"And so the mummy had us wrapped up in his bandages, all geared up to squeeze the life out of us."
"Uh huh."
"Luckily I, being the smart guy that I am, remembered to hold onto that pair of scissors I found earlier."
"Uh huh."
"I was able to use them to cut us out of the bindings and finish him off for good!"
"Uh huh."
"Mabel, are you even listening?"
"Yeah. You're telling me the story of how a mummy at the museum came to life and you, Candy, and Grenda had to take it down before it destroyed downtown Gravity Falls. I can be bored and still pay attention, you know."
"Right..." Dipper just stared at Mabel across the couch in annoyance while she wore an exasperated expression.
"Okay, now that we're done with that, let's move on to a really important topic: finding Mabel's monster hunter weapon! Since a certain someone insists on unjustly monopolizing his super cool grappling hook-"
"Because he owns it."
"-we need to come up with something just as cool. Would it be possible to get a flaming longsword, of some kind?"
"Yes, but I'm not going back to that wizard, Mabel. The guy almost turned me into an owl last time I saw him."
"Oh…" Mabel wasn't expecting Dipper to have an answer to that. "Can't we get something for me, though? I'm the only one without a weapon, one you can hit people with, anyway. You've got the grappling hook, Candy has her slingshot and utensils, and Grenda has her inhuman strength. What's up with that, anyway?"
"I have no idea, but just be patient, Mabel. You'll find something, eventually."
"I want eventually to be now, though!" Mabel shouted, sinking back into the couch.
"What's eating you, kid?" Mabel turned her head to see that Stan had entered the living room.
"Just upset over my lack of a weapon. Can I borrow one of your guns until I find something permanent?"
"Hmm…" Stan hummed, rubbing his chin. "That seems like a good idea, but I feel like your parents would take offense to me giving a small child a loaded gun, for some reason."
"As crazy as that sounds," Dipper said, dryly.
"I know! Oh, by the way, here's your book back, Mabel." Stan reached into his suit and pulled out Mabel's Journal, the girl immediately taking it out of his hands.
"Thanks, Grunkle Stan. What'd you need it for, anyway?"
"Just wanted to see if there was anything in there I could use for the Shack. Ended up wasting two hours of my life, though; all the stuff in there is silly nonsense that I'm already doing half of. And why's it just stop near the end? The guy writing it get as bored as I got reading it?" Stan chuckled at his own question while Mabel and Dipper just rolled their eyes, Dipper more so than Mabel. "Ah, well, let's all forget our troubles of the day with mind-numbing television."
"I'm always game for that!" While Stan sat down between the kids, Mabel grabbed the remote off the armrest and turned on the TV.
"We'll be right back to Tiger Fist! after these messages."
"Yay!" The screen immediately cut to a flock of doves flying through the sky over a piano track. It easily caught Mabel's attention, but not so much that she didn't notice Dipper and Stan's suddenly angry expressions.
"Are you completely miserable?" A voice said over a crying man.
"Yes!" The man cried.
"Then you need to meet Gideon. He's a psychic."
"'Psychic'?" Mabel repeated with a raised eyebrow while the other two just groaned.
"So don't waste your time with other so-called 'men of mystery'." The screen then cut to a slow-motion shot of Dipper and Stan gluing a pair of fake chicken wings onto a stuffed turkey. "Learn about tomorrow tonight at Gideon's Tent of Telepathy. Gideon's expecting you."
"Well there goes my good mood," Dipper said.
"Same here," Stan added.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you guys don't get along with this Gideon guy," Mabel said.
"We hate him. That jerk's been a pain in our asses for years! Stealing our business, stealing our parking spaces, it never ends with that punk, Gideon!"
"He can't be that bad. I'm surprised you don't want anything to do with a psychic, Dipper."
"He's not a real psychic, Mabel," Dipper said with a groan. "He's just one of those TV psychics who uses cold reading to trick idiots into believing he's magic. In other words, he's a douche."
"I think I'd want to see that for myself."
"Over my dead body!" Stan shouted, standing up from the couch. "And since it's not 2016 yet, as long as you live under my roof, you're not going under his roof!"
"I concur!" Dipper added, also standing from the couch. The two then walked away in a huff, leaving Mabel alone.
"Man, this stinks. I kinda wanted to go…" Mabel said with a frown. The girl just sat on the couch like that for a brief moment until her expression turned into a smirk. "Wait a minute, tents don't have roofs! Looks like I just found a loophole!" Mabel then pulled a piece of string out of her pocket tied into a loop. "Womp womp!
"...I'm so lonely."
That night, Mabel had snuck out of the Mystery Shack to head off to the Tent of Telepathy, her excuse being that she was out of feminine products, which immediately shut Dipper and Stan up. The blue tent with the cycloptic pentagram on top matched the one she saw in the commercial, and based on the crowd alone, it looked like Mabel was in for a good show.
"Step right up here, folks. Put your money in Gideon's Psychic Sack." Over by the entrance was a fat man in a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat doing something exactly like Stan's "Sack of Mystery". That was probably where Mabel had to buy her ticket, so she walked over there.
"I can get a ticket here, right?" Mabel asked the man.
"Yep. Just put ten dollars in the sack and-hold on now, what do you think you're doin' boy?!" The man, who was smiling wide a moment ago, suddenly glowered at Mabel.
"Trying to see the show? Also, 'boy'?"
"Think you can just dress up in drag and sneak in here after what you did last time?! I'm still cleaning up all that nasty gunk!" The man grabbed Mabel's arm and started pulling her through dirt.
"Hey! Let go!"
"You best be getting on outta here before I-... hang on, I don't recall your arms being this small and feminine."
"That's because I'm not Dipper! Now let go of me!" The man immediately let go of Mabel.
"Oh, I see! You must be that long-lost twin sister of his people have been talking about! Now it makes sense!
"My name's Bud Gleeful. I'm Gideon's manager and the owner of Gleeful's Auto Sale right behind us. Sorry 'bout getting rough with you before, um…"
"Mabel."
"Mabel. Those Pines fellows have been our rivals for quite some time, and we kind of forget to be civil about it, every now and then. Tell you what, you go inside and enjoy the show free of charge. Consider it an apology for earlier."
"Thanks, mister!" Bud seemed to be a pretty nice guy. As such, Mabel was now thoroughly convinced that Dipper and Stan were exaggerating their hatred of this Gideon person.
"Oh, and take this, too." Bud reached into his back pocket and pulled out a coupon for half off a used car. "Just in case you're looking to buy a used car while you're here."
"Um… thanks?"
After her encounter with Bud, Mabel finally made her way inside the Tent of Telepathy. Just in time, too, as it looked like the show was starting.
Looks like I can finally see what this Gideon guy is about, Mabel thought to herself. I bet has a black turtleneck… and tattoos… and a snake! A big boa constrictor that he wears around his neck like a scarf! Now that's someone worth irrationally hating! From behind the curtain on the stage, Gideon appeared, and he had none of the traits Mabel guessed at. Instead, Gideon had a snow-white pompadour and wore a blue suit and a green jewel fashioned into a bolo tie.
Gideon was also small. Very small. Small enough that it was quite obvious that Gideon was either a midget or a small child.
"Hello, America! My name is Li'l Gideon!" Judging by his voice, Mabel went with small child.
That's Gideon? I guess it makes sense for Dipper, but Grunkle Stan's really made an enemy out of a little kid?
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight! ...Such a gift. I have a vision. I predict that you will soon all say, 'aww.'" Gideon turned his head away from the audience only to immediately face them again with a cutesy expression.
"Aww~!" The audience went, as he so predicted. Mabel couldn't help but feel amused.
"Hit it, Dad!" Gideon pointed to Bud, who was now sitting at a piano, and the man started playing. Apparently singing was going to be involved in this show, meaning Mabel's opinion of it quickly went up a great deal.
What happened after that was Gideon singing a song about "Widdle Ol' Him" and, just like Dipper said, using cold reading to figure out what various people were thinking about. It was phony and schmaltzy, but nevertheless, Mabel had a good time. Once the show had ended, Mabel left the Tent of Telepathy with a smile and went back to the Mystery Shack.
"Have a good time, tonight?" Even though it was only around eight, Mabel was still a little surprised to immediately see Dipper and Stan when she walked into the living room.
"As much fun as a girl can have buying tampons and whatnot."
"Gross," Dipper said. "Where's your stuff, Mabel?"
"Huh? ...Oh! Right, right. I returned them because the ones I bought were too rough? And they… were out of the soft kind?" Mabel was not doing a good job of covering her tracks.
"Is that right? 'Cause, you know…" Stan started, "I had to go to the pharmacy a little while ago, pick up some ointment for a gross rash that's been festering for a few months-"
"Ew!"
"-and I didn't see you anywhere. Care to explain."
"Um, well, you see… I was at Gideon's show."
"Liar!" Stan shouted, pointing at Mabel. "Wait, did you say you were at his show or you weren't at his show?"
"The first one."
"In that case, AH-HA! Caught you red-handed, Mabel! You're in big trouble, now!"
"But you said I couldn't go under his roof, and tents don't have roofs!"
"I don't want-...huh. Well, you got me there. Never mind." Feeling defeated, Stan left the living room, leaving Mabel and Dipper alone.
"I'm still annoyed by this," Dipper said.
"You shouldn't be. Is it really a big deal that I wanted to have a good time?"
"Since you decided to have one with Gideon, yes."
"Well sorry, but I don't recall being apart of your stupid little rivalry with the Gleefuls." Mabel then turned around and headed for the staircase.
"It's not stupid! Bud's alright, but Gideon's a douche!" Mabel was already upstairs by the time Dipper finished. "Aw, why do I bother?"
The next day, Mabel was bedazzling some of her clothes in the living room while Dipper was watching a documentary on the Used to be About History Channel. For the hour or so that the kids had been up, they only talked to each other a little, the events of the previous night still fresh in their minds. In the midst of their ignoring of one another, the doorbell rang.
"...Guess I'll get it," Mabel said when she saw Dipper being unresponsive. Mabel got up and walked over to the door, expecting to find a mailman or a Jehovah's Witness.
"Howdy!" Imagine Mabel's surprise at seeing Gideon on the porch.
"Hey, it's Widdle Ol' You! Gideon!"
"Yes, yes it is. And you must be the long-lost Pines twin the town is all a buzz about. I must say, with those dainty legs, that button nose, and overall figure of feminine beauty, you and Dipper look exactly alike!"
"Ha! That's a good one!"
"Mabel, who is it?" Dipper called out, the sound of footsteps signaling his advancement towards Mabel. "If it's a Jehovah's Witness, tell them we're happy with the God we have. Don't need them coming here and-" Dipper silenced himself as soon as he got to the doorway. "I must be coming down with something. How else could I have not smelled the three pounds of hair gel and propane sitting on my doorstep."
"Good morning to you as well, Dipper Pines," Gideon said calmly, despite the noticeable twitching of his eyebrow.
"If you're gonna be civil with anyone, try the door."
"Dipper, don't be rude!" Mabel cut in before Dipper could slam the door in Gideon's face.
"My, the manners on this one!" Gideon exclaimed. "So unlike your brother and that old codger Stanford; you sure you're related to them?"
"Sometimes I wonder that, myself," Mabel said with a chuckle.
"What do you want, Gideon?" Dipper asked, curtly.
"Oh, yes, my reason for coming to this oversized pigpen you call your house," Gideon said before turning back to Mabel. "Mabel, I know we only formally met right now, but when I saw you in the audience last night, wearing that adorably colorful outfit, I knew that I found a kindred spirit!"
"Me too! That little suit you wear is just adorable! And your hair's so retro! How do you do that?" Mabel asked.
"Reckon I could show you all my products and whatnot if you're really interested."
"Am I?!"
"You are?!" Dipper exclaimed in disbelief.
"I am. Let's go have some fun, Gideon."
"I'd be delighted, Mabel." Like a little gentleman, Gideon took Mabel's arm and escorted her off the porch. Unlike a little gentleman, Gideon turned his head around and quickly stuck his tongue out at Dipper.
"Whoa~!" Mabel's eyes nearly jumped out of her head when she walked into Gideon's dressing room. "I've never seen so much beauty stuff, before!"
"Not many people in this town care about their bodies, so it makes it easy to stock up," Gideon said as he watched Mabel walk around the room and rifle through his outfits and makeup supplies.
"They don't know what they're missing out on."
"No, no they don't. People always make fun of me for taking so good care of myself, calling it girly and such. I don't think I have to tell you that your brother is one of them."
"You kind of did just now, thou-"
"But you're different, Mabel. You appreciate a man who goes to the trouble of covering up nasty blemishes or giving his hair shine and volume. You have no idea how happy that makes me!"
"Me too! I've never had anyone to do this kind of stuff with, before! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I do believe I am."
"Makeovers!"
"...Right. Makeovers," Gideon said, feeling dejected.
After spending several hours doing each other's hair and makeup and putting on fake runway shows (apparently Mabel can rock a boy's medium), Gideon took Mabel to the roof of the warehouse where all of the Li'l Gideon merchandise was stored to look at the view.
"You were right, Gideon. The view up here is breathtaking," Mabel said while looking through opera glasses.
"Not as breathtaking as you," Gideon said under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said that I've been having so much fun with you, I don't know what to do with myself! Well, I know one thing, anyway."
"That you want to do each other's nails?"
"No, something else, actually." Gideon turned to Mabel and took her hand in his, the action catching her off-guard and making her move back a little. "Mabel dear, would you kindly do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tomorrow evening?"
"You mean, like… on a date?"
"That's exactly what I mean! What do you say?"
"Um…" Mabel found herself feeling tongue-tied. While Mabel had liked plenty of guys, plenty of guys had never really liked her. She had never once been asked out by a human, and she imagined her first time being with someone who she didn't see as just someone who she could go shopping with. Still, he was really nice, and Mabel didn't like hurting people's feelings. One date couldn't hurt, and if things didn't work out, he'd surely understand.
"Sure. Okay."
Another day had passed, and Dipper was still annoyed with Mabel's new friendship with Gideon. Ever since Mabel came home yesterday, she had spent most of the time texting the kid back and forth and giggling nonsensically. Not exactly the kind of thing a guy wants to see when he goes to get an ice cream sandwich after doing two hours of tours.
"Wendy, could you please grab one of the knives from behind the register and stab my eyes so I don't have to look at this?" Dipper asked as he watched Mabel doing exactly what he knew she was doing on her phone.
"Oh, stop being so dramatic," Wendy said. "I think it's cute that Wendy has a little girl friend. And since it's Gideon, it's also funny."
"Well when you put it like that, it's almost tolerable."
"I can hear you two!" Mabel said to them.
"That's why we're saying it." Wendy joined Dipper in a laugh.
"Well bully to you." Mabel stuck her tongue out at them as she put her phone away. "If you need me, I'll be in my room making myself look even prettier."
"Why? Gideon taking you out on a date, or something?"
"Yes, yes he is!"
"Yeah, I bet he-wait, what?!"
"WHAT?!" Stan suddenly ran into the gift shop. Based on the pants hanging around his ankles, the old man was in the bathroom when he showed up (he at least had enough sense to pull up his underwear). "You're going out with that little troll?!"
"I should probably take my break now," Wendy said, leaving the desk and exiting the gift shop through the door, only to immediately walk over to the window to watch.
"I can't believe this! My own flesh and blood, cavorting with one of my many nemeses! This just… GAAH! I've got to hit something with a blunt object for a while." Stan then shuffled out of the gift shop mumbling obscenities, not once making a move to pull up his pants.
"Mabel, why, exactly, are you going out with Gideon?" Dipper asked.
"Well, he asked me out, that's why," Mabel said. "I've never really been on a date with a human before, and Gideon's really nice to me, so I figured I could have fun."
"You will not have fun! He's my arch-nemesis for a reason, Mabel!"
"Well I don't really care about your history!" Mabel exclaimed, brow furrowed. "Maybe you two don't get along, but we two do get along, and I don't see why it's wrong to be friendly with someone I have things in common with!"
"What are you talking about? We have something in common: we're both mystery hunters!" After Dipper said this, Mabel's expression softened from anger to guilt, as if she had just made some sort of huge mistake. "Mabel?"
"Um, well, if I'm being perfectly honest, I'm not really that into all that supernatural stuff." Now it was Dipper's turn to look sad.
"What do you mean? We've gone on a bunch of monster hunts since we started talking to each other. I've entertained you with tons of stories of my past adventures-"
"More like bore me with them."
"So this whole time, you've just been lying to me about liking this stuff?"
"No, no, that's not it!" Mabel waved her hand, dismissively. "It's not like I hate this stuff. I just don't really like it as much as you, so I've been… pretending? Does, does that make it better? If I say pretending instead of lying?"
"No," Dipper spat, brow furrowed in anger. "You know what, Mabel? Go. Go on your date with Gideon. See if I care." Dipper turned away from Mabel and quickly stomped away from her.
"Dipper, wait! I didn't mean to… aw, why do I bother?"
"And so I told the Mayor, 'That's not a porpoise, that's a porcupine!'"
"Haa! Good… Good one, Gideon…" After her unpleasant talk with Dipper, Mabel left the Mystery Shack to go on her date with Gideon. The boy had, unexpectedly, picked Mabel up on a white horse and took her to the fanciest seafood restaurant in Gravity Falls. They had been enjoying dinner while Gideon told Mabel stories of his celebrity life, all the while the other patrons kept staring at them, basking in the glow of Gravity Falls' newest power couple. For Gideon, this was truly the perfect evening.
At least, it would be, were Mabel paying any sort of attention to him. Sure, she laughed at his jokes, responded to what he had to say, but it was plainly obvious that Mabel was only giving both Gideon and their date the bare minimum of attention.
"Mabel, is something wrong? You've been distant the entire meal; you haven't even killed your lobster yet."
"That… actually isn't related to this. Didn't think I had to say beforehand that I didn't want to go to a seafood restaurant where you kill your own lobster." Mabel poked the lobster's shell with her fork as it snapped her claws at her. "But you're still right. I'm really sorry, it's just…"
"Just what?"
"No, I shouldn't. You'll just get mad at me."
"I would never! If you have a problem, I am here to listen with unbiased ears. You can trust Widdle Ol' Me!" Gideon flashed a cutesy expression, making all the onlookers go "Aww~!".
"Well… okay. It's about my brother."
"You don't say." Gideon's smile fell a bit.
"I kind of made him mad before we came here."
"You don't say." Gideon's smile rose a bit.
"He probably won't want to talk to me when I get home…"
"You don't say." Gideon's smile rose a bit.
"I feel really bad about that."
"You don't say." Gideon's smile fell flat.
"When I think about it, it really was all my fault. If I made it clear that all this supernatural stuff was just, like, a hobby to me from the start, Dipper wouldn't have gotten mad at me for leading him on like that. But I just got him to like me, so maybe I was afraid that if I didn't make him think I was as in love with it as he was, then he'd start pushing me away, again. What do you think I should do, Gideon?"
"..." This had been going on for half an hour, exactly thirty times longer than Gideon had expected it to. "Wow. That is some deep stuff right there, so emotional. And the fact that you are entrusting me and me alone with the task of assisting you truly says a lot about how much trust you have in me. I thank you deeply for that, Mabel."
"You're welcome, I guess. So what should I do?"
"Forget about him. Put Dipper out of your mind and out of your life."
"Um… what?"
"That boy doesn't deserve you if he can find it in himself to be mean to a little saint like yourself. You shouldn't associate with a rude individual like him."
"Hold on, Gideon, just hold on. I know that Dipper's not the nicest guy around, but he's not that bad. And like I said, I kind of messed up, too."
"Did you, though? In all honesty, it's actually more funny than mean how you decided to play along with his silly little 'monster hunts'."
"Dipper didn't see it that way, and neither do I!" Mabel exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table to accentuate her point.
"Okay, okay, sorry. Guess I'm not as unbiased as I claimed to be. I'll try to work on that by our second date, tomorrow."
"Second date? Tomorrow? Our?" Mabel alternated between raised eyebrows at the end of each question. Before another eyebrow could be raised with another question, a South American rainbow macaw flew to their table and landed on Gideon's shoulder.
"MABEL!" The bird squawked. "WILL YOU- ACCOMPANY- GIDEON- TO- THE BALLROOM DANCE- THIS- THURSDAY!"
"Oh, so adorable!" Someone called out.
"Gideon's got a girlfriend!" Another person said.
"What do you say, Mabel?" Gideon asked.
"Uh… could we table this, Gideon?" Mabel asked, apologetically.
"Table it, what? You're saying no to me, in front of all these people?"
"Please don't say no! I'll die from sadness!" An old woman cried. A doctor soon confirmed that that was true on the grounds of him being a doctor.
"I'm not saying no! I'm just… not saying yes. I have other things I want to take care of before I think about more dates."
"What, with that stupid brother of yours?"
"Gideon, stop that. I know you two don't get along, but I want to like him, and you're being rude."
"I'm being rude?" Gideon started scowling for the first time since Mabel met him. "I take you to the nicest restaurant in town, regale you with a myriad of tales, let you prattle on and on about your brother, despite him being my sworn enemy, and I'm being rude?"
"I'm sorry that I wasn't paying attention to you, that was wrong, but I didn't ask you to take me somewhere this nice, and you said it was alright to talk about it!"
"Make them be cute again, Blubs!" A lanky police officer cried.
"I'm afraid the law is powerless here, Durland," his partner, a chubby black officer, said while wiping away a tear.
"And will you people go away?!" Mabel shouted at the crowd.
"Don't get mad at them. They just want to see an innocent child romance; you can't blame them for that," Gideon said. "Now how's about you stop being so stubborn and give the people what they want?"
"Give them what they want? So what, now I'm supposed to date you because other people want me to?"
"Ain't that better than not doing it because you feel bad for making your jerk of a brother upset?"
"I thought I told you to stop being mean to him!"
"Why should I?! He's been a pain in my side for my entire life!"
"Yeah, and for my entire life, I didn't even know he existed! I had to go through a lot just to get him to talk to me-"
"And I'm sure you regret it, right?" Well, that was that.
"...You know what I really regret, Gideon?"
"What's that?"
"Coming here!" Mabel grabbed her lobster and threw it at Gideon's head, the crustacean clamping down onto the large area of fat where his neck should be.
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Gideon fell out of his chair and started rolling around on the floor as he tried to remove the lobster. Gideon's flailing about must have made him look like a worm in some way, because the macaw then started pecking at him.
"Get 'em, get 'em!" Tyler Cutebiker, the town's cute biker, exclaimed as Gideon wrestled with the two animals.
"Play it again, Wendy! Play it again!" Apparently, someone was filming Mabel and Gideon's date the previous night, including their fight and Gideon being attacked by animals. It didn't take long for it to be put online and be seen by everyone in town. Stan was in the middle of watching it for the 80th. Time.
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" The video sounded from Wendy's phone.
"Ahahaha! This is great! Never thought Mabel going out with Gideon could be a good thing!"
"Really soaking up that schadenfreude, huh Mr. Pines?" Wendy asked.
"Yep. Applying it twice a day, and my skin's looking great!"
"...Right."
"Where is Mabel, anyway? Still up in her room?"
"Think so. Probably still upset about what happened with Gideon. Either that or it's because some old lady had a stroke right after she threw that lobster at him."
"Ahahahaha!" Stan went back to just laughing at the video, causing Wendy to roll her eyes.
Meanwhile, Dipper was lying on the couch in a dejected stupor, talking to Candy on the phone.
"I don't get it, Candy. Mabel found out that I was completely right about Gideon being a douche, yet she's just holing herself up in her room not talking to anyone. You're a girl, what's going through her head?"
"Well, this doesn't really have anything to do with the telepathic link all girl friends forge with one another, but I think that even though Gideon is a… jerkface, Mabel is upset that she gained that opinion of someone she had a lot in common with." Candy said on the other end.
"Wouldn't have happened if she had just listened to me from the start. That girl is just being ridiculous!"
"But isn't that kind of why you're upset with her, Dipper?"
"...Shut up."
"I'm just saying-"
"That I should be feeling empathy instead of anger?"
"Maybe a little."
"Mabel spent who knows how long just pretending to be in to the supernatural! I thought we had something in common, but it was just a lie! Do you know how that feels?"
"Well… maybe not on the receiving end…"
"Huh? What do you mean?" Dipper could hear Candy sigh into the phone.
"Here's the thing, Dipper. Grenda and I… when the three of us first formed this team, we weren't really that into all this stuff. It took a little while for it to grow on us."
"How long is a while?"
"Um… six-"
"Days? Weeks?"
"Months."
"What?!" Dipper sat up on the couch in shock. "Six months?! You two led me on for six months?! Why?!"
"Well… so what's going on with you and Mabel wouldn't happen to us. You get so into all your monster stuff that it can be a little scary, and we were worried that if you didn't think we were as in love with it as you, you wouldn't want to be our friend."
"That's crazy! You guys are my best friends, and I wouldn't… I wouldn't… oh my God." Dipper slapped his face in disgust. "I'm such an asshole. And I made you two put up with that for half a year. I'm so sorry."
"It's alright, Dipper. We like that stuff… almost as much you do, now. Plus, we all found common interests during those six months. You and Grenda like Duck-tective and fighting, and the two of us have band class together and love DD&D. If you just keep trying to be Mabel's friend, you'll find some common ground."
"But I can't just wait six months for that to happen… I'll talk to you later, Candy. I need to make this right." Dipper hung up his phone and jumped off the couch. Once again, Dipper had screwed up with his sister, the only resemblance of a saving grace being that this time was unintentional. He knew what he had to do, and now that someone was knocking on the door, he would do it as soon as he took care of that.
"If you're here for the tour, you gotta go around-Gideon?" Gideon was standing at the door, looking visibly red with anger, a look Dipper had never seen when he didn't go out of his way to cause it.
"Where's Mabel?!" Gideon shouted. "I demand that your sister come out here and apologize to me!"
"To you?"
"I gave her the treatment of a queen, and look what she did! It took ten minutes to get that lobster off of me, I spent over an hour picking feathers out of my hair, and the whole town can't stop laughing at that stupid video!"
"Hey Dipper!" Stan's voice sounded from the gift shop. "When Soos gets here, I'm gonna have him help me make one of those 'dudestep' remixes of this Gideon video! It'll be hilarious!"
"You see?! My reputation has been ruined! Ruined!"
"From what I heard, you deserved it," Dipper said. "You kept trying to pressure Mabel into going on another date with you and you wouldn't stop insulting me, even after she asked you to stop. If you really cared about Mabel, you'd listen to what she had to say instead of thinking only about yourself." Pot, meet kettle.
"I'll have you know that I was a perfect gentleman!"
"That couldn't be true. You're a douche."
"What?! What'd you say to me?!"
"I said you're a douche."
"I am not a douche! Oooh, that's it! You ruined my life with Mabel by making her care about you, you've tormented me for years, I'm done! I'm dealing with you once and for all, right here, right now!"
"What, you want to fight?" Dipper chuckled as he got into a boxing stance. "Alright, fine. Bring on all two feet of you!"
"Gladly." Rather than go into a stance of his own, Gideon put a hand on his bolo tie, an action that made Dipper laugh a little inside. Was that supposed to be his fighting stance, or something? That was just silly.
Then it started glowing green. As did Dipper. Then he started floating off the ground.
"Wh-What the hell?!"
"Who's the phony now, Dipper?!" Gideon swung his free hand back, the action seeming to cause Dipper to be flung away from the Mystery Shack and into a tree.
...Ow. This isn't good.
Mabel really hated how upset she was. Gideon was as much of a jerk as Dipper said he was, so she should have been happy to be done with him. The problem was that he was a jerk who liked the same things Mabel liked, so hating him only served to make her feel more upset. Add in the fight with Dipper she caused, and Mabel couldn't be happy, at all.
That was why Mabel was in Sweater Town. Head and knees tucked into her sweater, Sweater Town offered all who visited relief from reality's worries. In Sweater Town, Mabel didn't have to worry about her brother being mad at her or her first real date being with an insensitive munchkin. If there were snacks and cute guys there, she'd want to stay in Sweater Town forever.
"I'm gonna get you, boy!"
"I'd prefer it if you didn't!"
"...What's going on?" Was that Dipper and Gideon shouting at each other? And now that she was really listening, was there also the sound of things flying through the air and hitting the ground hard? Why was that something that was happening? Maybe I can leave Sweater Town for a little bit, Mabel told herself. She had to admit that it was odd to be hearing this stuff. Cautiously, Mabel untucked her legs, poked her head out a little, and walked over to the window.
Okay, so Gideon, Gravity Falls' resident TV psychic, apparently has a magic amulet that give him telekinetic powers. Ain't that a big ol' juicy peach? Dipper summarized his present situation as such. It was because of such a situation that Dipper found himself repeatedly going behind tree after tree to dodge Gideon's continual onslaught of telekinetically flung sticks, rocks, and dirt clumps. If he could just get close enough to land a punch, it'd be over in a flash, but he couldn't risk exposing himself to Gideon's magic.
"You can't hide forever, Dipper! I'll find you, eventually!" Gideon shouted at the top of his lungs. He had a point. Dipper wouldn't get anything done by just running and hiding. If he wanted to get anywhere, he had to act, and he had to act now.
Now! As soon as Gideon was facing away from the area Dipper was hiding in, he dashed away from the trees and headed towards the Mystery Shack. Stan and Wendy were still inside, and if he got their help, he might be able to get out of this alright.
"Found you~." That was the ideal course of events, anyway. However, not long after Dipper left his hiding spot, Gideon turned back around and caught him in his telekinesis.
"Aw, crapbaskets," Dipper cursed as his body became covered in green light and he was lifted into the air.
"Not so clever now, are you, boy?" Gideon asked with a sneer. "I finally have you right where I want you. You don't know how long I've waited to do this! After so many years of taunting, of immaturity, of unwarranted antagonism-"
"All of which you are equally guilty of."
"Silence!" Gideon squeezed his free hand tight, the action causing Dipper to suddenly have difficulty breathing. "Once I get rid of you, Mabel won't have a single reason to stay away from me!"
"Fat… cha-kh!kh!"
"I wouldn't keep talking if I were you. You only have so much oxygen left, wouldn't want to waste it all on needless quips."
"Worse… ways… to die…"
"Now I find that hard to believe. What sort of demise could be-... well, hello." In the midst of his gloating, Gideon caught sight of something behind Dipper: a very large hole in the ground. "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Stanford's famous Bottomless Pit?" Gideon lessened the psychic hold he had around Dipper. The boy was so busy gasping for air that he didn't even notice that he was being moved directly over the Bottomless Pit. "Even if the name is a misnomer, it is quite the impressive hole. Wouldn't be surprised if it went a mile deep into the ground."
"Yeah, it's… it's a big hole…"
"Oh, but there aren't any guard railings. What's Stanford thinking? Someone could fall in! Could you imagine that, Dipper? Falling and falling and falling for what seems like an eternity, just wishing it would end, already, the sweet release of death being a welcomed event after agonizingly waiting for oblivion?"
"Um…"
"Well you don't have to, 'cause you're living it, boy!" Gideon removed his hand from his amulet, causing the glow around Dipper's body to cease and send him plummeting into the Bottomless Pit.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," was all Gideon heard from Dipper.
"GOODBYE, DIPPER! Now to work on what I'll say to Mabel to win her back. 'Mabel dear, terrible news! Your brother fell into that giant hole your stupid great-uncle never made safe for onlookers! I tried to help him, but he slipped outta my delicate little hands! What's that? You need a shoulder to cry on? There, there, Li'l Gideon's here, and he's all you need, girl. He's all you'll ever-"
"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Suddenly, Gideon was punched in the face and knocked to the ground.
"Ah! What in tarnation was-wh, what?!" Much to Gideon's surprise, standing over him was none other that Dipper, who was doing a very good impression of someone not in the midst of plummeting to their untimely demise. "But how?! I threw you into that giant hole!"
"Funny thing about the Bottomless Pit: there's some sort of wormhole at the bottom of it that sends anyone who falls into it right back to the top at nearly the exact moment they fell in. It wasn't a coincidence that we ended up here; I led you here, knowing that it would be easy to get you to throw me into the Pit so I could use it to my advantage! And now…" Dipper reached towards the still-startled Gideon and pulled the amulet right off of him, "it's over."
"No it ain't!" His face contorted with rage, Gideon leaped up and tacked Dipper to the ground, knocking the amulet out of his hand and several feet away from them. The two boys stared at it for a few seconds before they both decided to go after it. Dipper kicked Gideon off of him and ran towards the amulet, only to be stopped by Gideon throwing a Li'l Gideon brand Blunt Object at his feet and tripping him. Gideon ran to the amulet, but Dipper grabbed at his suit and pulled him down.
"Let go of me, you charlottine!" Gideon spat as he and Dipper wrestled with each other.
"Fat chance!" Dipper shouted back at him while elbowing the kid in the face. The attack had enough force to separate the two of them, but Gideon was able to stop Dipper's movements by pinning down his jacket with two pairs of Li'l Gideon brand Lamb Shears.
"Aha!" Gideon scrambled to his feet and kicked dirt in Dipper's face. "Take that! Victory is mine!"
"Victory is whose, now?"
"?!" Before Gideon could go and reclaim his amulet, someone else had beat him to the punch: an incredibly angry-looking Mabel. "M-Mabel! Hi! I actually wanted to talk to you about the, um, unpleasantness from last night."
"When you insulted me for being upset about upsetting my brother who I only just learned existed?"
"Yes, that, but mainly the part where you threw a lobster at me that everyone is laughing about online." Mabel furrowed her brow further than it was before. "Then your brother opened the door when I came knocking and he, well," a sly smirk entered Gideon's face, "he attacked me like the brute he is-"
"I saw everything from my window." That made his smirk vanish.
"Oh… So, does this look as bad as it looks?"
"Well, even after everything that happened last night, your attempt at apologizing involved trying to kill Dipper, so what do you think?"
"...No?"
"'No'?! How could you-...Dipper was right. You are a douche."
"I am not a douche!" Gideon shouted, red in the face. "You apologize to me right now, you hear me?! Right! No-Wh-Whoa!" In the midst of his shouting, Gideon was suddenly flung into the air, his body covered in the same green light that Dipper's was, earlier. The same green light that was shining through Mabel's closed hand.
"Oh my God, wow! I can't believe that worked!" Mabel laughed with a smile. "Good thing this apparently takes no effort to use!" Mabel started spinning her arm around in a circle which, in turn, caused Gideon's body to be sent into a spin.
"Heyheyheyheyheyhey Hey! Stop that! Stop that!"
"Don't! Don't listen to him!" Dipper exclaimed, not even trying to contain his laughter as he pulled the lamb shears from his jacket.
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Dipper turned to see Stan and Wendy exiting the Mystery Shack. "I heard the sound of children fighting, so there better be a reason why I wasn't invited to watch-whoa, what?! I don't know what this is, but I love it!"
"Yeah! Keep it going!" Wendy cheered.
"Okay!" The glow intensified and Gideon started spinning in the opposite direction from just a moment ago. "I think I found my monster hunter weapon, Dipper! What do you think?"
"That's… not a bad idea, but now that I think about it, the grappling hook doesn't really fit my ever-changing style, anymore. You can have it, and I'll just take that amulet, okay?"
"Nope!" Smiling, Mabel opened her hand with her palm facing the sky, the glow fading and Gideon falling to the ground with a thump.
"Ohh… So that's how it's gonna be? Fine!" Gideon shouted as he picked himself up. "I'll give y'all today, but this is far from over! So long as I breathe, I won't rest until I exact my revenge on all of you! You will all pay for invoking my wrath! That includes you, Dipper! You, Mabel! You, Stanford!"
"Get in line, kid," Stan said with a blank expression.
"You, Wendy!"
"Oh, no…" was Wendy's emotionless response. At that moment, the sound of footsteps resonated through the air and Soos walked into the area.
"What's goin' on here? You guys having a party, or something?" Soos asked.
"And you! I especially declare vengeance on you, Mr. Ramirez!"
"Aw, man. What'd I do?"
"You will all suffer at my hand! This isn't the last you've seen of Widdle Ol' Me!" Having said his piece, Gideon backpedaled away from the Mystery Shack, the boy pointing at the five of them the entire time.
"Well that happened," Stan said. "Dipper, Mabel, I'm guessing this had something to do with you two."
"Yeah, he was kind of here to make me apologize to him, then he wanted to destroy Dipper for calling him a douche…" Mabel trailed off there. "I'm sorry about all of this, Dipper. None of this would have happened if I had just listened to you."
"No, this was my fault, Mabel," Dipper said. "You only went out with Gideon because you were tired of having to pretend to like the same stuff as me."
"I told you that I do like it, just not as much as you! And I shouldn't have led you on like that-"
"But I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to! We're supposed to be getting to know each other, but this whole time, I've only been thinking about myself!"
"How about you two just both take the blame for this and split it 60-40?" Wendy asked. "Dipper, you're 60, obviously."
"Yeah, yeah. Look, Mabel, let's do something you want to do. We can't only do stuff that I like, so just name it, and I'll do it."
"'Anything'?" Mabel repeated. "Hmmm… Weeeeeeell…"
"Thanks for showing us your new dance, Bear-O. It was really sweet!"
"Sweet like… honey?"
"Oh, you!" After the business outside was taken care of, everyone went into the living room so Mabel could, in her own words, "gift them with a magically enchanting jamboree of fun". Apparently, that consisted of Mabel putting on a ventriloquist act with a stuffed bear that was clearly falling apart and aged through stains and moth holes. What made the act unique was that Mabel wasn't even touching the bear, she was making it float next to her using Gideon's amulet, now tied around her left wrist like a bracelet.
"They're quite a pair, Mabel and Bear-O, her unbearlievable be~ar!" Bear-O's left foot fell off its body and onto the floor. "So? What'd you guys think?"
"..." Mabel's audience of four just stared at her.
"Oh, wow, look at the time!" Wendy suddenly shouted, staring at her arm as if there was a wristwatch on it as she walked out of the room. "I gotta go put off shelving merchandise, like, right now."
"I think the freezer needs to be more freezy," Soos said, also exiting.
"I, also, have a reason to leave! ...That's the end of my sentence," was all Stan said before leaving.
"You weren't a fan of Bear-O either, were you?" Mabel asked Dipper.
"Uh… No," Dipper finally said as he rubbed the back of his head. "Actually, he terrifies me."
"Aw…" Mabel looked dejected.
"...Look, Mabel, if we want to get along, we have to be ourselves around each other. And when a person acts like themselves, it means that they say something when they're having a bad time. So if I'm getting so wrapped up in paranormal stuff that you aren't having fun with me, I want you to tell me and we'll do something else, okay?"
"O-Okay! And you do the same if I'm annoying you with glitter and stickers-"
"And Bear-O."
"No, not Bear-O! Why do you hate Bear-O?!"
"He's super creepy. I can't stand looking at him!"
"Don't you mean you can't bear it?"
"Ahh! Stop it!" Mabel chuckled as she deactivated the amulet, making Bear-O fall harmlessly to the floor.
"Let's just play video games, or something," Mabel said. "Do you have anything with lots of blood that clearly wasn't made for children?"
"What don't I have with lots of blood that clearly wasn't made for children?"
"Yay!" Truly getting along with one another was going to take more work than Mabel and Dipper thought, but at least they were willing to do the work.
VLQFH PDEHO'V QRZ DQ HVSHU, PDBEH FDQGB DQG JUHQGD DUH DQ DOLHQ DQG D WLPH WUDYHOHU.
