from his seat as he set aside the book he had been reading, another one with inscriptions of magic on the front and sides, "a bit of a family reunion, so to speak." Kurt bared his teeth at the implication, but Azazel waved him off. "Nothing involving your little… entourage," he said. "I mean to find your mother."
Kurt narrowed his eyes at that, but though he meant to teleport and leave Azazel behind him, he found that he couldn't. It was as if he could see in his mind's eye where he wanted to go, but he couldn't take that final step to actually teleport. "I'm not going to stop her from running you through properly this time," Kurt said, glaring as he crossed his arms. "That spell no longer has any hold over me."
"True," Azazel said with an almost lazy sigh. "But you see, I can order you to stop her from doing any such thing, and until I have my full powers back, I will." He gestured to Kurt with one hand. "She always did have an easier time hating me than you."
"Not exactly a ringing endorsement of motherhood," Kurt said with narrowed eyes.
"No," Azazel agreed. He packed away his book in a travel bag and then turned to face Kurt again. He broke into a wide smile when he saw the glare that Kurt was working up and shook his head. "There's no reason to look like that. I'll send you home to that airheaded wife of yours as soon as we've dealt with your mother. It's just that if I'm going to build my power here, no one can be allowed to attempt an assassination on my life and get away with it. You understand, I'm sure."
Kurt kept his arms crossed. "I thought you stole back powers from Kari and K. What do you need me for, except to assuage your own fears of death?"
Azazel bared his teeth Kurt's way for a moment — though the move was less intimidating than it had been when he was a demon. "I have some of my powers. I will get the rest. But in the meantime, I am not fool enough to think that I can escape unscathed should Raven be with any of her many associates."
"You're afraid she'll kill you this time," Kurt said, eyes narrowed, though an almost smug expression was starting to pass over his face.
"I'd much rather she kill you than me," Azazel said with a wave of his hand. "Now then," he added as he calmly crossed the distance between them and gestured for Kurt to follow him — and Kurt felt a tug as he did just that, despite the fact that he was screaming at his muscles to instead take Azazel's sword and run him through. "This shouldn't take too long, though I'll admit, the trail ran slightly colder than I'd like. As I understand it, she should be a little further north by tomorrow; we can cut her off and cut her down and you can be home to your little white picket fence by feeding time at the zoo."
