Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Song and quote are not mine, unless there's something someone didn't tell me. I doubt it though.
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"You know I, I can't disguise
Can't deny the way I feel inside." – Alanis Morissette, "Can't Deny"
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Stepping out from the fireplace, Bellatrix brushes at the long skirts of her dress in an attempt to rid them of any grime that may have accumulated from her outing. This is something that she has started doing since her childhood, when she had gone outside to play and returned home less than properly groomed. Although it had never been successful in getting her out of trouble, the habit had stuck. Inspecting her clothing more closely, she concludes that it is still relatively clean, besides some barely visible grass stains that a simple cleaning spell will get rid of.
Satisfied with having resolved that little problem, Bellatrix carefully makes her way through the hallways of the Black Manor, attempting to avoid running into her mother or father. Although she has stopped fearing either of her parents years ago, she really feels no dire need to explain to them why she has been gone the whole morning.
She makes it to her room safely. To her surprise, Narcissa is sitting comfortably in one of her armchairs with a book propped up on her lap. Bellatrix frowns slightly – she isn't fond of anyone entering her room without her permission. Up to now, Narcissa is so absorbed in her book that she does not notice that she is no longer alone. Tapping her foot, Bellatrix asks loudly, "Cissy? What are you doing in here?"
Startled, Narcissa looks up quickly before she exhales in relief. Closing her book carefully, she answers sheepishly, "For a second, I thought it was Mother calling for me. She has been nagging me to practice the violin, which is silly, really. I've told her that I prefer just studying the piano, and that you didn't have to learn both…"
"That's all very well and good, Cissy," Bella interrupts impatiently, in no mood to listen to idle, irrelevant chitchat. "And for the record, I don't have to learn another instrument because I actually play the piano well. For the last time, what are you doing in my room?"
Narcissa frowns slightly, too lady-like to show any other sign of unhappiness. "Well, you didn't have to say it like that. Just because…" She trails off at Bellatrix's annoyed look, and quickly answers the question. "The lighting is better. And it's less likely for Mother to look for me in here." Before Bellatrix can tell her to leave, Narcissa inquires curiously, "I thought you went out with Rodolphus. What are you doing home so early?"
Bellatrix huffs as she flounces over to take a seat on her bed, leaning against the headboard. "I don't want to talk about it."
Narcissa nods cooperatively and silently reopens her book. After a long pause, Bellatrix sits up straighter and demands childishly, "Aren't you going to ask me what happened?"
"If you were planning on telling me, I wouldn't have to ask," Narcissa replies, reasonably. Bellatrix makes a face – why does her sister have to be so darn sensible? Bellatrix considers not telling Narcissa just to prove her wrong but she will simply burst if she doesn't tell someone. She blurts out, "Rodolphus asked me to marry him."
"That's great!" Narcissa exclaims excitedly. Then, seeing the look on her sister's face, she quickly amends. "… Or not. But why?" Bellatrix simply sighs, and tells Narcissa everything that had occurred in the meadow, including the reasoning that had followed.
Cautiously, Narcissa comments, "He never said that he wanted to control you. He just asked you to marry him."
Thoroughly frustrated, Bellatrix snaps, "Oh, shut up, Cissy!" To her credit, or maybe she is just used to dealing with her older sister's temper, Narcissa doesn't flinch.
"Do you love him?" Narcissa asks unexpectedly.
"What? Cissy, don't be ridiculous. I like him a relative amount and I enjoy spending time with him. That's all." Her words sound hollow even to her own ears and Narcissa doesn't look very convinced either.
Narcissa merely shrugs and returns to her book, and Bellatrix finds this more annoying than anything her sister could have said. The only time that Narcissa gives up an argument is when she knows that she is right, and that Bellatrix will eventually have to admit it on her own. Muttering under her breath, Bellatrix tells Narcissa to leave.
When she is alone again, Bellatrix leans back onto her bed and finds her thoughts returning to Rodolphus. She gazes absentmindedly across her room and spots the copy of Intermediate Transfiguration that Narcissa had left behind; sitting up with a startled jolt, Bellatrix suddenly realizes that today was not the first time Rodolphus had mentioned the prospect of marriage to her.
"How dare they! How dare they!" Bellatrix seethes furiously, pacing the dormitory while Rodolphus lies on his bed, looking infuriatingly calm as he listens to her rant about her parents. She continues, secretly aware that she is acting more like a six-year-old than her real age – she will be sixteen next month – but beyond caring, "The nerve of even insinuating that the only thing I'm good for is marriage! As if all I know how to do is sit and be admired from afar, to take care of the home and bear the children! As if…as if…" At this point, Bellatrix slows to a stuttering stop, too angry to speak for several seconds. Finally, with an almost-defeated expression and slumped shoulders, her voice subdued for the first time that day, she says softly, "As if I could be satisfied with a life like that."
Rodolphus chooses this point to speak up. "You don't have to be. You could marry me," he suggests.
Recovering from her brief moment of apparent weakness, Bellatrix glares at him, snapping, "Were you even listening? I just finished saying that I don't want to get married!"
"I didn't mean right now. I meant when we're older," Rodolphus amends quickly.
"Sure, whatever," Bellatrix says distractedly, her attention clearly focused on something else as her eyes suddenly widen. "Oh, darn. I forgot! I have a whole essay to do on the Inanimatus Conjurus spell! If I don't hand it in, McGonagall will definitely give me detention, and Slytherin can't afford to lose me at Quidditch practice, especially not so close to the game! I have to go – I'll catch you later."
Bellatrix recalls how she had rushed out of the dormitory, the conversation quickly forgotten. She had thought that Rodolphus had been joking, but thinking back now, she isn't so sure. How long has he been considering marriage, she wonders. I'll probably never know. A corner of her mind suggests that, perhaps, he has always wanted to marry her, even before the issue of control had come up.
Shaking her head, Bellatrix forces herself not to think – it's too confusing. Pulling her blankets around her body tightly, she tries to lose herself in the comfort of slumber. However, she tosses and turns in her bed until she isn't sure how long she has been lying there. Eventually, though, she falls into a restless sleep.
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QUEEN: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
- Shakespeare, Hamlet, III. ii .230
Author's Note(s): I'm sorry it took so long to update this! But if it's any consolation, if you liked the little flashback, I didn't think of it until yesterday, so it would not have existed if I had updated earlier. Please R&R! And if you haven't voted in my poll (what do you want most?), please do so.
