Standing and speaking to the Catalyst was exhausting. Never before had Shepard felt more tired, more spent. The pain had finally ebbed to a dull throb … probably because she was dying. If there was anything she was certain of, it was that she would die before the end of this. The chance to see if the galaxy was saved, the chance to see if her friends and crew-mates made it, the chance to see Garrus, one last time … all of it was not in the cards for her. She knew that.

Ever since Mindoir, she felt she was living on borrowed time. Maybe now that time was spent. She could rest, with Anderson, Mordin, Thane, Ash, her parents, so many others, perhaps even Legion ... They had done so much already. Shepard just had to accept it. One more decision, one more choice … then she could rest.

The light shimmering from the small boy, the Catalyst, made her eyes hurt. But she had to understand first. The being had emphasized that there was a chance she would be destroyed with the synthetic life if she sought to be rid of the Reapers. History was doomed to repeat itself; synthetics would eventually be recreated, and the process would begin anew. But it was possible to combine synthetic and organic existence? Shepard was living proof that cybernetics could sustain, even rebuild, a person, but to alter DNA itself to combine the two?

Evolution was leading them in that direction, at least according to this Catalyst. That, or this was a last-ditch effort to preserve itself and the Reapers. Synthetics were just as adaptable as organics. They could calculate alternate options, make new decisions based off of new factors. How could she be sure combining her … essence, for lack of a better word, with the Crucible would actually succeed in altering every other thing in the galaxy?

Hell, how could she be sure destroying the damn thing would mean it destroyed the Reapers as well? Or know that attempting to control the Reapers would prove successful, either? There was no guarantee for any of this, which is what she should have been expecting. Despite herself, she had hoped this last bit would finally be cut and dried, yes or no, kill or be killed … simple. She laughed to herself, even though her ribs hurt.

"Simple" was a word that no longer existed in Shepard's vocabulary.

The path ahead seemed to run for miles as she wobbled on her feet. Left, to control. Right, to destroy. Straight ahead, to alter existence. Another huff of a laugh escaped her lips, followed by a hiss of pain. Any path would alter existence, really. Such grandiose descriptions came to her in her last moments. Hannah Shepard always claimed her daughter had her head in the clouds …

A fleeting idea came to her. If she did use the Crucible to destroy the Reapers, there was a chance, though increasingly slim, that she would live. Shepard knew it was a selfish thought, but hadn't she earned some selfishness? So long she had worked to help everyone around her, reassuring them that there was a future, that everything they did was for a reason. Over the years, she had become this beacon of hope, the one thought to determine the fate of the galaxy. Countless times she wanted to give it up, to pass the power on to someone else. The idea of being responsible for existence was terrifying, even now.

For a brief moment, she was able to visualize that warm and tropical place Garrus mentioned, watching waves lap against a shore … leaning against him as the sun (wherever it was) sank down beyond the horizon, feeling the sand under her feet as she curled her toes into it. It was hard to picture her amazing turian in anything but his armor, but she was fairly certain he would be open to the adjustment.

Did she not deserve the chance to live in the galaxy she helped save? A part of her felt shame for thinking this way, but another part ached for that chance. The opportunity to just live. Maybe, just maybe, she could have that chance …

Shepard shook her head to clear away those thoughts. There was no more time for maybes. It was now she made a choice, or the cycle would be completed, and the galaxy as they knew it would no longer exist. Her feet began to move forward.