AD Oneshots

Summary: A series of oneshots about Arrested Development. In the first one, Gob attempts to explain a food product. Warnings: Language, sexual content, drug use, incest, slash, randomness and stuff that makes no sense.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!

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Chapter 3: Lindsay is Humiliated

That was it! He had been ignoring it for too long! Lindsay wasn't going to stand for Michael refusing her anymore. She knew he was attracted to her. He was just being a hard ass and denying it. Why wouldn't he want her? She wouldn't take one more second of it, which was why she had just barged into the confrence room during an important meeting, "Michael, I have to talk to you!"

Michael simply glowered at his adopted sister before going back to ignoring her. He was in no mood for tolerating her ridiculous behaviour. She was becoming more pathetic than Gob. Hell, her shameless flirting and near-stalking was far below Gob. Okay, maybe not the stalking, but still. Lindsay, not giving up that easily, dragged Michael by the collar out of the conference room and to his office, closing the door behind them, "Why won't you (bleep) me!!" she all but screamed.

"Why won't you let this go!?" Michael shouted. This surprised Lindsay. Michael had never yelled at her before. What had gotten into him?

"Because I know you want me, too" she answered. Michael scoffed at her and rolled his eyes. He had never been so annoyed with someone in his entire life, not even Gob!

"What the hell gave you that ridiculous idea?" he asked.

"Well, you were always nice to me, even when I had my old nose, and you did once say it was a struggle to not have sex with me"

Michael stared at Lindsay in disbelief before continuing with his explaination for not (bleep)ing her, "The key word being 'nice', and don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?"

"That was sarcasm?" Lindsay asked, a bit hurt.

"The part about sex, yes, it was," Michael answered, "You're my sister, Lindsay, and I'm not going to have sex with you just because we aren't really related. I'm sorry but I don't feel that way about you"

"But why not!?" Lindsay whined, "I overheard you saying yesterday to Buster that you felt like a hypocrite about the whole situation with George Michael and Maebey. You obviously have feelings for me, why else would you-"

"Fine, you want to know the truth?" Michael was through with her whining and complaining. He didn't care what the concequences of telling her the truth were, "You want to know why I won't (bleep) you? It's because I'm already (bleep)ing Gob! Well actually, he's the one (bleep)ing me, but the point is that's why. I'm dating my brother"

Lindsay was in shock. She stood there in the middle of the office for a good fifteen seconds not moving before she came up with a good enough reaction to make Michael feel guilty. She then proceeded to start fake crying, covering her eyes and making sobbing noises. Michael, however, did not fall for this, "I'm not buying it, Lindsay" that was when she decided to get pissed off.

"Why Gob!? Why did you choose Gob over me!?" she asked as she grabbed Michael and shook him.

"For one thing he didn't just pounce on me all of a sudden," Michael answered, "And I love him. He pursued me for years and I eventually caved. I know it's wrong because we're actually related, but... I guess I just decided to let myself be happy for once" what Michael was saying made a lot of sense, but... it was Gob!

"You know he's probably going to cheat on you, right?" she asked.

"We've been together for three months, Lindsay. He hasn't cheated on me once during our relationship," Michael answered, "Lindsay, I love you, but just as a sister"

"Why do I always fall for the gay ones?" Lindsay sighed.

Michael stared in disbelief for a moment before saying, "Lindsay, I am not gay. I mean, the only man I've ever been with is Gob, and even then it was weeks before we went all the way" so typical of Michael.

"It still makes you gay for Gob..." Lindsay said, sounding a bit like a sulking child.

"Yes, it does, and I think that you should learn to accept that" Michael said, starting to calm down a bit. He had a feeling that dealing with his family would one day lead to a massive stroke. He guessed that all he could do was wait, since abandoning his family never seemed to work.

Unfortunately Lindsay's next action was even more immature as she slapped Michael across the face. As Michael stood there in shock, Lindsay walked away, flipping him off. Michael wasn't sure but he could've sworn he heard her mutter, "Stupid fag" he had a bad feeling about this. He'd just told her that he was with Gob, and he had no idea whether or not she'd keep that promise.

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"Hey, George Michael, guess what I found out today," Lindsay said to her nephew. If Michael thought he was going to get away with this bull(bleep), he was wrong. She'd had a few drinks and her anger towards her brother was miles away, but she still wanted revenge. And what better way to get it than through Michael's son? "Your dad and Gob are gay lovers"

George Michael looked at her for a moment, shocked at what she'd just said, although he had a good idea of why she was doing this, "Aunt Lindsay, I know you're drunk and mad at my dad, but that doesn't mean you can go around saying that kind of stuff about him"

"No, no, I'm serious," Lindsay said as George Michael walked away, "Your dad told me himself. Ask Gob, he's too stupid to keep anything a secret" Lindsay tried several more times that day to tell members of the family about Michael and Gob, but nobody believed her. That was until George Michael caught them in the staircar.

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There you go. Another chapter. lol. Poor Lindsay, I never seem to let much good happen to her.