Hurt
(Season 1, episode 3)

Will had returned from the bar where he'd had a drink with Sloan, Charlie, Jim and Neal to unwind from the rush an election night coverage always brought with it. He had half expected Mac to be there, too, but apparantly she had other things to do.

Wade.
Will snorted while lighting a cigarette and looked over the city from his balcony.

It had been a shock for him to see that MacKenzie was actually in a relationship with another man. He didn't really know why, for she was a beautiful, intelligent woman who had always attracted her fair share of members of the male species. But still, despite of what he had managed to say when being so unexpectedly confronted with Wade, that was not what was supposed to happen.

Yes, he had been parading around plenty of women in the newsroom and he admitted to himself that he was only having them meet him there to hurt MacKenzie.

Things had been so good between them professionally during the last months, starting with his apology to their viewers, turning the show around and especially telling the people about the danger the Tea Party created for this country and its political system. He enjoyed working with Mac again, but he had not forgiven her yet, and he still felt this overwhelming need to punish her.
So, if he couldn't do it workwise, what better way then having her notice that he was on the market, and beautiful women couldn't wait to go out with him, to which he was happy to oblige?

What he did not expect was that she would go and find another man for herself. Dammit, she was supposed to be jealous and hurt and not to move on!

He knew this desire was wrong and pathetic, and this little voice inside him kept telling him that, but still, he could not do anything about the way he felt.
He had been suffering for 3 years while she was gone and also during the last months, being close to her every day but not being able to be with her. So now it was her turn to feel the fucking pain, no matter how much a jackass this made him!

Will just wanted to go inside to get a last drink for the night when his phone rang.

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After Will had met Wade in the control room Mac had been torturing herself all night.

Why, oh why did she allow Wade to come to the newsroom?

Although she had told him to stay out of Will's sight, she knew there was a risk of them meeting, and she really had not wanted that to happen.

Things had been good between them professionally during the past months, really good. They worked well together, respected each other's opinions and had turned Newsnight into a show to be proud of. And proud she was, especially of Will, who really had come around and was the serious news anchor again she always knew he could be.

There had never been any indication that Will wanted more than this. As much as it hurt her, he seemed to be happy with the array of bimbos he dated, but nevertheless she knew that a new man in her life would hurt him. And she had lacerated his feelings enough for a lifetime already.

Also, if she was completely honest with herself, she didn't want Will to think she was in another relationship in case he'd ever be interested in her again, as unlikely as this possibility was.

In the end it came down to the fact that she was lonely, and when she had met Wade at a formal evening function she had to attend three months ago, she was ready to at least try to move on.

She had been nervous before the first date, but it had turned out to be... well, nice. Nothing earth-shattering, no butterflies in her stomach, no goosebumps, but Wade was charming, good looking and a smooth conversationist.

Being with him was comfortable, althought the big feelings were missing, at least for her. It was nice to be held, not to be alone every night, and even if the sex wasn't anywhere near as good as it had been with Will – not that she'd had many opportunities, but no one had ever come close – it occasionally helped her unwind a little after a hard day.
She and Wade weren't together every night, but every once in a while she needed the distraction, needed to get away from the thoughts about Will and his girls that consumed her at night. She knew it wasn't fair towards Wade, but she told herself it wasn't like he didn't get anything out of it. And they had never talked about being exclusive, so maybe he didn't feel that serious about their relationship either...

Mac sighed. She should apologize to Will again.
It had been awkward in the control room and also later, when she was in his ear for the rest of the show. Afterwards Wade had wanted to spend the evening together, but she had excused herself, insisting that she was too tired after this long day.

She hesitated for a second, but then grabbed her phone and dialed.

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Will looked at his Blackberry. Speaking of the devil...

„Mac."

„Hello, Will."

Neither of them said a word for a moment, then Will broke the silence.

„What do you want, Mac?"

„I... I wanted to apologize for bringing Wade in tonight..."

Will didn't reply for a second. „I told you, it's okay."

„No, it's not. I shouldn't have blindsided you like that in the middle of a broadcast. I told him to stay out of your way, but..." Mac paused. „Come to think of it: Why did you come into the control room? You never do that..."

Will didn't reply, but then she remembered. „Wait... You said something along the line that you wanted to apologize. What for?"

He sighed... Damn, it was okay to say he's sorry while he had the upper hand, but now she had a boyfriend...

What for, Will?"

„For... for having my dates meet me in the office." he grumbled.

Mac was stunned; she hadn't expected that. „That doesn't sound like you really mean it..."

„I did when I came into the control room."

„And now you don't?" Mac was confused. „What changed?"

„You have a boyfriend..." he growled.

„Yes, you have met him tonight... Wait, is that it? You're jealous?"

„I'm not jealous!" he snapped at her. „It... it just... That was not what was supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to move on..." He knew he sounded petty and involuntarily squirmed.

Excuse me?" Mac became rattled. „What the fuck? I'm not supposed to see anybody while you parade dozens of your flings around the newsroom?"

„Exactly." Mac didn't respond so he went on, however this time a little more defensively.
„For three years... Everytime I thought about you I could only picture you together with Brian... I still do and it hurts, Mac! It still fucking hurts and I wanted you to also feel some pain..."
Will got quieter with every word, feeling ashamed, now that he had said it out loud.

Mac gasped. „Are you fucking kidding me? Feel the pain? What do you think I did for the past three and a half years? What do you think it feels like to work so closely with you and know that I'm the one who fucked everything up? Why do you think I went to a fucking war zone and almost died over there? Do you have any...

„Wait..." Will interrupted her with clear shock in his voice. „What do you mean, you almost died?"

Mac fell silent and didn't say anything.
„Mac, what did you mean by that? Tell me!"

She sighed. „I thought you knew... Didn't Charlie tell you?"

„Tell me what? For fuck's sake, tell me! Tell me right now!" Will was almost yelling through the phone.

„I was stabbed in the abdomen during a riot in Islamabad and for a while it looked pretty bad."

Will paled and took a deep breath. „What happened?"

„I... I don't want to talk about that now, I'm fine, Billy... I know I hurt you immeasurably, but you..." Mac paused, not willing to let him know how much his earlier words had stung her. „Well, I wanted to apologize and I did, so... good night, Will."

Will was standing on the terrace, his fingers still pressing the phone to his ear minutes after she had hung up. He felt sick thinking about MacKenzie being stabbed and close to dying. Naturally he knew that being in a war zone was risky, but he had always tried not to think about the danger for her, and as he had never heard anything to the contrary he had just assumed she was safe.

She had almost died because he had sent her away and told her that he never wanted to see her again. And here he was sulking and playing his shabby revenge game to get back at her. He truly was a stupid douchebag.

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After a sleepless night during which Will had thought about what he had done – and not done – and what could have been if he had gotten his head out of his ass sooner, he went to the office early. He knew that Mac always came in hours before she had to and he was hoping for the opportunity to talk to her before the rest of the staff arrived.

She was already at her desk when he entered the newsroom and he immediately went over to her. Standing in the office door he looked at her for a moment and again his stomach tensed up at the thought that he had almost lost her forever. Finally he knocked.
„May I come in?"

Mac turned her head and looked at him for a moment, before she sighed and nodded. Will entered the room and sat down in front of her desk.

He noticed the shadows under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept all night. „You look tired."

„So do you" she gave back. „What do you want? I have work to do."

„I'm sorry... About last night and... about the last months. I'm sorry that I hurt you." He made eye contact and Mac could see that he was serious.

„Where's this change of heart coming from?" she asked lightly, but Will could see the pain in her eyes that he had put there, and again he felt the guilt that had held him up all night.

„You could have died..." he whispered, looking down again.

While her heart cried out for him she could not let him know how much his concern touched her. „Jesus Will, I went to a fucking war zone. Did it only occur to you now that it's dangerous out there?"

„I... I guess I just didn't want to think about it. That there was a possibility that you would never come back to me... And here I am pouting and playing my little games... We have lost so much time already..."

'Come back to me'? This was getting interesting.
„I didn't know that you wanted me to come back..."

Will ignored that remark. „Are you really alright?"

Mac could tell that he urgently needed her assurance and wasn't about to deny it to him; it gave her a warm feeling that he cared. „I'm really fine, Billy. I have a nice scar that will remind me of it for the rest of my life, but that's all."

She watched Will thinking about this before he quietly asked „Can I see it?"

Her eyes opened wide, but after a moment she got up, stepped around the desk to stand in front of him and with a glance over the still empty newsroom she pulled her blouse out of her skirt and lifted it up.

Will's eyes immediately wandered to the ragged line on the right side of her stomach, about 2.5 inches long. He carefully put his hands on both of her hips to hold her in place and studied it intently, before softly stroking over its entire length with the index finger of his left hand.
Mac held her breath. This was the first time in three and a half years that Will touched her, and it was such an intimate gesture that it made her heart beat faster.

„I'm sorry, MacKenzie. I'm just so very, very sorry" he said with a hoarse voice and Mac could tell that he was trying to hold back tears. Then he leaned forward to press his lips to the scar, lingering in place, and apart from the heat that fanned out over her whole body she simply melted away.

She let her fingers run through his hair and whispered „I'm fine, Billy. I promise you. I'm okay. It's just a scar."

After a couple of minutes he looked up at her and she gave him a tender, reassuring smile, still stroking his hair. Will didn't let go of her but slowly stood up and her heart missed a beat when she realized that he was about to kiss her.

A millisecond before his lips met hers she whimpered in anticipation and then his touch was all she could feel. The moment she had waited for all this time was even more wonderful than she had imagined in her wildest dreams. Her heart beat rapidly, a tingling sensation went through her body from head to toe and her hands slid around to his back without her doing.

After a moment of tenderly caressing her lips one of Will's hands moved up into her hair while the other one glided around her waist to the small of her back. When his tongue requested entrance Mac opened her mouth and immediately he pushed inside and started to explore this long lost paradise, causing her to deeply moan with desire which was followed by a desperate groan of his.

Breathlessly he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. „I love you, MacKenzie. I love you so much."

She sighed with a relieved smile, put her hands on his cheeks and breathed „I love you, too, Billy. I've never stopped..."

"What about Wade?" he murmured.

"Don't worry about him... It's not really fair but basically he just kept me from thinking too much about you..."
With this she covered his lips again.

This time the kiss was a sweet promise for the future, and when they parted the next time Will whispered against her lips:

That's what was supposed to happen..."


...

Title: „Hurt" by Johnny Cash

Thanks for reading, your comments are very much appreciated! :-)