Mindy left to go home, waving a quick goodbye adding "I'll see you in a year Danny. Take care." As she walked out of the doctor's lounge, the crushing void of knowing that was the last he would see of her for another year enveloped him. She was leaving for Haiti the next day and all he was left with was the memory of his almost-kiss with Mindy.
What had he been thinking? She was his colleague, his friend and she had a boyfriend; had he been privy to that information before he had removed her glasses, this situation wouldn't have happened. "Casey and I got back together;" god, it just kept playing over and over in his head!
Running it through his mind, he couldn't even rationalize what he'd been thinking. It was all a blur...had there even been anything on her glasses? Ugh...and who says schmutz anymore anyway?! Man, you really dug yourself a hole now Castellano. Good thing she'll be gone for a year…365 days should be enough time for her to erase this from her mind.
Danny turned off the TV, giving one last look around the lounge. How could he ever be in this room again and not think of that moment? Of Mindy and her short haircut? He really didn't hate it if he was being honest. Somehow it seemed to make her brown eyes shine and sparkle even more. The eyes he thought were looking down at his lips. The eyes that seemed to give her away. Had she wanted to kiss him too?
Danny chose to walk instead of taking the subway home. It had rained during the night and it was almost daylight. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Too bad the weather didn't match his mood. He pulled a cigarette from his pack and promptly lit it, not waiting for his common sense to kick in and force him to put it out.
Thinking about what lay ahead, he let himself indulge. He was headed home to an empty apartment (he guessed one upside to this was that he could now smoke freely in his apartment without Christina on his ass about it). Because as much as Danny loved his alone time-and he was the furthest thing from what Mindy called a "social butterfly"-the one thing he hated in life was an empty house.
It reminded him of being a kid, coming home from school and no one to greet him. His mom worked two jobs most of his childhood; by the time he and Richie got home from school, she would've left for her second job. Danny would usually find a note on the kitchen table with instructions for heating up dinner. So he'd set his little brother up at the kitchen table to do his homework while he re-heated supper.
His mom would usually get in around eleven o'clock or so. Danny would have put Richie to bed and he'd wait up watching Cheers or his favorite, Miami Vice, depending on what night it was. His mom would come in, give him a kiss on top of his head and then go in and kiss Richie goodnight. For whatever reason, he just always felt better when his mom was home, like everything was going to be ok.
Danny took a long pull off his cigarette, flicking the ashes to ground and watching them flit around him as he walked.
It was weird to him, but it also kind of made sense that as much as he berated Mindy for her colorful wardrobe (not to mention her loud opinions on anything and everything) he was really going to miss her. Just the thought of subway rides without her chatter and lunch breaks, gave him a sense of intense melancholy. Without Mindy cajoling him into some stupid stunt, and the lack of her presence in the doctors' lounge at the hospital, Danny felt his insides twist uncomfortably.
All the times they had spent there together led to that very moment. Danny wasn't one to believe in serendipity, but damn if he didn't feel that exact second the stars had lined up. It all led up to him kissing her or rather almost kissing her as the case may be.
This all confirmed once again it was much better to be a realist-leave the dreaming and romance to teenage girls. Real life wasn't made of movie perfect moments and symphonic climaxes where the boy always gets the girl. Where the hell had this even come from?! What was he thinking? He didn't love Mindy; he was just really going to miss her company...that's all, nothing more.
As Danny stubbed out his cigarette on the closest wall, he stopped for a moment. Ahead of him he could see the sun peeking up from behind a building, and almost like in the movies, it dawned on him: he had always had feelings for Mindy, but there was always something in the way. Other men. Other women. Stupid fights. And yes, this time technically it was another man, but deep down Danny knew it was him; he was blocking his own happiness.
He blocked himself from loving Mindy, so scared of her sunshine-y personality and the way she challenged him. Not just physically (god that woman was strong), but emotionally and he didn't care for it. She made him want to be a better person and that terrified him...changing for another person. Danny used this as his defense whenever the thought of Mindy as more than a friend came into mind.
Danny always thought of himself as a strong person, not easily swayed by other people's influence or opinion, but things were different with Mindy. She had been the one constant in his life over the last few years and though they fought like cats and dogs, he knew she loved him for who he was.
None of that mattered now. The one person he really wanted in his life was probably at the airport all ready to board a plane to Haiti.
Danny entered his apartment and immediately grabbed a beer from the fridge and lit another cigarette. It was five o'clock somewhere and it had been a long night. Seated on the couch he glanced around the room. Everything looked the same. Funny how a person can leave a place but it still looks the same as if they were never there. Mindy on the other hand leaves a path of destruction wherever she goes.
Danny had always considered himself an honest person, not one to lie to himself or anyone else for that matter. But even though he realized he loved Mindy more than should be possible, the thought of coming home to a lonely apartment every night is more than even he can handle. So for the first time in a very long time, he denies the truth. He convinces himself that he loves Christina and she loves him and no matter what it takes, they're going to make it work. As much as he would love to be the strong I-don't-need-anyone-manly-man, he can't bear this. He picks up the phone and dials…it's ringing…
"Yeah Danny, what is it… did I forget something at your place?"
"No Chris, I'm just...I'm sorry, I was wrong. Can we try again, please? Please come home."
She'll be there in 10 minutes and Danny sighs. Maybe from relief, maybe he's holding back tears. Whatever it is doesn't matter, because at least he's not alone.
