CHAPTER THREE
She found him asleep in the clinic, something that had stopped surprising her long ago, and she pushed the door closed behind her. When it slammed shut, rattling the doorframe, he started awake with a muffled shout, rolling his eyes when he saw her.
"I'm in the clinic," he said.
"You're sleeping in the clinic." He shrugged.
"Not anymore, thanks to you."
"There are at least ten people waiting to be seen, House. And the only doctors here are you and Jennison."
"Jennison is at least halfway competent. I think he should be able to handle a few runny noses and overprotective parents."
"Then you should be able to handle them just fine," Cuddy said, shoving a file into his folded arms. "Get your ass up and get to work." He stuck out his lip, doing his best impression of a scorned puppy.
"Are you mad at me, Cuddy?" he asked in a child-like tone. Now it was Cuddy's turn to roll her eyes.
"Always, House," she said. She turned toward the door just as she heard House pushing himself up off of the exam table.
"Interesting that the only papers you're shoving into my hands are patient files," he quipped. "Did you finally decide to just forge my signature and leave me out of it after all?"
"No," Cuddy said, sighing audibly as she faced him again, crossing her arms over her chest. "I figure trying to force this on you when you're acting so childish is pointless. I'll let you come to me when you're ready." House smirked. It was cold and unpleasant to behold.
"Then you're going to be waiting a long time, Cuddles," he said, brushing past her as he reached for the door.
Rachel's request still burned in her mind, and Cuddy debated whether or not to bring it up. It meant a lot to her daughter, sure, but could she really expect House to agree? Sure, he cared for Rachel; even he couldn't convince her that he didn't, but she herself certainly was not on very good terms with him for the moment. If she did bring it up to him, it would undoubtedly only lead to more tension between them.
But she had made a promise...And as easy as it would be to leave the subject untouched and tell Rachel otherwise, something about lying to her daughter like that did not sit well with her. It wasn't like Rachel would ever find out, and Richard had seemed to think it was a good idea to avoid bringing it up with House when it would only cause more pain for the both of them. But she'd already broken so many promises to Rachel as it was: she'd promised her that they would be happy together, that things would work out for the best, that House would be there for her and so would she.
All of these things had turned out to be untrue, and though she had never meant them to be lies, she realized now that promising them had only set them up for failure.
"House." He paused in the doorway and turned to her. She softened her tone as much as she could, trying to remain civil even through her own discomfort and anxiety. "There's one other thing..." She saw him roll his eyes, but before he could get in a smart remark, she interrupted him: "Rachel's play is this Friday...Normally, I wouldn't ask you, but...She wants you there." Something resembling genuine surprise flitted across House's eyes.
"Why would she want me there?" he asked, as if the very notion didn't compute with him.
"She loves you, House," Cuddy found herself saying, and the words made her heart ache. She caught herself picking at her cuticles and forced her hands down by her sides; it was a nasty habit that she couldn't afford to pick up again. "It would mean a lot to her..."
"I have plans that night," he said, averting his eyes.
"It's two hours at the most. You don't even have to stay for the whole thing. Just let her see that you're there, that you showed up for her..."
"I said I'm busy," he snapped, his tone suddenly growing harsh before he stalked out of the exam room.
Well, she thought with a sigh, she couldn't have expected much better.
Cuddy and Richard sat on the edge of the row, by the aisle. It was already getting crowded by the time they found their seats and started flipping through the program. On the cover was a crudely drawn dragon surrounded by fairies, clearly made by a child's hand. Inside was a list of the songs and the children appearing in the play, along with their roles. Cuddy quickly found Rachel's name and smiled to herself.
"You made sure she got backstage, right?" she asked Richard, a slight nervous edge to her voice. He smiled warmly.
"Of course I did," he said.
"And she has everything she needs? Did you give her the wand? She left it in the car on the day of the dress rehearsal-" It was an unpleasant memory already: the night before, Rachel had forgotten her fairy wand and had had to use a wooden stick in lieu of the real prop. She'd been convinced that she'd ruined the rehearsal for everyone, and it had done nothing for her nerves.
Richard placed a reassuring hand on Cuddy's shoulder. "She has her wand," he said with a slight chuckle. "She's got everything she needs, Lisa. She's going to be great." Cuddy sighed and covered his hand with her own.
"I know...look at me, I'm just as nervous as she is."
"Maybe, but you don't have any lines to memorize."
"I probably know the play just as well as she does, I've helped her practice so many times," she said with a laugh.
"Then Rachel's going to be great. I'm sure." He paused a moment, and Cuddy knew what was going through his head: he was wondering about House, but he seemed reluctant to bring it up.
"I talked to House," she finally said, deciding to breach the subject herself. His eyebrows arched.
"And?"
"And he said he couldn't come."
"Couldn't or wouldn't?"
"I'm betting on the latter...Still, it's probably for the best. Rachel might be disappointed, but I'd rather not have to deal with all that drama. Not tonight."
"Yeah..." Just as Richard seemed to be about to say something more – something reassuring and sweet, no doubt – Rachel's music teacher approached them from down the aisle, her pace brisk, a slightly anxious expression on her face as she addressed Cuddy.
"Dr. Cuddy?" she asked. "Rachel's mom?"
"That's me," said Cuddy, rising from her seat, her pulse quickening. The woman forced a smile; she was undoubtedly tired from keeping so many young children in line for this production. She reached out a hand. "Mrs. Bogart, right?"
"That's right. Dr. Cuddy, there's a little problem with...well, with Rachel."
"What's the matter?" Cuddy asked, shooting a look back at Richard. He raised his eyebrows as if to say that whatever the problem was, it was not his fault. "Does she have everything she needs? Is she missing something?"
"No, it's nothing like that. She's very ready to go on. It's just...well, she seems to be lacking some measure of confidence."
"What do you mean?"
"She just won't do it. I don't know what's gotten into her. She's saying she won't go on. Nothing I say can make a difference. I was wondering...maybe you should come talk to her?"
"Of course..." She turned back to Richard again.
"Is she okay?" he asked.
"I think so...Just let me go talk to her. Can you wait for me here?"
"Sure. Unless you want me to come with?" Cuddy shook her head. As great as Richard was with Rachel, she hadn't warmed to him yet as much as she had with House. It would only take time, she knew, but for now he wasn't the person Rachel needed to talk to.
"I think I should just go on my own for now...I'll be back in a few minutes, alright?" Richard nodded in understanding, taking off his jacket and putting on the back of Cuddy's seat to save it for her. Cuddy followed Mrs. Bogart down the aisle and through the door that lead behind the stage.
It was another bustling hub of activity altogether, and instead of the hushed murmurings of parents trying to find seats and point out names on programs and figure out the focus on new video cameras, the noises that filled the space were of children excitedly getting dressed in costumes and rehearsing bits of songs. Cuddy spotted Rachel almost immediately, sitting on a bench close by the door. Mrs. Bogart leaned down next to her.
"Rachel?" she addressed quietly. "I found your mommy. Do you want to talk to her?" Sheepishly, Rachel shook her head.
"Oh, Rachel..." Cuddy crooned as she, too, knelt down next to her daughter. She was dressed and ready in her sparkly costume dress, wand clutched limply in her small hand. "What's the matter, Bug?"
"I'm gonna mess up," she mumbled.
"Oh honey...after all your practice? What makes you think you're going to mess up?"
"There's so many people...I'm too nervous!"
"It just seems like a lot of people when you're up there. You just concentrate on that big dragon, okay? You won't even notice them."
"But what if I forget the words and they laugh at me?"
"Nobody's going to laugh at you. I promise."
"The other kids said I'm not pretty enough to be a fairy."
"What?"
"They said fairies are beautiful and I'm not and when I go out everybody's gonna laugh at me cause I'm not pretty like a fairy is." Cuddy felt her heart break a little at that, and she shot a look back at Mrs. Bogart, who was hovering a few feet away. The music teacher cast her a pitying glance.
"You listen to me, Rachel," Cuddy said, taking her daughter's face in her hands and making her look her in the eye. "I don't care what those kids say. Who's smarter? Them or me?"
"You..." Rachel said shyly a few moments later.
"Exactly. I know more than anyone in the whole wide world, because I'm your mother. And I say that you are every bit as beautiful as a fairy should be."
"But you have to say that."
"Why?"
"Cause you're my mommy. Mommies have to say their kids are beautiful."
"I don't have to do anything. I'm a grown-up." A ghost of a smile made its way onto Rachel's face at that, and Cuddy felt a glimmer of hope rise up in her chest. Both it and the smile, however, faded quickly when Rachel spoke again.
"Is House here?" the little girl asked, her voice full of innocent hopefulness. Cuddy sighed.
"He couldn't, Rachel..."
"But you said-"
"I said I'd talk to him, and I did. He couldn't be here. I'm sorry..." Rachel began to tear up, and Cuddy's heart skipped. She hadn't known it meant that much to Rachel, and the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to break down now.
"Bug, what's wrong?"
"C-carrie Terrance s-said that..." She took in a hitched breath. "S-said that House wouldn't want to c-come bec-cause he knew I wouldn't d-do a g-good job..."
"Now that's just stupid."
Both Cuddy and Rachel's gazes snapped upward at the gruff voice, and Cuddy's eyes widened. There he was, the man himself, leaning on his cane in the doorway, one eyebrow quirked in Rachel's direction.
"Whoever this Carrie Terrance kid is," he said, taking a step forward. "She's probably an idiot. What is she, four? I bet she still wets the bed."
"House!" Rachel's exuberant cry echoed through the room, and she jumped off the bench, rushing forward to throw her arms around House's legs. He balked a bit at the sudden show of affection, but as she pressed her face to his knee, he let slip a small smile, placing a cautious hand on the back of her head. "You came..."
"There was a gap in my schedule," he said, looking up at Cuddy as he did so. Cuddy straightened up, her gaze disbelieving still. "And one thing you have to learn, Rachel, is that the majority of people you meet in life are going to be idiots. So you should only listen to the opinions that matter. Like mine. And your mom's. Though...you'll probably throw that piece of advice out the window when you hit fourteen..."
Rachel giggled, gazing up at House endearingly, eyes sparkling with affection for him.
Cuddy hadn't realized how much she'd missed this.
"I came all this way," House said after a moment of somewhat uncomfortable silence, "You gonna give me a show or what?"
"Yeah!" Rachel replied excitedly.
"Fantastic," he mumbled, still not making eye contact with Cuddy. "I'll go find a seat." Cuddy tried to step forward and say something, but no words came, and House had already slipped through the door. She sighed and turned toward Rachel again. The children were gathering by the stage, getting ready to go on for the first scene.
"You're going to do great," she reassured her daughter, and she gave her a kiss on the forehead. "You ready?" Rachel nodded, smiling at last.
Cuddy assumed that House left after that; she didn't see him in the audience, but then again, the lights had dimmed just as she'd gotten to her seat next to Richard again, and it hadn't given her much time to look around for him. She didn't let her thoughts linger on House, though; instead, she chose to focus on the show before them.
The stage art had all been painted by the children, and it was difficult for Cuddy to tell if that looming blob in the background was a castle or a cottage, but the costumes were bright and colorful, and though the songs were mostly delivered off-key, it was with such energy that it was impossible not to smile. And when Rachel sashayed onto the stage for the first time, nervous, but smiling and waving her wand like a real trooper, Cuddy's heart swelled with pride.
In the end, the fairies managed to defeat the evil dragon and save the town and its occupants without a hitch, and just an hour after Cuddy had sat down, the house lights were turned on once more and parents started milling about, some heading backstage to find their kids and others going out to the lobby to wait for them. Cuddy and Richard chose the latter option, standing just inside the glass doors out to the parking lot.
"I'll go get the car," said Richard, leaning in to kiss Cuddy on the cheek. "Knowing Rachel, she'll probably want to keep that costume on all the way home and I don't want her getting cold."
"Thanks, Richard," Cuddy replied with a grin. As he left to get the car, she folded her jacket in her arms and leaned against the metal door frame, eyes scanning the hallways for any sign of her daughter. She was just about to go back into the auditorium to meet her there when she heard someone approach from behind, the familiar arrhythmic scuffle of sneakers and cane on the tile floor making her stomach flip.
"She wasn't bad," he said as she turned to face him.
"I thought you'd left." He shrugged.
"I said I'd stay, didn't I?"
"Well forgive me for not exactly expecting you to keep all your promises."
"Cuddy..." he chastised playfully. "I'm offended. I've always been a fan of the theater. The dramatic subtext between the dragon and the forest gnome was chilling. I'd give the whole production about three out of four stars. Maybe three and a half-"
"Thank you," she suddenly interrupted. "For talking to Rachel...It really meant a lot to her for you to...Well, anyway, thanks."
"The sooner she learns not to take any bullshit from anyone else the better, and who better to teach her that than me?" She thought she heard just the slightest tinge of sadness in his voice, but she convinced herself that she'd imagined it.
"Yeah...who better?" Despite herself, she let out a quiet laugh. The crowd was beginning to thin out, parents and children pushing past them on their way out the doors.
"She's missed you..." she admitted. "I've..." She stopped herself. The words were tumbling unbidden from her mouth, not what she needed to be saying right now, or at all. "I've been trying to...to get her to warm up to Richard. He's good with her, he really is, but she...she just needs more time is all..."
"I am a hard act to follow," he said with one eyebrow quirked.
She couldn't possibly begin to express how true that was.
Suddenly she was remembering him, and not the bad times that had been so prominent in her mind. No, she wasn't thinking about the fights or the shouting matches or the sleepless nights. She was thinking about the kisses, about his arms around her, about the evenings when he would do magic tricks for Rachel, about the times he made her laugh, and about the...other sleepless nights. It was like she'd forgotten about them, as if they'd faded like the memory of a dream, always just out of reach. And now they were all she could think about.
Now her hand was brushing against his.
Now she was leaning closer.
Now she could feel his breath on her lips.
Now her heart pounded in her chest, etching one terrifying word into her sternum with every beat: love love love love love...
"Mommy!"
She jerked back, away from him, forcing herself to smile when she saw Rachel letting go of Mrs. Bogart's hand and bounding toward Cuddy, still in her frilly pink tutu. Cuddy bent her knees and took her daughter in her arms and hoisted her up.
"Hey, Bug!" she greeted cheerfully. "What did I tell you? You were amazing!"
"Really?" Rachel giggled.
"Really, really."
"Where did House go?" Rachel's question got Cuddy's attention, and she turned, but House was already gone. She pursed her lips.
"He had to go home..." she forced out. "But he made me promise to tell you that he thought you were the best fairy in the whole play."
