And I'm back with another chapter! I'm sorry it took so long to get this one up, but I was on holiday then I had a massive history exam, and then I got a bit of writers block *cough*excuses*cough* xD
Anyway, I'm not too proud of this one, but whatever. I promise things will start getting more interesting soon as their relationship develops a bit more!
I still don't own Hetalia -_-
Enjoy!
When Toris arrived at school the next day, he was surprised to see Feliks waiting by the gate, jumping up and down impatiently and shivering. Although it was technically still summer, it was an unusually chilly day, and Feliks was dressed accordingly in a camel-brown thigh-length coat and a pale pink scarf. With his long hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, Toris thought with amusement that, from a distance, he looked just like a girl.
"Hey, Liet!" Feliks called as he approached. Assuming that he was calling out to someone else, Toris huddled a little more in his jacket and kept walking. It was only when he called again that he realised he was being spoken to.
"Liet! Stop ignoring me!"
He turned warily.
"…Liet?" What kind of a nickname was that? Was Feliks mocking him? Had the teasing started already? He should have guessed this would happen.
"Yeah. You said you're, like, from Lithuania, right?"
"Yes…"
"Exactly! So I'm totally calling you Liet from now on."
"...Okay…" An inexplicable wave of relief washed over him. So Feliks wasn't insulting him after all. He was just trying, in his own strange way, to be friendly. He really didn't know why this realisation made him so happy, but it did.
The conversation was still rather awkward, but as the two of them began to walk, Toris couldn't help but feel pleased that it was him Feliks had been waiting for. He had been so sure that he would have made some other friend by now and completely forgotten about him. It was a rather novel and exciting idea that another boy his age was willingly spending time with him. Not that he wanted Feliks to befriend him or anything. He didn't have time for friends. The sooner he was left in peace to get on with his life, the better.
A cold breeze blew past and Toris shivered, drawing his jacket closer around him. Feliks frowned.
"You totally need to get a new jacket."
He blushed and tugged at his sleeves in an attempt to cover up the inches of bare wrist protruding from them. Although he did need a jacket, that was the last of his priorities. It was more important that he buy Raivis' new uniform and Eduard's school coat. He opened his mouth to speak, but Feliks got there first.
He continued, "I mean, dark blue is like, so not fetch."
He blinked at him, then let out a short, relieved breath. So Feliks hadn't noticed, after all. He was just criticising his fashion sense.
"You're right," he smiled, humouring him. "Dark blue isn't...fetch at all."
"Totally. And those jeans…ugh."
Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Toris looked down at his jeans. They were light grey, and a little worn at the knees, but he couldn't see anything hugely wrong with them. Whilst he was examining his legwear for fatal flaws, Feliks continued.
"Obviously no one has taught you anything about fashion," he sighed dismissively with a slight eye-roll. "If you think that's okay. I seriously need to take you clothes shopping sometime."
Of course Feliks couldn't have been being serious. Teenage boys simply did not go on clothes shopping trips together. That was a girl thing. It could only have been a lighthearted joke.
Despite this, even the mention of spending time outside school with someone his age sent off alarm bells in his head. He couldn't leave Eduard and Raivis alone. He couldn't start another friendship and risk it dissolving painfully, just like all his old ones. As much as he wanted to befriend Feliks – and somewhere inside him, he knew that he did – it just wasn't possible.
Unsure how to respond, he wrung his hands nervously. Hopefully Feliks would just forget about it and keep talking, but he was looking at him expectantly, as if waiting for a response. Had that been a genuine offer?
"I…um…" Struggling, he tried to think of an excuse. "You see…"
At that moment, the bell rang, and Toris could have collapsed with relief.
"Come on, it's time for English." And he marched away from the conversation, leaving Feliks to scuttle after him.
The English test went well, for Toris at least. He completed his paper 20 minutes before the end and sat silently, gazing around at the other students as they hunched over their work and scribbled furiously. The only one not writing was Feliks. He was sat, sucking the end of his pen and examining the test paper with his brows furrowed in confusion, as if the questions were written in some form of incomprehensible alien language. Toris sighed and shook his head at the sight. Perhaps if Feliks had actually worked rather than drawing a sparkly unicorn, he might have some idea of what to do. He probably knew he would be let off though; after all, he was new.
When the hour was up, they all handed in their papers and filed quietly out. Then, the moment they got outside, the class erupted into chatter and relieved sighs and moans and laughter. Feliks appeared at Toris' side.
"I like, totally failed that test." He informed him cheerfully. Toris smiled slightly.
"I could see that. It really wasn't that hard, if you studied for it." The moment the words were out of his mouth he winced. He had said the words in a friendly enough tone, but to his ears they sounded superior and bossy. "Sorry…" he mumbled.
Feliks didn't seem offended at all though. "Yeah, well, I didn't study," he shrugged, picking at his nails calmly. "But whatever."
"Mm. Whatever." He agreed half-heartedly, wondering where Feliks had managed to get such a carefree attitude from. Part of him disapproved, but another part of him felt envious. He wished that sometimes he could fail a test without stressing. It would be nice if, just for once, he didn't have to worry about anything. But it had never really been like that. Probably, it never would be.
They had English again last period, and by the look on the teacher's face as he slammed Feliks' paper back on the desk, it couldn't have been good. Toris himself had got an A as expected. By this point, he didn't even feel pride at getting such a grade, just relief that he had managed to hold things together so far. While everyone else was bragging or moaning about their results, he watched with a strange kind of sympathy as Feliks was taken aside and lectured. The other boy didn't seem to be bothered at all, with his carefree smile and airy hand gestures, but Toris could tell he was a little disappointed, and he wasn't surprised. He himself would have felt awful if he performed as badly as Feliks obviously had done. There was nothing he hated more than failure. After all, when Ivan was around, failure meant punishment, and that was something he really didn't want to think about.
When class ended, they once again met outside and walked in near silence. Toris was curious to know what the teacher had said to him, but it would be rude to pry when Feliks hadn't said anything about it yet. As they walked, he watched as the other boy picked at his immaculate nails and brushed the hair away from his sparkling green eyes with surprising gracefulness. Sure, Feliks acted in a manner that was more than a little effeminate, but there was something intriguing and..almost attractive about it.
"Hey, Liet?"
Toris was startled for a moment when the silence was broken. He really shouldn't have lost himself in thoughts like that, and he hoped he hadn't looked too vacant. The tone in Feliks' voice sounded like he had tried to attract his attention several times, so he replied promptly.
"Oh, sorry! Yes?" He didn't comment on the nickname, having resigned himself to it by now.
"So, um, you know how I like, totally failed that test? Like totally?"
"Totally?"
"Totally as in 2%."
"…wow." Toris really didn't know how to respond to that. He hadn't known it was even possible to do so badly. "What did Mr Kirkland say about it?"
"Yeah. He said that I need to 'sort myself out' and even if I am the new kid this is just 'not acceptable' and that I need to retake otherwise my future is like, destroyed forever." He said it all in one rush of breath, raising his fingers like quotation marks at the appropriate times. His imitation of Mr Kirkland's British accent was so perfect that it made Toris laugh softly.
Feliks looked pleased with this reaction.
"So anyway," He continued, finally drawing breath. "I was thinking, you got like, a really good grade on that test, didn't you?"
Toris blushed a little and nodded, unused to the praise. "I got an A." He mumbled.
"Exactly! So, because you totally get English, and I totally don't, we could like meet up sometimes so you can help me study for my retake. Sound good?"
"Okay." The words were out before he could stop them, and he swore internally. Of course he couldn't help him, he couldn't get too close. If he tried to start a friendship, it would just fall apart because Toris had other priorities. They would just end up getting hurt. "When? In our shared study periods, or lunch break?" Damn it. Why couldn't he just shut up?
"Oh, I was thinking like, after school? So you could come to mine, or I could come to yourself, something like that? I think it would be pretty cool."
"I'm sorry, I can't." He blurted.
"Why not?" Feliks narrowed his eyes, annoyed.
"Because…" He struggled. "Because sometimes my parents work late, so… I have to look after my brothers. Sorry." He truly was apologetic. If he was honest, he would have loved to meet up with Feliks, as much as he tried to deny it. But he couldn't be honest, because of he was, any chance of a friendship would be gone just like that. No one wanted to be friends with someone who didn't have time for them.
For a moment, Feliks looked suspicious, disappointed and almost hurt. Then he shrugged and tossed his hair. "Whatever. At least give me your number though." He pulled out his iPhone, which was in a glittery pink plastic case.
Toris hesitated, unsure. Giving out a phone number like that would seem too much like proper friendship, and that was something it would be selfish for him to try and commit to. But Feliks needed his help, and he could probably find time to send him the odd text every now and then.
"Alright." He relented, pulling out his own phone. What harm could it do?
Feliks raised his eyebrows at the ancient device, then effortlessly added each other's numbers onto their phones.
"Here you go. Awesome, so now we can talk, like, whenever!"
Toris allowed a small smile to grace his face. "Yeah."
Perhaps it would be nice to have a friend for once.
The phone pinged whilst he was washing the dishes that night, up to his elbows in soapy water. He glanced across at the glowing screen, a buzzing feeling of happiness and anxiety fizzing in his chest when he saw the sender's name. Feliks had texted him. Surely that meant he wanted to be friends, right?
But…he couldn't reply straight away, not now. He couldn't appear too lonely or desperate. After all, Feliks knew nothing of his life, and he intended to keep it that way. To Feliks, he was just an ordinary kid; plain, generic, a little boring…
Maybe Feliks didn't want to be friends with him, anyway. It wasn't like he was an interesting or unique person in any shape or form. He probably just wanted him to help with his English because he was freakishly clever. The chances were, Feliks was laughing at him behind his back. He was probably just waiting to snigger at whatever he replied.
But Feliks wasn't like that. Or was he? Anyone could betray you, Toris, he warned himself bitterly. Anyone is capable of earning your trust then striking you down. Just like Ivan did.
The buzzing happiness faded, replaced with a dull weight. With a sigh, he turned back to the sink and continued to scrub fiercely,waiting until the phone screen faded to black.
I'm sorry, Feliks. He wanted to say. I just can't do this. I'm not ready. Find someone else to be friends with.
But he didn't, because deep down, he knew that he did want to befriend Feliks. He just didn't know if Feliks would be willing to wait for him.
Toris sat bolt upright with a gasp, his loud panting the only sound in the dark, silent room. His eyes squinted at the clock; 3:28am.
"O Dieve ... Dieve ..." He whispered, struggling to catch his breath. It was so dark, the room seemed to be fragmenting before his eyes, he couldn't orientate himself. Coherent thoughts would not come to his mind.
Slowly, his head began to clear. It was just a dream, he told himself, mouthing it into the silence. But it wasn't. It wasn't real, but it could have been, and the guilt still crushed him.
Even thinking about it made his breathing speed up, and he took deep gulps of air. Then he swung himself out of bed, stumbling a little as he hurried down the corridor with his breath loud in his ears.
He arrived at Eduard's room first, pushing open the door and letting out a sigh of relief. His brother lay sprawled across the bed, his blankets tangled around him and his glasses propped on the bedside table. He was snoring softly, fast asleep. Toris watched for a minute, gazing upon him with eyes softened with affection.
In the next room, Raivis was curled in a ball under his blankets, snuffling softly into the stuffed rabbit clutched to his chest. He slept peacefully, from time to time murmuring to himself peacefully with his light, wavy hair lying fluffy and tousled on the pillow. But most importantly, he was okay. Toris made himself relax, taking deep breaths and loosening his tense shoulders.
It's alright, they're fine, they're both fine. Thank God.
Carefully, he crept closer and pressed a gentle kiss to the scar above his brother's eyebrow. It was healing nicely and was barely visible beneath his long fringe, but Toris could remember all too clearly how he had acquired it. He shuddered and vowed, as he did every time he woke from these nightmares, that he would never let anyone hurt his brothers again.
After a few minutes of watching his brother sleep and trying to clear his mind, he padded slowly back through to his own room and sat heavily on the edge of his bed. The panic had evaporated now, but his stomach was twisting painfully from stress. Wrapping his arms across his aching stomach, he glanced around edgily, his eyes darting about. He knew Ivan was gone, but still…he could still sense the terrifying aura of his presence.
I need some light in here, he decided, reaching for his phone. The screen glowed, showing that the time was almost four. Beneath the time was a message.
From: Feliks xx
To: Liet 3
Hey Liet :) Thanks 4 gving me ur numbr! Look forwrd 2 seeing you 2morrow!
It was a simple, precise message, and the grammar was terrible, but Toris smiled regardless. 'Look forward to seeing you'… when was the last time anyone had said that to him?
A warm feeling appeared inside, and he settled down on the bed, his stomach finally calming. Closing his eyes, he clutched the phone in his loose grasp and fell fast asleep.
Thank you for reading!
According to Google Translate, "O Dieve…Dieve…" means "Oh God…oh God…" in Lithuanian. I don't imagine that Toris would speak in Lithuanian all that much, but it would probably be the first language that comes to mind after waking up from a nightmare.
A huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed or added so far, your support means a lot to me! I'm always excited to hear what you think! :)
