Everything is Illuminated

And then Jo finally came out and said it, and his heart skipped a beat.

"Zane, I'm pregnant."


Zane shot up in the bed, working his jaw soundlessly and in spite of herself, Jo felt a flash of satisfaction, which she hastily suppressed. This was the first time in any timeline that she'd manage to render Zane speechless. She knew him well enough to realize it wouldn't last.

"I – you – we – " He floundered for words, and, though it wasn't terribly kind, she was enjoying having the upper hand for once.

"Funny," she said archly, folding her arms behind her head. "You seemed very interested last night."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you," he muttered, still feeling as if he'd taken a hit to his solar plexus. "Some things never change." Jo's expression clouded over. If only that were the case. Zane watched her intently, his mind still reeling. A baby? A baby. Lupo was going to have a baby. Lupo – Zane swallowed deeply, feeling dizzy – Lupo was having his baby, and they were engaged, and he couldn't remember any of it. A little aggravation rose in him at the thought. How could she not have told him?

"God, Jo – how long have you known?" Jo looked at him, startled. "I only found out last night," she said, frowning. "After I left Café Diem." Oh. He really had made her sick last night.

"I'm sorry," he said, surprising himself.

"Wait – what?" she responded, thrown off guard.

"For making you sick," he elaborated. "Last night." Apparently he was responsible for even more than he'd imagined, he mused. Jo dismissed it out of hand.

"I'm sure there would have been one thing or another." He nodded absentmindedly, and Jo took a deep breath and sat up. There was more that needed to be said, and he deserved to have her looking him in the eyes when she said it. "Zane… I can't keep a pregnancy secret for long." She pointed out. "There are too many ways people can figure it out, especially here in Eureka." At least she'd been able to tell Zane before someone else figured it out for her. Even now, Jo was dreading the moment the inevitable came out. Last night, rather than approach Allison, she'd driven forty-five minutes out of town to the nearest pharmacy in order to receive the news which had sent her tailspinning to Zane's bedroom after hours of panicked deliberation. All the same, she knew she'd need to have Allison check her over soon enough.

"All you need to do is go visit Carter and S.A.R.A.H. will have it all over town by the end of the day." Zane snarked in agreement. Jo eyed him, expecting he'd reach the same conclusion she had – and if his reaction was anything like hers had been, it wouldn't be pretty.

"Zane – in a town like this it would be child's play for someone with a grudge or an agenda to run a DNA test and compare it to current residents," she prompted. "All it takes is one disgruntled scientist and the whole town will know. And you probably know better than I do how many people there are in this town who'd like to take me down a peg." Zane shot a look at her.

"How tough for you, to admit you'd been knocked up by the town felon," he said dryly, missing her point entirely. She narrowed her eyes at him. Was he being deliberately obtuse or did he really not see what a problem that was?

"Tough as it may be on me, I suspect it'll be nearly impossible for a town full of people who think we hate each other," She shot back, losing her patience.

"Why, how could they possibly think such a thing, Jo-Jo?" he drawled, but looked thoughtful. She could almost hear the cogs whirring in his head. "I have a feeling I won't like where you're going with this, Jo." He said slowly. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.

"Zane, if anyone found out about the changes to the timeline… we could be in serious trouble." She said quietly. "We could be sanctioned. A child who was technically never conceived – "she closed her eyes, trying to ward off the thought of anyone doing that to a child, her child, Zane's child – which felt in so many ways like the only piece of him left. "The DOD would never stand for that." She finished. "There needs to be a story, one as airtight as we can make it… the baby needs it. I want – I need – to be sure that the baby is safe." She said, squaring her shoulders. He watched her with dark eyes, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "We need to convince everyone that we've been secretly involved, at least since the baby was conceived. Dark corners, closets, whatever sordid story it takes – but they need to believe it." She looked at him with pleading eyes, and he stiffened.

"Jo… we have to at least tell Zoe. Maybe I wasn't serious about her, but I wasn't trying to crush her, either." Jo made herself look him in the eye. After she'd returned from the pharmacy, shell-shocked, she'd been up all night pacing her living room, and had reached a conclusion that had left her feeling like the scum of the earth. Her instinct was that Zane would take it at least as well as she had: which is to say, badly.

"We can't, Zane. Zoe doesn't know anything happened and it needs to stay that way. The less involved she is in this, the better. She's the next person they'd look to after finding us. She – she's not going to like it, but…" Jo took a deep breath, "it's for her own good. If we tell her, and things go wrong," which wasn't exactly rare in Eureka, "she could get hurt, and we won't be able to take it back. It's not worth the risk." Zane shot out of the bed and paced the room, eyes glittering with anger.

"So what you're saying is that I need to look like exactly the jackass everybody's wanted to believe I was since day one, isn't that right Lupo? " he spat, gritting his teeth. "I've spent, what, two years trying to convince everybody I was a decent guy? Two years of you, Fargo and Carter on my ass about everything under the sun, and now you want me to go and demonstrate to the whole town that, oops, look at that, they were right all along! Well, I'm not interested." He sneered. "Just like you were "not interested" in a date two years ago. Of course," he continued, "looks like that wasn't strictly speaking true, after all." Jo sighed and looked down.

"Zane, what do you want me to say?" she asked, subdued.

"How about, 'Zane, I'm going to go home and put my head in the oven because I can't go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am!'" he shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. "Something like that!"

He crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes settled on her with a chill in his gaze. "You know, you talked a good game about how I'm secretly this trustworthy guy," he continued, "and maybe you even believe it. But you know what I think? I think that might make you even worse than the original Lupo. She may have hated me, you could even say she was a cold bitch, herself, but even I know she'd never sell a friend down the river like this."

Jo made a strangled noise deep in her throat, but said nothing, feeling ashamed. He threw his hands up into the air. "I need some time to think," he said, grabbed some clothes, and stormed out. Jo stayed behind, head in her hands.


A couple of hours later, Zane returned home in a subdued mood, anger having long since become resignation. Zane of all people knew how quickly the law could turn on you in Eureka, and as he'd stormed aimlessly through the streets, he'd reluctantly admitted to himself that Jo might be right. It wouldn't be long at all before it was virtually impossible to disguise her pregnancy, and the questions that would then arise would only exacerbate the DOD investigation of their latest incident with Grant. Jo, and now Zane, walked a very thin line between safety and detection, and their margin of error was slim. He'd never wanted to hurt Zoe; he had just wanted a brief flirtation, with the pleasant side effect of driving Carter to distraction (that should have been his first hint that something was wrong, he mused, Carter barely flinching at the thought of Zane around his daughter), but Jo was right. He was being selfish, he admitted. He was no martyr, but even he realized Zoe's life was more important than his own reluctance to be continually the bad guy. Nobody wanted to hurt Zoe, but something – someone – would eventually have to give.

More importantly, Zane knew what it was like to be abandoned by your own father. Zoe would forgive them eventually, he hoped. But – some things left a mark, and having your father walk out on you could only leave you broken. He had a feeling "extenuating circumstances" was not a satisfactory excuse. He sighed and turned to the kitchen, suddenly exhausted. He was rummaging through his cupboards for the coffee grounds when he heard a faint noise from his bedroom, and froze. Was Lupo still here? He hesitated, but shut the cupboard door and padded down the hall in his socks. He peered into the room, half expecting to see her lying in wait with her taser. The scene that greeted him instead was so startling that he dropped the forgotten bag of coffee grounds – thankfully still sealed – onto his carpet with a soft "plop."

Josefina Lupo was fast asleep on his bed, curled on her side with her hands clutching his sheets. She shifted and he froze, but she didn't open her eyes. He took a step closer and noticed she was gripping his sheets with such force her knuckles had gone white. Her face with lined with tension, and, heart clenching, he realized she was crying in her sleep. He was about to back away, when she said in a strained voice,

"No, wait, Zane, please don't go," grabbing at his pillow. "I didn't mean to, I love you," at this his eyes widened. Talk about something he'd never expected to hear. "I can't do this without you, please," her voice broke into a sob on the last word, and she struggled fruitlessly in the grips of her own nightmare. His feet carried him forward before he even began to think through his actions or wonder whether she might snap his neck for seeing her in a moment of weakness, and the next thing he knew he was on the bed, bundling her into his arms. Her head and the crook of his neck fit together like puzzle pieces, and he was suddenly knew without the shadow of a doubt that he was going to do whatever she asked of him. He swallowed hard, unnerved. "Jo, come on Jo-Jo, wake up," he whispered frantically, smoothing down her tangled hair and wiping away the tear tracks from her face. Her face relaxed a fraction at his touch, and her eyes flickered open.

"Zane?" she whispered, gripping him as if he might disappear. Feeling as if the world had shifted under his feet, he rubbed her back reassuringly. She relaxed and flushed. "You know I hate it when you see me like this," she muttered, closing her eyes again and nuzzling into his shoulder.

"Hey, Jo-Jo," he murmured, and she smiled sleepily.

"Hey, yourself," she said softly. He ran his hand through her hair again, feeling uncharacteristically tender. Then her body tensed in realization and he knew reality had set in. Her eyes shot open and she flung herself out of his lap, smashing her head into his chin accidentally on the way out. His lower jaw jarred his upper with the force of a panic-stricken Lupo. He grunted in surprise and winced.

"Zane!" she exclaimed in alarm, horrified by her moment of weakness. Then she rubbed her head ruefully. "Ow. Sorry," she muttered.

"Jo-Jo," he began, with a hint of a smile. The ghost of some secret pain washed across her face, and he stopped and considered her in silence. She looked humiliated and defeated, leaning against the bed, but under his gaze she lifted her chin in defiance. Whatever it was, he decided, could wait – for now. What he really needed to do was declare his intentions.

"I'll do it," he told her, looking serious. "And I won't tell Zoe. I've been telling you for years, Lupo, I can be trusted." He paused, and added quietly, in the hopes that it might just… slip under her radar. "In any case every kid deserves to know his father." Something flickered in her expression – he suspected she hadn't missed the undertones to his statement – she probably knew more about his family life than she'd let on – but she let it slide.

"Good," she said, chin still slightly raised. "It's the right thing." Jo said, hoping it was true. She looked uncomfortable. "Look, I should go…" She said, pushing off the bed. She needed time to think; time to get her mind working again.

"Did we fight like this often?" he asked abruptly, stopping her short. She turned around, framed by the doorway, and tried to deflect the question as he slid off the bed in pursuit.

"You know, oddly enough this is my first top secret pregnancy," she said dryly. "So no, this isn't a fight I've had before." She turned around and entered the hallway, but he'd caught up to her and pulled her back, gently, by the arm. After he let go, she leaned against the wall and crossed both arms.

"You know that's not what I meant, Josefina." He responded calmly. Jo looked down at her feet.

"Neither of us were perfect," she shrugged. "I seem to remembering mentioning something along those lines when I – ah – threw that ring at you." He watched her closely. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with this line of conversation, which he catalogued in his mind for further consideration. It wouldn't do to push her too hard – if he knew anything about Lupo, it was that she was good at pushing back.

"I'm not going to tell you I was wrong." He challenged her; then admitted more softly, "But I'm sorry for what I said." Jo finally looked at him, rolling her eyes.

"Well, honestly, don't you think I'm used to it by now?" Just like that, he was once again the one feeling off balance – and he thought, as he had two years ago, that they could do well together. Once upon a time this had left him feeling bitter at the missed opportunity – now, for the first time, the future was looking… hopeful. He leveled his gaze on her and edged closer, causing her to back up a step.

"I imagine you would be used to a lot of things, by now," he murmured softly, moving forward and losing the extra foot of space. "My experience so far suggests you have a great deal of… ah… intimate knowledge." Jo was backed up against the wall now, eyes wide and dilated, somewhere between anxiety and desire. He wetted his lips and her eyes darted to them at the movement. He leaned in close and Jo closed her eyes as he brushed up against the side of her cheek – feeling the scratch of his light stubble – and his whisper was barely a puff of breath against her ear, but all her senses were on fire, making it feel more like a foghorn. "I suppose I'll have some catching up to do."

He stepped back, seemingly cool and collected. "See you tomorrow, then," he said. Jo, breathing a little faster than usual, leaned against the wall as if it were the only thing holding her up – in fact, she suspected it really could be.

"Right," she said, breathlessly. "Ah… tomorrow." She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. "Right." Jo peeled herself off the wall, feeling unsteady on her feet but refusing to show it. She straightened her back reflexively, in an effort to regain control of something, and headed for the door.

"Wrong way," Zane said. She flushed and turned around, deciding silence was really the better part of valor.

Zane followed her to his door and leaned against the frame. His arms were crossed casually across his chest, but his gaze was anything but casual.

"Drive safe, Jo-Jo," he said, voice lower than usual. She nodded jerkily and fled to her car. Jo avoided his gaze as she pulled out of the driveway, but his darkened eyes remained fixed intently on her car until she was out of sight. "Let the games begin, then." He murmured to himself.

On the other side of town, Jo crossed the large living room area of her new home and tossed her keys onto the kitchen table with a sigh. The panic and adrenaline were starting to wear off, and exhaustion from an entire night spent wide awake and in disbelief was setting in. She massaged her temple with one hand, stepping into the bathroom off the kitchen, where she pulled open the mirrored door to her medicine cabinet. She grabbed a bottle of acetaminophen then paused, realizing she had no idea what kind of medication was permissible during a pregnancy. She'd just have to ask Allison…

Jo replaced the bottle and closed the cabinet door with resignation then headed for her bedroom instead. Within seconds she was under the covers, never taking the time to change her clothes. She glanced at the alarm clock and phone lined up on her bedside table. It was barely past noon, and she was already exhausted. Her eyes caught the blinking red light indicating there was a new message, and her hand was already hovering over the play button when she found herself reconsidering. She had no desire to be faced with anyone who might have left that message right now. Instead, she turned back to her other side, curled up, and closed her eyes. If anything dire was happening, she was sure they'd wake her up.


Disclaimer: I do not own Eureka, nor do I own that eternally awesome line I borrowed from Veronica Mars.

A/N: If you recognize the line borrowed from Veronica Mars, you deserve accolades. Other things: you may think – understandably – that Zane was… overly harsh. But I was re-watching episodes and I think that this Zane is a little bit harder and a little bit angrier than the old Zane. He's bitter. And the old Zane could be sort of volatile too. Hence, not-nice things were said. He has some issues to work out. In contrast – at this point – Jo is feeling a bit broken down and vulnerable, whether she likes it or not. Which she obviously does not.

Question:

How are we feeling about the M rating? Does the thought of an impending sex scene make anyone want to scurry away from reading this? I know there's not much being written for any of the ratings in the Eureka section (it's what prompted me to write this in the first place) and I wouldn't want to deprive you all of something to read, so if it makes you wildly uncomfortable I suppose I could create a separate story of chapter outtakes? So everybody could have the best of both worlds? This might delay updates, though, I have to warn you. It's hard enough writing a chapter – writing a chapter and then censoring it is probably going to take some time. Anyways. If you intend to continue reading this it would probably behoove you to let me know. =)