"Welcome back Vicki. So I believe that today we were supposed to discuss your fear of intimacy and commitment," Dr. Lawrence said looking over his notes.
"Um, let's not and say we did. I really don't feel that fear of intimacy is a bad thing," she smirked.
"Now I'm curious, when I spoke to Norman last week, he mentioned that you said some pretty interesting things to him when you thought he was Henry..." Dr. Lawrence began.
"He's a liar, who consorts with the demon who wants to have my babies... I don't think he's the most credible witness. Besides I refuse to admit any such thing," Vicki countered.
"Regardless, what do you think is the reason for your fear of intimacy?"
"Habit mostly," she deflected.
"Seriously Vicki, did you ever even begin to process the pain your father inflicted on you when he left your mother? It wasn't your fault, and cognitively you know that, but somehow, holding those you care about at bay seems to be a longstanding self defense mechanism. Maybe it's not your father's betrayal at all. Perhaps you just feel torn. Am I hitting a nerve yet?" he asked.
"Sticking the knife in isn't enough for you, huh? You're one of those, 'hold on a minute so I can twist it around' sort of people... Sick," Vicki said shaking her head.
"Look Vicki, you can't have it both ways. Both these men love you, and put to it, they'd probably share you rather than lose you completely, but you won't even give them that option. You can't accuse them of leaving you, when, figuratively speaking, you never showed up in the first place," Dr. Lawrence said.
"Who are you telling? This is not about holding them at arms length... I mean that may be what's happening, but I genuinely care about both of them. I know I should let it go, but I can't. I'm just like this," she said her humor fading.
"Vicki, do you trust Henry or Mike?" Dr. Lawrence asked.
"Both of them. With my life," she said with conviction. "I remember, this case with a crazy mother killing the ones who arrested her son, when this judge asked me why he should trust Henry, I replied "because I trust him with my life," "You do? You do. Thank you," Henry said, as shocked as me at the declaration."
"And has either ever disappointed you?" he continued.
"Not once. I've screwed up a lot, but they have never let me down," she admitted truthfully.
"Trust is one of the most basic parts of love. If you can trust them with your life, why can't you trust them with your heart? Why can't you, as you put it, 'just let go'?"
"I... I don't know," she admitted, "because I'll fall."
"You will. But they'll catch you."
"You realize I'm invoking Patient-Client privilege here, whatever you say to Henry and Mike, this goes no further than THIS ROOM! Remember, we've already established my total acceptance of anger?" Vicki threatened.
"I remember it well, Vicki, and they only ask because they worry about you, but if you feel so strongly, I will remain mum about this conversation."
"Okay, well, I haven't told either of them, but of course I love them. They're punks, but they're perfect. I just can't help it that I'm emotionally anorexic. I love them the best way I know how, and if that's not good enough, I'm sorry. I wouldn't judge either of them if they walked out and never came back. But I'm doing the best I can with what I've got," she said.
"You admit, though, that you do love them? That's a big step for you. I think we can go from there. In fact, over the next two weeks I'd like to have a session with you and Henry, and you and Mike. I think, for our purposes, it would be invaluable," Dr. Lawrence explained.
"You sure, not all of us at the same time. I mean, your office would probably never recover, but we could put it on pay-per-view and make a fortune," she grinned. "Who first, Mike or Henry?"
"Well, I'd say bring the most easily offended one first, no need to cause hurt feelings and all that, but knowing you, you'll probably do just the opposite."
"Why don't I just surprise you?" she asked.
"That's fine Vicki, I'll see you in a week."
Now, I don't care who goes first, but if you do, then review and tell me. ;)
I know, I'm an attention whore. Get over it.
