Chapter 3

Beth and Jack made their way out in to the garden, relieved that it appeared to be empty. The Derbyshire winter deterring even the most hardy smoker.

However the conversation was going to go, it was probably going to be quick given the weather, which Beth felt relieved at. The conversation that she had imagined so many times was finally going to happen and she felt strangely nervous. Any residual anger melting away.

Will sat down at a small tabled and gestured to the seats on the other side, "Please."

Beth stole a quick glance at her husband, his face blank and she knew he was warring with wanting to speak with Will and hurt at how they had been treated. She suspected that when it came to it, he had probably felt as angry as she had and didn't know how to deal with that now he was front of them.

They sat down and silence reigned for a few moments.

Will coughed slightly, obviously embarrassed, "I wanted to apologise. I never knew just how serious Matty's illness had been."

"He had a liver transplant Will. When he was five. You're a doctor. How did you not think that was serious?!" Beth argued and she felt Jack's hand on her leg. She saw Will catch the movement and that he tried to hide an eye roll at it and her tone.

"I had just lost my daughter Beth. I knew from Chloe that Matty had a transplant. I didn't know that it was a liver transplant. I just asked how it went, she said it was fine and that he was recovering. I'm sorry if my grief meant I wasn't able to show you as much consideration as you expected."

"Consideration?!"

"Beth..." Jack said in warning.

"You were meant to be our friend. I contacted you as soon as I heard about Emily. A letter that I know you received and a letter you ignored. I was devastated for you. And if I hadn't been worried about losing my own child I would have rushed to your door."

"Rushed to my door. You wouldn't have known where my door was."

"And whose fault was that?!"

"Beth," Jack said, louder this time.

"Oh don't bother Jack. We all know how much she loves to play at being the most hard done by."

"Oh I think if anyone knows how to play the victim-"

"ENOUGH!" Jack bellowed causing Beth to look at him at alarm. A quick look at Will showed a similar look of surprise.

"This is why I though this was not the time nor the place for this conversation."

"I see you are still playing the role of superman, coming to Beth's defence."

Beth saw Jack close his eyes and take a deep breath.

"She's my wife, Will. Please. And she's been devastated at the loss of your friendship. As have I. We don't know what we did to deserve it. None of our friends do. Your wife seems to be at a loss. And your son doesn't seem to hold anything against us either."

He went to stand and reached for Beth's hand, "I won't sit here and allow my wife to be spoken to in that way. And neither will I allow her to lose her temper at Alice's funeral. Whatever wrong we committed Will, I apologise for."

Beth looked up at her husband, proud of him and with so much love it made her heart pound. She gently shook her head at him.

"You go in. I'll be there in a minute."

"Beth…"

"I know, I promise. I will be there in a minute."

Jack looked at Will, pained and then back at Beth. He must have seen the resolution in her face and with a sigh nodded, collected his pint and walked back towards the pub door.

Beth watched him go through the door and turned back to Will.

"Just what did we do to you?" She asked him, gently this time.

"You left."

Beth nodded, "Yes. And you were happy for us."

"I was."

"So…"

"You never said you were leaving for good. I didn't think that within a few months you would be wanting to sell your share of the practice. And yet when I thought about it I realised what an idiot I had been. I had asked you - 'You sound as if you are never coming back.' And what did you say, 'Of course we are…' But your tone. I should have known. You had made the decision."

"No we hadn't Will. We didn't know."

"Oh come on Beth. You didn't want to come back and you knew it and you didn't tell me. You allowed me think it was just a sabbatical."

Beth was confused, "We hadn't decided not to come back Will. I swear. After we lost…after the miscarriage I just wanted to get away from Cardale. I didn't know if I would fall in love with Africa. I didn't know if that was what I wanted for my future. For our future."

"There was no warning Beth. Just the phone call, where you were so excited about the new clinic, how you wanted to sell up and how bloody wonderful your life was."

"I thought you would be happy for us."

"Happy? Do you know what mess you left me in?"

"Mess? Andrew and Erica took up the partnerships?"

"Eventually. Not before nearly a year of facing financial ruin. Of nearly losing the practice. Do you remember the last time I faced financial ruin. Where it had led me? And there I was heading back there so fast I was barely hanging on by my fingernails but this time it wasn't my own reckless financial behaviour or a wife who could outspend most millionaires, it was caused by my two best friends who left me without a backward glance! I was let down by those closest to me. Who didn't give a toss about me or the mess they left behind."

"I had no idea..." Beth swallowed. Trying to remember how it had happened. they had thought Will would have been happy for them. They were so devastated after the miscarriage but the prospect of Africa gave them something to be hopeful for. Will had seemed so pleased that they had put so much faith in him to keep the practice going. When they spoke to him Andrew and Erica appeared to be doing well. She couldn't understand…

"You never told us," she said, more firmly and Will swung his head to look at her. "You never told us you were struggling and knowing how bloody stubborn you are, you wouldn't have wanted to. We thought everything was fine. If it wasn't we would have come back. You know that."

"You never asked."

"Yes we did Will."

"I didn't want you to think I was a complete imbecile ok? I thought if I could just keep it going until you came back everything would be fine."

"You cant blame us for not being bloody mind readers Will!"

Will looked down, the anger seemingly left him.

"I resented you. And your happiness. Okay. I'm not proud of it. And then things got better and then Kate and then…Emily. And when that happened I thought, if Jack and Beth hadn't left this wouldn't have happened. And when she died…and then I found out that your son had been ill too but survived…I admit…I resented that too."

"You would have preferred that he had died?" Beth asked in shock.

"Of course not. But it just felt…so unfair…" Will's voice trailed away and Beth didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed in how little respect he seemed to have for her and for her family.

"And so every time anything bad happened in your life…you blamed me and Jack."

"In a way. I suppose if you hadn't have left, Claire would have never come to Cardale."

Beth sat back in disbelief.

"I know it sounds ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I was thinking more offensive. Good God Will. How could you hate us so much?!"

"It was easy to feel resentment when you weren't here. And if I couldn't blame you, who could I blame."

"How about yourself?"

"Well, yes. That came eventually."

Beth blinked, not expecting that admission. "So..?"

"So, by then it had been so long. I didn't know how to pick up the phone. Chloe had told me Matty was fine that you were living in Wales. You never tried to get in touch, so I thought the feelings of resentment must go both ways."

Beth was confused, "But we did get in touch, after what that woman did, I even rang your ex wife!"

Will nodded, "I know. She didn't catch me at a good time. We weren't sure Alex was going to make it and there was Sarah badgering me about seeing the boys and you and Jack. I told her to leave me alone and to tell you to leave me alone."

"Which we did."

"Which you did."

Beth stood. Mainly out of exasperation and also out of cold, she suddenly felt very old and very tired.

"I don't know how to process this."

Will stood too, "I'm sorry Beth. I was in a bad way and I acted foolishly and I am sorry that I hurt you."

Beth nodded, "I can understand that. And I appreciate the apology."

"But?"

Beth smiled at him, although it was without humour, "It's hard thing to reconcile. That you had so little respect for us. After everything."

Will nodded, his face filling with shame, "I am sorry about Matty. When Julian told me…I'm sorry Beth. It must have been hell."

Beth's eyes filled with tears, "It was. It was hell. He went downhill so quickly. We rushed him to London and he went to the top of the transfer list. It was touch and go for a while."

Will came round to her side of the table and reached out to rub her arm, "They are so helpless at that age aren't they?"

Beth brought her hands up to her face but she couldn't hold in the sob and the next thing she knew she was in Will's arms and he was cradling her as she cried in a way she hadn't for years.

He whispered sorry in to her hair over and over again until Beth regained some control and pulled back and looked up at the man that was once one of her best friends.

"It's cold. I'm going to go back in before Jack comes back out here."

Will nodded.

"I don't know how I feel about everything you have just told me. But I am sorry if anything we ever did hurt you Will. It was the last thing either of us would have ever wanted to do."

She turned around and went back through the pub door, the warmth from the pub shocking her body and making her shiver suddenly. Jack was there in an instant, obviously standing guard by the door.

"You okay love?"

"Yeah."

"Sure?"

"Not really."

"Okay. Do you want to talk or…"

"Not yet. Let's go back to our friends, enjoy the time with them. We can talk later."

Jack nodded and she felt so grateful that he trusted her to know her own mind and feelings. Trusted her to know what was best even though it would have been hard not to notice that she had been crying or how just upsetting the conversation with Will had been. They had come a long way in the last twenty-five years. She put her hand in his and smiled up at him and he kissed her gently in return.

"Come on. Chloe just got another bottle of wine."

"I love that woman."

They had had a lovely time with their friends. Beth hadn't seen Will after their conversation in the garden, she suspected he had gone home although she had seen Kate and Julian so thought that perhaps he had just settled himself in a different part of the pub with Tom and Alex.

She had been the last to go to bed, Jack had surprisingly gone up before her around midnight while she stayed gossiping with Laura and Chloe. Finally Laura had gone and Chloe had finally asked her what happened with Will. She filled her in on most of it and left Chloe gaping like a fish.

"I think he must have lost his mind again."

"Chloe."

"Seriously! Who acts like that? Who thinks like that?!"

"We did abandon him."

"He wasn't a child. He was a senior partner in a medical practice. If he struggled he should have said something. He had no one to blame but himself."

"I know. It's all so…"

"Childish?"

"Sad actually. It's all so sad. We could have all been there for each other."

Chloe reached out to rub her hand, "I know."

Beth took a deep breath and smiled at her friend, "I better go up. Two late nights in a row. I wont be able to function tomorrow."

"Okay love," Chloe kissed her goodnight and followed her up the stairs. As they went to part Beth reached out for her hand.

"I wouldn't have gotten through Matty's illness without you Chloe. I hope you know how incredibly grateful I am."

"You would do the same for me. You did do the same for me. I'm always here and I always will be," Chloe said as she hugged her tight and then left to go into her room. Beth turned and stared at her own door. She wasn't sure how to tell Jack everything. She wasn't sure how he would take it and she felt emotionally exhausted.

The door opened and there was her husband, smiling with his hand outstretched.

"Come on drunkard. Bed time. We can talk in the morning," Jack said as Beth grabbed his hand gratefully and pulled him towards the bed.

She looked up at him and he smiled down at her in return. He always looked a few decades younger when he smiled. The same mischievous smile, full of life and love and all for her. She knew how lucky they had been, but it had also been work. Two headstrong people, it would on many occasions have been easier to walk away. But somewhere between meeting him for the first time on that windy moor, the dead body of a young child between them and another wintery moor a year later with the spectre of another young life cut short between them, he had come to be her entire world. Had stole right in to her very soul and made her more vulnerable and more happy than she had ever thought possible. She really didn't work without him anymore. The strong independent woman was no longer independent and it had taken her some time to make her peace with that.

She wrapped herself around him, inhaling his scent and treasuring the feel of his strong arms around her. He was infuriating, kind, stubborn and generous and loved her with a passion that still took her breath away.

"Make love to me Jack."

Jack stared at her, his blue eyes piercing in to her soul before he grinned at her, "Thought you would never ask."

They took their time the next morning, Rita had promised that breakfast would be a bit later to ensure everyone had the chance to have a bit of a lay in. Jack had Beth had lazed in bed and she told him all about her conversation with Will. Like her he had gone from anger to sadness as he had heard Will's explanation for his behaviour.

"Will you talk to him?" Beth asked and Jack had nodded.

"I will. I don't want to leave here with anything unsaid. Then we can all move on."

Beth hugged him to her and as Jack sighed she looked up at him, questioning. Jack shrugged in reply, "I didn't like him when I first started. Thought he was a pompous, posh prick."

"I remember. It was him that convinced me to offer you a job though."

Jack looked at her surprised, "Really?"

Beth couldn't believe he didn't know that, "Him and Isabel of course, although I think her reasoning was slightly different. She knew straight away that I fancied you."

"Can't blame you!" Jack said laughing and Beth swatted him in return.

"But he was so against you giving me the partnership," Jack recalled.

"Oh that was only because Sarah had got in his head and he was suspicious about you and me. Thought he was being pushed out by my new lover."

Jack look puzzled, "We weren't lovers then."

Beth rolled her eyes, "We may not have slept together then Jack but we had kissed I seem to remember."

"Oh yes…the awkward dinner where we couldn't find anything to talk about if we weren't talking about work."

"And then when we did talk we found out how different we were."

"Except for alcohol. We were very similar when it came to alcohol."

"We were indeed. I think alcohol has been the bedrock of our marriage."

Jack looked thoughtful, remembering, "You seduced me."

"I bloody well did not!"

"You kissed me!"

"I think we kissed each other and then you ran away like a scared rabbit."

"I was trying to be a gentleman and not use sex to get me a partnership."

"Well you did get the partnership before the sex."

"True. We took a rocky path before the sex."

Beth chuckled remembering, "Rhianne."

Jack had the good sense to look embarrassed, "Yes...well. That was a mistake. And over very quickly in my defence. I'll never forget that look on your face. It haunted me."

"Isabel despaired of me during that time."

"I remember. She told me it was a shame that my love life was such a mess."

"Really? I asked her once to tell me that I right not to get involved with you. She told me that the problem was that I was involved with you. I just wasn't sleeping with you and that Rhianne was getting all the benefit…"

"She was a nosy old sod wasn't she."

"I tried to convince her once that you weren't right for me, that life was too complicated. She thought life was too short. That's when I ended up at your house, cooking you a microwave meal."

"You did kiss me then."

"I did. I also went home like a good girl after dinner."

"But you met me the next day. At the football."

"And then our lives changed."

"That was some night."

"Afternoon actually."

"And then night," Jack blinked. "The day after that was when we found out about Will's fraud wasn't it?"

"Oh God. Yes it was. I had forgotten it was then."

"You were so angry with him."

"I didn't understand how he could do it. Be so dishonest."

"He was in a dark place Beth. Neither of us realised that at the time."

"Do you think it's true then? What he said yesterday. That us leaving him and the financial problems he suffered as a result, that we caused him to relapse into depression."

"Maybe. Maybe he didn't relapse but he was scared of doing so. It took him a long time to get himself sorted after that first time. And for all his bluster he never had as much faith in himself as we had in him. We were his crutch and when we left…"

"He didn't have that anymore."

"I don't agree with how he's treated us but I can understand it."

"You always were much more understanding of him than me."

"I knew frailty I think. You were too bloody perfect half the time," Jack chuckled to soften his words but Beth knew he had a point. It had taken her some time not to resent Will for his actions and to understand his depression, and she was a doctor.

Half an hour later, Will was still on her mind as she made her way down the stairs to meet Chloe, James and Rita for breakfast. She was therefore surprised to see the object of her reverie sitting at her table, his wife next to him chatting away to Chloe.

He had the decency to look embarrassed and awkward. 'Good', Beth had thought. 'Serves him right.' A look at Jack saw his surprise too but Jack being Jack made his way over to the table, full of confidence and introduced himself to Kate. Beth chuckled. Superman indeed.

Will gave her a small smile, "Morning."

She returned it, curiosity getting the better of her. "Surprised to see you here so early after such a late night."

Will looked sheepish, "It wasn't so late for me." So he had gone home, Beth realised.

He stood to greet Jack and hold out his hand. Jack took it with a tight smile, before turning back to Kate. His charm at full power and Beth was amused to see a slight affectionate exasperation fall over Will's face.

"He doesn't change does he?" Will said to her.

"No. Same old Jack," Beth said with a smile and Will held her gaze, suddenly serious.

"He's the best thing that could have ever happened to you," Will said meaningfully and Beth nodded as he looked at her husband.

"He really is."

Will nodded in return and appeared to be steeling himself, he interrupted his wife and his former friend with some reluctance, "Jack. I was just asking James if you and he wanted to come with me to the football. I'm the first aider."

Beth looked at Jack, holding her breath. Jack normally couldn't turn anything to do with football down and knew James was the same.

Jack flicked his eye at her and she raised an eyebrow in response. The request had come out of the blue but it felt like an olive branch.

"Aye. Why not. Be like old times. Shame I didn't bring my boots, I could have been a sub!" Jack joked and everyone laughed. He grabbed a piece of toast and five minutes later then men were out the door leaving Chloe, Beth and Kate looking after them. Some more surprised than others.

They looked at Kate for an explanation, "He said that he and Jack always bonded over football. That it was a good excuse as any."

"I remember my Frances and Danny leading them both astray one day watching a match. All four of them legless..." Beth smiled and reached for Rita's hand.

"I'm not sure if it wasn't my Jack doing the leading." Beth told her and Rita sniffed a laugh.

"I hope James isn't going to get in the way." Chloe asked worriedly.

Kate smiled, "I think he has apologies to make to you and James too. He didn't try as hard as he should to keep in touch once we moved away."

"Well then," said Chloe, "Knowing them and if things go well, we probably wont be seeing them until much later. Kim and Laura said they'd meet us at the cafe in an hour. Tea, cake and maybe a stroll around the Derbyshire Dales before we have to pick up drunken football hooligans?"

"Perfect. Kate, why don't you join us?" Beth said.

Kate beamed, "I'd love to."