Chapter 3: In which events are momentous
Kaidan ducked out of the med bay and walked straight into Garrus.
"Whoa!"
"Sorry, I didn't see you." The Turian put a hand on his shoulder.
"You're understandably preoccupied. How's Shepard?"
"Okay. She's sleeping." Garrus sighed in relief.
"I can't believe we found her."
"Me neither." Kaidan headed for the mess and Garrus followed, leaning on the counter and folding his arms as Kaidan rummaged through the cupboards for something to eat.
"She was hurt pretty bad. What's her prognosis?"
"She'll live. Karin made sure of that. I don't think she'll be in the field much anymore though. The burns."
"Kaidan! How's Shepard?" Liara stood beside Garrus, an armful of reports clutched to her chest.
"Alive. Sleeping," Garrus said.
"Is she going to make it?"
"Yeah." Liara closed her eyes, pressing a hand to her chest in relief.
"Her soldiering days are over though, I hear," the Turian continued.
"She won't like that.
"Shepard will do fine. She did die once. Adapting for a few war wounds should be a cinch." Liara rubbed her forehead.
"Goddess. I wish..."
"Liara, you couldn't possibly – "
"Garrus! Any word on – oh, hey Kaidan." Tali peered around Garrus at him. "How's Shepard?"
"Fine. She's sleeping."
"Good. She deserves some rest." Tali looked at Liara, who was staring at the floor. "Hey, you okay?"
"Well – no. I – excuse me." She hurried toward her office, not waiting for a reply. Tali and Garrus exchanged looks.
"I should talk to her," Kaidan said, opening a packet of jerky.
"Shepard should talk to her," said Garrus.
"I doubt she'd listen to anyone else." Tali shook her head.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Speaking of which, I should get back in there."
"Does she really need you in the med bay with her while she's sleeping?" Tali asked.
"I said I'd be there when she woke up. Now's not the time to be breaking my promises." Kaidan shoved an energy bar into his pocket.
"It can't be easy for her, being incapacitated in there like that. Drugged and everything. Not after Cerberus," Garrus said.
"No, it really isn't, I think." Kaidan's shoulders slumped.
"You're worried about her," said Tali.
"I'm always worried about her.
"Does it have to be you who sits with her? I've got some reports to write up for the Primarch, and now that the war's over I could actually catch up on my reading for a change."
"They don't need me down in Engineering – well, not all the time. It would be good to spend some time with Shepard. Besides, you need to sleep and run the ship now and then, don't you?" Kaidan sighed.
"Yeah. I've been so focused on Shepard, I... I don't even know where we're going."
"The fleet set up a rendezvous point near the Sol Relay. I had Joker set a course," said Garrus. "I need to check in with my superiors, and Hackett wanted to talk to Shepard." Kaidan opened his mouth to object, but Garrus held up a hand.
"I told him we had repairs to make. We're taking our time. Besides, Joker needs a break."
"We all need shore leave. Christ, I need to get back to Earth. My family..." Kaidan rubbed his forehead with a weary hand. I really am getting a migraine now, he thought.
"We'll have it sorted out soon enough," Tali said.
"Yeah. You should get back to Shepard, Kaidan. We'll hold the fort til we get where we're going."
"Thanks, guys.
"Hey, you saved Shepard. As far as I'm concerned, we all owe you." Tali leaned into the curve of Garrus's arm.
"Dr. Chakwas saved Shepard. We just got lucky." Kaidan headed for the med bay.
"Let us know when she's up for visitors," Garrus called after him.
"Will do."
Shepard was snoring softly, her breathing easy and her face calm as she slept. Kaidan dimmed the lights, relaxing in the dark as the pain in his head receded. He ate as quietly as he could, his mind bouncing from worry to worry. Shepard's injuries, his mom and sisters and nephews, whatever the hell it was Hackett wanted this time, the look on Liara's face... He buried his head in his hands, staring down at the empty wrappers he'd strewn across Dr. Chakwas' desk. There's nothing I can do about any of that stuff right now, he told himself. I just have to take care of Shepard and wait for orders. All he wanted to do was turn the ship around and take her home with him.
He could just see her bundled up in afghans on his parents' couch, allowing herself to be bullied into taking her medication, plying Joseph and Robin with war stories til they fought over who got to be Commander Shepard in their games... If only Dad could have met her. They would have stayed up late drinking and swapping stories every night til I had to drag her to bed. And I don't even know if that house is still standing... Fuck. Kaidan's throat felt tight. Only the knowledge that he was watching over Shepard kept him from hunting up the doctor's whiskey on his own. No fair to get drunk without her. Christ, I need something to keep me occupied.
"You all right, Kaidan?" He jumped
"Karin. I didn't hear you come in."
"I can see that." Dr. Chakwas bent over Shepard, checking her IV drip and scanning the electrodes on her forehead.
"How is she?"
"Good. Sleep is what she needs most right now. The Cerberus implants seem to be completely nonfunctional – they'll have to be replaced. I don't have the supplies on hand, but these temporary externals seem to be working. The biggest danger right now is pain. Stress will keep her from healing and make everything worse. I want her back in her own quarters as soon as possible – being down here will only trigger her PTSD." Kaidan nodded, then winced. Dr. Chakwas looked at him sharply.
"Migraine, is it?" She unlocked the med cabinet.
"I should stay awake."
"You can lie down in the next bed. Keep an eye on her and take these, Major. I'm not going to put you to sleep, although I'm sure you could use it. In any case, I'd like my terminal back." She put a cup and a few pills by his elbow. Kaidan threw up his hands in surrender and took his medicine.
He dozed fitfully well into the evening. Dr. Chakwas came and went, keeping the lights low as she checked on Shepard and tapped quietly at her terminal. He woke with a start from a dream of chasing his youngest nephew through the rubble of London to find Shepard watching him, cheek pillowed on her good hand.
"Morning," she said softly. Kaidan yawned.
"Evening, more like."
"Ah, you're both awake. I have medication for you, Shepard. Are you hungry?" Dr. Chakwas stood by the door. Kaidan sat up and stretched.
"I could eat," Shepard said.
"Me too."
"I'll see what I can do," said Dr. Chakwas, and left. Kaidan brought Shepard a cup of water, then had to help her drink it.
"You should take your pain meds."
"Let me sit up at least." He didn't bother arguing, but Shepard was panting with pain by the time they got her propped up against her pillows.
"Here." He passed her the suspension and Shepard grimaced.
"It'll just put me to sleep again."
"You just slept all afternoon. It'll make you feel better, anyway." She tried to set the vial down on her bedside table and nearly dropped it when her burns pulled. Kaidan took it from her as she wheezed.
"Shepard, please?" The worry in his voice seemed to penetrate. She nodded and he held the liquid to her lips himself; she drank it down like a sick child, making a face at the taste.
"Fuck, I've never been hurt this bad before. I'm a goddamn invalid. This is bullshit." He squeezed her hand in sympathy.
"You did get blown up twice. And shot."
"Yeah. I remember."
"You'll be feeling better soon. Karin practically mummified you in medi-gel." Shepard eyed her right arm dubiously. Only her fingertips peeked out of the dressing, which extended nearly to her neck, and her forearm was encased in a heavy splint.
"This arm will never work right again, will it." It wasn't a question. "The leg either. I can't feel my hand, Kaidan, or anything below my right knee. I'll need half an exoskeleton just to walk on my own, won't I?" Kaidan sighed.
"You should talk to Karin about that. But... probably, yeah."
"Don't know how the hell I'm gonna be able to work like this."
"They'll have to promote you this time. I still can't believe you didn't make Captain after the fight against Sovereign." Shepard rolled her eyes.
"So it's a desk job at Alliance HQ for me, huh?" She scowled.
"Or the Captain's chair on the Normandy, Shepard. You do have a crew to send down on missions, you know. And you're still a Spectre."
"Much good may it do me."
"The Council owes us both a permanent spot on payroll even if we spend the rest of our lives on my parents' farm in British Columbia growing apples," Kaidan said.
"Ooh, they'd like that. Just pay us to go away so they don't have to go to all the trouble of actually ignoring us in person anymore." She cackled. "Idiots."
"They did okay this time around."
"Okay? If I see that fucking Asari again, I swear to god I'll hit her. How long did she sit on that damn beacon? Christ."
"The Turians came through at least."
"Yeah. Yeah, they did." Shepard sighed wearily, but there was color in her cheeks. "This was a rotten war. The Reapers took too much from us."
"Not was much as you took from them."
"We, not me. On my own, I couldn't have done a damn thing. I just wish we could have ended it sooner." He bent to kiss her cheek.
"Me too."
"Maybe if the fucking Council had been less of a bunch of short-sighted, obstructionist – " Shepard broke off as the med bay doors opened. Garrus and Tali came in with trays of food, grinning.
"Shepard! I thought you were going to sleep for a week."
"If I'd known I was gonna get stuck staring at your ugly mug, Vakarian, I might have tried a little harder." Garrus laughed.
"It's good to see you in fine form, Shepard."
"You too, Garrus. Hey, didn't you get blown up? How'd that go?"
"Not so bad. Your boyfriend here got the worst of it. The key is moderation." Garrus worked as he talked, helping Kaidan and Tali pull a table and chairs over to Shepard's bedside, setting out food, water, and a couple of flasks.
"Don't tell the doctor," Garrus said with a wink, opening the liquor and handing it to Shepard. She took a swig and sighed contentedly.
"Whatever would I do without you?"
"Probably have fewer drug interactions with your pain meds," Kaidan said, sitting down on her bed and dishing up dinner for her.
"Oh, don't be a buzzkill."
"You're lucky her legs are all fucked up, otherwise you'd get kicked for that one," Tali remarked. Shepard grinned.
"Listen to the Quarian."
"Ah, you'd be miserable without me to rag on you, and you know it. The key is moderation." He set a tray on her lap and handed her a fork. "Got it?" But she was already eating. Tali leaned her elbows on the table.
"How are you doing, Shepard?" she asked.
"Good, I guess," Shepard replied around a mouthful of potatoes. "Hurt like hell, stuck in a bed, and pumped full of drugs, but aside from that, good. I'm glad to be back here. Even locked in the med bay... I never thought I'd see this ship again, let alone all of you." She looked around at her friends. Kaidan set down his knife and rubbed her thigh through the blanket.
"Aah, I'm getting sentimental. Christ, I'm glad you're all okay though."
"Likewise," said Garrus. Tali nodded vigorously.
"That was a hell of a fight," she said.
"No kidding," said Kaidan, cutting Shepard's chicken for her.
"Shepard, maybe you don't want to talk about this now, but... what happened up there?" Tali asked. Shepard waved her fork, chewing.
"No, I'll tell you. Gimme that." She poked Kaidan and gestured at the flask. Garrus opened the other one, taking a drink himself and settling back in his seat to listen.
"You don't have to do this now," Kaidan said, handing her the booze.
"I'll talk til the drug interactions knock me out," she said with a crooked grin. "That'll have to be enough for you busybodies tonight."
Kaidan had to admit he was interested. He found himself leaning forward as Shepard began her story, pausing now and then for a bite or two of diner. She made quick work of it, her face grim as she recounted the Reaper strike on the Conduit and her stumbling journey through the closed Citadel, in the dark, among the dead. Kaidan pressed her shin as she recounted the confrontation with the Illusive Man and Anderson's death. She paused for a drink there, eating something to give her throat time to open up again before she went on. She seemed at a loss to describe the Catalyst, saying only that it had been alive and ancient, appearing to her as a human child, which it obviously wasn't. She repeated some of what it said. Kaidan listened with dawning horror as she explained the choice it had given her.
"My god, Shepard." She took another drink, not meeting his eyes.
"I didn't know what else to do. Destroying the Reapers seemed like the only option."
"Of course it was the only option! Synthesis?" Garrus shook his head at the enormity of it.
"Or the Illusive Man's plan? No way, Shepard. You made the right choice," Tali said.
"Doubt Joker thinks so."
"EDI was ready to die to defeat the Reapers. That's what I said to Joker, and he agreed. I didn't know her well, but I know that. She gave her life to save the galaxy, just like you did, or would have done." Shepard rubbed her face with a weary hand.
"She was a good friend," she said softly. Tali looked at the table, clearly biting her tongue. Garrus wrapped a hand around hers in silent thanks.
"She was a valued member of the crew. She'll be missed," he said.
"She is missed," said Kaidan. He had never trusted EDI, or seen her as the life form Shepard insisted she was. He'd done his best to keep clear of her, wary of the mech that had nearly killed him on Mars, regardless of what code controlled it. But now wasn't the time to argue metaphysics, and Shepard had held EDI in high esteem and clearly regretted her destruction. He rubbed her leg. He couldn't understand being friends with an AI, but he could understand mourning for someone.
"Besides, what choice did you have?" Garrus leaned on the table, looking Shepard in the eye. "Your only other options were to let the Reapers continue to exist while you got turned into who knows what, or to turn every creature in the galaxy into a cyborg. Who's to say that you would have been able to protect us if you became the Catalyst? Maybe you would have just gotten sucked into their pattern. And turning everyone into a machine?" He shuddered.
"I couldn't," Shepard said.
"Of course not. It would have been horrible." She nodded.
"I had no right."
"No single person has that right," Tali said.
"Yeah." Shepard took a long pull of her drink, tipping her head back.
"Don't get too drunk, love, or you really will pass out."
"Yes, Dr. Alenko." She rolled her eyes, but passed him the half-full flask. Kaidan had some himself. It was Scotch – not bad, either.
"Where'd you get this?"
"Adams gave it to me. Asked if I was seeing the Commander anytime soon, and I said I damn well hoped so, and he told me to bring you some, Shepard." She smiled a little.
"I knew I liked Adams for a reason."
"To our Chief Engineer," Kaidan said, passing Shepard her water and raising the flask.
"Hear hear," Garrus said. They drank.
"What – " Shepard yawned cavernously. "What about you guys, though? What did I miss while I was saving the world?" She yawned again. "Damn it." Kaidan smiled to himself, valiantly not saying I told you so.
"I see you there, Alenko." She smacked him lightly on the arm.
"We'll let you rest. Plenty of time to fill you in on what happened tomorrow," Tali said, rising.
"Well, you know where to find me." Garrus chuckled.
"See you later, Shepard."
"See you."
"Bye Shepard." Kaidan shoved the table back into the corner as Tali and Garrus filed out. Shepard rested against her pillows, watching him with sleepy eyes. She patted the bed beside her.
"C'mere." Kaidan sat gingerly, not wanting to jostle her, but she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. She sighed happily as their lips met, tangling her fingers in his hair. Heat flooded Kaidan's body as she bit his lower lip. He kissed her hungrily, cupping her face in his hands and stroking her neck with his fingertips. Shepard moaned softly and he drew back.
"Did I hurt you?"
"Not even a little." She tugged at his collar, her eyes warm. Kaidan kissed her smiling mouth, delighting in her nearness. He leaned his forehead against hers as she caught her breath.
"You should get some sleep," he murmured.
"I don't want to sleep, dammit." She yawned in spite of herself. He looked down at her, laughing.
"Fuck me, I hate these damn drugs. I want to spend some time with you, Kaidan." She fiddled with his collar. He took her hand, kissing her palm just to see the way it made her eyelashes flutter.
"I'm not going anywhere, love." He kissed her thumb, the inside of her wrist, then her palm again.
"Well, neither am I." He grinned.
"You'll be out of the med bay soon, Shepard. Dr. Chakwas wants you back in your quarters ASAP."
"And out of her hair, huh?"
"No. I think Karin just knows you really hate it down here."
"That's perceptive of her."
"Oh, Shepard."
"Sorry. She's right though. I hate being stuck here on a fucking slab like this. I can't even get up and walk around. Christ. It'll be good to get back to quarters. At least up there I have fish to watch." He squeezed her hand.
"Let me help you lie down." Shepard grimaced, but nodded. Settling her was much easier with the pain meds in her system; Kaidan made a mental note to make her take them right away the next time she woke up. He adjusted a pillow for her and pulled the blankets up over her chest, kissing her forehead. She rested her hand on the back of his neck, not releasing him until she'd kissed him thoroughly. Kaidan sat on the bed again, holding her hand in both of his. Shepard gazed up at him with heavy-lidded eyes.
"What happened, Kaidan? While I was gone?"
"I briefed you, didn't I?"
"I must have been high on the pain meds. I can't remember." He rubbed her knuckles with a gentle thumb.
"Okay, I'll give you the short version. The Crucible detonation brought us down somewhere in South America, I think. We lost a few people in the battle, and more in the crash – Riley, Cho, Heimisdottir... Fucking Reapers." His mouth twisted. It was her turn to squeeze his hand.
"We were down for a few hours. We had some repairs to make before we could get off the ground again. Joker and the Engineering team really came through for us. They'd all lost people, EDI, Wang, Michaels – good friends, but they put it all aside to get us back in the sky. I need to issue some formal commendations when we get to the fleet rendezvous point." Shepard nodded.
"I wanted to get up to the Citadel right away to look for, well, your body. The others tried to talk me out of it, everyone figured you'd been vaporized when the Crucible went off. I uh, I told them about the PTSD, Shepard. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd survive to yell at me about it." He searched her face anxiously. He'd never actually named the PTSD as such in her presence, he realized. But Shepard didn't argue.
"You don't need to explain, Kaidan. You thought I was dead. I understand. You did what you had to do. I'm just glad you found me at all. If you hadn't come, I would have died up there." Her face darkened. "Bad way to go." Kaidan sighed, relieved.
"Liara was pretty upset to learn the truth about what Cerberus did."
"Yeah. I'll talk to her." She looked away. "It wasn't her fault. I'm not angry at her at all. Guess I just need to tell her that."
"I think she's pretty angry at herself." Shepard met his eyes.
"She was right to do it, Kaidan. I'm not saying I'm glad it happened, but it was the right call."
"I guess I just wish there had been another way."
"I wish the Collectors had never hit us in the first place."
"I wish that too, every damn day." They sat in silence for a moment, staring down at their hands clasped on the blanket.
"You got hurt down in London," Shepard said finally. "How are you doing?"
"The explosion got me good. Burns all down my side, and it messed my leg up some. I've got a dressing – " he pulled up his shirt to show her the pads on his ribs " – and another one on my thigh, if you want me to take my pants off." She grinned wickedly.
"If I could move, I swear, Kaidan..." She trailed off. He bent to kiss her, relishing the heat of her mouth on his. She slid her fingers up his thigh. He caught her wrist, laughing.
"You're getting ahead of yourself."
"What can I say? I'm an ambitious woman."
"Yes you are." He kissed her again. "Soon," he murmured.
"I'm gonna hold you to that."
"Okay." Shepard was smiling, her eyes dropping shut.
"Sleep well, love." Kaidan tucked her in. Her only answer was a sigh. He got up to turn of the lights and undressed carefully in the dark.
They reached the rendezvous point the next morning. Garrus and Tali coordinated with the rest of the fleet, as Dr. Chakwas insisted on changing Kaidan's bandages first thing in the morning. His wounds cleaned and dressed with fresh medi-gel, he perched on a stool while Dr. Chakwas and Nurse Huerta worked on Shepard. It was the first time she had gotten a good look at her own wounds. She said nothing, but clenched her jaw at the sight of white bone gleaming on her shin and forearm. Much of her right calf had been blown away, and there was a deep crater in her lower thigh. Her arm appeared withered, just a thin layer of flesh clinging to a spindle of bone. What remained of the tendons in her right hand were clearly visible, and she had lost her little finger, Kaidan saw with a jolt. She stared at the lifeless claw in silence until the doctor wrapped it up again, snapping the splint into place around her broken wrist.
"I'm going to talk to Alliance Medical about these injuries, Shepard. I don't have the equipment here, but in addition to having your implants replaced, you're going to need tissue regeneration therapy. It will take some time, but you may eventually get the use of your hand back. In the meantime, exoprostheses will allow for normal levels of functionality."
"Well, I guess I'm already a cyborg. What difference does a little more hardware make?" Shepard lay back as Dr. Chakwas rebandaged her thigh and replaced the splints on her leg.
"That's the spirit. I think we can take the brace off your left knee. You'll be in a wheelchair for a little while yet." Shepard grimaced.
"Kaidan." Garrus' voice crackled over the comm. "Admiral Hackett is requesting permission to come aboard." Kaidan glanced at Shepard.
"Don't look at me, I'm on a medical hold."
"Permission granted. I'll go meet him at the airlock."
"He's just heading down to the med bay. He says this isn't a formal call. Stay where you are."
"Okay then." Garrus signed off.
"He probably just wants proof that the Commander really is alive and the whole crew of the Normandy hasn't gone collectively mad," Dr. Chakwas said.
"You'd have wasted an awful lot of medi-gel on a hallucination," Shepard said dryly.
"Indeed. You're much too difficult a patient to be a figment of my imagination, Commander."
"Thanks." Shepard leaned back in bed.
"You're certainly real enough for me. Where else did all of Adams' Scotch go, if not into you?" Kaidan said, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"How much Scotch?" Dr. Chakwas asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Not enough," Shepard replied.
"So only half the bottle?"
"How much longer do I have to spend down here?" Kaidan laughed, resting a hand on her leg. Shepard smiled at him.
"Mind the Admiral, you two. I believe you're breaking five or six regulations right now."
"Oh, I'm medically incompetent to serve." Shepard flapped a hand. Dr. Chakwas shook her head. Kaidan caught her hand and kissed it.
"The hell with the regs. We're both Spectres, anyway. Besides, Shepard just saved the galaxy."
"We just saved the galaxy."
"Well then, I think the saviors of the galaxy can be with whoever they like." He scooted closer to Shepard, putting his hand on her waist and leaning in for a quick kiss.
"Commander. Major," said Admiral Hackett from the doorway. Kaidan shut his eyes, laughing to himself.
"Admiral," Shepard said, grinning. Kaidan rose and saluted.
"Sir."
"Sorry sir. I'd get up or salute or something, but uh..." She eyed her bandages.
"Stay where you are, please. Have a seat, Major. This isn't a formal call." Hackett crossed the med bay, pulling the stool Kaidan had been using over to sit by the bed. He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. Kaidan settled himself on the bed again, resting a hand somewhat defiantly on Shepard's leg. She winked at him, making him smile.
"I'm glad to see you two in one piece," the Admiral said.
"Likewise, sir." He nodded to Shepard in acknowledgment.
"As I said, this isn't a formal meeting. I wanted to debrief, get an idea of what happened before the politicians descend. And I wanted to thank you personally, Shepard. I don't know what you did, or how, but you saved us all. Without you, the Reapers would have exterminated us. You saved Earth. You saved humanity. You saved the entire galaxy. Thank you, Shepard. The galactic community owes you more than we can possibly repay."
"It wasn't just me, sir. Without – "
"Shepard, for once in your damn life, stop arguing." She blinked, opened her mouth, and shut it again.
"I'm honored, sir. All I wanted was to do my duty."
"And you succeeded admirably. We are all forever in your debt. You've got a lot of medals headed your way, Shepard, not to mention a promotion. We'll do it formally later, but for now, let me say congratulations, Captain." Hackett shook her left hand firmly.
"Thank you, sir."
"Major Alenko, the Alliance owes you a debt of gratitude as well. I understand that in addition to your valiant service in London, you are the only reason the Captain is still alive."
"Well, Dr. Chakwas helped, sir." Hackett raised an eyebrow.
"I ordered and led the mission to find Shepard on the Citadel after the Crucible detonated, sir, yes."
"What made you go up there, Major?"
"We all believed the Commander – Captain was dead, sir. I wanted to honor her with a decent burial this time. When we got there, she was still alive. We got her medical attnetion as fast as we could, and she pulled through, thanks to our medical team." Shepard squeezed his hand and Kaidan held on tight. He had woken in a cold sweat that morning from a dream of carrying her lifeless body back to the Normandy.
"Good work, Alenko. I'm not Alliance Army, but you'll be a Colonel at least if I get my way, which I damn well better." Kaidan's mind went momentarily blank with surprise.
"Uh. Thank you sir."
"Captain, are you up for a debriefing now? I don't want to compromise your health, but I'd like to hear this straight from you, if possible."
"Yes sir."
"Just tell me what happened on the Citadel. You'll both need to submit full reports on the battle, but that can wait."
Shepard launched into the story again. Her eyes were dark but her voice was steady, and she gave Hackett all the details, not mincing words. Again she recounted her journey through the Citadel, killing the Illusive Man, and Admiral Anderson's demise.
"Ah, so that's what happened. As soon as we heard that you'd been found, I sent a team over to retrieve what they could. There wasn't much, but we did find the Illusive Man and the Admiral. And Keepers, amazingly enough. Most of them seem to still be functioning."
"Yes sir. We encountered one on our mission," said Kaidan.
"I saw one as well," said Shepard.
"Anderson has received a burial with full military honors. I'm sorry you were unable to attend, Captain, but you had more pressing problems. We're looking into the Illusive Man's identity as well. I for one am very interested in the results of that investigation."
"Can I be kept in the loop on that, sir?"
"Certainly, Captain." Hackett gestured for her to continue. He listened intently to her account of her encounter with the Catalyst, asking no questions except to request further details of what it had said to her. When she laid out the choices it had offered her, the Admiral sat back, shocked.
"And you chose to destroy the Reapers, I gather," he said.
"Yes sir. It was the only option I felt I could take. I had no guarantee that seizing control of the Reapers would destroy their cycle, and no right to turn every creature in the galaxy into a machine, sir."
"You made the right call, Shepard. I'm just glad you where the one who made it up there. Anderson tapped you for this mission for a reason – you were the only one he trusted to get it done right. He was a wise man."
"Yes sir. I wish I could have saved him." She looked down at her hand, clasped in Kaidan's on her lap.
"His death wasn't your fault. The Reapers gave the Illusive Man power beyond that of any ordinary person. He was their vessel. No human could resist a direct onslaught of Reaper control like that."
"I should have been able to do it, sir. But instead I shot him." She clenched her jaw.
"He didn't blame you, and neither do I. A lesser person might have shot him in the head. You did better than anyone else could have, Shepard, and it was enough. We won because of you. Anderson gave his life proudly to secure this victory, just like you nearly gave yours." Hackett leaned forward. "Look at me, Captain. The Reapers killed Anderson, just like they killed Cortez and every other comrade we lost in this war. You are not responsible for their deaths. What you did on the Citadel honored their memories more than any speech I could give or any monument the Alliance could build. A commander can't blame herself for the casualties of war. She must celebrate the soldiers who gave their lives to defend their people." Shepard let out a long breath.
"Yes sir. Thank you, sir."
"I have to say, Shepard, I never expected to see you alive again. It's a load off my heart to have you sitting here in front of me." She ducked her head, embarrassed.
"I didn't expect to survive either, sir. I don't think any of us did." Kaidan rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
"I'm glad you proved us all wrong. I gather your injuries are severe, however. How are you holding up?" Shepard grimaced.
"Fine, except for being stuck in this bed."
"The Destiny Ascension has the most advanced medical technology available in the fleet. The Council has offered the services of their doctors to the entire crew of the Normandy. They have implants and prosthetic technology you may find useful, in addition to tissue regeneration equipment not widely available outside Asari space."
"Dr. Chakwas mentioned that. I think she was going to coordinate directly with Alliance Medical, sir."
"I'll be on the Destiny Ascension to see the Council later today. I'll set it up personally," Hackett said.
"Thank you sir."
"It's the least I can do, Shepard." Hackett braced his hands on his knees, smiling faintly. "You two make quite a pair, you know. Heroes of the Reaper War, the first two human Spectres... It's nice to see at least one good thing has come out of all this. There's been too much loss." Shepard quirked a brow at Kaidan, smiling faintly. He smiled back, amused.
"Thank you sir. I think," Shepard said. Hackett chuckled.
"I meant it well, Shepard. If you'll permit an old man a touch of sentiment, I have to say I'm glad to see you two together. You've been through hell, but you're young still. Old soldiers, maybe, but not as old as some. You've got so much time ahead of you now that this is all over. Make good use of it."
"Yes sir," Kaidan said, but he gazed at Shepard as he said it. The look in her eyes made his chest tight.
"There'll be an official ceremony in a day or two to finalize promotions and hand out a few medals and so forth, if you're up to it. Then I'm placing you both on medical leave. I imagine you want to get back to Earth as soon as possible, Major."
"Yes sir," Kaidan said, glancing at Shepard. She squeezed his hand. Hackett gave them an indulgent look.
"Right. I have work to do and you need to rest and eat. Thanks again, both of you. Captain. Major."
"Sir." Hackett left. Kaidan and Shepard found themselves staring at each other.
"Earth, huh?" she said. He found himself blushing. Goddamn it.
"Yeah. I need to go see my family. I hoped you would come with me." He looked down at their clasped hands, unaccountably nervous. "Will you, Shepard?" She disentangled her fingers from his and reached out, tilting his chin up to make him look at her.
"Of course I will," she said softly, her face shining. Kaidan couldn't think of anything to say, so he kissed her instead. When they finally parted, Shepard leaned her cheek into his palm with a happy sigh, her eyes still closed. He stroked her brow.
"So, Captain Shepard, huh?"
"I like the sound of that, Colonel."
"That hasn't even happened yet."
"I'd like to see anyone try to tell Hackett no today."
"I don't even know what I'd do with the added rank."
"Expand Biotics Division?"
"I don't want to worry about that now. I just want to get us home."
"Home..." she murmured, far away. "I haven't had one since... it's been a long time."
"We'll make one together," he said. Shepard smiled.
"Is that a proposal?" she asked, eyes dancing.
"I can't tell if you're teasing or not."
"Which would you prefer?" She was still smiling, but her eyes were intent. Kaidan sobered, his heart pounding.
"Honestly, Shepard... not."
"Really?" Her mouth was dry.
"Really." He clasped her hand tight in both of his to keep from trembling, watching her expression shift from surprise, to confusion, to a slow, startled joy. I never thought it would be like this, but... It was strange to be ready for it. "Jane Shepard, will you marry me?" He couldn't believe his voice was so steady.
"Yeah, Kaidan. Yeah, I will." She was struggling to keep her smile from tearing her stitches. Kaidan felt himself laughing and kissed her, tears burning in his eyes.
"I'm so glad, Shepard. I love you so much."
"I love you too." She rubbed his nose with hers. "I'm not usually this rash, but..."
"You're not rash? You."
"Okay, okay. Maybe a little."
"A little? Okay, I know what you mean. If you had asked me a year ago if a few months with someone would be enough time to propose..."
"We've known each other a long time, Kaidan."
"Yeah. And I guess losing you, and then when we thought... It put some things into perspective for me. Hindsight. You know."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know." She touched his cheek.
"Just one thing. No more impossible promises, okay?"
"Okay. I just promise to love you."
"That's good enough for me." They kissed again.
"When should we do this? Where? I guess you want to get back to Earth first, huh."
"I – hmm." Kaidan scratched his stubble – more of a beard by now, really. I need to shave... But his mind was on Shepard's question. "I do want my mom and sisters there. But if we do it here, the Alliance will have a record of it. And we're not going to have rings here – do you want to do rings?" She thought for a moment.
"Yeah."
"Okay. We won't have rings or a real reception or anything, nobody has the time or supplies to set it up. What if we did something quick here, just the paperwork and stuff, and then had a real wedding back in Canada?"
"I am not wearing a white dress." Kaidan burst out laughing at the image of Shepard in a bridal veil.
"Oh I can just see you – with puffy sleeves and – and lilies – "
"Christ," she muttered.
"God, no. Let's just do it in uniform. Even mom won't be able to complain about that."
"We should get Hackett to officiate here. He'd love that."
"Yeah, he would. We could do it by the memorial wall – Christ, I wonder if your name is still up there."
"If they ever let me out of this damn bed I'll take it down myself. And I thought we weren't doing a real wedding out here. God, that's weird to say. Wedding. But can't we just do it in Hackett's office?"
"Shepard, are you nervous?" She flushed slowly under his stare. "Oh my god, that is so cute." Shepard glared at him, red-faced. "I'm sorry love, I shouldn't laugh at you." He kissed her, contrite. She wrapped her arm around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.
"I'm just tired of being under the damn microscope all the time. Besides, if we have a real wedding, what about our wedding night? I can barely even move."
"Oh, sweetheart. Of course we can just do it privately if you want to. I'm sorry. I thought it might cheer everybody up is all. Most of the crew won't be able to make the real wedding – that is weird to say – but I'm sure Garrus is headed for Palaven any day now, and Liara will want to get back to Asari space. Tali has work to do on Rannoch..." Shepard sighed.
"You're right. I'm just... tired."
"I know." He rubbed her shoulder. "I'm sorry I mentioned it."
"No, maybe you're right. Let me think about it, okay?"
"Of course. And, Shepard, don't worry about our wedding night. It'll happen when we're both up to it. I mean, I'm mobile enough, but I wouldn't want to do anything too strenuous yet anyway. We can lie around like invalids together if that's all we can handle." She chuckled.
"Okay." He kissed her forehead.
"God, Shepard, we're getting married."
"I know! We're a couple of fucking lunatics."
"Thank god I found you then," he said, and kissed her.
