CHAPTER 3
In the pilot, Jill was upset when Mike showed up after graduating from the Police Academy. In this chapter, she will be reminiscing about the amount of sucking up that Mike had to do following Officer Shaw's retirement party. Rated M for subject matter.
I'm a fan of Edgar Allan Poe and my favorite story is 'The Cask of Amontillado,' an excerpt of which will be read by Jill to Mike in this chapter. Please indulge me.
Terry was standing outside of ICU when Jill emerged. "How is he?" He asked as he noticed that she was not in a wheelchair. "Didn't somebody wheel you up?"
"I'm not an invalid," she snapped as she walked to the elevator as Terry fell into step beside her. "His hand moved last night, but nobody believes me. He also squeezed my hand, but nobody believes that, either. I'm supposed to be talking to his doctor in about an hour."
"So, I brought his volume of Poe. I left it in your room."
"Thanks," she said as they got off of the elevator on her floor. "Are you still angry at us?"
"Angry? About what?"
"The whole Cleve thing. Mike told me that you were upset. I heard the two of you arguing that night," she said as they walked into her room.
"I wish that Mike had told me and Willie why he was concerned, but I got over my anger a long time ago."
"If I'd known . . . if I'd known about him, I wouldn't have gone with him, Terry."
"I know that. Why can't you talk to me about him?"
"Because it's between me and Mike. Because I know from things that Mike has said in the past that you guys talk when you're together. Because I don't entirely trust Chris just yet."
"Jill, I'd never repeat to Chris or anyone else anything that you said to me in confidence. You should know that by now."
"I can't tell you about him, Terry. You have to just let it go."
"Someday?"
"No," she shook her head.
"Are you upset because Mike left you alone with him?"
"No. I'm the one who insisted that Mike go. He didn't want to go. He wanted you or Willie to go." He smiled as she watched him warily. "What's so funny?"
"I was just wondering how different all of our lives would've been if you hadn't agreed to go to Officer Shaw's retirement party."
"Did Mike ever tell you how shocked I was when he showed up at the bowling alley that afternoon?"
"He mentioned something along the lines that if looks could've killed . . . "
"When he left me in Alabama, he was a soldier. When he re-entered my life in California, he was a cop."
"Big change."
"Huge," she agreed.
Three and a half years earlier
Jill drove home from the bowling alley, still in a daze following the encounter that she'd had with her husband just a few hours before. She hadn't seen Mike in over a year. Not one phone call, not one letter, nothing. But, one look into those blue-green eyes and she was gone. Just like always. She found herself wondering once again just how many girls he'd snared into his trap with those eyes.
And, like an idiot, she'd agreed to go to this stupid party with him. What was she thinking? It was like the fucking Army, all over again. She'd hated his army friends and their little army wives. Of course, the wives hadn't been crazy about her either. Mike had been 30 years old when they'd married and was already a major in the United States Army. By everything she'd learned, he was young for a major. His high rank at such a young age was due largely in part to a military school education along with rapid advancement due to being stationed in a combat zone.
The army wives were all a lot older than Jill, and they reminded her of it at every opportunity. She'd learned that the army consisted of a lot of sucking up and kissing ass. She also learned that the man she'd fallen in love with and the man she'd later married were two completely different people. She found herself wondering which Mike had walked into the bowling alley, because if it was the Mike that she'd married, he could go to hell.
She walked into her tiny apartment on the Venice boardwalk and put her purse on the counter. She glanced at her watch, knowing that her best friend, T.R. (Trap) Applegate would be calling her soon. He was the one who'd called her several days before, warning her that Mike had called him looking for her.
As if on cue, the phone rang. "Hi, Trap," she answered the phone.
"How'd you know it was me?" Her oldest friend chuckled.
"Because it's 5:30. I saw Mike today. Did you know that he's a cop now?"
"Did he tell you that I knew?" He threw back at her. "So, what did he say? Are you going to see him or did you tell him to drop dead?"
"He didn't say a whole hell of a lot. As for seeing him, he asked me to go to a party with him on Friday night," she stretched the phone cord out as she reached for the orange juice in her refrigerator.
"Are you going?" He asked, waiting for an answer. "Jill? Jill, please tell me that you told him no. Please tell me that you told him that you're seeing a divorce lawyer."
"Trap, how can I tell him something that isn't true? We both know I can't afford a damn lawyer."
"So, you're going to see him," he sounded extremely pissed off.
Jill sighed as she poured a glass of juice. She couldn't win no matter what she did. Trap and her sister Amanda had both been huge supporters of Mike, until he'd pulled this little disappearing act of his. Amanda loved asking her just what kind of a husband leaves his wife thousands of miles from home without a letter once in a while. Trap was fond of offering her money to hire a lawyer. She was tired of all of it. Defending her decisions was exhausting. "I don't expect you to understand, Trap. But yes, I'm going to the party."
"You know what's going to happen after the party, don't you? He's going to say, 'So Jill, why don't we go to my place so that we can talk.' Only, we both know that there isn't going to be any talking going on!"
"So fucking what?" Jill shouted into the phone. "You know what? I'm tired of justifying myself to you, and to Amanda, and to everybody else who thinks I've lost my mind! I love Mike, Trap, and I've missed him! I've missed him so much more than anybody knows. Does he owe me an explanation? Yes, he does. Am I going to buy into that explanation? I don't know yet. But, I'm willing to listen to it. I'm a big girl, Trap."
"I just don't want to see you hurt more badly than you've already been hurt, Jill."
"I'll talk to you later," she said as she ended the call.
"Mrs. Danko," Jill looked up as Mike's doctor, Dr. Hill, entered her room. "Let's talk about Mike."
"He squeezed my hand yesterday and he moved his hand last night when I was visiting him. I know that I didn't imagine that," Jill insisted as the doctor sat down.
"No one has said that you did. While I do believe some of what you witnessed is due to involuntary spasms, he does seem more responsive today. However, we've still been unable to wean him from the ventilator. This isn't an unexpected development since his chest injuries were quite severe."
"How severe? A friend of mine told me that his father asked for a priest."
"He had to be resuscitated in the ambulance en route to the hospital after the accident. His heart was shocked and he immediately responded. It's just going to take time."
"Do you think he's going to be all right?"
"He has a tremendous will. Right now I'm cautiously optimistic. But, you need to take care of yourself, too. He's going to need you to take care of him when he gets better."
Jill lay back against her pillows after the doctor left. She couldn't believe that Mike had actually died for a brief time. It made her wonder about the occupant or occupants of the other car. Were they okay? Had anybody died? What had been the cause of the accident? She'd heard accusations being hurled about as she was being taken to the ambulance, but nothing made any sense.
Three years earlier
It had been windy and cool all day that Friday. Jill decided to dress accordingly for the party. As she dressed, she found herself wondering just who this party was for. When Mike had come to the bowling alley earlier in the week with his invitation, he'd just said that it was a 'kind of party.' On the phone with him a couple of nights before, he'd indicated that his attendance was 'mandatory.'
"Mandatory? What in the hell does that mean?" She'd asked him.
"I'm not sure. All I know is the first day at muster, we were told about this party and then we were told about how 'disappointed' the guest of honor would be if we didn't attend. That was before we were socked with a 20 dollar surcharge. Per couple."
"Twenty bucks? For 20 bucks, they'd better be serving us filet mignon and Dom Perignon," Jill scoffed as Mike chuckled in response. "I'm serious, Mike! Do you have any idea how many groceries we could buy for 20 bucks?"
"Hey, I'm the guy who never has food in his place, remember?" When she didn't say anything, he took a deep breath. "Hey, Jill? Will you come home with me? After the party, I mean?"
"Mike, please don't ask me that right now. I'll see you Friday night."
She glanced at her watch as she heard a rap on her front door. Damn Michael and his punctuality! When he told her that he'd pick her up at seven o'clock, he was there on the dot. There was no such thing as being fashionably late to her husband.
He gave her a huge smile when she opened the door. "Are you ready?" He asked as she nodded and grabbed her coat before closing and locking the door behind her.
"So, where's this party at?" She asked as he opened her car door for her, making sure that she was settled before closing the door and walking around to the driver's side.
"The Police Academy," he said as he started the car. "Actually the rec hall at the academy. We don't have to stay late. I just really want you to meet my friends."
"I could've just as easily met your friends seven months ago, Michael," she pointed out.
"Do we have to fight about this now?"
"No, but we're going to have to fight about it eventually. I have a question."
"Which is?"
"Did your parents know where you were?"
"My father is friends with the man who started the program. He's the one who suggested that I apply. Why do you ask?"
"It figures," she said under her breath before turning to look at him. "It doesn't matter now. Let's just try to have a nice time."
Jill was once again sitting at Mike's bedside, much as she had been almost every hour all day. The day before she'd just been too sore and still too weak to make the trek as often as she would've liked. In her hands, she clutched the volume of Edgar Allan Poe that Terry had brought to her that morning. She smiled as she thought of Mike reciting 'The Raven,' or 'Annabelle Lee,' or the two of them sitting up watching 'The Pit and the Pendulum' on late night TV. He loved Poe. But, instead of reading one of his favorites, she decided to read something different. She settled on 'The Cask of Amontillado.'
Feeling slightly foolish, but deciding that she had nothing to lose, she began to read. "The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge. Mike, are you even listening to me?"
If he could've spoken, Mike would've begged her to continue reading. He didn't care what she read. She could read from the phone book, for all he cared. He just wanted to hear her voice. Poe was a good choice. His favorite poet/author as a child, his dark words reflected on the dark place that Mike felt he was in right now.
He wanted to wake up and tell her about the terror that he felt every time they came in to turn down the ventilator settings. Every time they messed with it, he immediately got the feeling that he had a pillow over his face. He could hear alarms going off before the suffocating feeling went away. After that, everything always got dark. He wondered if the time was going to come when they'd turn the settings down and he wouldn't be able to come back. He wanted to see Jill's beautiful face one more time. He wanted to hear the way that her soft Southern drawl moved over his name. He wanted to feel her skin under his fingers as he made love to her. He wanted to hear her sweet sighs as she responded to his touch.
"I wish you could tell me about the other car," she continued as she softly stroked the back of his hand. "I'd ask Terry, or Lt. Ryker, but they're both so busy working the case. I don't remember anything before the accident, Mike. I mean, I remember that we were coming back down the mountain, but I don't remember anything else. I remember telling you that I love you, and I'm glad that I was able to tell you that. When I tell you that I love you, I can't help but remember Birgitta. The first time I ever met her she was so shy about her English skills, but she was so insightful. Then, I remember how she looked at Jared's funeral when she was trying so hard to be brave."
Mike also remembered the girl with the long dark hair and the huge doe eyes, who reminded him so much of Jill. He knew that she was the reason that Jill never let him leave the apartment without first telling him that she loved him. Birgitta was part of the reason that Jill had agreed to give their marriage another try after his massive fuck-up.
When Jill left the ICU, she smiled to see Terry and Chris approaching her. "How's he doing?" Terry asked.
"The doctor says he's about the same, but I don't know. I think he has more color. Thanks for bringing the book," she smiled at Terry.
"You're welcome."
"How's the case coming along?"
"Okay," Chris looked at Terry, who merely shrugged in affirmation.
"How many people were in the other car?" She asked as they walked her to the elevator.
"When are you getting out of here?" Chris asked, ignoring her question.
"In a couple of days, I think," she stopped before hitting the 'down' button on the elevator. "Did somebody in the other car die?"
"Jill, you just need to concentrate on you and Mike," Terry hit the button on the elevator.
"If the accident wasn't Mike's fault like everybody is telling me, then why won't you tell me anything? I can always go to the nurses' station and ask for today's newspaper."
Terry sighed as the elevator doors opened and the three of them stepped inside. "There were four people in the car. They were all college students at UCLA. The girl in the front passenger seat died instantly. One of the young men in the backseat died early this morning. The driver and the other passenger weren't that seriously injured."
"Was alcohol involved?" She asked as they walked her to her room.
"The driver was drunk," Chris confirmed. "She also had cocaine and marijuana in her blood."
"How old is she?"
"Nineteen," Terry said as Jill closed her eyes.
"What's going to happen to her?"
"Right now, she's in county lock-up. She's been charged with vehicular manslaughter and a bunch of other stuff."
"When were you planning on telling me?"
"Jill, we just wanted you to get better and focus on Mike. We weren't hiding anything from you."
"The doctor told me this morning that Mike's heart stopped right after the accident. Did you two know that?" She looked at them.
"No," Terry shook his head. "But, I knew it was bad when his father called a priest. You still don't remember anything?"
"No," she shook her head. "The last thing I remember before the accident is telling Mike . . . telling him that I love him."
She covered her face with her hands as she burst into tears. Chris looked helplessly at his partner, who reached over and pulled her into his arms. "He's going to be okay," Terry whispered as he held her. "Before you know it, we'll all be sitting in our usual booth at The Open House laughing about stupid stuff, just like always."
"I don't even remember if he had the chance to answer me back," she pulled away from Terry and wiped at her eyes. "He always answers me back, Terry."
"Even if he didn't, his love for you is something that is there. I see it every time he looks at you or every time he says your name when we're riding together. I saw it the very first time I ever saw the two of you together," he smiled as Jill smiled back in remembrance.
Three years earlier
Arriving at the party, Jill soon learned that Mike had a lot of friends. More than he'd ever had when he was at Ft. McClellan. She was having a hard time keeping their names straight. There was Kevin, Willie, and Terry. Mike explained that the fourth member of their little group, Jared, had to work that night. She then met Kevin's wife, Molly, and Jared's wife, Birgitta, along with Terry's girlfriend, Donna.
"Very nice," Terry complimented Mike, who couldn't keep his eyes off of his wife, as she chatted with the girls a few feet away. "Earth to Mike," Terry said as Mike finally looked his way. "She's very pretty."
"Oh, thank you," Mike smiled proudly.
"Can I ask why you waited this long to bring her out of hiding?"
"It's complicated," Mike answered vaguely as he nursed his drink.
Across the room, Jill kept looking over to find Mike's eyes meeting hers. She recognized the look in them all too well, which caused her to blush and look down toward the drink in her hand. "I noticed the ring on Mike's hand right after we met," Molly was saying, "but when I asked Kevin if he was married, Kevin said that he wasn't."
"Was that Kevin's opinion or did Mike tell him that?" Jill asked.
"I'm not sure."
When the party wrapped up, the men went to get the cars, leaving the women standing out in the chill air to chat and wait for them. Donna and Molly left after a few moments, leaving Jill alone with Birgitta, a beautiful young woman in her early 20's who had commented about how lucky they all were.
"Our husbands are police officers," Birgitta explained in her heavy Swedish accent. "When they walk out our front door every morning, there's always that chance that they won't be back in the evening. I always tell Jared how much I love him. If something happens, at least I will never regret not telling him that I love him."
Jill was about to say something further when Mike pulled up. She got into the car as he glanced at her expectantly. "Where to?" He asked.
"Did you deny being married?"
"Nobody ever asked if I was married," he said as he put the car in gear. "And, if anybody had, I wouldn't have denied it. I love you, baby. I've never been ashamed of you. All of this is just . . . circumstance."
"Do you have food in your apartment?" She asked.
"Our apartment," he corrected her. "Have you ever known me to have food at my place?"
"Only once," she remembered the first time she'd ever slept with him. He'd actually bought items to cook her breakfast the next morning. "Well, do you at least have coffee, water, anything to drink?"
"I might have a bottle of brandy," he glanced over at her as he drove. God, she was so damn beautiful! It took his breath away sometimes to look at her.
"Brandy sounds nice," she leaned back in the seat. "Show me our apartment."
Our apartment. To Jill, there had never been two sweeter sounding words in the world. "He never told anybody that he was married?" Chris looked at Jill and Terry in disbelief.
"Well, he told me, but not until right before we graduated. Willie found out after we'd graduated. We were all a bunch of dumb-ass men. It never occurred to any of us to notice a wedding ring."
"So, you forgave him just like that?" Chris looked at Jill as he snapped his fingers.
"Not quite," Terry and Jill both answered at the same time.
Three years earlier
"Thank you," Jill said as he handed her a glass of brandy.
"So, why did you leave Alabama?" He asked as he sat in his favorite chair, watching her as she sat on the couch.
"The base got too small, Mike," she studied the liquid in her glass before taking a sip, gasping as it burned its way down her throat. "I figured that you'd find me out here. However, I was expecting you a few months ago," she stared at him accusingly.
"I'm sorry, babe. I just wanted to get established and get us a place to live . . . "
"Why the police department, Mike?"
"Babe, I knew how much you hated the army. This is solid. I'll be home every night and I won't ever have to go away and leave you."
"I missed you, Mike," she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "But, I feel like you've blindsided me. You didn't give me a chance to make this decision with you."
"I'm so sorry," he got up and walked over to the couch, sitting down beside her.
Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his nearness. She knew that if he touched her, she'd once again find herself succumbing. It had been that way from the very first time he'd ever kissed her. But, she also knew how badly she wanted him. How badly she needed him. From the very first day she'd ever gone anywhere with him, he was her oxygen. The past 19 months without him had been horrible.
Mike tentatively reached for her hand as he moved closer to her. The moment their lips met, it was as if sparks had been reignited in a dying bonfire. She welcomed his tongue as it sought to seek out her own. She bit back a whimper when he left her mouth and moved her hair aside to kiss her neck, in the one particular spot that never failed to make her weak in the knees.
"Please stay," she heard him whisper against her neck. "I've missed you so much."
One part of her wanted to ask him why he'd waited more than six months to reunite with her if he missed her so much, but the other part of her wanted him desperately.
Mike pulled away so that he could look into her deep brown eyes. He wanted to take things slow, to savor being with her once more. But he wasn't sure he was going to be able to. At the moment he was already so hard that he ached. "You do know that we're going to have to talk eventually," she reminded him.
"I'll buy you breakfast in the morning and we'll talk as much as you want to," he pulled her close as his mouth once again reclaimed hers.
When they once again broke apart, Mike stood up and held his hand out to Jill. When she took it, he slowly pulled her to her feet and led her back to the bedroom. Her breath sped up as he slowly unbuttoned the blouse that she was wearing. After removing the blouse and letting it drop to the floor, he reached behind her and unhooked her bra. Jill let the straps fall down her arms before dropping it to the floor beside her discarded blouse. She groaned loudly when Mike covered her breasts with his hands, slowly kneading the sensitive flesh as she threw her head back.
"Mike," she sighed. "Mike, I really need to sit or I'm going to fall over."
He continued caressing her breasts as he helped her to sit on the edge of the bed. "Better?" He smiled at her as she nodded. "You feel so fucking good. And," he dropped to his knees in front of her and pressed his face into her skin so that he could inhale her warmth, "you smell even better."
"Yes," she hissed as he enclosed one of her nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue over it as it grew harder. Seconds later he repeated the whole process with her other nipple. He smiled as he felt her wrap her fingers into his hair as she pulled him even closer.
He pushed her back so that she was laying flat on her back staring up at the ceiling as he got up off of the floor and got on the bed beside her, propping himself up on one elbow so that he could look down at her. She turned onto her side as she moved closer to him, her lips moving over his in a slow kiss as she reached down and touched him through his slacks. "Oh, baby," he groaned as she ran the back of her hand slowly up and down his fly.
"I think we'd both be more comfortable if you got out of your clothes," she pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his slacks.
Instead of assisting her, Mike rolled onto his back and pillowed his head on his arms as he watched his wife. He loved watching her as she undressed him. She was always so focused on the task at hand. She'd been so shy for so long about their intimate relationship that it was wonderful to see that she could now admit that she wanted him. "Aren't you going to help?" She asked as he grinned at her playfully.
"Uh-uh," he reached up and once again cupped her breasts, rolling her nipples between his thumb and forefinger as she groaned in pleasure. "Just do me a favor and be careful unzipping me."
"Oh, I plan to," she removed his hands from her breasts before moving to the end of the bed to carefully unbutton and unzip the fly of his dress slacks. The moment his slacks came undone, his erection sprang free. "There. Isn't that more comfortable?"
"Less confining, yes. More comfortable? Hell, no! I'm in agony here," he complained.
"Oh, you poor baby," she teased as she wrapped her hand around his arousal and gently squeezed, smiling wickedly as he groaned and arched his back off of the bed.
"Is this payback? Because I swear I'll never leave you again!" The hand that had been on him just as quickly went away. "Jill? Baby?" He looked up to find her staring at him with her dark eyes full of sorrow. "Baby, I'm so sorry."
"I don't want to fight," she whispered as he cupped her face in his hands and gently kissed her. "I also don't want to tease. I've missed you so much, Michael. I know that you've missed me. I need for you to show me how much you've missed me."
"Okay," he stood up and shed the rest of his clothes before removing her shoes. He then slipped his fingers into the waistband of her slacks and pulled them down her legs, leaving her clad in her stockings and panties, which he quickly removed, as well. He swept his eyes admiringly over her naked body, very much liking what he was seeing. He climbed back up on the bed beside her as he drew her into his arms, letting his hand travel down her body as he kissed her, his tongue gently caressing hers.
Jill had missed this part of her life with Mike so much in the past 19 months. His touch and his kiss seemed to reawaken some part of her that felt as if it'd been dead while he was gone.
He draped her leg over his hip as he reached between her legs to touch her. She cried out against his mouth as he pressed his fingers against her, reveling in her warmth and her incredible wetness. "Baby, you feel so damn good," he continued touching her as she writhed against him.
"I need you, Michael. Now!" She rolled onto her back pulling him with her.
He spread her legs with his own before slowly sinking into her, absorbing her ecstatic cry with his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his back, loving the flex of his muscles under her hands. She moved her hips against him as he slowly thrust into her depths. She hooked her legs over his calves, as she tried to urge him to go faster. She was so close, but the slow pace just wasn't cutting it. "Mike, faster," she panted. "Please. I'm so close."
Mike had wanted to take things slow to avoid exploding in ecstasy the moment he entered her. But, he abided by her wishes and increased the tempo of his thrusts as her fervent cries increased in volume and intensity. He felt her muscles tighten around him as she repeatedly screamed out his name. It was only seconds later when he reached his peak, as well, pumping into her one last time as he climaxed.
"I've been thinking about this moment for over a year," she sighed happily as Mike slowly rolled off of her.
"So, did it measure up to your imagination?" He asked as he tried to slow his breathing down.
"No," she looked at him as he frowned. "It was better."
Judging by the secretive smile on her face, Terry could pretty much guess what Jill was thinking about. His bedroom wall, which he shared with Mike and Jill's apartment, had taken a beating over the years thanks to his friends' passion for each other. "What time is it?" She asked as she looked at her two friends.
"Almost one o'clock," Chris said as he looked at his watch.
"I'm going back up to sit with Mike," she said as she got up and left the room.
"Wow," Chris rubbed his face as they watched her leave the room. "She's going to wear herself out."
"Not if we have anything to say about it. I have to make amends," Terry looked at his friend.
"Amends for what?"
"The last time Mike asked me to look after Jill; she almost got herself killed because Willie and I weren't paying attention. I have to do a better job this time."
"We'll take care of her together," Chris said as Terry nodded.
