Learning to Live
Disclaimer: The Mortal Instrument series belongs to Cassandra Clare.
Chapter 3
Awaken
The solemnity in the room was broken only by the home video playing on the television. Jocelyn stared fixatedly on the moving image of her daughter at eleven. She was balanced on Luke's shoulders reaching for an apple out of his apple tree. She squealed as she almost fell off of Luke's shoulders. Her hands locked onto the thick branch a few inches away from her. Luke stayed where he was and chuckled.
"Just let go, Clary. I've got you," Luke promised. Jocelyn's heart tugged painfully as she looked over at the man she had finally confessed to loving. His engagement ring sat on her finger beautifully. She tightened her hand around his as his hands started to shake. She knew what he was thinking.
'I wasn't there for her…in the moment she needed me the most…' It was a thought that was more than likely echoed by everyone in the room. Jocelyn tore her eyes away from her solemn fiancé and instantly found the tense figure of Jace Herondale.
'He's so clearly a Herondale,' she thought as she took in his jaw which was clenched so tightly she wouldn't be surprised to hear breaking teeth. 'He has Stephen's jaw, eye shape, and lip shape…' As if feeling her eyes on him, he looked away from the screen. His golden eyes met hers. The torment there was more pronounced than it had been when they had last met. It was so clear to her that he loved her daughter. 'If she comes back, I promise I won't stand in their way…just let her come back…' Jocelyn prayed as tears built up quickly in her eyes again. For a moment, her mind drifted into fantasy.
"Mom!" She hears her daughter whine in embarrassment. "You said you wouldn't do this!" Her daughter blushes brilliantly. Clary's green eyes lock on Jace's smirking face.
"You were so adorable!" Isabelle's coo takes her daughter's attention away from Jace. Alec simply chuckles beside his sister. Clary glares at them; her blush spreading despite the annoyance in her gaze. Simon slips the remote out from underneath Jocelyn's hand. Clary spots the movement. She starts toward Simon. She grabs for the remote. He pulls it farther away from her. When her hand comes close to closing around it, he throws it to Luke. Clary turns on him. Her shoulder length curls fly around her face as she spins on him. Luke looks down at the remote and then at the television. He shrugs and extends the remote to her.
"Ah! Luke!" Simon complains. Luke smiles, not the least bit sheepish.
"Sorry," he says unconvincingly. Clary smiles triumphantly at Simon; the remote clenched tightly in her hand.
"Thank you, Luke," Clary says softly. Jocelyn watches as his heart practically melts. His blue eyes soften.
"Sucker…" Simon mutters. Luke throws a pillow at him. The others laugh at their antics as Clary pulls the disk out of the DVD player. Clary snaps the DVD case closed with a nod and walks over to Jace; she sits down beside him. He doesn't bother to hide his amusement at her. He chuckles quietly as he throws his arm around her shoulder. He whispers something into her ear that the others can't hear, but it's clearly something embarrassing to her. Despite her embarrassment, there is a gentle smile on her lips; she elbows him in the stomach. He smiles and presses a kiss to the side of her head. She snuggles into his side with a small, content smile.
Luke looked over at the woman he loves. He can tell that she's off in her own world, a world where Clary is with them. She went there often just to stay sane, but when she came out…the fallout always broke his heart.
Tears started to fall from her eyes rapidly. He could see that she was coming out of her fantasy world. He wrapped his arms around her and waited for the fall. Awareness filled her eyes. Jocelyn crumbled to the ground; faithfully, he followed her descent.
"It's so unfair!" She cried. "The only thing that kept me sane in that damn sleep was the memories of you and her! Thoughts that she was safe, far away from her father. I wake up, thinking I can finally stop living off of those memories, only to find her gone!" She wailed. An animalistic shriek escaped Jocelyn's lips. Her fist struck his chest hard. He clenched his jaw to keep his shout of pain quiet. He would take the pain; he deserved it. He should have been there. He should have stayed by her side after dropping her off at his sister's. He held Jocelyn tighter as she fell apart. He rocked back and forth in an attempt to soothe himself and her. He lost the battle with his tears.
Luke bolted to his feet, surprising everyone but the far away Jocelyn. They all turn their attention away from the television and onto him.
"You guys want a drink?" He asked; his eyes instantly flickered to Simon, but the young vampire's eyes are locked on Jocelyn. There is a knowing, sad look in his brown eyes. Luke forced his eyes away and back to the others on the couch. Isabelle's brown eyes only flickered to her boyfriend for a moment.
"Sure, I'll have a Coke," Isabelle said. He nodded. Alec and Simon gave their requests. Luke looked expectantly toward Jace, but his eyes had returned to the screen. Luke looked toward it too.
The scene had changed. Clary stood in her favorite dress. A white sundress with small, hollow black diamonds. Her red hair was free from its usual messy bun; it fell down her shoulders in small red waterfalls. A simple silver chain with a black heart pendant hung around her neck. The pendant dangled at the middle of her chest. Three-inch black heels hugged her feet. It was the one day she had abandon her baggy T-shirts and jeans. They had been going out to dinner for Jocelyn's birthday. Clary was standing in the middle of the living room, fiddling with the small, black, bead bracelet on her arm.
"You don't think this is too much?" She asked him. Her green eyes looked up at him from underneath dark, dark red eyelashes; they had been begging him for the truth. He heard his own voice, filled with tender amusement.
"It's not too much, beautiful girl." Clary's cheeks turned red. She mumbled something he couldn't hear and turned her head away. The front door opened. Clary looked back toward the door and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. A blinding smile spread over her face just before he directed the camera away.
"Oh my God!" Jocelyn gasped as she brought her hand to the center of her chest. She smiled widely at her daughter. "You're beautiful!" Luke recalled that he had agreed. Both women had been beautiful to him that day. It didn't matter that Jocelyn had still been in her paint-covered overalls and boots; it hadn't mattered that her hair was splattered with yellow and pink paint or that there was a blue smudge on her cheek; Jocelyn was always beautiful to him.
"Just get him a Coke too…" Isabelle's voice broke Luke away from the screen and his thoughts. He nodded curtly. His heart had wedged itself in his throat. He turned and walked to the kitchen.
Unwilling to cling to the hope that Magnus had succeeded, Clary ordered herself to wiggle her big toe. All of her toes moved. She suppressed a snort. She had never been able to move just one toe. Next, she moved her fingers. She spread them out on the bed that she had laid on for two years. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to get out of it. Her eyes popped open and instantly locked with the catlike eyes of Magnus Bane. She forced herself into a sitting position.
"Do you know who I am, Clary?" He asked. Instead of giving him an answer, she decided to ask the question that had been tormenting her throughout her entire "sleep." She only spent seven hours of each night asleep. The rest of the time, she was just as aware as everyone else. She just couldn't move or open her eyes.
"Did…" Her eyes widened as she heard her own voice. The one word came out as a whisper. Just trying to speak seemed to agitate her throat. Suddenly, a glass of water appeared beside her. She followed the masculine hand up and saw Isaac. The man she had saved that night. Her smile felt strange on her lips. He smiled back.
"Hey, Angel," he whispered. Her cheeks instantly flushed. Magnus chuckled; Isaac smiled. Clary took the glass from his hand and took a sip of the water.
"It work?" She finished her previous sentence despite the pain. For a moment, Magnus looked confused. Then she watched the pieces click.
"You wouldn't be awake if it didn't," he said, amusement in his tone. Clary nodded her head to the side in answer. She took another sip of water. A bigger one this time. Even though she had a thousand more questions, there was something else she needed to do first. Her eyes locked with Adele's grey, blue ones. Adele smiled softly.
"Thank you," she croaked. The woman's eyes widened. She took another sip of water, even though she knew that the reason for her hoarseness wasn't a dry throat. Her voice was cracking and weak because of disuse. "For everything you did for me," she flicked her gaze to Isaac, "Both of you."
"Oh, you don't have to thank us," Adele said, tugging at her long black hair. The length and color reminded Clary of Isabelle. She looked away from Adele and back to the cover. She swallowed as the memory of the last time she saw her kind-of friend flashed into her mind. It had been as she was running from that house like a coward. She flopped back onto the bed and raised her still shaking hands to cover her face.
"Angel?" Isaac called. Clary didn't lower her hands from over her face. Pain ripped through her like being stabbed with an extremely dull knife as the memories came rushing back. During her sleep, it had been like seeing everything through muddied water. Now, it was all clear. The floodgates were open.
"Fine, Clary. Go ahead and do whatever you want, regardless of who it hurts. You always do anyway, don't you?"(City of Glass, page 117, Cassandra Clare).She pressed her hands harder into her eyes. Her words had hurt less than Jace's.
"You're a disaster for us, Clary! You're a mundane, you'll always be one, you'll never be a Shadowhunter. You don't how to think like we do, think about what's best for everyone-all you ever think about is yourself! But there's a war on now, or there will be, and I don't have the time or the inclination to follow around after you, trying to make sure you don't get one of us killed!" (City of Glass, page 124, Cassandra Clare.) It had been two years. Two years and those words kept circling in her mind. His words still ripped into her like a serrated edge knife. All she could remember after was running. The moments in between Sebastian finding her and taking her to see Ragnor Fell were all a blur. Fear suddenly swamped through her as she realized she would have to see him again. She had dreamt of a thousand different reunions between them. When she awoke, it became her reality. She would have to face him. Yet, no matter how afraid she was, she longed for it.
Thinking of Jace lead to another memory.
Clary bit into her bottom lip. She was going to disappoint Amatis again, but this was more important than seeing Jace. This was about saving her mother. Clary looked back at the small room Amatis had loaned her and whispered a quiet apology. She then slipped out the window easily. Clary stayed to the dark alleyways. She avoided the low lights of the city streets.
She only paused at the door of the Penhallows' house. The only difference she could see was a broken window. A small gasp escaped her lips as Jace appeared at the shattered window, but he didn't look down as she had feared. He looked out over the buildings.
"Jace?" A female voice drifted through the window. Clary's jaw clenched as she recognized she voice. Aline. She didn't wait to hear what was said; she didn't want to see if Jace sent her away. She slipped around the side of the house, well out of Jace's sight. She held her breathe until she cleared the house. She reached the gate with its huge towers and sighed. The gate doors were locked up tight at night. No one in and no one out.
'If Jace could do it, then I can…' She thought as she bent at the knees. She looked up at the edge of the gate. 'I just have to get high enough to grab ahold of the edge. From there, all I have to do is pull myself up.' She thought as she shoved as much power as she could into her legs. She shot upward. Her hand closed around the rough concrete of the edge. She grit her teeth as she felt the skin of her hand tear. She brought her other hand up quickly onto the edge. The pain only increased as she tried to pull herself up, but she pushed on. This was important and there was no way it could wait until morning. A job like this needed to fly under the radar and what better time than now? She heaved herself up over the edge. The jar of hitting the ground caused stars to explode behind her eyes. She stumbled and struggled to right herself. She tensed for a moment, as if waiting for alarms to go off. Nothing happened. She sighed gently and set off in a brisk walk with one destination in mind.
Wayland Manor.
Clary began to shake as she recalled meeting the angel and finding the White Book. Killing the angel. She swallowed back bile. It was necessary, she had told herself at the time, for him to be free. She recalled pressing a kiss to the forehead of the angel before ending his life with a blade on the wall. He had left her his knowledge of Valentine's and Sebastian's plans.
It was late in the night when she knocked on Ragnor Fell's door again. Like the time before, Magnus opened it. His catlike eyes widened as he saw what in her hands. He reacted as though he were a child on Christmas Eve. She couldn't bring herself to be amused. Her heart still bled from her day. The angel's starved body. She clenched her hands into fists. Her mind was racing so quickly that she barely heard Magnus telling her that he was leaving for New York.
"I'll be there later…" She recalled hearing herself whisper. She followed the warlock out of the house. She watched blankly as he disappeared and started down the dirt path back to the city. There were so many things she needed to do before she returned. Like tell Jace everything she had seen and warn him of what was to come…
"Clary?" She froze and looked up from the dirt path. Sebastian Verlac stood a few feet from her. His curious and slightly suspicious dark eyes locked on her. Suddenly, she recalled everything the angel had shown her. Of things to come unless she finds a way to stop it. Sebastian and Valentine had stood side by side. Clary fought the urge to take a step back and run the other way. Sebastian had no reason to think she was onto him while she knew she couldn't let him leave this clearing.
"You'll die…" She heard a voice that sounded strangely like Jace whisper inside her mind. Her heart ripped open again as his harsh words broke through the walls she had built around the memory. 'You're right,' Clary answered the voice. 'But I can't let him leave this clearing…even if I don't either. He'll hurt everyone. You, Isabelle, Alec, Max…this whole world will suffer if he makes it out of this clearing. No. I will not be the cause of that.'
"What are you doing out here?" He asked, truly sounding curious.
"I just had to get away from the city for a while," she said. "It's very peaceful out here." She motioned toward the clearing they stood in. He looked around too and nodded. He started walking closer to her. Her fight or flight reaction kicked in. She forced herself to remain relaxed even though her muscles wanted so badly to tense.
"That it is," he agreed as he moved closer. He now stood so close to her that she had to bend her neck to look up at him. There was an air about him that told her he suspected her reasons. "You know the body has ways of giving away a lie," he said offhandedly. Clary's heart picked up. "For instance, the pulse." He raised his hand and ran it across her throat. His finger lingered on her pulse point. He mimicked its beat against her throat. He flattened his hand across her throat. The heat of his hand seeped into her neck. She knew she had to tread carefully now. An idea rose in her head. No matter how disgusted she was by it, it was her only chance. She licked her lips and forced a blush to her cheeks.
"I…can't help what my pulse does around you, Sebastian…" She said quietly. She avoided his eyes expertly as she whispered the next lie, "I'm afraid I'm like the other girls that see you." She glanced up at him. His black eyes met her eyes. Obviously searching for something. "You see, I'm fascinated by you." Her words repulsed her, but she made sure that it didn't show on her face. He smiled as he processed her words.
"And I you," he told her. Clary's eyes widened as he started to slowly come closer. She forced herself not to step back or shove him. Jace's face flashed behind her eyes as Sebastian's lips descended on hers. She kept the image of the last kiss Jace gave her in her mind's eye as she kissed Sebastian back. Despite not wanting to let the image go, she knew she had too. She opened her eyes. Sebastian's eyes were closed and she could feel something stabbing her thigh. She shivered. His arms tightened around her; no doubt thinking he had brought the reaction from her. A chill ran through her veins as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. Again, she shivered as forced herself to allow him access. She wrapped her hands around his shoulders. Her eyes fixed on the seraph blade strapped to his back. She pressed closer to him and wrapped a thigh around his waist. Hoping that her body pressed against him would be enough to addle is brain so that he wouldn't noticed the weight of the blade leaving his back. He wrapped his hand around her thigh. She left the one hand around the blade handle and slide the other down his chest. A small, real squeak of surprise escaped her as he picked her up. He smirked against her lips and pressed her into a tree. She lowered one leg back to the ground hoping that her steadily lowering hand would fool him. It worked. He dropped her other leg and moved his hands to the button of her jeans. She shivered. Just before her fingertips could brush his pant button, she pulled her hand away. The blade came free as she shoved her shoulder into his chest. He stumbled back. She twirled the blade so that it rested securely in her hand.
"Ithuriel," she whispered. It was fitting, she supposed, for her blade to be named after the angel that her father had tormented. The shock in his eyes died away almost instantly. Then, he laughed cruel yet amused. "You truly are something else, Clarissa," he cooed. He jerked a seraph blade from his belt. She held the blade tighter. Her eyes moved over him. She could see the amount of runes he had on his arms. She already knew she was outmatched, but she could also see that he looked down upon her. He knew she didn't know much about the Shadowhunter world. He smirked and proved it. He motioned for her to come at him. "I'll even give you a free hit." Her eyes narrowed. She darted forward and swiped wide. He jumped back thinking she meant to cut his head off. She slashed his arm deeply. He hissed and fell back, but she didn't stop coming. She slashed at him again. He jumped back; she got the inside of his thigh. He grabbed her wrist. She saw the blade coming toward her stomach. She twisted out of the way and slipped her foot between his. She pulled. He had to let go of her wrist to catch himself. Instantly, he flipped back onto his feet smoothly. Pain sheered up her side and she knew he had gotten her despite her best attempt, but she didn't look down to see. She knew he hadn't hit anywhere critical. Fatigue suddenly slammed into her. She blinked it away. Now was not the time to give into a night of little sleep.
She studied him as he moved away from her. He moved with predator-like, but most of all, he moved like Jace. She had watched Jace enough to know how he moved, but she didn't want to fully rely on the idea that they had been taught by the same man. His muscles bunched. His left leg was more relaxed than the other. He was going to come at her from the right. Then, he was coming. She raised her blade just in time to push his strike away from her heart. His strike clipped her shoulder. She felt the blood rushing from the split skin. She kicked him in the stomach as hard as she could. He stumbled back a few paces and she rushed forward. She moved her wrist like she intended to cut across his chest. He leaned back to avoid the swipe he believed coming, leaving his legs open; she changed direction at the last moment. The seraph blade cut the inside of his other thigh deeply. His lip pulled up over his front teeth in a snarl. He punched her in the jaw. "This is almost insulting…" He hissed as she stumbled backward. He rushed forward and he spoke, "try and kill me!" His growl told her all that she needed to hear. He had no idea what she was doing. Blood rushed in waves from his thighs and arm. He was losing blood fast and he didn't even realize it. In minutes, he should be slowing down so that she stood a chance. But until then…She just barely blocked his next slash. She ducked his fist and instinctually swept his legs. She caught his foot and pulled his legs apart. He screamed out as he was pulled into the perfect splits. The action pulled the slashes on his legs wider. She rose to her feet quickly and slashed at him. He laid down to avoid her sweep and then planted both feet into her chest. She gasped out as she was lifted off of her feet. She kept her grip on the seraph blade. That was the only thing that mattered. She had to hold on to that blade. It was her only hope at survival; that and the stele tucked into her pocket. He was on her before she even hit the ground. She knocked his strike aimed at her head away from her. His blade imbedded in the ground. She moved her leg upward. He moved to jump back, but the blood loss made him slow as she knew it would. She kicked out at his knee. There was a loud crack as the bone shattered. He screamed. As he was falling to his knees, she vaulted upright into a sitting position; seraph blade extended. She shoved the seraph blade upward into his open chest. It pierced through his heart and straight through him. Both of their lips parted in surprise. He looked from the blade back to her. The betrayal in his eyes hit a chord within her. She was both outraged and saddened. He didn't chose to be the way he was now. He wasn't responsible for the way he was raised; he was however responsible for following Valentine's poisonous ways. He was misguided and twisted by the demon blood put inside of him. He had been damned by the start. The very revelation threatened to make her cry. The brother she had always longed for sat dying because of her. The brother she had never gotten to know…She shook her head as tears started to fall. Numbness filled her as she watched his body slump off of her blade. She pushed the blade into her belt, not even bothering to clean it off. She deserved to live with the blood on her blade. The inescapable fact of it all would haunt her forever.
She had just killed her brother. All thoughts of healing herself had fled. Now, she just wanted out of the clearing and far away from her brother's dead body.
The building nausea at the memory reached its point. Her hands dropped quickly from her face. She rolled to the side and threw up. Shivers racked her body. She sobbed over the mess she had made. She felt warm hands pulling her hair back. The gentle hands she knew belonged to Adele. The vomit at the side of the bed vanished with a lazy flick of Magnus' hand.
"Are you alright?" Adele asked softly as she helped her sit up. Clary noticed then that Adele had climbed onto the bed with her. She ran her thumbs over Clary's cheeks, but no sooner than one tear was wiped away another would come. She could find her voice to reassure her. So, she simply shook her head no as a horrible sob escaped her throat. She collapsed into Adele's arms and tried to cry out her guilt and shame.
X
After she had cried herself out, Clary stood from the bed for the first time in two years. She was surprised that she hadn't fallen the minute she stood up; her green eyes instantly sought out Adele. The older woman smiled encouragingly at her. Magnus and Isaac stood only a foot in front of her, both ready to catch her if she fell. She would have tried to smile if it weren't for the pain in her legs. She forced a foot forward. Her already shaking legs shook harder with the effort.
"Just a few steps, okay?" Adele said it like it was a question, but Clary could clearly hear the demand in her tone. Clary nodded. She didn't think she could take very many despite the workouts Adele had been giving her for the past two years. She could hear Magnus and Isaac turning as she reached the door. Her shaking legs finally gave out. Bright, green zebra print clad arms were instantly underneath her arms. She looked up to see Magnus' catlike eyes peering down at her.
"I got you," he reassured her as he pulled her up.
"Let's go to the kitchen and get some real food into you instead of that broth I've been feeding you for two years," Adele said. Clary smiled. She never thought that she could possibly feel excited for food. "Nothing too hard of course. You won't be having a steak right away. Probably just mashed potatoes. You haven't had anything but broth for the past two years. I don't want you losing whatever I feed you," Adele seemed so sheepish and apologetic. Clary laughed.
"That sounds perfect," Clary reassured her. And really, it did. A small shout of surprise escaped her lips as Magnus scooped her bridal style into his arms. She grabbed ahold of his shoulder on reflex. He chuckled. "I'm not going to drop you," he promised.
"I believe you," she muttered. He hugged her closer as he turned them through the doorway. Her head gently brushed the doorway despite it. Confident that he wouldn't drop her, she moved her hand from his shoulder to her stomach. She looked up at him. He looked down at her. "How's Alec?" She asked. The real question burned at the tip of her tongue, but she was afraid of the answer.
"Why don't you ask me what you really want to know, Clarissa?" Magnus asked. His eyes were amused yet sad. A small smile ticked her lips. He always did see straight through her.
'I suppose it comes from the years he meddled around in my head…' She thought without bitterness. "How are they doing?" She whispered.
"I suppose you'll just have to see," he answered. Her heart began to hammer at the prospect of seeing them again. Her mother, her fath-Luke. She swallowed and bowed her head. Isabelle, Alec…Jace. Yes, she longed to see them, but the fear of rejection still lingered.
'Will they still want to see me once they learn what I've done?' Despite not wanting to, she imagined each of their backs turning on her. Jace stood last. His golden eyes stared accusingly at her.
"To kill an angel is the most heinous of crimes," he says in that logical yet harsh tone of his-the same he had used on her that night in Pandemonium when they first met, "Yet, to add on top of it and kill a fellow Shadowhunter, your own brother? I should kill you where you stand," He hisses, "But, no, you deserve to live with what you've done."
Magnus' grip tightened on her as he felt her shoulders begin to shake. He glanced down at her worriedly, but she refused to lift her head.
Alec leaned back against the wall and furrowed his brows. His warlock wasn't answering the call button. He had grown worried when Magnus didn't show up at Luke's house. Magnus was a regular at that house. He was especially serious about going to Clary's day so not seeing him had sent off alarm bells. Jace and Isabelle stood beside him.
"Doesn't he have a cell phone?" Jace asked. Cell phones were relatively new for the Shadowhunters and only a few-like Jace, Isabelle, and Alec-carried them. Alec suppressed the urge to smack himself as he looked toward his parabatai. It was Magnus that suggested they carry them. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Magnus' cell.
X
Clary looked away from her bowl of soup and mashed potatoes at the shrill ring. Magnus' hand shot to his pocket. He pulled his cell out of his pocket. Clary felt her blood go cold. She didn't want him to leave. Magnus glanced at her as he answered his phone. He smiled reassuringly, once again he had seen through her. She blushed and looked back to her food. He held the phone away from his mouth and told her.
"He's had me almost every day for the past two years. Now is your Magnus time," a mischief glint filled his eyes. "You should be honored." He added. Clary laughed, but it had hardly any sound. He put the phone back to his ear. He stood so close to her that she could hear everything.
Before he could even greet the caller, Alec spoke, "Where are you?" Magnus glanced toward her. She was certain that the panic in her eyes was evident. Despite the understanding in his eyes, she could see the reproach in them. He understood that she wasn't ready, but he still loved Alec. And he had seen firsthand what this was doing to his Shadowhunters.
"At a client's," he sighed.
X
Alec blinked. He looked at Magnus' name on the panel strangely before glancing over at his parabatai and his sister. They both looked surprised. Jace's surprise swiftly turned into anger as his mind quickly processed the words. Alec moved away from his arm reach. He wouldn't put it past his brother to jerk the phone away from him and start insulting Magnus. Still, even Alec was struggling for words.
"What client was more important than honoring Clary and being there for Jocelyn?" He said slowly, hoping that the slow tone would keep the outrage and anger out of his voice.
X
Magnus closed his eyes at the question, but they snapped open again as he heard Clary's surprised gasp. He looked over at her. Clary swallowed at the slight pleading she saw in his eyes. He wanted so badly to give them some idea. Some way to put their worries, their pain to rest. She swallowed.
"I can't…" She said brokenly. Magnus studied her expression. He recalled how she had looked when she had shown up at Ragnor Fell's for the last time. So defeated and empty. It was now that the pieces fell into place. One of them had something to do with that broken expression. He would bet the White Book that it was Jace. Magnus closed his eyes and prepared to lie to his love.
She couldn't listen to the further conversation. The expression on Magnus' face told her all she had to know.
"Go ahead and do whatever you want, regardless of who it hurts. You always do anyway, don't you?" Isabelle's angry words returned to her head. Tears gathered in her eyes. She couldn't look at Magnus anymore. She looked back to her soup and forced another spoonful into her mouth. The chair beside her scrapped back. She jumped as Isaac sat down beside her. He stared into her eyes. She could see that he wanted to ask her something. It was obvious in the way his eyes darted around hers and the way his fingers quietly tapped on the table.
"What?" She demanded quickly. He bit his bottom lip slightly before speaking.
"I understand that you aren't ready to see your friends just yet," he said slowly, gauging her expression to his words. She looked away from his eyes and back to her soup. "But how about we start with your mom and dad?" He proposed the compromise. He snuck a glance at his younger sister. Adele was spooning out them some servings of mashed potatoes and soup. He knew that if she had ever disappeared, he would move heaven and hell to find her again. She was his sister and, though he never said it, he loved her. Adele turned toward them. She spotted her brother's gaze on her and smiled slightly. Isaac looked back to Clary.
Despite the racing of her heart, the fear thrumming through her veins, she nodded. Isaac nodded back to her; a small smile tugged at his lips. She couldn't mirror his happy expression. Dread had pooled in the pit of her stomach. How was she going to tell her mother that the young man she had grieved over for sixteen years was really dead? How was she going to look her mother in the eye knowing that she had killed her older brother?
She sat in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed, nervous to lay back down. She bounced her knee and stared at the light blue walls. There was a small, timid knock on her door. She looked away from the wall to see Adele. She came into to the room slowly.
"Sorry," she apologized with a small sheepish smile, "I just got into the habit of checking on you."
"I know," Clary smiled. "I was conscious for most of the two years. I just couldn't open my eyes or…you know…move." She finally admitted. Adele's eyes widened. Clary looked away from her and back to the cream colored comforter. She ran her hands over the smooth fabric. "So, I'm kind of afraid to go back to sleep. What if it was all just a dream?" She clenched her hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Adele sank onto the bed next to her. She raised her hand and ran it through the curls softly.
"We'll be here to remind you," Adele promised. Clary looked over at her. She wasn't looking at her. She was staring out the door. "Every day if you want…" She added quietly. Suddenly, Clary knew why Adele had come. It was more than just habits. She was afraid that she wouldn't want them around now that she had a chance to have her family and friends back. Clary smiled and grabbed the hand that was running through her curls. She twined their fingers together and squeezed. Adele looked toward her.
"You are a part of my family now," she reassured her. "I'm going to need you and Isaac. More now than ever." They had been constants for the past two years. The truly felt like her family. Adele and Isaac were like the older siblings she had never had.
She could still recall the way Isaac sat with her, holding her hand. More often than not, he wouldn't speak at all. He would just let his touch be her anchor. Or he would trace runes into her arm. It had become a game for her to try and figure out which rune he was doodling on her arm with his forefinger. Sometimes, he would explain to her what each rune was. She could still remember the shape and name of each rune he doodled. Then, there were times when both siblings were in the room with her. They would tease other good-naturedly and share their inside jokes with her. He and Adele had kept her hope alive. She wouldn't have made it without them; she just hoped everyone else understood that she wasn't going to cut them out of her life.
Adele smiled softly and squeezed her hand back. "You will always have a home here," she promised. "Anytime your parents or your friends get to be too much for you, we'll be here." Clary licked her lips.
"Will you guys go with me tomorrow?" she asked quietly. Adele looked closely at her. Her blue-grey eyes locked on Clary's green eyes. Clary sat still as Adele searched for any reluctance.
"Are you sure?" She asked. Clary nodded. "Then I would be honored." She leaned in close to Clary and mock-whispered, "I think Isaac was going to stalk the taxi if you didn't ask." Clary smiled and shook her head. Adele grinned. "I would have too." She added with an unashamed shrug. Clary laughed.
(A/N: For the entire first three chapters, I have listened to Impossible by James Arthur like five times. I felt like including the lyrics that related to the situation would be kind of distracting. But listen to the song and you'll more than likely be able to see why. During the fight scene though I was listening to Somebody to Die For by Hurts. I think this is the one fan fiction that I've written that is going to have a soundtrack.
Once again, thank you all for the follows, favorites, and reviews. I practically enjoyed guest review that said "Oh. Shit just got real" and ClaryH's review about my writing. I don't know why but I found it amusing. Thank you Bones McCoy and BellaEd for worrying about me, but I'm fine now. I was just a little dehydrated.
Please tell me what you guys think about my character interactions. Tell me what you think about how I've written Magnus, Clary, or even my two OCs-Isaac and Adele. I'd love to hear it.)
