Once again, I want to give a shout out to bratty_vamp and Mel for doing the beta thing. They are too awesome for words! Seriously.

Wolvesnvamps is my life coach. RedVelvetHeaven is my go-to OC bitch. This is for her.

I don't own the characters... but this Bella is so much cooler.


"As men, we are all equal in the presence of death." ~Syrus

Chapter 3- "Appearances"

BPOV – Flashback

Stark white walls. The pungent smell of cleaning products. Of bleach. Of medication. Of death.

The sharp ringing sound of a heart monitor that found no pulse.

Charlie held on to my mother's hand, her fingers cold and blue, her eyelids purple, her cheeks emaciated. She no longer resembled the dynamic, passionate, beautiful woman I knew. The woman who made me read books during the summer. The woman who forced me to wear pretty dresses to church because she loved them on me. The woman who let my friends sleep over on Friday nights, even though they were boys.

My mother was gone, taken from me too early. I'm only fourteen years old; I'm just about to start high school. I still need her. Thoughts like these plagued my mind as I entered the hallway outside of my mother's hospital room and pressed my back against the cold, cinder block wall, sliding my body down to the floor.

I unclenched my right fist, my mother's sterling silver and turquoise ring resting in my clammy palm. Sliding it onto my thumb, my head lulled into my hands, my chin touching my chest, and my body heaving with ragged sobs. The tears came and blurred my vision, and the need to protect myself overtook me. I pulled my knees into my chest and tucked my head safely there, whimpering the word "mama" quietly to myself.

I flinched away from the soft footsteps, even though I knew who they belonged to before I felt the warm, calloused hand on mine.

"Bella…" Embry's raspy voice came close to my ear, his warm breath brushing across my cheek and his long hair tickling my arm. He slipped his fingers underneath mine and wound his between them, and a sob choked from my throat. He wrapped one arm around my bony shoulders, shushing me quietly as he pressed his head against me. "Bella, you wanna get out of here?"

My head snapped up, the hot moisture of my own tears dripping down my cheek and blurring the edges of his broad shoulders. I could see Jake standing just behind Embry, his cheeks tear-stained as well, his eyes pleading for me to come. Several long moments ticked by, and Quil finally came crouching down on my other side.

"Bells, let Billy take you to his house. We're all going. This is not the place for you to be right now. Come be with us instead."

The sweetest one of them set me off.

I glared fiercely in Quil's direction and felt Embry squeezing my fingers tightly, keeping me grounded like always.

But I couldn't be grounded now. Not in this moment.

"I'm not going ANYWHERE. What would make you think I want to leave my mother? Huh?! The fact that you would even…" My head snapped back to Embry, whose own watery eyes didn't even cringe at my fiery expression. "I'm. Not. Leaving."

"Yes you are, Bella." Charlie's weary voice came from above and my eyes found his solemn face in the doorway. He looked like he had aged a great deal in a short time, his emotions clear as he leaned against the wall. "Please. Just go with Billy. I have some things to do now, arrangements to make and… just please, go with Billy and the boys."

"Daddy! I don't want to go." I wrenched my hand free of Embry's grip and threw myself at Charlie, who rubbed my hair gently. "Don't make me go. Don't make me leave her."

"I'll come to get you later, Bella. I just need you to go." His voice was fraught with emotion, and his face mirrored the sadness in mine as I looked up to him. Billy was at his side, and he peeled me off of my father, whispering that everything would be fine. I saw my mother's still form once more over my shoulder as we ambled down the hallway.

My tears flowed freely then, but I felt Jake snake his arm around my shoulders and heard his quiet sniffles to match my own.

..............................................

I had slept fitfully, but survived my first night in a new house. My conversation with Embry was kept short, limited to a few messages where I explained briefly about the drive and how sleepy I was feeling. There was a tightness in my chest, unfamiliar and unnerving, as I typed out that I loved him. It was the first time I had said those words, written or otherwise, since we'd left Forks.

Embry and I weren't together in the literal sense of the word. But I loved that boy with a fierceness rivaled by few our age. Maybe it was because we grew up together. Maybe it was because he was the one who held my hand at my mother's funeral. Maybe I was just attached because he was the only boy I had ever known. The only one who had ever really kissed me, who had ever touched me, who had ever made me feel completely beautiful when I thought I was just the plain Jane, girl next door.

Embry was my first love.

I can't let you go, Embry. Not yet.

I know Bells. Me either.

The pale green of my room looked brighter in the sunlight that beamed through the open glass of my window. Blinds were severely needed. And maybe curtains as well. The mornings here were so much brighter than in Forks. I shielded my eyes as I sat up in bed, listening for Charlie downstairs.

I could hear the front door shut and decided to make my way across the hall for my morning routine. Just as I opened my bedroom door, a loud clatter resounded up the stairs. "Damnit," Charlie muttered.

"Dad? You okay down there?"

"Yeah, just dropping the damn boxes everywhere," he grumbled.

"Well, I'll be down in a minute," I answered quietly, knowing he couldn't hear me.

The boxes were stacked a mile high in the back of the moving truck, a wall of cardboard staring back at me. This should be fun.

Charlie and I continued to tackle the boxes marked "kitchen," until he received a phone call.

"Bells, I have to go in to work for a bit, fill out some paper work. Mr. Whitlock is driving me. Why don't you take a break until I get back?"

"No, Dad, seriously. I'm fine. I'm just gonna do some of the unpacking, put a dent in getting organized. I'll see you when you get back."

He paused, one eyebrow crooked in my direction. "Okay, well, don't lift anything too heavy. I don't want you to, um, hurt yourself."

I had moved all the dishes, pots and pans, flatware, coffee mugs, and glassware into the house in the next hour. It was always just Charlie and I, so we never had an overwhelming amount of stuff in general, and to take a break from the heat, I decided to unpack and stock the cabinets.

I found a local radio station to listen to while I worked, humming along if the song was one I felt familiar with. I used Charlie's ladder to reach the top shelf, wiping everything down before stacking plates and bowls inside the cupboards.

The front door was open, the brilliant blue sky putting me in a surprisingly good mood. I was busy singing at the top of my lungs, the radio blasting, which was why I jumped at hearing an unknown voice.

"Excuse me?"

THWACK.

"Oh, SHIT!" I gripped the top of my head where it had bumped the opening of the cabinet. I felt a hand on the small of my back and turned to see Range Rover guy standing in my kitchen, a concerned look etched on his pretty face. My cheeks burned from the shock of him and from the embarrassment of knocking my head while actually singing.

"Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you!"

"Jesus, don't people knock around this place?" I climbed down the ladder, Range Rover guy still hovering to make sure I didn't bust my ass, just as Jasper wandered through the door. My head began to throb.

"I'm sorry… Jasper and I were coming to help you with some of those boxes."

"My mom sent us over. This is Edward…" Jasper interrupted.

"That's some voice you've got there," Edward snickered. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. My cheeks flamed even more.

Rubbing my still throbbing head, I looked up at Range Rover guy, Edward, who had that one corner of his mouth turned up in the most adorable crooked smile. His hand remained on my back, steadying me, his touch feather light. That incredibly sharp jaw line drew me in once again, which in turn allowed me to notice his eyes. They were overwhelmingly green, a feature I wouldn't have been able to place the night before, and there was a kindness to them, something that radiated from him and made him seem approachable. Looking into those eyes made me feel guilty for being such a bitch.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you guys." I extended my hand slowly to Edward, who took it carefully, his long, slender fingers curling around mine. "I'm Bella…"

"Edward Cullen. We're here at your service, Bella. Point us in the right direction," he said enthusiastically.

I glanced over at Jasper, who was beaming as he tipped an imaginary cowboy hat.

"Um, well… I got all the kitchen stuff. I guess we can just see what's next?" They both nodded in agreement and we set to work. After determining that the next batch of boxes belonged in Charlie's bedroom, the boys did the heavy lifting, much to my protest, and sent me back in to finish organizing the kitchen.

I was organizing the pantry with our non-perishables when I bristled at the tap on my shoulder. I spun around to find Edward leaning against the counter lazily, a smile spreading across his face. He reached into the back pocket of his slightly baggy jeans, and whipped out a shiny, silver flask.

"Thought you might want a sip," he commented, putting the container to his lips and taking a slow drink before passing it to me.

"I thought only small town kids drank in the middle of the afternoon."

He chuckled. I sniffed the liquid contained inside, the metal warm against my hand.

"What's in it?"

"Cheap whiskey," he replied.

"My favorite." The brown liquid was hot and foul and warmed my insides, just as Jasper dropped another box in the foyer. His blonde wisps were sticking to his forehead, and the neck of his grey t-shirt was damp from sweat.

"I can't believe you fuckers are starting without me," he complained playfully.

"Just taking a break, buddy." Edward clapped him on the arm, as he pulled a cigarette from his pocket as well.

"Oh, thank fuck," I muttered. "Mind if I bum one?" I motioned to the cigarette in his hand.

He shrugged and smiled as he pulled another out for me, and sauntered toward the back door. I passed Jasper the flask and he took a big drink himself.

"Bella, I know you don't have any food, and I'm starving. I'll leave you smokers to it while I run to get some food." He shoved the flask back into my hand, the stench of whiskey strong through its open top.

Edward still had his fingers curled around the doorknob, his unlit cigarette dangling from his lips haphazardly. His arms were thin, but muscular, his chest taut beneath the red cotton that clung to his body. His shoulders rose and fell and he extended his extra cigarette out to me. "Trade ya," he said, motioning toward the flask.

There were no chairs on the patio yet, so we had to sit on the bare concrete slab. It was rough and warm from the beating sun, but I didn't feel so self-conscious about the pallor of my skin next to Edward. He pulled out his lighter, flicking the flame over the end of his cigarette, and then reached over to light mine. His green gaze stayed fixed on me. He leaned back on his elbows, even though it must have hurt, and I stretched my legs out in front of me and reached down to scratch just inside the edge of my Converse.

We didn't speak, simply passed Edward's flask back and forth and smoked our cigarettes in silence. I tried to think of ways to start conversation, but the quiet was fairly comfortable for two total strangers.

Edward's liquor was buzzing through my bloodstream. The sun felt warmer on my skin, my right hand was numb from the pressure of my weight and the hard ground beneath me, and my stomach was empty. Still, I was savoring the drunken feeling, and lay back so the heat could fully hit my face. I could hear when Edward let all the weight off his poor elbows, his jeans scuffing against the concrete as he slid down to mimic my pose.

"So, Bella…" I cracked an eye open and peered over at him, one arm bent underneath his head for support, smoke exhaling from his nostrils. He had that lazy, adorable grin on his face again.

"So, Edward…"

"How do you like it here so far?"

"I've only been here for about, oh, twelve hours. This patio constitutes the bulk of my exploration." I snubbed my cigarette out on the concrete and flicked the butt into the grass.

Edward's eyes popped open at my comment and he looked over at me with an expression of mock horror. "You mean you haven't been anywhere else yet?" I shook my head in response. "Well, that simply won't do! Someone has to show you the ropes, Bella!" He thumped my shoulder with his fingers gently.

"Is this your polite, round-about way of offering?" I asked, lifting one eyebrow in a show of cynicism.

His eyes were squinting in the sunlight as he looked me over, a jovial expression on his face as he tried to make some kind of assessment on my personality.

"Yeah, well… we're a rat pack group of friends. It's all about appearances in this place, Bella. Jasper and I will be the first to tell you, it's an adjustment moving here. We'll take care of you." He closed his eyes quickly and he went back to facing the sun.

"So, you aren't from here either then?" My voice sounded quiet, timid. I hated it. I felt vulnerable.

"Nope. Moved here when I was twelve. And even then, it was always some kind of dick measuring contest; who has the most money and the biggest house and the sleekest ride. Even a twelve-year-old can pick up on those kinds of things." He paused then, and directed his attention back to my face. I quickly turned it from him, back to the sunny ceiling above.

"Of course," he continued, "I had my sister here with me. Alice. You'll meet her soon. She dates Jasper, actually." His voice was like velvet, smooth and soft, and I wanted him to keep talking, though in those next few moments we both remained silent. Small beads of sweat formed on my forehead, and I swiped them away with the back of my hand. The sun felt nice, but the heat was getting to me.

"Is it always this hot here?" I mumbled.

I heard Edward take another drink from his flask before passing it to me. "Yes, and that is why we drink in the middle of the day."

I giggled, noticing the flask was almost empty and that my buzz had increased a fair amount. "So I see!" Turning the flask upside down after draining it and giving it a shake, Edward looked over and laughed at me. The taste of whiskey lingered on my lips, the scent swirling around me. He sat up then, and ran one hand through his wayward hair before pulling another cigarette from his pack.

"Wanna share?" He shot me a devious, intoxicating look, and I laughed more. While he was lighting up, I tried to keep the conversation going.

"So, Edward…"

"So, Bella…" Smoke filtered through his crooked smile, and I had to roll my eyes at his charm.

"How do you know Jasper, then? You obviously don't live in this neighborhood."

He arched both eyebrows and feigned shock, placing his hand over his chest to indicate I had hurt his heart. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Edward. I didn't see any other Range Rovers parked on this street. You can't fool me…"

He smiled at me before answering. "Jasper and I met at Sage Hill. That's the lovely institution for academic achievement we all attend. While everyone was busy treating him like the outsider, I spent time getting to know him. People like Jasper are few and far between. I've been here for almost six years, and he is the best friend I've made. I've met a lot of ass-kissers and people either spent time trying to impress us, or competing against us. Not Jasper. He's genuine, real, and you learn to appreciate shit like that in a person. He's like my family now…"

Edward's words hit me hard. Family doesn't always have to be biological. You can choose those people too. He was just like me in that regard, and as I passed the cigarette back to him, I felt connected to him, this beautiful stranger who defied every preconception I had about this place.

Edward Cullen was totally cool.

And as I continued to let his words sink in, thoughts of my "family" back in Forks flooded my mind. The only biological family I had left was Charlie, but our loved ones back home made up the missing pieces to the puzzle. The heat of embarrassment began to creep up my chest and cheeks as I realized I was about to cry… again.

Edward heard my sniffle and saw my flushed cheeks. He placed his hand gently on my wrist, his thumb lightly stroking my skin.

"Hey, Bella, don't cry." His fingers were cool against the warmth of my own. In that moment, I felt like this creature could wash all the hurt away. Like he could pull the pain from deep within my bones, crumple it into a ball, stomp it into the ground…

"Did you leave a lot back in Washington?" His voice was solemn, hushed.

Embry.

All the thoughts that had just flown through my mind about Edward were thoughts I associated with him, someone who protected me and loved me. When I looked up at Edward's inquisitive and concerned face, I half expected to see Embry's deep brown eyes and caring smile.

And I realized someone who I barely knew was watching a single tear roll down my blushing cheek. I quickly lifted the collar of my t-shirt to dry my eyes, and stared timidly back at Edward. It would have been okay to let the boys back home see me cry, but not this boy. Not yet.

He released my wrist, and something inside of me instantly ached for that comfort again.

"Sorry, I'm okay. I guess you could say I left a lot back in Forks. Like you, I had a whole other 'family' there. And we tried everything we could, thought of every plan imaginable, to keep me there."

"But, what about your dad? You've got him."

"Yeah, Charlie's the only reason I came. It would have crushed him if I had tried to convince him to let me stay behind. I mean… I had things worth sticking around for. I just couldn't do that to him. He left a lot back there, too."

"And your mom, is she…"

I cringed, but quickly interrupted him before he could finish his question. "She died, Edward. I was fourteen." I bit my lip and sat up straighter, a sigh escaping my throat as I tried to appear resilient. It's all about appearances here.

He pulled a blade of grass from the ground and began tearing it into tiny pieces. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He looked up into my eyes, their color verdant, their expression sympathetic.

I shrugged my shoulders quickly. "It's okay. Charlie and I have done okay since then." Yeah, right. Truth was, all of my rebellion in the last three years --- the drinking, the pot, the staying out way too late just to piss him off --- could be heaped on the fact that I still blamed my father for not letting me stay there with her longer.

I twirled my handmade bracelet around my wrist, the colors still bright, but representing everything else I had left behind.

"You two are useless! Have you been out here ever since I left to get food?" Jasper's twang came loudly from the door and made me smile. I looked over my shoulder to see him leaning against the doorframe, a small girl with short, black hair peeking around from behind him. She was buzzing with energy, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet, a huge sweet smile playing at her lips. Her green eyes matched Edward's, but that was the only thing similar about them.

Edward chuckled and nodded in her direction. "That's Alice," he mumbled.

"Hi, Bella!" She finally bounded over to me, leaned down, and flung her arms around my neck. I laughed and hesitantly wrapped my arms loosely around her tiny frame. She couldn't have been five feet tall.

"Hi," I laughed nervously. She pulled back and looked down into my eyes. The same kindness and amiability Jasper and Edward had shown me lingered in her face as well.

"I have a feeling…"

"Oh, Lord," grumbled Jasper.

"That you and I are gonna be great friends, Bella."

The boys broke out into fits of boisterous laughter, to which Alice shot them both a seething look.

"If we could just pry you away from these knuckleheads..." She lovingly slapped Jasper's arm and he pulled her into his side.

"Edward, Alice and I were talking over lunch and think it would be cool to have a little cook out at your place tomorrow night. Introduce Miss Bella here to the rest of the group."

"Jasper, the rest of 'the group' consists of Rosalie and Emmett. But yeah, that sounds like a cool idea. Dad has that social event for work tomorrow night, right Al?" He used his fingers to make quotations around the words social event, and I shot him a questioning look.

"Social event basically means the people with a lot of status and nothing better to do come out and give loads of money to the hospital and drink themselves silly," Alice quipped.

"So how 'bout it, Bella? Up for some good food, a few drinks, a dip in the pool?" Jasper asked, wagging his eyebrows.

I glanced at Edward, who grinned and said, "It'll be fun."

"Okay… yeah. Yeah, I'll come. Can I catch a ride with someone?"

Jasper volunteered by raising his hand, just as a car horn honked from the front yard.

"That's probably my dad." The four of us trudged through the house, Edward and I stumbling slightly and laughing together over our minor intoxication. His cheeks were slightly pink, probably from the heat, and his eyes were a little bloodshot, as I'm sure were mine.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "We have to behave Bella. Your dad's a cop." His cool breath brushed across my face, and I felt a twinge of… something. Happiness, excitement? I wasn't sure.

My dad was parked on the edge of the street, a sleek grey sedan behind him. He was beaming. Turns out, when you're a detective in a city bigger than Forks, they can provide you with company cars, or some shit. Which was good because all our previous vehicles were back in Washington.

I introduced Charlie to Edward and Alice, and explained to him how the boys had helped me do some unpacking. As the three of them were heading off, Alice and Edward to his Range Rover, and Jasper up his parents front steps, Edward's eyes lingered on me. I lifted a box marked for my room and his intense stare caught my attention. He waved through the open passenger side window, Alice's small form bouncing in the driver's seat. He looked rumpled and drunk and incredibly sexy. But Edward was just a nice guy, a seemingly genuine person.

"Hey, Bells. I found a really cool diner up the street. You feeling up for some food?" Charlie's voice streamed through my thoughts and I heaved my box through the front door and toward the stairs. My stomach rumbled and reminded me that I still hadn't eaten anything all day.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm just gonna go clean up a bit first. Oh, hey Dad…"

He turned back to me from his spot on the foot of the stairs and waited for me to continue.

"Would it be okay if I rode with Jasper over to Edward and Alice's tomorrow night? They invited me for a cookout, or something. Please?"

Charlie looked even more excited than I felt about the idea. "Of course you can! I'm glad you're already making friends. See, this move won't be as bad as you thought, huh?"

"Um, yeah, we'll see. I'll be down in a bit."

The box I had selected was full of various pictures, a scrapbook Angela Weber had made as a going away gift, and a corkboard covered with more pictures. So far, all I had in my room was a bed and a small table, so I began there, placing a framed shot of me and the boys beneath my lamp. We were only about eleven years old when the picture was taken, after a city league soccer game. Quil and I were the shortest of the four, Embry already starting to tower over me, with Jake next in line. And all of us were smiling.

I headed to the bathroom to wash up and was just towel drying my face when my cell phone vibrated on the counter top. Embry. I moved to the toilet, and put the lid down to sit, the window giving me a clear view of the back yard.

"Hello, gorgeous," I crooned into the phone.

He laughed a little and said, "How's my girl?"

His girl.

"Um, well, I'm okay. Charlie and I are about to go to some diner he found. I haven't eaten all day. Just been moving boxes and unpacking. How are you?"

"Well, Quil and I just got done helping Seth Clearwater's mom repaint her kitchen. I was getting ready to head to Jake's to help him work on some broken down dirt bikes he picked up."

"Oh, nice. Something for you two to hurt yourselves on. Listen, I'm not coming to visit you in the hospital if you get into a motorcycle accident…"

"Come on, Bells! You know you'd ride with me if you were here."

"Only if you asked nicely…"

He laughed at me then, and I was able to laugh too, even though I was screaming inside: for him to be there with me, for me to be there with him, to feel him tugging on a strand of my hair, to feel him pressed against me…

"I miss you, Bells," and a broken sigh escaped his throat. Embry was hurting too.

"I miss you too," I sighed into the phone. There was a silence that hung in between us then, charged and intense, and I could hear the wheels turning on the other end of the line. He spoke again with a stronger, lecturing tone.

"Bella? You need to promise me that you aren't going to sit around in the house all the time and mope just because we all can't be together right now. I need to know that you are going to be happy... It's important to me."

"I know, I know," I smiled. "And actually, today was a semi-good day… I met some people my age. You'd be proud. They helped me move some stuff in the house."

"Yeah? That's great! Tell me about them!"

"Well, Jasper lives across the street. His dad and Charlie will be working together. His best friend is Edward. And Jasper dates Alice, Edward's little sister."

"Hmmm, Jasper, Alice, and Edward… weird names," he said playfully.

"You should talk," I giggled.

As I ended the call several minutes later, I began to wonder why I omitted the part about spending most of my day in the sun, drinking with a boy who had whiskey colored hair.

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Reviews are like whiskey in the sunshine! Let me know what y'all think of good 'ol Edward!