When it Rains, it Pours
A Hogan Heroes story
By Deana
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. Bummer.

This story was written in response to Kim's wondering of why Newkirk was wearing a pair of white pajamas in the season 2 episode 'Information Please', instead of his typical English nightshirt, which he wore before and after that episode! She wished for someone to write an explanation, so here you go, Kim! Enjoy! LOL

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"Why do you keep looking out the window?"

"Looks like rain."

"Oh."

Newkirk glanced behind himself at Carter, LeBeau, and Kinch, as they watched him from the table. All four of them had spent a lot of time on the barracks roof that day, trying to fix various spots where they'd sprung leaks…the biggest spot being right over Newkirk's bunk.

"If it rains, do you think the tar will hold?" Carter asked.

Newkirk shook his head. "Not a chance. It needs a lotta time to dry." He glanced at his watch and gave up looking out the window, going over to his bunk and climbing up.

The others took that as their cue, since they knew that Schultz would be coming any minute to announce 'lights out'.

"Hey Newkirk," Carter whispered, after someone shut off the light.

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna switch bunks? That way you won't get wet this time if it rains."

Newkirk blinked, touched by his friend's offer. "Thanks, Andrew, but I couldn't do that to ya."

"Why not? I don't mind. We got lots of rain in North Dakota. I used to camp-out in it all the time, it was fun! The rain would go *plip plip plip* on the tent, and—"

"Hey Newkirk," LeBeau cut in. "The Colonel has an extra bunk."

The Englishman rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure Louis, I'm supposed to go in there, wake 'im up, an' ask 'im if I can sleep there 'cause it might rain."

LeBeau chuckled.

"Schultz is coming," Kinch whispered, as they could all tell by the sound of heavy footsteps.

The door suddenly opened, and Schultz poked his head in, surprised to see the light already off. He tiptoed around and shined a flashlight at each bunk, to make sure that each prisoner was there.

Suddenly, Newkirk went, "BOO!"

"AHHHH!" Schultz exclaimed, dropping the flashlight.

The barracks erupted in hysterical laughter, and someone turned on the light.

"That was not very nice!" Schultz said, picking up his flashlight.

"Sorry, Schultzie," Newkirk said. "I couldn't resist."

The German guard made a stern face at him, before leaving.

Hogan's door suddenly opened, and he stepped out. "What's going on out here?"

"Schultz dropped his flashlight," Carter quickly said, before the blame for waking Hogan up could be pinned on his friend.

"Colonel," LeBeau said. "Newkirk has a question for you!"

The Englishman shot the Frenchman a glare.

Hogan blinked sleepy eyes. "What is it?"

"Nothin', sir," Newkirk said. "LeBeau is makin' it up."

Hogan yawned and nodded, turning around. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight!" everyone chorused back.

The light went off, and it turned quiet again…for a few minutes. Suddenly, a strange *fwaaaaaaap* filled the air, followed by a startled shout.

Someone turned the light back on, to display LeBeau sitting up in his bunk, with a deck of cards spread over his blanket.

"Wow!" Carter exclaimed. "Newkirk, not a single card landed on the floor! How did you do that!"

"SHHHH!" various men shot at him, before the light went off again, and silence once again ruled…just in time for a confused Hogan to open his door again, peek out, and shake his head before re-closing it.

Newkirk fell asleep chuckling…but woke up drowning.

One minute he was sound asleep, and the next he was panicking as water poured over his face. For a second, he thought that LeBeau was getting back at him for the deck of cards, but it wasn't stopping, and he flailed around and started choking when he accidentally inhaled some of the water.

Suddenly, voices erupted around him, and the light came on once again. Hands were pulling him off his bunk, and he found himself being pulled across the room and sat on someone's footlocker.

"What happened?" Colonel Hogan's voice exclaimed over the melee, and suddenly, someone was wiping at his face with a towel.

"Newkirk," Hogan's voice spoke again. "Look at me."

The Englishman finally opened his eyes, before closing them again when they unexpectedly began stinging. He suddenly noticed that it sounded like someone was moving furniture, and the towel was wiping at his eyes now. Water suddenly poured over his face again, and he gave a cry of shock.

"No, it's okay," said Hogan, as he tried to get the wet tar off the Englishman's face. "We gotta get that stuff out of your eyes."

Carter glanced towards Kinch and Schultz, who'd dragged his and Newkirk's bunkbeds away from the gaping hole in the ceiling. He shook his head, before patting his friend's back, who was still coughing.

Klink arrived just then, staring in shock at the bizarre display. When he saw the mess that appeared to be Corporal Newkirk, his eyes bugged out of his head.

"What 'appened?" Newkirk finally was able to say, his voice sounding scratchy. He reached up and rubbed at his burning eyes, before someone roughly grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face.

"No! You'll only get more tar in them!" Hogan said. "Did you swallow any?"

"What?" Newkirk forced his eyes open, blinking furiously as he tried to make out his surroundings.

Klink approached them, and watched as Hogan tried to help the unfortunate Englishman.

"Do you have any castor oil?" Hogan asked.

"Castor oil?" Klink echoed. "For what?"

"To get rid of the tar he swallowed," Hogan said.

"No!" Newkirk quickly exclaimed. "I didn't swallow any!"

"Are you positive?" Hogan asked, as LeBeau poured more water over Newkirk's face.

The Englishman wasn't exactly sure, but there was no way that he would let himself suffer that embarrassment…what had already happened was bad enough. He groaned and tried to rub his eyes again, but Hogan stopped him.

"This isn't working," the colonel said. "He needs a shower."

Klink nodded. "Take him there. I will tell the guards."

Five seconds later, Newkirk felt Hogan help him up and lead him out the door—and back into the rain—towards the bathing hut.

Carter, LeBeau, and Kinch watched them go, before looking up at the hole in the ceiling, unable to believe that all their work to plug the leaks that day had not only been wasted, but now they had an even bigger job ahead of them...

TBC