BtVS by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Animaniacs & Pinky and the Brain & Tiny Toon Adventures by Spielberg and the WB. Fire hydrant on loan from Diane Duane's "So you want to be a Wizard"
Note: The oyster dialogue and Samsa/Samson confusion are either mine or bits half-remembered from the show. Should track that down...
Summers' Residence
Xander and Dawn heard Willow's scream and ran into the dining room, just in time to see Tara's head and arms finish going completely wolfy.
Dawn gasped.
Xander immediately grabbed a silver tray and held it in front of him... A very small shield.
Willow telekinetically opened a drawer across the room and, within seconds, had four tranquilizer darts hovering and ready to strike.
Tara, for her part, looked at them with a confused expression on her distorted face and growled: "What?"
A Dark, Dark, Space
After a few seconds of deliberation, Brain grabbed Pinky's wrist and dove into the ebony wall.
They braced themselves for a flashback, and weren't disappointed.
##
"There it is, Pinky! The sacred statue of the MacGuffin! See that shiny hair clip stuck into his stone braid? That is the tool I need to win this Mr. LabMouse Multiverse contest and finally rule a world!"
"But Brain, why are we even entering a contest if we can take over a planet ourselves? What do we need three hundred ninety-eight extra versions of us for?"
"Prestige Pinky... Prestige and honor! If I can triumph over one hundred ninety-nine Brains and win their help in my endeavors, why... the world will be my oyster!"
"I don't know Brain, if it closes, won't it be kind of dark? Although, a pearl the size of the moon? By golly, that'd be-"
"No. It's a metaphor."
"Oh. Poit."
"I am merely trying to say that if I use that pearl... Gah! That amulet... And absorb the abilities of a strong and powerful Champion for Good, one with no weaknesses mind you, then I with my renowned intelligence and newly acquired fighting skills will beat all the other chosen Brains both in the testing laboratory and in that ridiculous arena they've set up."
"I don't know Brain, holographic death traps, gauntlets of flame, grand swords of stabbity-stab... It kinda reminds me of home," Pinky said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
He thought a second longer, then gasped: "Brain! You mean you're going to cheat?"
Brain grabbed Pinky by the ears and stared him directly in the eyes. "No, I simply want to enter the ring in the best condition possible. One of those mice we have been pitted against is Robin Brain, a mouse with immense physical skills, whose only ambition up until now, has been to improve his nation's hygiene. Pinky, I need the edge."
Brain let go of Pinky, then pulled some climbing gear out of a nearby pack.
"Besides," Brain commented as he began his long climb up the seated statue. "I'm not doing anything not specifically allowed by the rules of this contest."
After watching the shorter mouse climb for a bit, Pinky began to dance around the feet of the statue.
"Lolly-lolly Lolly... Oooh, Shiny," he said, grinning. He'd found a large button.
"Hey, Brain!"
"Not now!"
"But, Brain!"
"Not now, Pinky! This climb requires immense concentration!"
"But-"
"Shut up!"
##
An exhausted Brain finally made it to the stone shoulder, only...
"Pinky, what are you doing up here?"
"I took the elevator."
"Gah!" Brain said, before swinging his grappling hook over to the amulet.
A simple tug later and he had it in his grasp.
His gloating was interrupted by a curious Pinky. "Where to now, Brain?"
"Back to our lab, then through our portal machine to a hellish town called... Sunnydale!"
"I don't understand, Brain, why don't we just go after that Samson fellow?"
"Because, Pinky, I'd have to get his hair surgically implanted. Besides, he has such an obvious weakness, even you could figure it out."
"No, no, Brain. Narf. Gregory Samson! You could have the proportionate strength, no that's an ant," he trailed off, thinking, while Brain grimaced. "Yes, the proportional durability of a cockroach! Troz!"
He was hit over the head by the smaller mouse.
"That's Gregor Samsa! Samsa," Brain yelled into Pinky's ear. "Come, Pinky... Oh, yes, you did mention an elevator?"
##
When the flashback ended abruptly, the rodents found themselves inside the alleyway, as if their trip had never been interrupted...
However, the quiet perfection of the dark on dark place they left behind was still marred by one spot of color.
Someone tall walked by and, frowning, kicked the large muffin through, after the mice.
Somewhere in Sunnydale
Back inside the 'Daley Sun', no-one had yet noticed the disappearing table, so Buffy and Oz felt free to order fresh drinks.
Fortunately, they finished them in peace.
After a good, long, talk, Oz offered Buffy a lift home in his van.
... Or, at least most of the way there.
Buffy politely declined the offer, then took off on her own.
Oz left a tip, then exited the coffee shop, only to run into a certain blond vampire.
"I know you're leaving town so take this thing," Spike said, handing the amulet to the surprised Oz. "And destroy it. Drop it in the ocean, or something. I'm beginning to believe it's a bad luck charm. Just take it far away from here, please."
Oz shrugged and walked away.
Spike took a few steps, then stopped, growling at himself.
Without realizing it, he'd unconsciously been following Buffy's trail, again...
"I can't take this anymore!" he yelled into the night. "I stalk the bit, wait outside her place, smoking dozens of packs in the hopes of a glimpse of her! I shag her, she shags me, we bloody well shag each other, then she leaves!"
"She says she doesn't love me," he paused before continuing in a sing-song voice: "She doesn't care for me like I care for her."
"Oh sodding hell! She's got every right to be honest. Not even sure I want the whole... Why can't I get over her, get on with this stupid, pointless, chipped life... It's her sight and her smell and her opinions and the bloody awful wonderful stench of her soul..."
He broke the speech off, leaning against the wall, directly above where the mice were trying to finish their muffin in peace.
Spike was too involved in himself to notice their smell... The scent they'd left at the magic shop when they'd stolen Anya's powers... The smell coating the amulet that had caused him such a headache... Oh well. He had other things on his mind.
Finally, to Pinky's immense relief, Spike just stood up, brushed himself off and walked away, muttering: "I wish I could just move on..."
##
At those words, Pinky fell off the pastry in absolute shock.
Brain had just raised his face into view.
The mouse's white fur had suddenly become horribly disfigured by a mass of pulsing blue veins.
A completely different, monstrous voice boomed from the little mouse's throat: "Granted."
##
Spike was surprised when Anya suddenly ran around the corner, yelling: "Spike, I need to talk to you! That thing you picked up, I think it's-"
She was completely shocked when she felt his lips covering her mouth, cutting off her request.
She found herself responding in kind.
When he broke it off, she was flustered and panting and sweaty.
Not a single hair was out of place on his bleached blond head.
"I'm sorry," he began to apologize. "Whatever just came over me, I-"
She threw her arms about him, moved her hands up and down his back, up his neck, mussing up his annoyingly-perfect hair - but her attention was mainly focused on the kissing.
When she ended it, that time, she took a step backwards.
Keeping her hands on his waist, she asked, breathlessly: "What are we doing?"
"Moving on," he breathed, smiling roguishly, until something brushed against his leg.
He looked down.
"Why, what do we have here?"
It was an awfully cute metal puppy with a barrel-shaped chest.
It yelped happily.
"Oh, that's my robot dog," Anya answered with a smug smile. "I used it to track you. I build things now."
##
When he was sure the new lovebirds were out of earshot, Pinky turned to his normal-faced companion, commenting: "Oh, Brain, that was so... Awesome! Sk'nioz!"
"Thank you, and... Pinky!" Brain hit the large mouse over the head (though he didn't use his enhanced strength). "Never say that or 'Zoinks' ever again."
"Sure, Brain!" Pinky yelled, in complete agreement. "Poit! Fjord!"
Summers' Residence
The hair rushed down Tara's arms, then back up again. Then back down again.
Up again.
Back down again in a zig-zag pattern.
"Wow! Can you spell my name!"
"Dawn!"
"But, Willow, it's just awesome!"
"Look, we can't just ask her to test out the limits of her powers in an unsecure location."
"She's right," Tara cautioned. "This power has dangerous roots... But it is rather cool. And... being on the inside now? I can't see why they call these guys were-'wolves'. This form is more like a demonic sasquatch than anything canine..."
Willow thought a second, then replied: "It could be a bleed-over from some other myth. Also they were much, much more canine that first full moon, maybe accumulated contamination from the Hellmouth? I'll research, just as soon as we figure out how you got these powers."
"Did you drink out of a wolf's footprint?" Xander helpfully supplied. "Did you fall into a spring that a wolf drowned in a thousand years ago?"
"Xander!"
"What? Helping here."
"Do you think it was that hair clip?" Tara asked.
As Willow thought, she was interrupted by a profound idea.
"Oh, cool, I get it now! Why you're not attacking us! You've turned into one of those werewolves that you see on TV," Xander said, excitedly. "You know, the ones that don't have a ravenous bloodthirsty beast trapped inside of them."
Somewhere in Sunnydale
As he approached his van, Oz doubled over, grabbing his skull as if something was trying to claw its way out.
Trapped. No outlet exists. Way out... Gone... No light... Must see!
Barely managing to stay on his feet, he stumbled into an alleyway...
... Where he finally fell to the ground writhing in pain.
Since Oz had begun to control his powers, his beast had been, not quite hibernating... More like a fisherman with his line in the water, not really caring if it ever got a bite or not... Not minding if it missed the chance to reel something in.
His beast had been relaxed.
A short bit ago, its mood had changed. It had become calm, collected, focused.
Aware of its surroundings in a way that it had never really been.
When Oz's body had been in vamp-face, his beast had been both at peace and filled with a curiosity about the world outside the flesh, outside the mind it was bound in...
Not to mention that the blood flowing through the body had made it slightly drunk.
Now it was smothered, trapped in a body that couldn't transform, that had no outlet.
##
No room for it to breathe, to run.
##
Oz shuddered and nearly stopped breathing, his lungs and his heart trying to move, trying to change, caught up in the beast's fight for survival.
Suddenly, his beast spotted an opening - a newly created one - and poured itself into it.
##
After wandering aimlessly for a bit, between make-out sessions and some really twisted conversations about movies, Anya finally got around to explaining why she had tracked down Spike.
It took a bit longer to explain how she'd managed to get her vengeance demon powers back in the first place, let alone lose them again, but eventually they got back to the topic at hand.
"Well, why didn't you just have your robot buddy track their scent?"
"They're teleporters. I couldn't rely on getting a clean trail, but now I've found you I can get a clear scent off that hairclip and start sniffing around the usual places, like the Slayer's house or something."
"The hairclip? Bloody 'ell..."
##
After finishing their meal, the mice decided to spend a bit longer testing Brain's stolen powers, in case any extra weakness added themselves to the anomaly of the 'Memory Soak'.
They wound up walking down a darkened street corner.
Coincidentally it was the one the fire hydrant ran to.
It whimpered to itself, very quietly...
##
"Oh hey, you'll never guess what I just found out," a shortish thing, mainly black-and-white, with loose brown pants pulled up above his waist exclaimed as he ran into view. "Pinky and I have the same voice actor!"
"Oh, wow!" Pinky yelled. "Yakko, that's amazing... What about Brain?"
"Pinky, I really don't think we have time for-"
"Oh, he has the same voice as these guys," Yakko interrupted, pulling several photos out of a small brown bag.
"But, most notably, he does Wakko's burp," he said, pulling out a pair of lips.
"And this pigeon," he continued, holding up a bird with a brownish-grey head and big white teeth. "His name's Squit."
The bird wiggled out of his grasp and fluttered to the ground.
"Well, this is an interesting place," it said, in a broad and perky voice. "But I don't think I'd want to live here..."
"This is ridiculous," Brain said, angrily. "We sound nothing alike."
"What," asked Yakko, waving a hand. "You think I sound like Pinky?"
The pigeon opened its mouth to reply, but was immediately caught by the fire hydrant's tongue.
The tongue pulled the bird into the waiting mouth, and the lid clanged shut.
##
"Look, I've had enough of this nonsense," Brain griped. "Come-"
He was interrupted by a loud voice from way down the street.
It was shouting: "Oooh! Cute!"
The fire hydrant turned to face the short red-headed girl charging towards it.
As the metallic demon freaked the lid flipped open.
The pink tongue stretched to its full length, flapping in the air as the fire hydrant yelped: "Yipe, yipe, yipe!"
The thing continued to yelp as it turned and ran down the street.
The pigeon struggled to hold onto the very tip of the tongue, but the pursuing girl drew closer, closer, and had nearly caught up to her prey...
... When the chase went around a corner and out of sight.
##
A very shocked Brain turned to face the tallest Warner Brother. "I can't believe you actually brought her along with you."
"Hey, don't look at me," Yakko answered, spreading his hands. "Elmyra's a native. This is her hometown."
"You know, Brain," Pinky stated, thinking hard. "That actually explains a lot. Poit."
"Oh, just go away!" Brain yelled, stomping hard on Yakko's white toes. "I had enough of your incessant cameos back in our own reality, you have no right to bother me in this one!"
"Okay..." Yakko frowned, after his foot popped back into shape. "But... You've gotten yourself into a little pickle and I just thought you'd like the help of the Warner Brothers, I mean a few extra friends in the fire..."
"No, I don't want your or the Warner sister's help! Just go away! Come, Pinky."
Pinky shrugged, then followed after the shorter mouse.
"Okay," Yakko called after them. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
##
Oz was still sprawled on the ground.
He was breathing, but shallowly.
Suddenly, the pieces of debris and litter that were scattered around him began to vibrate.
They scuttled across the ground, as if blown by a wind.
There was a wind. It was a wind you could see. A pure white aura.
As Oz began to straighten, to return to a standing position, the wind lifted the litter off of the ground.
Everything began to circle around his body as his feet left the ground...
There was a whirlwind. He was it.
##
His shirt was the first thing to be ripped to shreds, torn off his body, by the swirling white force.
The rest of his clothes followed.
He hung there. A young man. A short man.
A man filled with a terrible power not his own.
A beast that had just found a new way into the world.
##
Finally, his eyes opened.
They burned pure white.
...START...BrainAnya....BuffyOzBuffy...SpikeOz...
...SpozWillow...WozTara...SpillowOke
Current: Branya, Anyain, Ow, Taroz, Willra.
