Catherine pulled into her driveway, killed the engine, and climbed out of her car. Gil Grissom was sitting on her front step and immediatly she realized something was terribly wrong. "Gil?" she spoke softly.
His eyes glanced up to hers. They were red and he looked like he'd recently been crying. Gil...crying? Not him...
"Gil...what's wrong? What has happened?" She stepped past him and unlocked the door. His gaze followed her but he didn't move. Stepping back to him, she reached down and grabbed his hand. "Come inside, Gil..."
He followed her, his hand clinging tightly to hers. She hadn't seen him like this since Sara...oh my god, something has happened to Sara. "Gil...Sara? Is she okay?"
He wouldn't look up and he didn't speak. He simply nodded his head yes. She led him to the couch and helped him sit. Then she went to the kitchen and poured them both a drink. Returning she handed him his glass and ordered him to drink. He took a sip and set the glass down. Her hand reached for his shoulder and she gently stroked him there. "Gil...what has happened?"
A single tear rolled down his cheek. "She's moving out," he whispered. "Cath, I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go...who else to talk to."
"It's fine, Gil. I'm glad you came here." Patiently she waited for him to continue.
"I know you never liked the idea of me with Sara..." he looked at her...almost ashamed. That puzzled her but she sat quietly. "But you were so great after she was kidnapped. You were there, supporting me and prodding me with ways to help her. And looking out for her too. You are really a great friend, Cath..more than I deserve." His anguish was killing her. "That's why it doesn't seem fair for me to be here now...but," he swallowed hard and sighed, "I really needed tot see you."
"What's going on, Gil? She couldn't refrain from asking any longer.
Fighting for control, he took a deep breath and then spoke softly. "She's moving out. She told me to leave while she packs...so I was driving around and I was going crazy. I knew there was only one place for me to go...one place that would be safe..." He looked into her eyes for the first time and she saw his complete trust in her. Gil didn't trust easily; it had taken years for her to win that from him.
"Why is she moving out? You two seemed to be doing fine. I mean, I know things were a little rough after she was kidnapped and then all that time in the hospital. But you were right there with her...I was very proud of you, the way you were there for her."
His eyes had a lost look. "I tried, Cath. I tried as hard as I know how. You know how hard it was for me...you were there with me all the way. But...she said..."
"What did she say?"
"She said that I really don't love her...that she was my second choice."
"Gil! I can't believe she said that. You were right there...worrying about her and ...well, you held vigil at the hospital until she was out of the woods...and all that rehab. You were there supporting her and she said that to you.?"
"I tried to tell her...I tried to ...but, thing is, I couldn't lie to her. She was right...She was my second choice. I...when...well, she seemed to love me and want me and I was so tired of being alone...I knew it was wrong and I knew one or both of us would end up hurt. But it was really good for awhile. I think my sabbatical really confused her but we seemed to get through that and then she was angry when I helped Heather but we were working through that too and then she was taken and...things changed. I really wanted to make her happy...but, I just screwed up." He looked devastated.
"Sara was your second choice? But you said you love her more than anyone else...the only person you ever loved, I think is how you said it."
He thought back to his words, so many months ago. "I said Natalie thought I had taken away the only person she ever really loved and she was trying to do the same to me. I never said that I felt thtat way about Sara. That was the way Natalie saw it."
"Oh," was all she could think to say.
He seemed to be studying something on the floor. "I wish..." and then he seemed to fade away.
"What do you wish, Gil?"
His expression was changing but she couldn't decipher it. It seemed though that there was a great debate going on inside him. Finally, something clicked. "Cath," he was barely audible. His eyes were pleading for understanding. "Do you ever think about that night?"
God, I can't believe he brought that up now. But there was no doubt about which night he was referring to. "Yes, Gil...often."
HIs blue eyes pierced hers and boring into her. Courage was growing inside him. "Me too."
She watched him. Don't push, she cautioned herself. Let him come to you.
"In fact, for years...it was all of I ever thought about when I closed my eyes. I could still see you...feel your touch..." his eyes closed, "Smell you...I..." he paused. Opening his eyes, it was as if a startling revelation struck him. "You really think of that night often?'
"Yes," she smiled. "I can still taste you, feel your hands on me, and your eyes..."
Suddenly he was very alert. There was an energy about him that seemed to spur him. His hand reached over to her face and he tilted her chin up, gazing in to her eyes. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I'm sorry I didn't trust my feelings all those years ago. I'm sorry for what we might have been and how miserably I took that away from both of us."
Her hand found his and she brought it to her lips, gently kissing it. Words were beyond her...even thoughts were muddled. All she knew was he finally had come back to her. As crazy as it was, he was back.
His lips felt so good on hers. She had missed them. His kiss was as tender as the first one had been all those years ago. Then he collected her into his arms and held her tight against his chest. She listened to his heartbeat...such a beautiful sound. There they sat for a very long time; not speaking, not thinking, just being one.
