Please note this work was inspired by reading the wonderful 'A Single Girl's To-Do List' by Lindsay Kelk. The concept of a 'single list' and any other similarities to the book belong to Ms Kelk and I in no way try to take credit for them.


THE SORTING HAT SONG


Being a well-adjusted witch, I didn't spend a long time in the toilet. After all, it's not a very classy place to be. Five minutes of depressing snivelling and I feel so much better, especially when I find a spare chocolate frog in my robe pocket. I carefully sneak out to the corridor and dart into the now-empty Prefect's carriage. Sitting on the cosy seat, I blush at the way I lost my temper.

I've always had issues with my temper; it wasn't easy growing up with Petunia as a sister. Oddly enough, I inherited my red hair from Grandfather Evans but my temper is solely my mother's. I still feel a pang of sadness recollecting her but I've never been one to remember them though rose-tinted glasses. My mum and I used to have horrendous arguments but at least neither of us held grudges like Petunia and my Dad did.

To be honest, it's just another reason why I would make a terrible Head Girl. I mean it made me turn to alcohol! On this thought, I remember exactly how much my head is hurting. Suddenly, the upholstering of the seat looks unbearably comfy and I find my head sinking back onto it. Just a few minutes and then I'll patrol….


"Miss, you really should get off the train."

I start at the voice and blink rapidly, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. It's the lady from the trolley.

"How… I just… Oh my goodness!" I shriek and leap up, "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"I'm sure you didn't, honey, but you need to get off now. I have to close the train up." She tells me kindly and I smile before sprinting to the platform.

As I get off the train, there is no one around. It's really rather eerie. Fortunately it's not raining but it's a lot colder than London and I left my coat in my trunk. Hastily, I cast a warming charm but it isn't the same as being in the castle, eating roast potatoes and drinking hot chocolate at the feast.

The feast. The Sorting Ceremony. Oops.

Resigned to missing one of my favourite parts of Hogwarts, I begin the long trudge up the hill to the castle. As I wander up the path, I'm struck by how lovely the walk is. I've always quite liked being outside, as long as I have a hot shower afterwards. Nearing the entrance hall, idly I wonder if Alice or Benjy would have picked up my bag. I'm about to turn to go to Gryffindor Tower until the feast is over but a gaggle of tiny children block my path.

First Years.

The majority of them are pale and nervous-looking; one girl is positively green. With my wand grasped loosely in my hand, they all looked terrified I might hex them. Thinking back, I remember being told I was going to have to battle a dragon in order to be sorted.

"Hello there. I'm Lily." I smile but they all look nervous, "Are you ready to be sorted?"

The green girl bursts into tears. Instantly I crouch down and pull her in for a hug. She sniffles loudly into my cloak.

"I don't want to be sorted." She cries, "They… they… they said we were going to duel each other."

A couple of other girls break into tears and even a few boys start to tremble.

"And who told you that?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"He was a really tall boy with a blue and bronze tie." She whispers and I smile inwardly. At least it wasn't Sirius.

"He's my cousin." Pipes up one tiny boy, "Bertram."

"Bertram Aubrey." I check, already knowing the answer.

As the boy nods and bites his lip, I turn to the young girl, "And what's your name?"

"I'm Emma."

"Well, Emma, I've been sorted. Can you keep a secret?" I ask her and smile broadly.

She nods, watery-eyed.

"You have to be really, really good at keeping secrets." I say and everyone leans closer, "But you all look like a good bunch so I'll let you in on it…"

A good half of them are smiling but they're still a little apprehensive.

"Professor McGonagall is going to come and get you… she'll lead you down a big hall… and then… at the very end… there is…" I pause dramatically and they are all shaking.

"… a hat!" I finish and they all lean out, shocked."

"A hat?" The boy asks, "That's it."

"Oh, Bertram's cousin," I smile, "This is much worse than a dragon, or even a duel, because this hat sings."

They begin to giggle and little Emma finally lets go of me.

"Oh you can laugh, but have you ever heard a hat sing? It's horrendous, it's painful!" I carry on through the laughter, "Why you ask? Well it doesn't have ears!"

There are genuine smiles on their faces and colour has returned to their cheeks.

"You don't believe me?" I ask, "Me? Lily Evans? Why I'm as trustworthy as they come! It sounds like this…"

All of the children are openly laughing, little Emma practically crying with mirth, as I sing the Hogwarts song out of tune in an extremely deep, scratchy voice.

"…young with scabby knees…"

"Miss Evans!" I hear a shout and turn, "What on earth is going on here?"

Standing behind me are all four of the Marauders, Benjy, Alice, Bertram, Greta and Professor McGonagall. My eyes widen in shock as the nine of them walk down the corridor swiftly.

"Miss Evans, I…" McGonagall stops in front of me, lost for words.

Behind me, the children have grown silent. I can feel Emma pressed into my side. Figuring that I'm already in a huge amount of trouble, turn to face the first years.

"Guys, meet Professor McGonagall. She's head of my house, Gryffindor." I beam at the children, "Do any of you want to be in Gryffindor?"

A couple of shouts of 'me' pop up and I look down at Emma, who's nodding.

"So you want to be a lion, Emma?" I ruffle her hair, "Better wipe away those tears then."

"My da says I'll be in Hufflepuff but I don't want to be." She tells me shyly.

"Hufflepuff's a great house though." I reply but she shakes her head.

"No, you see, I don't look good in yellow…" She blinks her huge eyes at me and I stifle a giggle.

"Of course, well remember what I said, it's a secret." I wink and a chorus of twenty voices assure that they won't tell.

"If I could steal you away from your new friends, Miss Evans." McGonagall interjects icily.

"Good luck!" I wave to the first years and they wave back, looking much happier and beginning to chat amongst themselves.

McGonagall ushers me and the extra unnecessary eight people around the corner to an empty classroom.

"Miss Evans, you have been missing for over half an hour. The situation has become quite ridiculous. It seems Miss Catchlove kindly raised the alarm, accompanied by Mr Aubrey and Mr Potter." She sighed quite heavily, " From there, I seem to have acquired the rest of Mr Potter's rag-tag band as well as Miss Hamilton and Mr Fenwick."

"Believe me, I'm not here by choice." Benjy grumbles and Alice hits him silently.

"Well, Professor, I… um… fell asleep on the train." I blush.

McGonagall grimaces, "Well, since our 'near–fatal' situation as been resolved, I shall allow you to make your way to the Great Hall."

She sweeps out of the room and, in the ensuing silence, I ready myself for the inevitable.

"Lils, that was absolutely hilarious." Alice crows and Benjy bursts into laughter besides her, "You are a terrible singer."

"I was being terrible on purpose," I defend, "Besides I know it's you who told her it was a near-fatal situation. I only fell asleep on the sodding train, you numpty."

"I was trying to get you another detention…" Alice giggles and a smile creeps onto my face, "This ended so much better!"

"Well it's Bertram's fault." I shoot a dirty look, "Who tells little kids they have to duel each other?"

"Oh stop being boring, Lily, it was just a bit of fun." He bites back and I fold my arms.

"Yeah, I had five eleven year old girls crying on me. It was a hoot." I spit at him.

"No need to be a bitch about it." He raises his voice, "They're obviously over-sensitive."

"Clearly, I mean it's not as if there's a gaggle of death eaters duelling people at the moment." I raise mine to match and Alice moves to stand next to me.

"Honestly, the propaganda in the Daily Prophet. If they think there are Death Eaters at Hogwarts, they're seriously deluded!" His voice carries across the room and everyone's eyes widen.

"How many times have you been called a Mudblood today?" I answer quietly and there's a gasp of horror.

"Lils, who's been calling you a you-know-what?" Benjy asks quickly, "You know that…"

"Honestly, people would think that you are the first years. To the Great Hall now, if you please." McGonagall enters the room and shoos us all into the corridor. The little first years all wave at us and I wave back, trying to remain cheerful.

"Professor Flitwick, if you could take the first years in. Miss Evans and I need to have a little chat about proper sleeping arrangements and near-fatal situations." She crisply waves on Flitwick before propelling me up the stairs to her office. I cast a backwards glance at Alice who, for once, looks relatively sombre.

"Sit down, Lily."

I sit down gingerly awaiting the punishment.

"Biscuit?"

"Erm, well, thank you Professor." I pluck a biscuit from the tartan tin in surprise.

"Lily, I wanted to check you were okay." McGonagall said in a much softer voice, "I know you lost your parents a few years ago and I also know that you and Aubrey are no longer together. Now, Lily, I have never spoken to a student like this before but these are very special circumstances."

My eyes are wide as saucers as McGonagall gently pats my hand.

"Lily, are you alright?"

Suddenly, I realise just how much I miss having a motherly figure in my life.

"Professor, I don't want to be Head Girl. I really think Greta would do a much better job."

McGonagall scoffs, "Miss Catchlove, that annoying little snippet? I couldn't think of a worse Head Girl if I tried. Lily, do you imagine we teachers are stupid?"

"Of course not." I mumble through a mouthful of biscuit.

"Well then, I suggest you trust in our judgement. You will be an excellent Head Girl if your performance with the first years today is an indicator."

"But I… I'm a…" I stutter.

"If you are about to refer to yourself as a muggleborn, Lily, I strongly suggest you do not. I happen to hold muggles in very high regard indeed. Do not use muggleborn as a derogatory term."

Suddenly, her face takes on a mischievous quality and, for the first time since I woke up this morning, I feel happy.

"Now, whilst I may agree with your description of Miss Catchlove," McGonagall's eyes twinkle, "I'm afraid that I cannot allow such outbursts in the future. Nor can I allow you to be late for school events. However, I was in love once too, Lily, so let us just put today behind us."

"But Professor…" I protest

"If you feel you ought to be punished, then I must insist you remain Head Girl." McGonagall's face took on a sterner look, "And Lily, it wouldn't do for the students know I am not as stern as they think. I trust you can keep a secret?"

"Yes Professor." I smile widely at her.

"Perhaps just one more biscuit?" She offers and we sit in a comfortable silence, eating homemade shortbread.


Sneaking into the back of the Great Hall, I slide onto a bench with a bunch of second years.

"Hey Lily." One of the girls smiles at me, "You're late, you know?"

"Oh I know, Charity." I grin sheepishly, "So does Professor McGonagall unfortunately."

"Ooh, bad luck. We're only on the G's though so it's not too bad…" She offers before turning back to her friends.

I don't really pay much attention to the Sorting, primarily because my head is banging but also because I'm eavesdropping on Charity and her mates.

"Lily told me last year she thought it'd be Catchlove." She whispers, "I know who I want it to be but Professors can be stupid sometimes."

"Well, I heard that they're giving Head Boy to Aubrey so Ravenclaw's out. They never give it to the same house." Her friend shakes her head wildly, "And who even is the Hufflepuff prefect?"

"It could be that Lucinda from Slytherin?" One of them offers.

"Don't be daft. She's a shoe-in for Quidditch Captain. You know she's only the prefect because the rest of them lot are too… you know… dark. Lucy's been waiting on Vanity leaving for the last five years.

"It could still be Lily." Charity talks even quieter but luckily my hearing's pretty good. With Remus and I on patrols together we can catch pretty much anyone.

"Right, Charity." One scoffs, "They're going to pick the prefect who's late to the Sorting Ceremony. Lily was right; it has to be Catchlove."

"I really wish…" Charity starts but my attention is drawn by Flitwick's squeaky shout of 'Emma Mockridge'.

She tries on the hat, still green but looking very determined. It takes a good thirty seconds until it shouts out 'Gryffindor' and I applaud wildly, seriously wondering how the crying girl managed to get into the house of bravery.

Looking back the second years, they're now discussing the Hogwarts holiday gossip. Catching my eye, Charity clears her throat.

"I know that it's a bit personal but is it true?" She whispers as another Hufflepuff is sorted.

"Is what true?" I ask distracted.

"About you and Bertram? Did you break up?" She turns her big eyes on me and I'm half-tempted to snap at her but I can't.

Last year, Charity was a very shy first year that got teased a lot. Someone started a rumour that her parents, who are relatively rich purebloods, were big supporters of Voldemort and the rest of her dormitory shunned her. We became friends when I found her sleeping in the common room last year. She's an absolute sweetheart; she wouldn't hurt a fly. I helped dispel the ridiculous rumour and since then we've been as good friends as an 11 year old and 17 year old can be at a place like Hogwarts. She's not the brightest witch or the hardest working either but she's so bloody cute that I can never be angry, even if I catch her out-of-bounds at night. This time is no exception.

"Yeah, we broke up at the end of last term." I tell her and she scoots over immediately to give me a huge hug.

"Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry. I thought it was another rumour…" She apologises as the last first year is sorted into Ravenclaw.

The other second years cluster around me, one offering me a blood-flavoured lollipop and another complimenting my hair. It's a strange sensation since I'm used to mothering these particular kids. I have to stop a giggle and I try to look solemn as they 'comfort' me.

As they slide back down the bench, I vaguely hear Dumbledore start the many announcements that Filch seems to hand down at the beginning of term.

"Finally, I ask that you join me all in applauding our new Head Girl and Head Boy, Miss Lily Evans and Mr James Potter. I am certain they will do a most remarkable job." Dumbledore smiles benignly at me followed by Potter.

The clapping subsides and, as Dumbledore waves his hands, food appears in front of us. I catch the waving hand of Alice out of the corner of my eye and I pretend to ignore her but one of Charity's friends ruins my subterfuge.

"Lily, that girl is waving to you." She tells me and all but shoves me off the bench as Charity leans in and whispers excitedly to her friends, looking at me every ten seconds or so.

I traipse down the table, people wishing me luck and congratulating me as I turn a bright red colour, matching my hair. At long last I slink in next to Alice with Sirius opposite me.

"Cheers Alice. Now everyone is staring." I mutter with my head ducked slightly to avoid the gazes of my peers.

"Thought you handed in the badge." Black asks nonchalantly, his mouth full of food.

"Apparently being Head Girl is my punishment for calling Greta a cow." I grumble.

"They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they're forcing you to be Head Girl." Alice answers brightly.

Benjy sniggers and in response I snatch his bread from his plate, "I know. Charity and her mates were talking about it. Lucy will be Quidditch Captain now Vanity's gone and they won't have Greta so it has to be me."

"What about the Hufflepuff one?" Pettigrew asks and Benjy, sat beside him, frowns in thought.

"Who even is the Hufflepuff prefect?" He asks me and I look at Remus hopefully but I'm rewarded with a blank look.

"I'll talk to Tilden… He can find out for us." I tell Potter who nods in agreement.

The boys start up an argument about Quidditch and Lucinda Talkalot, which Alice joins with relish. Benjy and I simply carry on eating, fortunately my headache was subsiding now thanks to the copious amounts of pumpkin juice I was consuming.

"She's such a Slytherslag." Alice scoffs and I look at her balefully.

"Alice. Just because she dated Frank doesn't mean she's a slag. And why should house come into it at all?" I admonish and she nods gracefully.

"Fine, she's such a slag." She says pointedly and I roll my eyes and focus on the treacle tart in front of me.

I lay my fork down, leaving the last few mouthfuls of tart and look over to Professor Dumbledore. He nods to me and looks over at Potter. I follow his gaze and see him nervously pushing jam pudding around his plate. Inwardly sighing, I pick up my fork again and use it to tap his plate.

"Potter, it's rude to play with your food," I joke lightly, "All we're going to do is escort the first years to the dormitory. You remember first year, right?"

"What if they run away, or start a rebellion or something?" He looks at me, "I'm not cut out for this responsibility malarkey."

"Malarkey?" I stifle a giggle as he looks so earnest, "It's ten first years who haven't even learnt magic yet, they're more likely to be homesick than 'start a rebellion'. Plus there are seven Gryffindor prefects to help. We can stave off any attacks, I promise, even if the next Sirius Black is there."

He looks slightly calmer and I mentally pray that he manages to regain his sanity before the first prefect meeting. I look back to Dumbledore and he seems to smile a little brighter before standing up and tapping his glass with his fork.

"I do believe it is time for bed. If you could all wait for the first years to leave so the prefects can escort them to the common rooms, that would be wonderful." Dumbledore yawns widely, his hand covering his mouth. He seems to pause for a moment and his gaze wavers on the new first years before he shakes his head slightly. Before he can move too far, I quickly dart up to the high table.

"Professor, do you have the passwords?" I inquire, safe in the knowledge that Potter wouldn't even think to ask.

In response, Dumbledore searches for a spare piece of parchment in his robes before thinking for a moment and tapping it with his wand. A golden lettering curls across the parchment before flashing a bright purple.

"It wasn't the moment for a song, was it Miss Evans?" He ponders almost sadly, "Goodnight, my dear."

I smile my goodnight to him before turning and returning to the table. As I walk, I quickly try to memorise the passwords written down and then pass the paper to Potter.

"Passwords." I tell him succinctly.

"Didn't even think of that." He mutters dejectedly, "Good thing you're organised, Lily."

I motion for him to follow me, certain that Remus, at least, will have the initiative to follow. I reach the group of Gryffindor prefects first.

"You'll have to hang on, I'm afraid." I tell them before moving on to the Hufflepuffs.

"Can you go tell Slytherin their password?" I ask James, "The Ravenclaws have left already."

He walks over to the Slytherin prefects and I hurry to where Tilden is stood waiting for the password.

"Congratulations Lily." He winks at me, "I didn't expect a double Gryffindor appointment. We all thought there would be a Ravenclaw in there."

"You're not wrong, I grimace, "I think a certain Ravenclaw thought that too. Look after the first years, yeah? The password's Helga Hufflepuff apparently. Not very security conscious, are you?"

I look at Tilden who flashes a smile at my confused face, "I'll explain it to you and Potter at the next prefect meeting. Speaking of Potter, I think he might need rescuing."

"Merlin…" I breathe and wave at Tilden as he shouts for the first years.

I rush over to see Potter and Snape locking horns over something, "Problem?"

"Potter is an arrogant, insufferable..." Severus spits and I tug Potter away from him a little before cutting across his little rant.

"He also happens to be Head Boy, Severus, so if you could stop this petty argument and get on with your jobs that would be brilliant." I step between them a little but neither of them back down, "The password is Prince of Enchanters."

Severus opens his mouth but before he and Potter can carry on with their sparring, Lucinda opens her mouth.

"Slytherin first years!" She bellows and I shoot her a look of gratitude before forcibly dragging Potter away.

"But Lily, he said…" He starts but I don't let him finish.

"Of course he said something," I tell him, "He's going to be incredibly bitter that you got Head Boy. Being made prefect over you was one of the best moments in his life. But there are ten new first years that need to go to bed and about 60 others students who are grumbling about being made to sit in the Great Hall. Sev isn't worth it."

By now we've reached Remus again, who has managed to gather the first years. Dear God, sometimes I could marry Remus Lupin.

"Lily!" Comes a shriek and I look down at the assembled first years.

"Hey guys!" I smile, "Welcome to Gryffindor. Ready to see the Common Room?" I start walking towards the door, first years surrounding me and asking me questions about staircases and moving portraits.

Behind me, I can hear Remus and Potter bringing up the rear, talking quietly to each other.

"Mate, it shouldn't be me. I mean, I can't do this, it should be you…" His voice drifts across the Entrance Hall but a small hand tugging on my robes distracts me.

"Emma! Congratulations!" I tell the smiling girl, "What did the Hat say to you?"

"It tried to put me Hufflepuff but I explained and explained and explained," She told me fervently, "until it huffed and said I was too stubborn to be anything but Gryffindor."

"Well done. You'll love Gryffindor I'm sure." I tell her before answering a question about the Bloody Baron who is floating towards us.

As we the staircase begins to move, I glance over my shoulder at Potter and Remus again. I gesture to Dorcas, one of the new fifth year prefects, to take my place and drop back to the two of them.

"I mean, she's already got the first years eating out of her hand…" I hear him moan.

"Maybe if you actually talked to them they'd be eating out of your hand too." I touch him arm lightly and he shivers a little. I pull my robes tighter around me, anticipating a draught of wind.

"Look. I'm not exactly the ideal Head Girl but we'll just have to make the best of it. Using Remus as your therapist is good, "I wink at Remus who attempts to look affronted, "But the truth is you are the Head Boy. Alright, you don't know about passwords and meetings but surely you remember what it's like to be a first year? There are probably at least four Quidditch-obsessed boys who would love to chat to the Quidditch Captain…"

Potter takes a deep breath, "You're right."

"Obviously." I tilt my head towards the first years, "I always am."

I turn to Remus, "I never thought I'd see James Potter insecure."

He laughs and pats my shoulder, "Neither did I."

We finally ascend the staircase to the tower and I stay where I am, nodding at James to give the password.

"Devil's Snare." He tells the portrait and enters the common room. Slightly at a loss, he looks to me and I walk in front of the first years.

"This is our common room. You mustn't tell anyone the password or bring any people from other houses up here. Your dormitories are up those stairs there, boys up that one and girls the other. All your belongings will be by your beds. Have a lovely first night and both James and I will be in the common room until ten o'clock if you have any problems." I recite the facts and finish off with a cheery wave.

As the first years start climbing the stairs, the rest of Gryffindor streams into the common room and begin wandering up the stairs to find their belongings and settle in. Unfortunately, I didn't quite have that luxury. I wander over to the sofa by the fire and slump into the cushions as Potter walks over towards me.

"Why'd you call me James?" He asks as I close my eyes and savour the warmth.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed you wanted the first years to call you James. You know, make you more approachable." I tell him.

"Yeah, good idea." He replies, sounding slightly downcast.

"Cheer up, you'll be a brilliant Head Boy," I lie to him, "I think we've done an alright job tonight."

"Really?" He perks up slightly.

"Yes. Really." I smile at him encouragingly before curling my feet onto the sofa. "Now let me enjoy my last few minutes of peace before…"

"Lily!" Comes a familiar shriek, "Look what we got you!"

Charity stands in front of me, a fairy cake with a candle stuck in it proffered in her hand. I force myself to fake a smile and give her a hug.

"That's really sweet, Charity." I say as she mutters a spell to make the candle burn.

"Apparently, muggles bake cakes in celebration so we thought you'd like this." She squeals as I blow it out.

She frowns and relights it again.

"They have a candle on them as well. Personally I think it's a bit dangerous but…"

I blow out the candle and she relights it for the second time.

"Lily. Don't be mean." She pouts and I apologise and thank her again as she takes the cake away with her, candle still burning brightly.

"Not the brightest witch is he?" Potter remarks and I don't have the energy to tell him off.

"James!" Comes the next intruder to the fire and brace myself for the onslaught that is Sirius Black, "Catchlove's searching for you. Something to do with the Ravenclaw password?"

"Right. Head boy duties." He says brightly, "I'd better go sort it out. You stay and have a rest, Lily."

He trots out of the common room and I smirk to myself; it must be their code for snogging.

"Impressed, Evans? Overnight he's become a responsible Head Boy." Black flops down next to me and I snort in a very unladylike manner.

"Responsible, my arse. I know a code for snogging when I hear it." I tell him.

"What? Why do you say that?" He asks in an injured tone.

I look at him with a smirk on my face, "Because Ravenclaw doesn't have a password."

For a second he looks puzzled but the conversation is ended by Benjy sitting on top of me.

"You're getting fat." I tell him and he pinches my arm lightly, "… and mean."

I shuffle along the sofa and curl into his side, all the while Black looking on.

"You want to snuggle too?" Benjy asks jokingly but Black stares into space before getting up abruptly.

"Need to talk to Remus and Peter." He says and stalks off to where Remus is sat.

"My roommates are crazy." Benjy sighs, "I don't get boys."

I sigh, thinking of Bertram, "Me neither."

We stay by the fire until ten o'clock, half-dozing. I know without asking that Alice is currently unpacking both her and my case, knowing that I can't leave the common room until ten. Benjy, as a boy, has about three things to hang up so he's perfectly happy to stay by the fire with me. Finally, the clock reaches ten and I kiss him on the cheek before heading upstairs, only stopping to change into my pyjamas before crashing out on my bed and falling asleep.