He was rushing toward her. The world was spinning and with it, chaos erupted all around her. She shut her eyes, attempting to block out the students below, with their disorderly arrows and fearful looks, and the panic from her memory. She had done it. It was over. Only an hour into Hogwarts and off she would go to Azkaban or St Mungos (if she was lucky).
Rose reminded herself to take deep breaths, to keep her eyes shut, to push away the tears. She could feel the presence of the Headmaster beside her and she wasn't sure if she possessed the capability of opening her eyes and facing the reality of the situation. In the background, she vaguely heard someone speaking, telling everyone not to panic, and convincing the school to calm down because of her.
She set the Sorting Hat alight.
Or the Sorting Hat burst into flames on its own accord, coincidently in the middle of her sorting, conveniently while it was on her head.
It just wasn't fair.
Rose couldn't help it, a tear managed to escape her squeezed closed eyes. She felt it trickle down her cheek before swiftly swiping it away.
She was not going to cry. And with that thought she wiped another stray tear away.
She felt a tapping on her shoulder, followed by a, "Ms. Weasley?" This was it. She prepared herself for the worst and cautiously opened her eyes, painfully aware of the droplets that freely fell down. Rose took a deep breath and looked up at the Headmaster, fearing the arrows she would see, dreading the ones she wouldn't.
"Ms. Weasley could you please follow me?" The headmaster walked in front of her, walking between the house tables of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. She took another deep breath and wiped her tears, and lowered her eyes. Rose diligently but fearfully followed him. Attempting to put the whispers behind her and out of her mind, she walked swiftly through the hall. It didn't work— she could still hear everything, heard snippets of conversations that confirmed her fears, her insecurities. It took all of her strength not to give up and collapse right there. She just felt like a limbless body of bones, flesh, and tears barely hanging on to a façade.
"Who would have thought, the child of Ron and Hermione Weasley—a dark Witch."
"The nerve of the girl, showing off such evil powers. I can't wait until she gets shipped to Azkaban, where she belongs."
"What a freak. She'll burn the entire castle if we don't kick her out."
Rose couldn't believe how quickly she made enemies.
Her pace slowed and it became harder and harder for her to continue. Just as she lost all motivation to put one foot in front of the either, a hand enclosed her own, and gave it a squeeze. She looked up and saw Al, smiling at her reassuringly. He lied and told her that it was going to be alright. Even though she could hear the worry in his voice, could see the fear in his eyes, somehow, he managed to give her strength and enough confidence to smile at him (in an equally false manner), and continue walking. She tried harder to keep the whispers out, but they managed to slither into her ears. She almost reached the end of the hall when she heard some different opinions.
"She didn't do it, look how scared she looks. This could have happened to any of us. It's not fair to blame an innocent girl when it was just a coincidence that the hat was on her head when it…err..caught on fire.
She heard someone else: "Yeah, it definitely wasn't her fault. Imagine how frightened she is. I mean, if it scared some people when us when they were so far away, imagine how frightened the girl was when the hat exploded on top of her bloody head."
"That must have been the worst first day anyone ever imagined, I mean everything that could have gone wrong…did. I don't think I would be able to face the world after something like that, especially as a first year. She must be so brave.
And that last comment she heard, pushed the tears away, helped her lift her head away from the god-forsaken floor and look straight ahead. She was out the hall, but looked back to the source of the voices. It felt like all she was doing was taking deep breathes today, but she took one, gathered up her strength to smile, and glanced back at the general location of the nice whisperers.
Once again, she was overwhelmed by the clump of paths and lives but just for a second she ignored all of that and held her smile for a second and looked back. The Headmaster was observing her with furred eyebrows and a crinkled forehead.
"Ms. Weasley, please follow me to my chambers. We have much to discuss. I'm sorry you had to go through that, there was no other way to get you out," he explained as he took long strides. Rose scurried to keep up. Rose wasn't sure if he was referring to the hat bursting in flames, or the offensive (honest) comments of her classmates. Never the less, she was enthused that he wasn't directly shipping her off to Azkaban. Still, his paths didn't leave her with much cause for celebration. They didn't allude to a sentence in Azkaban, but now she could see the difficulties he'll have to face because of her
"Oh, it's alright, Headmaster, sir," Rose replied, her voice raspy and unfamiliar sounding.
"I'm sure you're as confused as the rest of us are. I'm sorry that you had to be exposed to such as horrific event on your very first day. I hope the rest of your Hogwarts career won't include similar experiences."
"Oh, thanks, Headmaster, sir." Rose let out a sigh of relief. Letting her face relax, demanding her breath to slow, begging the rhythm of her heart to return to a normal pace. She wasn't in trouble. It was going to be okay (she still didn't believe it, though).
He continued to lead her through the castle, turning at steep corners and continuing on for long corridors, walking along with the moving staircases, the talking portraits, and the knights. Finally, they arrived at the blank wall.
She heard him murmur a password, and the gargoyle turned, revealing a staircase. He ushered her toward it and up to what she assumed was his office.
His office was neat, with a desk at the far end of it with neatly placed piles of paper. She sat down and he sat across from her.
"Ms. Weasley, I have several questions that will need answering to find the source of this. I trust that you will provide me with the appropriate answers and this will be solved without further panic."
"I will do my best, Sir."
"Good. Now, Ms. Weasley, tell me, what exactly did the Sorting Hat tell you before it burst into flames?"
"Well, Professor…" She wasn't a bad liar, she just didn't have much experience. She was always ready with an answer, always good at avoiding questions, and injecting vagueness when necessary. Rose knew this wouldn't be so easy, there was no avoiding the question here. She didn't even understand why it had happened, but feared that it was connected to her arrows; yet she wasn't prepared to tell the headmaster that. Still, she wasn't sure if she could lie.
The headmaster raised his eyebrows when she didn't continue, prompting her with a, "Yes, Ms. Weasley?"
"It's all…umm…a bit hazy, but well, the hat told me that I was…special and that I was gifted. It said I could either do good thing or…umm…bad things with my….gifts." Rose breathed out, finally. It sounded horribly false to her ears and she could only imagine how it all sounded to her Headmaster – like a dishonest, attention-seeking little girl seeking special treatment. She glanced at the Headmaster's face, drawing her eyes away from the floor. His arrows still hadn't changed, and still Rose wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or a bad one.
"Well…that sounds like a relatively normal sorting to me. Was that all it said to you?" The headmaster searched her face, but Rose broke contact and looked again to the floor.
"Yes, sir. That was all it said before it…umm…burst into flames." Rose fidgeted, sure that the Headmaster could tell there was more to the story. She wasn't sure where the lies begun and the truth started. The words just started tumbling out of her mouth and 'think before you speak' logic had obviously been lost on her.
Rose started scratching the back of her neck, crossed and uncrossed her legs, scratched her face, and glanced around the office as she waited for his response. She practiced the deep breaths her mum had taught her. Surprisingly, they actually helped her out today, on multiple occasions.
"It's understandable that you're scared Ms. Weasley, this would have been a traumatic experience for anyone, but I need you to help me so we can understand what has happened here. No one is blaming you, but I need to cover all the possibilities."
"I—I understand, Sir." Rose didn't understand where he was going with this, didn't want to comprehend the facts of the situation.
"Ms. Weasley, did you notice anything strange when you were being sorted?"
"Well, I had my eyes closed, so no, I didn't see anything…" she quickly added a, "Sir."
"With the Sorting Hat, I mean, did you notice anything strange?"
"Oh, well…umm…it didn't sort me?" Rose knew it wasn't the time for jokes but she was lost for an appropriate response.
"Ms. Wesley, yes it didn't sort you, and that is just one of the problems we will face because of this. Whether it be luck or coincidence that you were the last one to be sorted this year, I don't know. But a new method will have to be developed, and soon. You, on the other hand, well, I'm sure it has been a long day for you, surely. I know you must be hungry and tired, so you will surely get to sleep in a dormitory tonight. The question is which house. We will need to place you in a dormitory, and of course, this can be a temporary or permanent thing, once we... figure out another sorting method."
Of course, this would happen to her. Rose would have to sort herself.
She took a deep breath, and contemplated the irony of the situation. Or she thought it was irony, her mum talked about it when she was reading one of her books. If it had been anyone else, Rose would have seen their paths, seen the house that gave them the best future (of course, it wasn't set in stone) and she would have had something to back up her decision.
But decisions for Rose were always difficult. Because she knew. She knew how every decision affected everything in her life, knew of the consequences she would inevitable face if she chose one House over the other. While others could randomly draw conclusions and make remarks about destiny and soul mates and everything working out at the end –Rose knew the truth—there simply was no such thing. She would love to believe there was, would love to be blissfully oblivious to the future and the events that marked it, but sadly that was not the case.
Maybe she was over exaggerating the situation, Rose knew that the Headmaster would find a new method of sorting with relative ease and speed, at least according to his current arrows. Rose knew the new method, which continued to change so quickly in the Headmaster's arrows that she gave up trying to figure it out, would sort her well. But she didn't think she would change Houses when she already created such a big controversy only on her first day.
She let out a sigh when she realized just how much she was going to face when she left this room.
"Ms. Weasley, I understand that this is an incredibly difficult decision and that most students would never dream of being put in such a position. I know you have already had an…eventful day, but I think it would be best if you settle down in a Hose so you could get comfortable here at Hogwarts. I'm sorry that you have to do this, truly. Maybe some advice would prove beneficial if my recollections of my own adolescent confusions are anything to go by.
Rose took a breath and before she could stop herself, voiced her thoughts. "I just have no idea. None. I don't fit anywhere, and I'm not just saying that. I truly believe that I don't belong anywhere. I mean, I'm not courageous, or really smart, or ambitious, or trusting or anything. I'm not any of those things and I don't know."
She was shocked at the words that tumbled out of her mouth. This unfamiliar openness with her feelings and insecurities made her cringe. She always had her heart and her mind guarded, and this was her Headmaster, someone she barely knew, who now knew too much about her. The anxiety of the entire day, the stress of the situation was wearing her guard down. If she wasn't careful, she would probably begin incoherently explaining the paths to him.
"Ms. Wea—Rose, I can assure you that you are not alone in that feeling of not fitting in. The majority of students feel like that when they walk into Hogwarts, feel overwhelmed and feel like they will never belong. The truth is, everyone could fit into any house if they wanted to. Everyone has some Gryffindor, some Ravenclaw, some Slytherin, some Hufflepuff, in them. "
He looked at Rose's blank stare and added, "Maybe you should think in terms of not the qualities you possess, but the ones you wish to possess, or even the qualities you value most."
Rose contemplated his words for a moment.
"Well…I –I value honesty… stability…relationships…and …confidence, I guess."
"And which house do you think best exemplifies those values, Rose?"
"Merlin, a Gryffindor? Me? I can't be…I'm—I'm not cut out for it. I'm not brave, or confident, or anything like my parents or Uncle Harry or Aunt Ginny."
"Rose, I think you would do marvelous in Gryffindor. Of course, once we… settle a new way to sort you could always get re-sorted, but I don't think that will be necessary. And remember, bravery comes in different varieties and shades. There are those who are outwardly brave, who take risks for others, who are the first ones to take a risk. But then, there are others who are silently brave, who always put others before themselves, who silently fight their own battles, who act only when they have to but know when to act. I think you fit into those categories, Ms. Weasley."
She was at a loss of words. It felt so weird, felt so strange, that this man who she met mere minutes ago knew so much about her, and did everything in his power to help her understand even when there were obviously more important things to concentrate on (like the Sorting Hat she set on fire).
"Thank you so much, Sir, I really appreciate this. Thank you."
"Of course, Ms. Weasley, it was no trouble. Now, you're probably starving. I expect that the feast is still carrying on. I can take you back to the Great Hall, I don't think you know you're way around the castle quiet yet."
"Okay, sure, Sir, thanks." Rose replied, forcing a smile and followed him out of the office.
She paused at the entrance to the hall.
At her face he smiled, "I'm sure no one will notice you entering the hall. I'll stay outside. And I understand these next few days may be a little troublesome but remember that they will pass and this will all be in the past sooner than later."
"Thank you, Sir. I'll be sure to remember."
Rose took a deep breath, smiled and walked through the door, pretending like she wasn't overwhelmed with paths and arrows and her heart wasn't beating wildly out of her chest.
a/n: I would love to hear your thoughts. :)
So everything is kinda crazy right now...I'll try to get next chapter up quickly, but no promises.
Thanks to Raanah to betaing :)
