Notes:
Okay first thing, thank you guys so much for all your prayers and condolences for the people suffering from Cyclone Winston, I deeply appreciate the heartfelt concern you have shown towards them. I am pleased to inform you that the terrific response from overseas countries and our own government alike has helped alleviate a lot of the concerns that are prevalentat a time like this.
Rations have been provided to most people affected by the Cyclone and the government had worked hard to ensure that water supply has been restored to most homes. Now, electricity is still out but it has been promised that by the end of the coming week we will have power in most towns and hospitals.
As I mentioned before; me and my family escaped mostly unscathed from Winston but most of my neighbors still remain without half or more of their roofing and some people we know have only one or two walls remaining intact. It's a sad time for the people of Fiji but the effort and genuine help from disaster response teams, overseas volunteers and even our own locally affected citizens gives me hope that soon we will be back on our feet. Your prayers are with us. Thank you so much for your support.
On to the reviews, they were awesome as usual and some very constructive criticism has helped me flesh out this next chapter better, so keep 'em coming and thank you again. Enjoy!
Chapter Three
Kate slept fitfully that night; she was in an unfamiliar bed, she wasn't in her home and her husband wasn't next to her. All throughout the night she kept waking up due to bizarre dreams about the next day; Castle walking in with some bimbo in his arms to him not showing up at all.
She had tried to keep her first meeting with her husband as close as possible to their first one but she was still nervous that one of the other things she had changed, like taking the cassette from her mother's elephant family, would affect their future and mess them up.
It was with bleary eyes and a heavy heart that she dragged herself out of the bed and stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. She rang up the precinct requesting a couple of uni's to meet her at Black Pawn Publishing House to collect Castle's fan mail and drank her plain boring old coffee before getting ready to tackle the day.
She could have dropped by her favorite coffee house and picked up her usual latte but that was Castle's job and she was determine not to drink it until he himself handed her a cup of that delicious elixir, it was because of him that it tasted so good to her not the coffee itself. So she was abstaining until he came around.
She tried not to peek into Montgomery's office as soon as she arrived at the precinct instead handed off the fan mail off to the sergeant like last time. Though this time she refrained from making that derogatory comment she had made last time about Castle loving himself too much.
Espo came up to her and she was almost quivering with anticipation. She asked for an update from the lab and he said there was no DNA at the crime scene. She then inquired about any other connections they had found between Fisk and Tisdale.
Please be the same. Please be the same.
"Other than your boy there? No." And she closed her eyes in thanks to any diety that was listening to her pleas.
She blinked back open to look upon the glorious sight that was her ruggedly handsome husband. He was standing slightly at attention as Roy spoke to him and his eyes were flitting about the bullpen no doubt searching for her.
She tried to curb in her happiness at seeing him again. She was, after all, supposed to be pissed at his interference in her life. But she didn't believe she pulled it off as convincingly as she wanted to although she was pleased that the Captain did stonewall her exactly like last time.
She spied a smirking Espo sauntering away from them no doubt wanting to gossip about this new development with Ryan. She stood there looking at a surprisingly docile Castle as he rocked back and forth on his heels. She tried not to smile at him willing her features into an annoyed scowl. Wasn't he more gloating and cheeky the last time around?
"Listen Detective. I'm sorry for barging into your investigation like this but I really think you could use my insight on this. A new perspective can't hurt, can it?"
Kate's eyes widened incredulously. What the hell was he doing? Why was he explaining himself? Why wasn't he strutting around like he owned the place? Had she really changed so much by lifting that cassette? She swallowed hard and cast a pained glance at him.
"Mr Castle." and she stopped, what was she supposed to say? He was being generous and accommodating and try as she might she couldn't really act cold and indifferent towards her husband. "Please go with Sergeant Holloway," she nodded towards the sergeant she had handed off the fan mail to. "Ask him to direct you to briefing where your fan mail is waiting. I'll be with you shortly."
And she stomped off in the direction of her desk. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him stare after her curiously before doing as he was told, which in itself was creeping the hell out of her. Since when did Castle do as he was told? She picked up her bag and hunted in there until she came back up with the cassette. She stared at it for a moment then at the retreating back of her husband. If the choice was between her husband and the promise of their future together or hunting justice for her mother's case for which she had already gotten closure, then there was no choice at all, she would always choose him. Always.
She opened the catch back up on the momma elephants back and stuffed the cassette back into the hidden compartment, closing her eyes and praying that she was setting things right. She closed the elephant back up and strode up unhurriedly towards briefing and to her husband.
Castle was internally panicking. What was going on? She hadn't sent him away the last time; in fact she had gripped his jacketed arm tightly and led him to the break room to ream him out for interfering in her investigation. Wincing at that encounter he had tried to placate her this time around, before she blew up but then he saw panic in her eyes and then she had sent him away, with Sergeant Holloway. Away from her. And he was not happy.
He sighed. He couldn't risk things going differently this time around after all and that meant that his decision to not read her so invasively today was not going to fall through. He ran a hand through his hair as he surveyed the boxes of his mail scattered throughout the room. He was going to have to hurt her and he hated the idea. Hated the guy he was back then, the callous way he had opened her wounds, made her vulnerable. And he had to do it again, be that guy again and it pissed him off.
He tried to reign in his ire as Kate strode in the room and passed him one of the boxes, taking another for herself. This was more like it. She studied him for a moment.
"Your fan mail," she stared unnecessarily. "We're looking for any threatening messages, anything that resembles our killers MO. You're well versed in psychopathic methodologies, so I'm assuming you can catch what stands out from the usual drivel these people write to you?
"Sure," he nodded then reluctantly added with a fake smirk. "Although I have to say Detective, most of my fan mail contains markers for psychopaths, as I said before." He leaned forward goading her. "Its an occupational hazard."
Beckett just narrowed her eyes at him and sat down. "Let's get to work, whether you think it's there or not there is a chance that our killer tried to contact you directly so we're going to have to go through the slog."
He shook his head wanting to find Kyle Cabots letter and be done with it, but that wasn't how it went down last time and this time would be the same if he wanted his future with her to remain intact.
Thirty minutes into his perusal of a particularly disturbing and risqué prose from what seemed like a sixteen year old girl he found himself studying Beckett, only he wasn't reenacting his past selves actions; he was genuinely observing his muse.
He couldn't help but compare his wife Kate to the Beckett sitting here in front of him. She was young but not carefree, he knew that his Kate laughed more easily and often than this Kate ever did. Put them side by side and there would be no doubt that his wife would look Beckett's seven year elder but in no way did her age detract from her beauty. This Beckett was beautiful yes but his Kate was radiant, captivating and amazingly extraordinary. He'd like to think that his influence in her life led her to be that amazing woman he called his wife and now he was going to get to do it again. And while it would be a difficult road he was determine to prove himself to her.
When she caught him staring at her for the third time she called him out like before.
"The way your brow furrows when you're concentrating? It's cute." She tried to keep the blush from her face at his blatant flirting, god if those baby blues were weaponized... "Well not if you're playing poker, then it would be deadly but..."
She slapped the letter in her hand on top of the table and asked him what he was doing here, he answered with what she now realized was a genuine and frankly articulate answer; he was there for the story, which she supposed was partly true, she also knew he was here for her, she was inspiring him, drawing him out of his writers block and the funk he found himself after killing off Derek.
"Most smart, good looking women become lawyers not cops, and yet here you are. Why?"
God did she really want to hear this? His acute assessment of her, only realising too late that he was crossing a line. But then again, this is what started it all, his conclusion that she was hurting urged him to investigate her mom's death on his own and while she had been pissed at him she also was grateful, because where she had spent ten years poring over those files without finding anything, he had spent a few months and found a lead which broke the case wide open, leading them to Rathborne who was Coonan, which led them to Raglan, McAllister and Montgomery's racketeering operation, then to Lockwood, Maddox and eventually to Bracken. His pushing and prodding eventually gave her closure and so she steeled herself to hear it once more from the man she loved and who she hoped would grow to love her.
"I don't know Rick," she tried to mock, his first name sounding foreign falling from her lips. He was Castle. Her Castle. "You're the novelist, you tell me."
God he couldn't do this, couldn't watch as his words shattered her heart into a thousand pieces behind her eyes. His words were meant to sooth her, to give her an escape and a place of security not cause undue pain and agony on her soul. But what else was he to do? He had already witnessed what happened if he changed a minute thing in his past, and this was a defining moment. It was because of that pain that he pushed into her mother's case, it was because of that shattered soul that he tried to shield her from more pain and it was the need to take away that pain that he fell in love with her. So he couldn't just up and decide that one of the most monumental moments in their lives should not take place. He had to push through but maybe not as harshly as the last time.
"Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, So that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one."
He tried to tell her with his eyes what he couldn't say with his words; that he was sorry, that he wanted to take away that pain, that he wanted to gather up in his arms and never let her go.
"You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options. And you still chose this."
God where were the boys bad timing when he needed it, he needed to stop before her wounds became too raw but once he started he couldn't stop. Not now. Not when their future depended on this.
"That tells me something happened." Were her eyes this soft the last time around? "Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded." God I'm so sorry Kate.
"No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved." Please let me stop. "And you probably could've lived with that, But the person responsible was never caught."
And finally, finally her gaze dropped and her eyes filled with tears and his heart broke all over again for her. "And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here."
The rest of the Tisdale/Fisk case went pretty much exactly the same with Castle pushing Beckett's boundaries and Beckett trying to maintain her boundaries and not jump in his arms and kiss him senseless, okay that part wasn't exactly the same. He even got himself arrested for lifting Beckett's files but Kate was pleased yet again to receive the free signed copy of Storm Fall.
They narrowed their leads down to Harrison Tisdale eliminating Cabot as a red herring and finally cornering Tisdale and forcing him to make a run for it. She so wanted to take away Castle's handcuff keys at that moment but she knew what was going to happen if she didn't, the unknown result of taking his key and leaving him cuffed to her car could be anything and everything. She wasn't willing to take that risk.
Yet again the safety to Tisdale's gun was on the whole time and both Castle and Beckett came out of the encounter unscathed, booking Harrison Tisdale for murder in the process.
She spotted him standing a little ways to the side allowing the cops to do their job while he just watched from afar. She smiled and made her way to her husband recalling the forthcoming conversation with clarity. She had tossed and turned that night thinking over and over again that she should have accepted his offer to debrief each other.
She wondered what would happen if she would accept that offer when he offered it tonight? The first time, she knew as well as him that if she had slept with him they would probably never would have seen each other again; she would have quietly slipped out in the morning and refused to meet with him ever again much less work with him. The itch that they had both had at the time would have been scratched and they would have both gone back to their boring lives.
But what about now? She wouldn't be slipping out the door in the morning for one thing. And if she had him now, then there was no way she was letting him go ever again. Even if he was looking for a one night stand she would convince him to give them a chance.
So as she walked towards him she made her decision; when he offered her dinner and a debrief she would take it and never let go. She approached him, now a little nervous but a pleased smile on her face that she knew caught him off guard.
Castle watched as Kate instructed Espo and Ryan to charge Tisdale and take him to holding then turn and search for him. He was thrown by the genuine smile on her face as she spotted him then started walking over.
He mentally cringed at the memory of this upcoming conversation; 'debrief each other'? Really? How immature could he be? No wonder she didn't give him the time of the day. He shook his head at his past self in shame.
He took Beckett in, in her untucked shirt and slightly rumpled appearance and her endless legs as she walked over. And he decided that while preserving the timeline was important, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't act like that man anymore and he didn't want to in front of her.
He would talk to the mayor tonight and arrange his consultation with her and also call Roy but this time he wanted to leave a better impression on the Detective than before.
"Well I guess this is it?" she asked a hopeful smile on her face.
Castle thought over things for a moment before nodding. "It was nice meeting you Detective Beckett."
Beckett blinked. Wait what? Where was the 'debriefing each other'? Where was the 'it would have been great'? Opening her up to her delivering of 'You have no idea'? and her accepting his invitation. What had she messed up with now? God this was her chance.
"I'll see you around, Detective." He smiled that smile that stole her breath away and turned around.
No no no. This was wrong. He wasn't supposed to walk away. She was the one to walk and she was choosing to stay. To say yes. And he was leaving? No!
He was a block away now.
Didn't he find her inspiring anymore? No he did, he had to. She was his muse and she loved him and he was supposed to stay and annoy her.
She felt tears fall with every step he took and she shook her head. All sense of right and wrong, of preserving the timeline left her.
No.
"Castle!" She yelled and took off after him.
He turned around at the sound of his name. He was feeling pretty good about his decision to be more mature, she would appreciate his efforts and maybe not hate him so much when he showed up at the precinct tomorrow.
But when she called him his heart stopped. That was pain in her voice. No that was agony. He turned around only to see her closing in on him and almost crash into him. He steadied her by taking hold of her thin shoulders in his hands.
Tears were pooling in her eyes, overflowing and spilling down her lovely cheeks and his heart was breaking. What had he done now? What had he changed that caused her so much grief? Thoughts of preserving the timeline flew out of the window as he caressed her cheek and wiped away a few tears with his thumbs.
"Kate?" he asked gently. Wondering how he could make it better.
"Y-you aren't supposed to walk away," she said after she got her breathing under control.
He frowned in confusion. "What?" he asked brushing errant strands of her short locks away from her eyes.
"This isn't how it's supposed to happen," she said meeting tortured hazel with pained blues. She framed his face with her slender hands bringing her body closer to his. "I'm the one who walks away. But I didn't want to this time and... and you were supposed to offer dinner. W-we were supposed to d-debrief each other. What did I do wrong? Is it the tape? I put it back Castle. God you don't even know what I'm talking about do you? You must think I've gone insane."
Slowly but surely something was shifting into place in Castle's mind as he listened to Beckett frantically ramble at him. When he heard the words debrief each other, he could hardly hope to believe, but her mentioning the tape and echoing his own thoughts about doing something wrong and he slowly began to hope. It couldn't be possible but what if it was?
"Kate!" he said sternly slightly shaking her frame slightly to stop her vomit of words. "What are you saying? You're telling me that... that you r-remember?" he stuttered over that last word his hope palpable.
Beckett squinted at him through her tears. Remember? What was he saying? She studied his face, those beautiful baby blues and she recognized that look, it was the look they shared when they shared their most intimate moments. Could it be? No. It was impossible but then so were the last three days...
"Remember what, Castle?"
Castle hunted his mind for someway to confirm his theory and then it clicked. There was one word. One word that was simple and not meaningful on its own. But to them? It was everything. More intimate and meaningful then their 'I love you's'.
"Do you remember?" he took a deep breath looking into his wife's confused but equally hopeful face. "Always?"
The light turning bright in her eyes was all he needed to know.
"Oh my god!" She screamed, Castle wincing at the screech. "Castle? It's really you?" She leapt onto him and claimed his mouth with her own lips. He returned the kiss with enthusiasm before she pulled back and looked at him in wonder. "Castle I... I..." she had no words so she leaned back in and planted a bruising, passionate kiss on his lips again not caring if any lingering cops or pedestrians saw them.
When they pulled back to catch their breath it was clear that Kate wasn't going to be able to form words anytime soon so Castle tried himself.
"I went to sleep the night I received the award?" he half asked panting slightly, that was some kiss. "And I woke up alone in bed with a hangover, I checked the date and it was 2009."
Kate was nodding over and over again a wide smile on her face. "God Castle I thought I was the only one... I woke up alone in my old apartment, the one that had blown up and I saw my reflection and I thought..." she remembered her dark thoughts that night. "... I thought that I had dreamed it all, that my over active imagination dreamed the best years of my life." Her grip started to drop and tears filled her eyes.
She appeared to be drinking him in, her hands roaming his face and running through his hair. He basked in the attention, loving her tactile possession of him.
"I was so scared to change something Kate," he admitted, still not believing that she was here with him. "I wanted to start us early but what if we moved too fast and I lost you so I had to act like an ass..." he stole another kiss needing the feel of her to get his words out, he didn't notice the tears now flowing from his eyes. "the thought of you hating me again...? God it was unbearable."
She claimed his lips again, ignoring the salty taste of their tears. "I couldn't ever hate you, Castle." She said firmly after pulling back. "I didn't the first time and I didn't this time either. I love you. I'll always love you."
Castle pulled Kate in again but this time it was for a heart wrenching hug. She wrapped her arms around his back, so familiar yet so different. God they were so young!
"God I love you so much, Kate," he whispered to her breathing her cherry scented hair. "It got a little hard to breath back there."
Kate nodded too choked up to really say anything now. She just wrapped herself around him as if she could merge herself with him. They swayed on the spot rocking back an forth to phantom music, so grateful. They were still seven years in the past. All that they had been through had been reset. And yet right now? With each other? They felt anchored and grounded once more. Their Always now had a new beginning.
End Notes:
Surprise! I'm a sap, I know.
And now they know. To be honest I was never going to drag the not knowing for too long, they're both too smart to not notice the differences. Now we can get to the more fun stuff; what to do with their foreknowledge and of course catching up on the time they wasted the first time around. Hope you guys stick around for that. Keep the reviews coming in! Later dudes!
