My Dearest Tony,
I am sorry for not contacting you; I did not know what to say to you. I have chosen to write it down and send it to you with my sister, who insisted on going to Washington, DC for a reason she would not tell me. It took me a long while to think of everything that I needed to say to you, but I have finally done so and held up my sister in the process of thinking. She would have been there nearly a week earlier if it had not been for me and I sincerely hope that I have not put her in danger by delaying this.
First, I do apologize for not keeping in contact with you. I should have even if I did not know what to say. I would have found words had I called you, or had you called me. I understand that you have not contacted me simply because I asked you not to contact me. I have spent a long time sitting near my phone and computer, simply hoping that you would give in and contact me in some small way, but you probably do not know what to say to me either. I am proud of you for sticking to your word, Tony; more proud that I know how to express in words.
Second, I apologize for not telling you that I had a living sister. I did not know what became of her. We went our separate ways nine years ago when I first arrived in America and I have not seen her since I was in Somalia, she was also being held hostage there. I should have said something then, but I had neither the strength nor the courage to say anything, and she had already managed to escape, which was why they were keeping a close eye on me (she had been there longer than me and found the will to escape).
Thirdly, I apologize for making the decision I have made. I did have my reasons and I know that you understand those reasons. But, Tony, I think I have made a mistake. I thought that I had to do this alone and I thought that I had to do this for Gibbs. But, I was wrong on both cases. I had to do this for you and I should never have chosen to do it alone or away from home. I could have simply resigned my position and been happy where I was in Washington. I can see that now.
Your one-eighty was not only hard for you. I did not expect to tell you then how I felt about you, even though I did not use the full words of it. I do love you Tony and I do not know how to cope with that or how to get through that. I did not expect you to kiss me, either. It made it difficult for me. I do not know what to tell you now, other than I want to come home, but do not currently have the means to come home.
I have heard some rumors while I am here. Parsons investigation opened up some doors that cannot be so easily shut. I know that I promised you I would remain safe, but I do not think that I am keeping that promise right now. I think that I am in danger. Aria knows more than I do about that, but she is a difficult bolt to crack (or maybe the term is nut). She will not speak to me about what is going on, but I could see the fear behind her eyes, as often times you would see things behind my eyes.
I need to ask you a favor, even though I do not have the right to ask. I need to ask you to keep her safe and to trust her the way that you trusted me. She is the best woman that I know, no matter how young. She is strong, but there are many things bottled up inside her that I cannot get at. I hope that you can do this for me. I hope that you can feel free to contact me now. And, I forgot to add something to my list and I will tell you what it is, because it is driving me up the hall. I will come home to you, Tony. I will because I have to and I cannot live without you, either.
There are a few things that you need to know about Aria. She works at NCIS in the Los Angeles office and she left there suddenly, because Parsons found out about her and began questioning her also, thinking that she had something to do with my father's death, based on what he knew about what my father had done to my little sister. She needs to inform them of why she has been absent. She left at the beginning of the summer, right after our resignation, because she was fearful of something, though she would not share what that was.
She also has nightmares, I learned recently. Her time in Somalia is not the greatest concern, I do not think. There was a time when Ari was grooming her to become a member of Hamas while my father was grooming her to become a member of Mossad. She was a member of Mossad from a very early age, which is against the rules of Israel, but she was good at her job and my father could not see past the job. She has a rough past, possibly more rough than my own. She will need emotional support from you and Gibbs. If there is a way that you can tell this to Gibbs without showing him this letter, then please do so. But, if you need to show him this letter, then that is what you need to do. I would prefer that he does not know all of the personal details of what happened in Israel.
I want to thank you for coming to Israel in the first place, because I never got around to doing that. I want to thank you for coming to me and pulling me up from the dark place I had entered. Your presence made my healing possible and your presence also assured me that you could be trusted and loved the way that I have always trusted and loved you, Tony. They made me remember that there is still good in this world and that I had to find a happy place so that I could come home to you one day. The night we shared before your leaving made it more difficult and the whispered words you said while you thought I was sleeping were heard and they have sunk in. I need to return my feelings to you now, even though I think you know exactly what they are.
I love you with all of my heart and soul, Anthony Daniel DiNozzo. I hope that I am not too late in saying those words. I hope that it is not too late to ask you to wait a little while longer for me to come home. I hope that Aria can give you what you need to solve whatever is going on here and possibly there, too. I hope that you can find your way to me one more time. This time, I am asking you to travel halfway around the world to save me; only, I do not know the dangers that are present. Trust Aria.
Love,
Ziva
