Hey everyone. Please let me know, if you like my story. I got a lot in my head and will keep on writing. But with a little feedback, it'll go much easier :-)

Not owning anything, but the storyidea.

Thanks for the beta!

Yana

Out of reach

Chapter 2

The wind became icy and the first storm has hit Paceys boat badly. He was more than lucky, he'd made it safe to land after all. It was, as if winter had stroked within the blink of an eye. After a couple of days on shore, he wondered, what to do of his situation. Heading home, was one of many possibilities, and the least attractive. Alone, he sat in the subsection of his nameless boat, sipping on a glass of red wine. He thought about Joey, of Dawson and Jack. Of this huge amount of guilt. Hadn't he invited the two of them to that camping-trip, none of it would have happened. Dawson had a huge carrier started and a sweet irish girl he was dating. Jack had finally lured Doug out of the closet and the two seemed so happy when they were together. And Joey... He missed her badly, but he wouldn't do her any good. It was the best, that he'd left. He would only have destroyed her. And it was more than likely, he'd never return to her.

He let out a deep breath and bite in his French toast, his eyes swept over the newspaper in his hand, as something catched his eye. 'That's it!', a smile crept over his face. Determined he stood and put on his warm boots and warm coat.

Two days later, Pacey approached the small house on the port slowly. Taking a deep breath he tinked on the doorbell and a tall, muscular man opened. 'Come in', he said with a voice, that reminded Pacey of a grizzly bear. He was invited to take a seat. 'So, you are Pacey Witter. I see you have excellent references.' Pacey blushed slightly. 'You can say so, captain.' The man nodded in satisfaction. 'So, when could we get a sample of you competence?' Pacey smiled. 'Anytime, sir.'

'Well than', the other nodded. 'Let's say tomorrow. You'll cook a three course menu. You choose the drinks.' He looked at Pacey, who smiled self confident. 'If you're as good as your reputation, you're my man and can start by next Monday.' Pacey smiled even wider and bowed politely. 'My pleasure.'

Doug, Jen and Joey sat in the warm living-room of Joey's house. A fire ongoing in the chimney. The three shared likely every evening together and most every time Doug and Jen slept over. Joey didn't mind at all. At least the house didn't feel so huge with her two friends and she was less lonely.

Doug sat on the sofa and Jen had her head in his lap. He stroked her blond hair almost automatically and Jens eyes were shut in relish. Joey looked at the two of them and can't resist smiling. Full well knowing what Pacey had to say about this. Making his fun of the two friends. He'd liked to make fun of Jen and Jack, but with Doug, it was different. He was tough and inaccessibly, but ever since Jack died and Pacey was gone, he turned into this very emotionally, nice, open-up guy, that seemed a little as a Pacey-Jack-mixup, but less funny than his brother. He'd tried to track Pacey down, but lost his track down at Florida. Mr. Witter senior had had another heart attack and was now in constant hospital care, his sister cared for their mother and Doug stayed out of it, as best he could.

Joey wrapped herself tighter in a blanket, her legs tugged to her body as she held her cup of tea in both hands. Still smiling to her friends.

'Well, well, you two', she grinned. But was ignored, just Jen gave a small sigh and Doug looking at Joey puzzled.

Jen yawned and looked up to Doug. A moment too long, for Joey's estimation. Than she rubbed her eyes and stretched. 'I'll go upstairs, if you two don't mind. I'm dead tiered.', and stood. She came over and placed a light kiss on Joey's forehead. 'Night, sweety.', than waved in Doug's direction and throw him a hand-kiss, as she once did with Jack. 'Night Dougie-Pie.' Joey burst into laughter. For the first time in what felt like forever. Jen joined her and Doug couldn't help but grin widely. As Joey could breathe again, she giggled and looked at Jen. 'Oh, I must remember to remember that one. Pacey will love it.'

'Yeah, you bet he will!' Jen laughed and placed just another kiss on Joey's cheek. 'I'll be gone. Bye.'

Jen goes tiered regularly early, since the incident a few years ago, when she most literally cheated death, she was on medication, causing exhaustion and forcing her to lay down her job. In that process she miscarried Henry's child and he broke up with her, shortly after. Ever since than, she "jobbed" in Joey's gallery, mostly accompany her, but did the paperwork and scheduling. Coming with her to most exhibitions. They'd grew really close to one another. Jen had a room here for as long as Joey lived in this beautiful house. Even after Pacey had eventually moved in, she'd kept it, Joey had insisted. A small smile flushed over her face. She was grateful, that Jen was the constant in her life, even after all seemed to fall down around her, Jen stayed the same true friend over the years.

Joey settled in her armchair once more, rearranging her blanket. Suddenly aware of Doug's eyes, that were fixed on her. She looked at him and tilted her head slightly to the right.

'So, Joey. What have you meant by that?' Now Joey looked puzzled, it took her a moment to recollect the last bit of their conversation. But than, she smiled a half-smile. 'That Pacey would just love to "Dougie-Pie" you.', she said and pinpointed at him. 'I'd say, that much is obvious', she giggled once more, by the thought of Pacey and silently cursed herself for the third glass of wine she drank earlier.

But Doug looked at her, with a serious look in his eyes. 'What you've said before...', he started, suddenly seemed uncertain of what he was about to say. Joey narrowed her eyebrows, but looked at him. 'As Jen rested her head... You know.', he winced.

Joey chuckled. 'She pretty much did this the whole evening...', She snuggled into her blanket and smiled comfortable. '...for the last couple of days at least...'

Doug blushed slightly and looked away. Wishing Pacey was here to dissipate this situation with one

of his jokes. Or even better, he wished for Jack. He wished for him so desperately, that it almost torn him apart. He could so well understand the urge his brother felt to escape it all. He wished he could have come along. He stared outside in the pitch black darkness.

'Doug?', Joey asked at length, noticed the tears in his eyes.

The tall man stood and began to walk through the room. Slowly he came to a halt and looked in her direction, not seeing her at all - it was the same look Pacey had worn so often these last weeks before he'd chosen to leave it all behind.

'I just... I', he started and bit his lower lip, like Joey used to do. 'I just miss him so much. I-I mean, in fact, I miss them both, but...', he looked at the ceiling and tried to blink away his tears, than looked back at her. 'My god Joey, he's dead.', his voice a mere whisper and heavy with pain. Suddenly Joey hits the conclusion, that Doug actually never had the chance to grieve for his lover in a proper way. He hadn't even been invited to the burial. 'And I... I-I', he stroke his hands through his hair, like Pacey would have done. 'I just don't think, I can ever love any man like I loved him.' His tears sprung over and once again Joey wished for Pacey. He'd know how to handle his so deeply hurting brother better than her. She stood helplessly and stepped closer to Doug and wrapped him in an long, warm embrace. He let his head fall on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. Let her comfort him and it felt, as if she would carry this burden of grief with him. She let him weep, stroking his back, feeling deeply with him.

There they stood for a long time in silence, until he wasn't crying anymore. He let loose of her and Joey smiled a small smile, tilted her head to one side. 'Better now, isn't it?' she asked, as she offered him a glass of water. He just stood there, drinking the water, looked through the glass of the terrace-door into the night. Slowly he nodded. 'Yeah, much better.', he stated, and than breathed deeply 'Joey, look, I'm sorry.' She looked at him, raising one eyebrow not expecting any apology. 'And for what exactly? Grieving?'

'Essentially, yes... You know, I'm the sheriff and this tough, proud, untouchable man, and...'

'… and happen to be one of my closest friends lately. And let's not forget, brother to my fia-... Pacey.' She broke off, the hurt clearly written all over her face. But Doug looked at her seriously. 'He loves you, Joey. Even more, than I loved Jack. He would do anything for you. He would have waited for you his whole life, hoping that someday you would look at him, and realize, that he was always there. Ever after he broke up with Andie, all he did was waiting for you to see him. He adores you, Jo. Whenever he speaks about you, his face lightens up, his eyes shines. You got under his skins way before you even noticed him. You tear his walls down. You made him the man he is. Head of a restaurant, self confident and so happy. You made him see, what he was capable of, when no one else saw, not even he himself. All he ever wanted is you and as you finally chosen him over Dawson, he couldn't believe for a long time, that you would actually stay with him.' He smiled as he remembered his little brother, asking him, if he stand a chance, Joey would expect his proposal. And the glow that surrounded him, as she finally wore his ring. 'He loved you always, Jo.', his voice softens. 'even at times, you wouldn't have any of it.' She looked at him, with this great, wind-clouded eyes, tears stood on the edge of falling, but she wouldn't let them.

'Oh yeah?', she asked with a shaky voice and the bitterness was clearly to be heard. 'And where is he now, Doug? If I'm so special to him, as you think. Where is he and why didn't he even bother to say goodbye?' She knew she was slightly unfair, but it hurts so deep. And she knew, had he bid her goodbye, she'd probably begged him to stay or let her go along with him. And maybe, he just couldn't bear her presence after all.

'I honestly don't know, Jo. But I know that he loves you. He loves you like crazy. Like I love...', his eyes wandering through the room, up the stairs to hang on the door through which Jen had disappeared hours ago.

Joey shook her head. 'You're in love with Jen?', she gave him an unbelieving look, and raised one eyebrow. 'No way. I thought you were...'

'I loved women long before I loved Jack.', he looked Joey straight in the eyes. 'I loved Jack. I loved him truly... madly and as deep as love can go, Joey. But I'm not able to love another man, do the things I've done with him... I wouldn't be able to share this kind of ...intimacy with any other than him.', he fell silent for some time. Than smiled shyly and crinkled his lips. 'I've fallen head over heels for Jen. This times we share together are so precious to me. And before you guess - no I'm not using her as compensate for Jack. Nobody could ever compensate for him. As nobody could compensate for Dawson ...or Pacey, if you will. But does that mean there can be no other. Not someone to fill the whole somebody left, but someone that makes you feel complete again, loved... alive?' Joey looked into his eyes. Beautiful, brown eyes, true and deep, eyes that so much reminded her of Pacey, that it almost hurts. She understood all of what he was saying and at length she nodded.

'Yes, Doug, I believe that we all have to move on eventually. And if your moving on is with Jen, I'd be more than happy for the both of you, truly. But', she took his hand and gave him a half smile. 'I think you should go and say your goodbye first.'

Doug frowned and a shiver ran through his body. Than he nodded slowly. 'Yeah, you're right.' he hesitated. 'Uhm, Jo?'

'hm?', she looked him in the eyes.

'Would you come with me?'

She smiled and nodded. 'Sure, Doug. I'd love to.' He draw her in a huge hug and for a moment she closed her eyes. He smelled almost as Pacey did, and for a moment there, she could believe that it was actually him instead of Doug.

As he loosen the embrace, she held onto him and a surprised look flushed over his face, but he closed his arms once again around her and held her tight. 'He called...' She whispered to his chest. All of a sudden in the need to share it with him.

'Pace?', Doug asked softly, the surprise clearly to be heard.

'Yeah.', her voice scarcely audible.

'What did he say?' Doug asked in a soft voice and stroked firmly over her hair.

'Actually...', she sighed. '...well, actually nothing, really. I can't even say for sure, that it was him. But I... sort of felt it?' It sounded more like a question. She buried her face on his chest, her voice a mere dull. 'I miss him so badly, Doug. I wanna know, where he is and why he left me all alone ... and if by chance he'd come home someday.'

Doug closed his eyes and held her tight. Saying nothing.

He let down his luggage. His eyes widened, as a looked around "the room" he'd been given. Actually it was more like an apartment. There was a little kitchen with a cooking area and a table with two chairs. A bathroom with shower and a tube, a living-room with a desk, sofa, sound and TV. And a small bedroom with a king-sized bed. There were portholes in every room. The furniture was wooden and the lights could be dimmed to a very homely state. He smiled and looked through one of these round windows at the sea out there. Actually not believing, that this really was happening.

Smiling he turned to unpack the few things he'd brought.

Than he took a quick shower, shaved blank and than headed to the kitchen, where he was expected as new head chef. His smile grew even brighter as he walked down the great inner halls of this cruiser. It was as if there was a whole town down there, dozens of shops, little restaurant, even a cinema, two bars, a fitness-studio, even a golf-trail. On the outside was a pool and a separate section with water-fun stuff and a great hawaiish bar and plenty of sun-loungers and tables. Surely he hadn't the time to check it out just now, not that he had the desire to do so, but the captain had given him a tour last Wednesday, as he signed the contract, that employed him for at least the next three month and than – if everything worked out – open-ended.

But his way led him to the cruisers main-kitchen. The local room thrice as big as The Witters, what had therefore been the Icehouse. With plenty of room to dance. It was elegantly furnished and the lights flooded smoothly through it. There was the captains table and all the noble guests and some sorted out shop-keepers would be sitting here by evening, for the great opening dinner, with dance and all.

Few women were busy to do the last arrangements, putting candles and tissues on the tables, polishing the last few glasses and checking the bar for completeness. He greeted them politely and was repaid with smiles and and warm greetings, as if he had been here forever.

He stepped in his kitchen and a deep feeling of pride swamped over him. As he was here last week to prove himself the right man for the job, it had all linked together and he was pretty sure, that he and his staff would be an unbeatable team. He rubbed his hands together. This was great.

'So, now - let's get to work everybody.'

On this exact day Doug and Joey sat in his car, droving down the road to Providence. It was an icy early morning and it took at least twenty minutes, until the car warmed up enough for Joey to stop shivering. They shared an awkward silence. Outside there were thick clouds and slowly it began to snow. And with the thick snowflakes, that soon covered all of the surroundings, came the guarantee, that Pacey would be away for winter. Joey sighed deeply and looked outside.

After a long while of driving, they get to a halt and Doug breathed deeply. 'That's it, than...', he looked to Joey who nodded reassuringly. 'First things first. Let's do it, sheriff.' She smiled and opened the car-door, not prepared for the stinging cold, that hit her literally in the face as she got out of the warmth of Doug's car.

She pulled her coat closer and winded her shawl several times around her neck and over her mouth, put on her red woolen cap and gloves. Relieved, that she'd put on her warm boots.

Doug locked the car carefully and stood uncertain at the great, snow-covered graveyard gate. Joey looked at him for a while, tried to keep this sight in mind to put it on a canvas A small smile crossed her face, as she suddenly remembered, how she once draw Jack, naked, in her sisters living-room. She put her glove-covered hands in her pocket and stepped beside him. 'Are you ready?' He nodded uncertain. 'As ready as I'm ever going to be', he answered. Joey linked her arm with his and slowly they walked down the alley. The snow quieting every noise, only the soft crunching of the snow as they silently walked audible. The graveyard lay very peaceful and tranquil under this mantle of slowly falling snow, as if tucked goodnight by a caring mother.

They walked a short way, before they arrived and stood in front of his grave several minutes in pure silence. She read the epitaph and wondered why it had to be him. Doug slowly winded down, his breath became more even and he slowly eased down as he knelt and put the single red rose on the snow covered grave. He lingered there a long time. Joey would have lain a hand on his shoulder, but knew, that he'd had to deal with this one alone. Instead she put her hands back in the pockets of her coat and waited in endless patience. Let the snow-covered graveyard and the atmosphere inspire her for new paintings. She closed her eyes and thought of Jack.

'Farewell my love', Doug whispered at length and wiped away a secret tear. And suddenly, as if to comfort him, a soft sun-ray broke through the snow heavy clouds and shifted over the kneeling man, lingered for a short moment on him and than it was gone.

Doug stood and for a while, they stayed and remembered him. Than Doug linked his arm with hers, took one last look at Jacks grave and turned to walk the alley for his car and drove home.

Joey stood in front of a canvas color plate and painting brush in hand. Outside it was pitch-black, the snow ankle-deep. The Witters stand in it's Christmas dress and she'd been asked, if Pacey would return for the Christmas-zenith, but all she could do was shaking her head in ignorance. Eventually not knowing it.

Joey had lighten her atelier up. It was in fact the first time, that she'd been out of her house on that time of the day, expect the times she'd been to NY. Ever afraid to miss his return.

She fixed the canvas in front of her and closed her eyes, tried to call back the images, that she'd soaked in a few days ago as she was with Doug in Providence. With slow moves she tried to ban some of her memories on the canvas but failing. Her thought drifting to Pacey.

Like in slow motion she began to slide the brush ever so gentle over the canvas and created a wonderful composition of light and shadow. The picture metabolically. A mans silhouette under a arch made of black stone, with silver gates. Before him lay a snow covered graveyard, and the clouds hung on the sky heavily.

And after hours she'd spent just looking at her work she began another one. The same man, in front of a grave, his face not visible to the viewer. He knelt and the beholder looking at his back. Over him, before him, a red rose in the white snow - the heavy sky opened and submerged him in a soft sun ray. Joey smiled as she softly painted the last few strokes and than let her painting brush sink.

'This is beautiful, Joey.' Jen stated from behind her. Joey startled a little, because she hadn't heard Jen coming, but kept on looking on the picture.

'It is, isn't it?', she was suddenly aware, that tears were running down her cheeks.

'Is this Pacey?', Jen asked gentle.

Joey shook her head lightly and sniffed. 'No...no Jen. It's Doug.', she turned her head to meet Jens gaze and smiled sadly. 'We were at Providence so he could bid him farewell.' She turned fully and let her tears run free. Couldn't do anything about them. She cried a lot lately. Joey noticed, that it was still in the middle of the night. 'What are you doing here, anyway? Mustn't you be in bed?'

'I...I've found your note and...', she silenced and just starred at the canvas. Joey'd left a note at her door, in case Pacey returned, that says's she'd be found here. But never had she expected Jen to come over so late, but for something real important. If anyone had dropped by, so it would be Doug on night-shift. Or maybe Bessie, they saw each other rarely these past month. Mostly because Bessie would have Joey forget about the "untruthful Witter-boy" of whom she "never expected anything more than run away, when things got rough". Joey shook her head and than looked back at her fried, who was clearly banned.

'Jen?' But Jen didn't quite pay attention to Joey, she just drank in the picture.

Jen slowly rid herself from the picture and looked at Joey. Opened and closed her mouth a couple of times but unable to find the words. Joey smiled a half smile and turned to the sink, to wash out her brushes.

'He loved him much, now, didn't he?', Jen asked at length.

'Yes, he did', Joey stated. 'But he will move on naturally, when he's right for it.'

'Yeah', Jen sighed.

Joey grabbed her coat and linked her arm with Jens, suddenly get the feeling, that Doug could get a chance, if he was ready for it, but beware to give anything away. 'Let's get out of here. Home, I'd say. Or would you like to have a non-alcoholic cocktail at Witters?'

'Definitely home.', Jen smiled. All to aware, that being at the Witters wouldn't be good for Joey after all. So she linked her arm with her friends, after Joey locked the door carefully and set the alarm ready. Thick snowflakes falling and drawing everything in magical light and silence. Together the two friends walked to Joey's house in total comforting silence. Joey leant her head to Jen's shoulder as they walked. 'I'm glad I have you, Jen.'

Jen smiled. 'Me too, Joey.'