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02: Say Goodbye.

xXx

I've got the perfect plan
To save us while we can.

xXx

When the ones you love are dead, you can hardly find the strength to go on.

You can hardly find the strength to breathe.

Was it always this hard?

xXx

I blinked, not believing what was right in front of me. My body was tense, every muscle ready to spring up and run, run and never look back, and I crouched down by my mother.

She rocked back and forth, clutching my brother's head to her chest, his body shaking. His eyes brightened when he saw me, and he smiled a grotesque smile. I resisted the urge to throw up, and I caught my breath in a quiet sob.

No one had seen me cry, not even my mother, not even when I was a child. But, now, the careful restraint I had was wavering. Just like it had with my sister. The only difference was I hadn't broke then, and now.. I was so close.

"Dani," he gurgled, blood spilling from his mouth. I clapped a hand over my mouth, throat clenching with the promise of tears. He grinned at that, again, and reached weakly for my hand. I took his, holding on to him probably too tightly, but I didn't care.

My sweaty and bloody hand gripped his, fingers intertwined. His hand was cooling drastically, his tremors going away. I tried to ignore, knowing what it meant. I had seen too many people die to not know. "Rich," I breathed, my voice cracking pathetically.

He chuckled, a croaked sound. I flinched. "Don't, Richard." I ordered.

Richard shook his head weakly at me, a proud expression on his face. "You're just like dad, Danielle. Not like me. Dad wasn't afraid of anything, he was so damn proud of himself. He was the best Shadowhunter in the Province. He was so ready to die. You were too young to remember, but everytime he left, you cried more. Everytime he left, he came back battered and bruised, and told us that he'd die to protect us all. When Sasha died, he nearly did die, too. But he didn't. Do you know why?" He asked softly.

I shook my head no, but I doubted he noticed. He went on softly and quietly, and I was amazed he was still alive. Every inch of his body was soaked with blood.

"Dad didn't die or kill himself because of you. Not me, not mom. You, Danielle. I was twelve when he died, I could take care of myself and mom and you. But he lived because of you. He knew you would need him, or at least at one point would, and you haven't yet. You were so strong, even when you were seven. Tonight you said you were fighting no matter what you did, you were so ready to die," he sighed.

A sob bubbled to my throat, and I couldn't hold it back. Tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn't stop them. "No," I croaked. "No, I'm not ready to die. I don't want to die, and I don't want you to die."

Rich sighed, again, not hearing me, apparrently. "And I wanted to run. To hide." He smiled crookedly, more blood slipping out of his mouth. "You wanted to fight, you were prepared to die for your freedom, and I wanted to run. You're alive and I'm dying. Irony."

I glared. "Don't speak like that, Rich. You should be alive right now, not me." It was true. He was older, better than me. He didn't have more experience than me, probably less, but he had time to study, while I fought.

He thought strategically, thought things through first before he went into a situation. He was all statistics and odds.

Meanwhile, I thought physically. I thought while I fought, as swift on my feet as our father had been. Where he was statistics and figures, I was weapons and survival instincts.

By any means, he should be alive.

"Love you, little sister," he muttered.

I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say I loved him, too. I didn't want to say it because I didn't want this to be it, I didn't want my big brother to die, I didn't want this to be goodbye.

So I sat stonily, as stony and icy as I had been since my sister died, while his tremors stopped and the light in his eyes went out. I sat without another word while my brother died.

My mother screamed, shaking him, begging, though it made no sense to me. I could feel something behind us, and by the time I was on my feet, I was long gone. I gave myself up to my instincts, fighting to survive.

The demon hissed as I tore out my dagger, my actions so swift I barely felt myself move. With my usual amazing accuracy, I threw the dagger, but not before my mother slipped her own knife into her chest.

It died, and so did she.

And, I think, so did I.

A part of me died when my mother killed herself, a part that I hadn't none I still had.

Hope.

Hope that this would work out, hope that I wouldn't be an orphan, hope that I wouldn't be alone.

xXx

It was over.

I scanned the destroyed room, trying not to linger on my mother and brother, eyes skipping across the strewn bodies. We lost a lot of strong Shadowhunters, in the matter of two hours. Came in with fifty... Came out with fifteen.

Trying not to do the math, even if I couldn't stop myself, I sighed, putting my head into my hands. Fifteen of us left, besides the other ten that did not fight. It still would've been a lot, had we not had sixty yesterday, seventy the day before.

"Good job," Cameron muttered, placing something cool and damp on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, letting it fall to the blood-stained floor with a definite splat. "You did really good, Dani."

I glared at the ground, fingers curling into my sweaty hair. I hadn't done a good job. My family, the ones who I had been fighting to protect, were all gone. I was the last Seraphim.

"Save it, Cam." I growled, my anger not meant for him, using him viciously as an outlet. "I didn't and we all known it. My mother and brother are dead because I made them stay and fight."

He snorted, and ruffled my hair. I made a disgusted face, personally not doing that as my own hair revolted me, much less someone else's. "Richard and Alana knew what they were doing, Dani. If they didn't think-"

I cut him off by standing up, towering over his sitting form easily. He got to his feet, face now hovering several inches above my own. I glowered, but the body of my mother haunted me. I jabbed his chest angrily. "My mother commited suicide because she thought I was going to die, too." I hissed.

His eyes widened, his lack of knowledge apparent. I nodded. "Yeah. So don't go saying if they didn't think it was a good idea, they wouldn't have done it. They were thinking that I was right, because I said we could do it, we could live. And guess what, Cameron?" I answered my own question quickly, giving him no time to. "I was fucking wrong."

Cameron wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to his chest. I breathed in the smell of his shirt, as if I depended on it to live, letting him hold tightly.

Right now, I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to see or think or hear. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget that today ever happened. "I'm sorry, Dani, so sorry," he breathed, repeating this in my ear.

I didn't respond, just fisted my hands in the soft cotton t-shirt. He knew I heard, and I knew he didn't have to be sorry. I'd never thank him, always have the blame on my shoulders.

"What do we do now?" He muttered into my hair. I shrugged, not wanting to thinking about the here or the now. I wanted to think about the future, that spread out before me bleakly, only more death along the way, but that was fine.

Death I could handle.

Richard had been right, when I came down the stairs with my comrades, I had never been more prepared to die.

But, everything else I couldn't understand, couldn't cope with. Uncertainity, lack of knowledge, boredom, the feeling of being trapped, it made me scream and struggle against invisible and non-existant holds. "I have no idea." I murmured.

"I do," a peppy voice said, though I could hear the fear and grief swelling beneath the forced happiness.

The girl, whose voice I knew like the back of my hand, was like me. Hiding the emotions that could be used against her, pushing out the ones that everyone expected her to have.

Everyone expected me to be in control, to be cocky and arrogant and proud, because that was who I was.

Everyone expected her to be happy and calm, to be peaceful and her emotions always in check. Because that was what everyone else saw all the time.

I looked over to her, Ariel Goldhart, brows furrowed. "What do we do?" I asked, feeling Cameron's hold on me loosen when Ariel eyed it curiously.

Her emerald gaze turned up to me. They were bright with excitement and tears, and I wondered how many people that she loved she had lost tonight. "Well, you see, I have this warlock friend in New York City. I'm sure he could find us a place to stay," she answered.

Cameron snorted, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly, and the action was far too intimate for my liking. "First of all, how do you propose we get there? Second, why go to New York, when we could just go to another province or something?" He questioned.

Ariel sighed, her expression indicating the hardships of the night. I felt a pang of sympathy for the girl. "Portal, or drive, and New York's farther. We can get away," she replied, sounding giddy. I couldn't blame her, the adrenaline still sung in my veins.

But, something she said spiked my curiousity. I frowned at her, pulling at Cameron's hands that were placed securely on my shoulders. "Get away?" I murmured, not understanding at first, then catching the brilliancy of her plan.

Apparently, Cameron did not, though. He let go of my shoulders at my touch. "Get away from what exactly?" He asked, sounding suspicous.

I shook my head at his thoughts, which I could tell by his tone lead nowhere good, and met Ariel's eyes sturdily. She half-smiled, and I realized she was waiting for my opinion. Since when had I become the leader?

Since you made everyone fight. They followed so willingly, did they not? Even it was nearly a sure death, they followed you.

Ignoring my bitter thoughts, that were accompanied by hopeful faces, I nodded at her, straightening my spine instinctually. "Sounds perfect, Ariel. Will this warlock mind?" I asked, nodding again as she shook her head no. "Perfect. Go ahead and tell the others. Say that Danielle Seraphim agrees."

Grinning, Ariel took off, nimbly weaving through the scattered corpses. I made to follow her, but he yanked me back by my bicep. I glared up at him, but he didn't notice or care. "What the hell are we trying to get away from?" He asked bitterly.

I smirked, though it was not heart-felt. "From whoever the hell did this," I gestured to the room, which was in ruins. He nodded, and released me.

I bolted after Ariel, not as careful with the bodies as she, and did not look back once.

I would tell others that I was to intent on catching up with her.

But, truthfully, I was afraid of what I would see.

xXx

"What? New York City?"

"Holy shit!"

"Why? What's wrong with here?"

"Where's my mommy?"

I stood quietly at the front, not moving nor speaking until the room was hushed. Ariel was to my right, looking anxious though sure of what was going on.

She hadn't told the others first. She had grabbed one of the remaining adults and instructed them to tell the others. I had forgotten about them, that I wasn't the one in charge, but none of the adults seemed thrilled of being reponsible. I, however, did.

The first thing Ariel had done after speaking to me was call the warlock, a Magnus Bane. I'd heard of him before, in hushed whispers of other warlocks or of my parents. He had reluctantly agreed to help us reach NYC and find a residence.

If anything, it would be Ariel, Alexandria Mason, Cameron and I.

Finally, the room went silent, all eyes watching me carefully. I cleared my throat, straightening instantly. "We have been offered housing in New York, in attempts to get away from whatever or whoever has targeted us. Myself and a few of my comrades have accepted this offer for ourselves. Who ever wishes to come with us may, but I sincerely suggest you leave the Institute. Bunk with Downworlders or other Shadowhunters you know, just leave." I announced.

It was still quiet.

A few people began to speak, murmuring their disagreement. The children were still in a fit of panic over their parents, tugging on their elders sleeves desperately.

"I agree with them," Josh's voice rose from the dull roar. "Leaving the Institute for New York is a very good idea. Lord knows why this happened to us."

I blinked at him, not expecting him to agree. Josh was not one to suddenly go with change. He fought and struggled and hated change, much like myself. But, where as I could eventually shift myself to be out of change's reach, he stayed right in the middle, disrupting it. Like a rock protruding from a river, splitting the water in two different paths.

Even if his agreement surprised me, the silence of everyone else did not.

For a few minutes, I stood stonily, staring at the twenty-five people before me, waiting for anyone else to speak up. No one did. I nodded.

"It is what it is." I said, loud enough for them all to hear. "This is more than likely goodbye."

Still, no one spoke. Some girls were crying, and most boys did not meet anyones eyes as their own shone brightly. "Be strong and kick ass, friends," I instructed, smirking, and a few of them chuckled, but more of them stood as stonily as I did. I nodded, turning to Ariel and Alexandria, both girls fighting back tears.

I sighed, raking back my still lank and sweaty hair.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

xXx

Wipe the tears from your eyes,
Oh dear God, what a beautiful goodbye.

xXx

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