Black Ain't Your Color
Chapter 3
Ridiculous.
Absolutely, undeniably, ridiculous.
There wasn't another word that could describe the revolting backlash that Ganondorf had received from the employees of the Smashville Superstore. And after all the trouble he had gone through as well. It was quite a shame really.
It perturbed him why they would give him a hard time over such an innocent purchase. He had spent over ten minutes watching his minions shovel thousands of grams worth of ground coffee beans into clear plastic bags, only to have them confiscated by the manager's own small army of unenthusiastic teenagers. Apparently, he wasn't allowed to buy what he wanted if it meant there wouldn't be enough for other shoppers in the store, which to him was a ludicrous excuse given the fact that no one else seemed to be interested in the coffee beans. Granted, he had scared most of the patrons to other aisles on the floor, but that didn't change the fact that if anyone else wanted to buy coffee beans in bulk, they were going to have to go through two Stalfos and the wielder of the Triforce of Power himself.
As much as he would have liked to rip the head off of every Mii who so dared to cross his path, Ganondorf was forced back by his restraining order, which just so happened to be the exact same restraining order that prevented him from visiting any of the coffee shops in town. It didn't help that his two lackeys had somehow managed to spill one of the bags all over the floor, leading most onlookers to suspect that the commotion was a result of ol' Ganondorf trying to cause a ruckus again.
"I would set this whole world aflame if my powers were not so restricted," he grumbled, turning around to take a seat on one of his minions. The Stalfos who had lost that game of Rock, Paper, Scissors winced as half a ton of steel-plated armor was dropped onto its backbone. The poor soldier was now serving as a makeshift chair, down on its skeletal hands and knees so that its master would not have to sit on the sidewalk. Its brother, the one who had won the bet and stood by watching, shrugged at the inconvenience seeing as how this situation was really nothing new for either of them.
"I don't understand it," Ganondorf spoke. "I'm an obedient lord. I've never stolen from anyone in this realm, nor have I killed anyone, and I follow every monotonous law down to its finest print. Why then, do these pathetic excuses for working class citizens make it so difficult for me to get the things I want?"
He glanced at the Stalfos standing before him, but the skeletal creature didn't seem to have an answer. It kind of just stood there dumbfounded, confused why its master would even bother asking it a nontrivial question in the first place. The other Stalfos, the one on the ground that was holding up Ganondorf's rear end, shuddered beneath the weight.
It was quite a depressing sight to see the all-powerful King of Evil sitting near the bottom of the stairs to the Smashville Superstore. Him being so deep in thought was a good thing for the many locals who just so happened to be passing by, although those who were wise made sure to give him plenty of thinking room. An innocent child had come by with his mother asking why there was a big scary man sitting in front of the store, and for that, he got nothing but a hand over his eyes as well as a small lecture on why nobody should talk about Ganondorf when he was within speaking distance. No one—absolutely no one—dared to get on Ganondorf's bad side. He may have been a law-abiding citizen as much as the next guy, but he was still a villain, a thief, a murderer, and a conjurer of demons all packed into one. It was best to watch him from a distance, preferably behind the screen of a television when he could be seen duking it out on the stadium grounds with other contenders of the Super Smash Bros. tourney. How funny it would be for one of them to see him now, reduced from his former glory, albeit until he decided to stand back up again.
A few blocks up the road, Wendy jogged at a steady pace, focusing on her posture and form to set an example for the young man running alongside her. He was one of her students at the Wii Fit Studio, a self-proclaimed engineer of sorts who went by the name of Shulk, and just so happened to be another newcomer in the tournament. He, like many of Wendy's students, normally took a few hours out of their week in order to train their bodies, whether it be through hard sports or soft yoga. Nevertheless, Wendy encouraged any and all kinds of physical activity, and these private sessions with her students gave her the perfect opportunity to keep her own exercising schedule in check.
"How we doin', Shulk?" she said, her headband soaked with sweat. "Feeling the burn?"
"Oh, I'm feeling something alright," Shulk replied, panting in between breaths.
"Another 400 meters should be good for the day." She looked straight ahead, gauging the remaining distance, but threw it all out the window upon seeing Ganondorf sitting before the superstore. "You're going to have to finish without me."
"What? Why?"
As much as she would have liked to, she couldn't state it to him just yet. There wasn't a person in this town who would understand why Wii Fit Trainer Wendy of all people would want to cut her daily exercises short for a man she had only known for a few minutes. Yet here she was, less than 50 meters away and quickly approaching the man in black armor who she had just met at the library. Even more curious was how distraught he looked, how he kept his gaze fixed on the pavement as if whatever answer he was looking for was somehow buried between the cracks. She could have easily run on by without saying anything, and it was likely that Ganondorf wouldn't even notice her if she did. Wendy took pity on him, however, considering how optimistic he was back at the library. She wondered if something had happened that would turn his day upside-down.
"I'll meet you back at the studio," said Wendy, removing her keys from her pocket and shoving them into Shulk's hand.
"Wait, you're leaving me?" he replied, fumbling with the silver key and a key chain in the shape of a Smash Ball.
"Just take the shortcut back; I'll be there in twenty minutes."
Shulk said something to object, but he was interrupted by Wendy pushing him onto the road, nearly colliding with an oncoming biker in the process. He stumbled his way to the other side, bewildered by Wendy's brash actions, but to her, it was merely an afterthought. She was far more concerned with Ganondorf's predicament and also wondered why he only had one Stalfos with him instead of two. Much like the library, a lot of the crowd seemed to dissipate around Ganondorf, some civilians even vouching to cross the street and resume their strolls much like she had forced Shulk to. It was almost comical in a way, for now not only did Ganondorf look miserable, but it was almost like no one even wanted to acknowledge it.
The second Stalfos did eventually come into view. Ganondorf was sitting on its back.
"Hi," said Wendy, slowing until she started jogging on the spot. "Fancy meeting you here."
The Stalfos that was standing up immediately drew its sword but was taken aback upon seeing Ganondorf raise a hand to cease it.
"Oh, it's you again," replied Ganondorf, eyes still fixated on nothing in particular. "Come to gawk up close I presume?"
"Naw," Wendy chuckled. "I'm in the middle of a training exercise right now." She continued jogging in place expecting Ganondorf to question her about it, but he said nothing. "I run on this street every other day or so. Got to get that cardio in somehow."
Ganondorf didn't seem amused at all by her comment and simply sighed.
"If you have nothing important to say, then please do run along," he said casually. "I am in the middle of something right now."
"The only thing you're in the middle of right now is the sidewalk," replied Wendy, finally coming to a stop, but taking the time to stretch her calves. "Let me guess. They kicked you out of the superstore."
Ganondorf smirked at her remark, once again admiring her spunk despite the fact that she was nothing but a little lady compared to him.
"For what reason, I'm still not sure," he said. "Why don't you go inside and ask a representative for me? Ask them why there is a Gerudo outside sitting on their front steps. Surely that doesn't look good for business."
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you did something to make them kick you out."
The Stalfos by Ganondorf's side nodded its head affirmatively, earning a sock in the gut that nearly broke the creature's midsection.
"I was only trying to make an honest purchase," said Ganondorf sincerely. "Coffee beans are not very common in the wild, you know. In fact, they can only be found in specific countries, in specific locations, under very specific climate conditions. These general good stores are the closest I'll be able to get to those resources. However, that doesn't change the fact that they have them in such a limited supply…"
Wendy was still catching her breath, impressed by Ganondorf's knowledge of coffee beans that he definitely learned about at the library. She found herself putting a hand to her headband, however, somewhat puzzled how Ganondorf's "secret plan" from this morning had devolved to him shopping at a local food market.
"You're still going on about the coffee thing?" she asked. "How much of that stuff do you need?"
"Well, if I told you, I would have to kill you," replied Ganondorf with a grin. "But I'm afraid that too goes against the laws of this land. Although, I suppose I could always settle for the next best thing and put a curse on you that prevents you from opening your mouth ever again."
Although most people would have taken that comment as a threat, Wendy saw it as more of a challenge. Not that she wanted him to put a curse on her, but if he was going to be that way, then two could play at that game.
"You couldn't kill me even if you tried," she said earnestly. "I've faced plenty of tough foes before."
"Heh, you're funny, girl," replied Ganondorf. "Don't let it go to your head that just because you are a member of the Super Smash Bros., you are somehow invincible. Every mortal has a breaking point. Some just so happen to be more resistant than others."
"I'm not letting it go to my head. I could seriously beat you in a fight one on one."
Her foolishness outshined her honesty, and to Ganondorf, that was all that he needed to believe. He wasn't about to partake in a pointless discussion about who could beat who, especially since very few heroes he knew of could stand toe to toe with him. Besides, only the weak in spirit bragged about their strength, and with no legal way to prove her wrong at the moment, pursuing this debate was ultimately futile.
"Should we ever encounter each other in the bracket, I'm sure you will be able to prove yourself," said Ganondorf, adjusting himself atop the back of his loyal (and sweating profusely) henchmen. "As I was saying earlier, Miss…Fit, was it? I have no time for small talk. Either you have something worth saying to me, or you do not, so unless you can determine a way in which I may walk out of this plaza with my cart of legally traded ground coffee beans, then I kindly ask you to resume your training and bid me farewell. At least by doing that we can both get something productive done."
The Stalfos that he was sitting on was about to collapse, and so Ganondorf ordered his other minion to switch places with its undead brother. After a few seconds of fumbling, the two Stalfos managed to swap, although the soldier that was now standing had a bit of a shaky leg problem, and also appeared to be exhausted.
Wendy had witnessed the whole switcheroo but knew that Ganondorf still wouldn't bother talking to her. The bottom line was that he wanted something, and unless Wendy could give it to him, then he wasn't going to bother giving her any more of his time. That's when she came up with an idea, and although it wasn't anything spectacular by any means, she had a feeling that it would certainly brighten what had presumably been a pretty gloomy day for Ganondorf. Without so much as a peep, Wendy strode up the steps to the Smashville Superstore, vanishing behind the automatic doors. A few minutes later, she had re-emerged with a brown cylindrical container in her hand, as well as a receipt that she stuffed into the side pocket of her shorts.
Unsurprisingly, Ganondorf was still sitting near the bottom of the steps, but she didn't even say anything to him when she had rejoined him. Instead, she stuck the brown container in front of his nose, catching his attention as his eyes slowly glanced up at her.
"What is this?" he asked.
"Instant coffee," she replied, shaking the can of Maxwell a little. The small chunks of powder within danced around like a poor man's maraca. "You're trying to make coffee, correct?"
"Yes," replied Ganondorf, eying the contents of the container curiously.
"So why don't you try using this? It'll be much easier than trying to ground your own coffee beans. This is the same stuff the café on the corner uses, anyway. What a bunch of cheapskates, am I right?"
She wasn't sure what she was expecting when she bought the coffee, but miraculously Ganondorf seemed mesmerized by the stuff. It was almost as if the answer he had been looking for had been sitting in front of him the whole time.
"Wait," he said. "You mean to tell me you can make coffee all from this hidden mixture?"
"Well, it's not exactly hidden, but yeah, that's the idea," replied Wendy casually. "Just add water and poof, instant coffee. Revolutionary, I know."
This was it. This was the key that Ganondorf had been searching for this whole time. After hours of scrounging for the perfect café, and even more hours of scrounging for the perfect recipe, all of his efforts had led him back to this one small plastic can of Maxwell House branded coffee. The treasure practically shined with a golden radiance, captivating the eyes of both Stalfos, despite the fact that one of them could barely see it from its position beneath Ganondorf's keister. He could almost sniff the intoxicating aroma, the very fragrance that could grant him powers immeasurable, and the endurance unknown to man or beast. And now, here it was, all within his very grasp. All he had to do was reach out and take it. His hand was just moving on its own, poised to accept, ready to mine the caffeinated gold vein that had up until a few moments ago been previously unobtainable.
And before he realized it, it was plucked from right under his nose. Gone as quickly as it came, for Wendy had lifted it up, out of his reach, and cradled it under her arm.
"Oh, so you do want it," she sneered mischievously. "And here I thought you want to make coffee the old-fashioned way."
"Give it to me," Ganondorf demanded, although he remained seated. With no way to enter any establishment that sells coffee, this was the only shot he had, and by the goddesses, he wasn't about to let another opportunity slip by again.
"Um, let me think about that for a sec," said Wendy sarcastically. "No."
Ganondorf fumed with anger, not taking her mockery lightly at all. He immediately stood up, clawing his fists as he towered over her. The Stalfos that was on the ground jumped to its feet, drawing its sword along with its brother.
"Give it to me. Now," Ganondorf growled, his patience wearing thin by the second. Other random civilians who had just witnessed him stand gazed from afar, both curious and afraid of whatever outburst Ganondorf was about to unleash this time.
At this point, any sane person would have dropped the coffee and run, but his intimidation skills didn't seem to be working at all. No matter how much he snarled or grimaced, Wendy just wasn't affected. He was almost like a mad dog chained to a leash, with the chain now tout at its very limit. If that chain were to break, there was no telling what he was going to do next.
"Say please first," said Wendy. "Say please."
Did she take him for a fool? Ganondorf bowed down to nobody, and he certainly wasn't about to do it to a snotty girl in spandex shorts. The Stalfos were raring for a fight, barring their teeth as they banged their blades against their bucklers, but Ganondorf did not give them the word. Wendy had crossed the line with her obnoxious teasing, and it was time for him to make an example of her to remind the citizens of Smashville why they should never get on his bad side.
