Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

The song used in this chapter is Wonderwall by Oasis.


Chapter Three – Wonderwall

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Why do I go to school? Please someone, tell me. Because right now, at this right moment, I can't figure out why I let myself live through such torture.

School's such a waste of time. It's useless. I don't need school. Not when I already got the money and that most of the time, I just skip.

I hate school. From the buildings to the people.

But most of all, I despise him. He's so full of himself. Walking around like he owns the school. Like he's better than everyone else.

Why can't she see that?

Aiden Dennison is just a tons of muscle, with a dick instead of a brain. He's the perfect archetype of the guy whose life will end with alcohol, divorces and whores.

But that's not what I hate the most about him. I hate that he have her. I hate that he can tell her he loves her, even though it's a lie. I hate that he gets to kiss her and I can't. And I hate that every time he's around, she doesn't pay as much attention to me as she usually does when we are alone together. Because she's too busy cuddling, kissing and whispering dirty things to him.

I hate the fact that she'll never be fully mine.

She doesn't love me like she loves him. She doesn't love me the way I want her to love me. I'm only her best friend.

Friendship. That's what she feels towards me. There's nothing more. There never was.


I'm laying on a table in the quad, listening to my Ipod when I feel a hot breath on my neck. I know it's her. I recognize the vanilla perfume I gave her for her birthday. God, it smells so good on her.

I turn my head to face her and slowly open my eyes. Blue eyes meet mine. She's laying on her side, next to me, her blue eyes staring deeply at me. She's studying me, trying to discover what's wrong with me. I know she's worried about me. It's been a while since we've last spent some time together, alone. I've been distant this past few days, avoiding her phone calls and hardly speaking to her. And at school, I try hard to be where she's not, practically running when she comes close to view. It just hurt too much to see her with him.

I'm sure she knows I'm avoiding her. Because usually, I'm always with her.

Her piercing blue eyes are looking straight at me, trying to read me. But I won't let it happen. I won't let her read me like an open book. I won't let her that I'm hurting. That she's the one making me feel like this.

She closes her eyes and sighs, giving in. She's no longer facing me, her back press against the wood table. She inhales deeply and turns on her side again. Her bare arm slightly brush against mine and I can feel a wave of electricity cursing through my body. She takes my chin in her hand and pull my face towards hers so I'm facing her again.

"Seriously, Ash. What's wrong? You've been avoiding me a lot lately." she asks, looking softly into my eyes. "Why can't you tell me? We always tell each other everything."

"We used to." I reply harshly. "Everything's different now." I say, sitting myself up. She gets up and place herself right in front of me, her arms crossed on her chest.

"Ok. And since when did it all changed?" she asks me with a confused look. "I'm still your best friend. You're the one acting cold towards me. You're the one who've been avoiding me. You're different, I'm not."

If you only knew, Spencer. How much everything has changed.

"I'm different? You know what, that's bullshit and you know it. Everything has changed between us since you're with him. You changed. You became like all these girls we used to laugh at. The kind of girl whose world only revolves around her boyfriend. When he's there, you're all over him and when he's not, you only speak about him. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. I'm tired of hearing about him." I tell her angrily.

I guess that was a little bit harsh. But she needs to know the truth. Well, part of the truth. And by the look on her face, I don't think she would be ready for the other part.

She looks straight at me, her mouth open, not believing what I just said. I don't think she was prepared for that kind of outburst. I slowly make my way towards her, taking both of her hands in mine.

"It's me or him, Spence? You have to choose 'cause you can't have the both of us." I know I can't ask her that but it's more than my heart can take. I can't keep on being her second choice. Not when I used to be her first.

"Why?" Oh, the one million dollar question.

"Because I hate him. It's that enough." I ask her, my eyes looking at the ground.

She, suddenly, takes her hands off of mine and brings her arms back on her chest, slowly moving backwards, a few feet away from me.

"You can't ask me to do that, Ash. Either way I lose." she tells me, her eyes asking me to take back everything I just said.

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

"He's gonna hurt you, Spence, and I wish you could see that." I say, avoiding her eyes. "It used to be only you and me. Spencer and Ashley. But now, it's Aiden and Spencer and the third wheel. I can't just stay there and watch him taking my place. I just can't."

"Nobody's taking your place, Ash. You're always be my best friend." She tells me, placing her hands on my arms. I feel my skin burning. I want to cry. Will I ever be just a goddamn friend to her?

"What if I want to be more?" I whisper. But loud enough for her to hear. She just looks at me, surprise all over her face. And before she can pronounce a word, I'm gone.

I can't stay here. I need to go. God, I can't believe I just said that. So I just run away. Because that's what I do best. I run.

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding

I am such an idiot. I shouldn't have told her. She will never talk to me again.

I make my way to my black convertible and sit into the driver's seat, hurriedly turning on the engine. And then, I see her, running towards my car.

"Ashley, we need to talk. You can't tell me something like that and then, run away." she says, out of breath.

"Do we need to?" I ask her. I don't need her to tell me that we're good as friends and that she doesn't feel the same way about me.

"Please, Ash. We need to talk about it." she says with a pleading look I can't refuse. So I just give in.

"Ok. Get in the car. We'll go to my house." She hops into the passenger's seat and smiles awkwardly at me, staring at me with her baby blue eyes. And I can't help it, I just smiles back.

-----

There is just one thing I love about school and that keep me here. It's her.

Maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall